The Misadventures of Padfoot and Moonstar
by Black-Rose23
Summary: Series of oneshots focusing on the misadventures of Sirius Orion “Padfoot” Black and Hermione Jane “Moonstar” Granger. SBHG
1. Art

The Misadventures of Padfoot and Moonstar

Summary: The misadventures of Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black and Hermione Jane "Moonstar" Granger

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine

Warning: AR, OOC, language

Pairing: SBHG

**READ BEFORE STORY!**

Hermione is a Marauder; she was born in their time and was a part of all the fun. There's no time-turner, and no I won't be going into a fully detailed chapter about how they all met and befriended each other. These are just a series of fics focusing mainly on Sirius and Hermione, though some might take place in the 1970's and others will take place in the natural time line. I will **NOT** differentiate between times unless I've made it absolutely **impossible** to tell what time they are in or around, and I feel it's actually important to whatever plot I've come up with.

They aren't really related other than the fact that all involve Hermione as a Marauder called Moonstar. In some worlds Voldemort will exist, in others he'll be defeated, and in some no one will have ever heard of him. Also, sometimes these stories will be drabbles from 100 words – if I ever accomplish that – to maybe a paragraph or two. Others will be medium sized one-shots, and some (most of them, hopefully) will be long one-shots.

**THAT IS ALL FOR NOW!**

**Episode One**

Summary: In which Sirius decides Muggle art isn't as boring as he thought

Art

Sixteen-year-old Sirius Black grumbled as he followed his mother into the large building. The lady Black switched hobbies like he switched girlfriends, a new one every other week, and her latest obsession happened to be art. Now, this wasn't all that abnormal, and he could handle dealing with her new found interest while she had it, but this intrigue in art had been going on for a month. _That_ was abnormal.

If it had been wizarding art, he could understand. While he certainly had nothing against Muggle-borns, the entire Black clan made sure to stay away from that kind of prejudice lest they be looked down on, he just didn't find their world too terribly interesting. They had some funny pranks, but everything was so much funnier with the help of magic.

His mother, however, seemed to find their artwork terribly interesting. The pictures didn't move, which caught her fancy, and she claimed that the stillness captured the importance of a single moment better than a moving wizard picture. Whatever that meant, Sirius had no clue and he didn't fancy finding out either. The only thing he was worried about was how he planned to tell Hermione his feelings.

Prongs was tired of their consistency to ignore the obvious, – despite the fact he still chased the elusive Lily Evans and proclaimed continuously, much to her chagrin, they would one day wed – and said if Padfoot didn't come clean to Moonstar, he would do it for him! Had Wormtail made the threat, or even Moony, Sirius wouldn't have given it a second thought. He was content to skip from girl to girl and watch jealously as the only female Marauder was taken on dates by guys that _weren't_ him. James _would_ go through with his threat, and nothing Sirius could do or say to him would change his mind. Thus, after the holidays ended – in only four short days, he would have to come clean.

Just as he expected, the art museum was full of dull business men in boring suits with slicked back hair and annoyingly shiny shoes. The women in the room either wore their own variations of the men's business suits, or were decked out in colorful dresses so bright they would make even the ever cheerful Hufflepuffs sick. Only a few Muggles wore the casual dress of jeans and a t-shirt, as he did, but they obviously would rather be anywhere else and were either here to score brownie points with their crush, or had been talked (more like tricked) into coming on this long, dull sojourn into the world of art.

"Just look at all these magical pieces!" Salva Black exclaimed happily, clapping her hands together.

Sirius arched a brow as he looked at one painting simply called circle. He could understand why too, since someone had obviously traced the bottom of a can, then painted the light line in a red, and decided it was worth hanging in an art gallery. He was mildly shocked anyone would consider such a lame piece art, but then again, this _was_ Muggle art. He never really cared for it much.

"Isn't it though?" a woman in one of those god awful dresses sauntered over to them. Her blonde hair pulled so tight her face looked like it might rip in two. Her lips were a bit big for her face, and she obviously didn't know the meaning of the words 'too much makeup'. Sirius grimaced; there was more paint on her face than on "Circle".

As his mother and the woman began talking about the wonders of the painting, Sirius didn't have the guts to actually look at _that_ one, he moved slowly yet steadily away from her. Once he was a safe enough distance to attempt running with a small chance of actually making it outside, he turned tail and headed for the exit. He stopped, however, when a blast of color caught his eye.

It wasn't the bright colors of the women's dresses, nor was it particularly colorful. It wasn't bland either, though, and that's what caught Sirius' attention. It was...well, just right.

He walked over to the painting hanging there, admiring it. While the colors almost blended together, one could easily make out the shapes of animals. In the upper right corner of the painting was a full moon, which, after glancing at the plaque, Sirius found was the name of the painting.

A rat looked like he wanted to scurry away the first chance he got, but at the same time Sirius could detect a hint of mischief in his eye. There were three dogs, two brown – though one was considerably larger, and the other black. The black dog and brown dog were lying side by side, but Sirius got the impression both would jump up at any moment and run off, most likely to explore the surrounding trees that were only slightly visible on either side of the canvas. Finally, a stag stood, magnificent and tall. Though the eyes were blurry, it was obvious he was looking at each of the animals with pride and care, maybe even love to a certain degree.

The picture reminded Sirius eerily of the full moon nights spent with Moony in the Forbidden Forest. How he and the others got away with becoming unregistered animagi, and Dumbledore still hadn't discovered them, he would never know. The man seemed to know everything, but Sirius was absolutely certain he remained oblivious to their excursions with Remus during 'that time of the month'.

"Sirius?" the female voice caught him by surprise, and he whirled around to face whoever had called his name. He blinked rapidly, trying to register that he was, indeed, seeing Hermione standing before him. He smiled slightly at her.

"'Mione!" he greeted, catching a quick whiff of her strawberry-scented hair when she embraced him. "What are you doin' here? Mother drag you to this place too?" he glared in his own mother's direction, grinning slightly when Hermione giggled.

"Why no!" she said, glancing at the art. "I'm here of my own free will, though that does explain why _you're_ here."

"You come to this place _willingly_?" Sirius asked aghast. Who would want too? Sure, Hermione could be strange sometimes, like when she read _Hogwarts: A History_, even though she'd read it a million times already. Or when she insisted on finishing her homework first, with Moony of course, but that was just the way she was. He never imagined she'd go to a place like this of her own free will.

"Of course," Hermione smiled. "I _am_ Muggle-born, remember?"

"'Course I do!" Sirius said, mock-affronted she'd think he didn't remember. "I just don't see how _you_ could like this place!"

"Why, Mister Padfoot, are you insinuating I am not a classy lady?" Hermione asked, placing her hands on her hips. A playful glint was the only proof she was just joking, for she sounded every bit the vexed girlfriend who's boyfriend accidentally insulted her.

"Of course not, Lady Moonstar!" Sirius said, feeling a smile tugging at his lips. Maybe his stay here wouldn't be so bad after all, so long as Hermione didn't leave anytime soon and his mother wasn't drawn into any other conversations with the dress ladies.

"Good," Hermione said with a firm nod. She turned back to the painting, her amused smile softening as she looked at it. Sirius didn't blame her. It really did remind him of them, the Marauders.

"This piece isn't so bad," he muttered softly. "It really reminds me of us during the full moon. I wouldn't mind meeting the artist who did this one. It's incredible!"

Hermione's lips quirked and she turned to face him, holding out a hand. Sirius looked at it curiously, then at her, wondering if she'd lost her mind by any chance. She had seemed sane, or as sane as a Marauder could be, just a moment earlier.

"Nice to meet you, then. I'm Hermione J. Granger, the woman who painted this. I'm glad it had the desired affect."

Sirius gaped at the girl before him. "_You_ painted _this_?" he asked incredulously.

"Don't act so surprised," she responded dryly, quirking a brow at him and smirking. Sirius shut his mouth and shook his head amusedly, not nearly as surprised as he probably should've been that Hermione was good at art. After all, what _wasn't_ she good at? Well, besides flying...and failing...and...well, that wasn't important.

"It's incredible," he said again. Hermione smiled and blushed.

"Ya really think?"

He nodded frantically, eager to reassure her that he really did enjoy her painting. Looking at it now, he could see the largest brown dog was actually a werewolf, though only a wizard would guess as much, and even then only with a clue. It certainly stood out, but it wasn't too obvious what was going on in the picture. He supposed anyone could draw their own conclusions, but he knew what it really was. Friends sticking together on one of the most painful, but funnest, nights of the month.

"It's the best one I've seen, by far!" he told her honestly. Hermione grinned and let out what might've been a squeal had Hermione been the type to squeal. Throwing her arms around his neck, she kissed his cheek in thanks. Sirius blushed, though only lightly, and smiled when he saw similar pink patches on Moonstar's cheeks.

"Thanks, Snuffles," she said quietly. A loud cough caught their attention, and she turned to grin at an older version of herself wearing a nice business suit and looking for all the world like a rich politician. "Coming mum," she said, rolling her eyes at Sirius. "See ya at school, Sirius."

"Yeah, see ya," Sirius agreed. "Bye Mrs. Granger!"

"Good to see you, Sirius," Eleanor Granger said with a smile. "Tell your mother I said to come by any time."

Sirius nodded as Eleanor and Hermione walked out of the gallery. He looked back at "Full Moon", and grinned when he saw on the plaque, a tiny caption that read: _Art by Hermione J. Granger, Age: 17._ Suddenly, art seemed a lot more interesting.

END


	2. Interruptions

**Just a quick little note**: The rating is for some chapters. I can't tell yet what the most is that will happen since I'm only writing each of these little ficlets as they come, but I imagine some might be racier or have darker themes than others will. So, if you happen to see two or three of these and they seem no more than PG at the most, there _are_ more chapters to come that might need a higher rating.

**Episode Two**

Summary: In which Moonstar and Padfoot's peaceful day is continuously interrupted

Interruptions

Morning dew settled over the ground like a blanket, filling the air with a musty scent that both calmed and tired the mind. Soft paws brushed through the grass as a large, brown dog bounded through the clearing. Latte eyes sparkled with mischief and glee; she poised herself as though she were a predator just waiting to attack her prey.

Soon enough, a bear-sized black dog landed next to her. He stood only a few inches taller than her, and glanced down at her almost adoringly. Her fur settled from its stuck up position as she rubbed her head gently under his. Low growling that could almost be mistaken for purring escaped them both at the contact. It was obvious these dogs shared something special.

Gently, as though he was afraid to harm her, the black dog pushed his bushy-furred girlfriend to the grass. She growled playfully and jumped up, knocking him onto his back. He jumped up fast and tackled her, or, at least he attempted to tackle her. She managed to run out of the way just in time, causing him to land almost painfully on his belly. Almost.

He whimpered pitifully, as though the fall had caused him great pain. The chocolate-colored canine, however, had known him for far too long to be fooled by his pathetic cries. She decided to play the part anyway, and figured she would just duck out of the way when he attacked again. However, she wasn't the only one that knew her companion, and he tackled her before she could get close enough to feign concern for him.

She yelped loudly, taken by surprise by his unexpected lunge. His weight landed heavily on her, and he shot her a smug smirk. Well, the best smug smirk he could get as a dog, but she got the picture and snarled at him. Not a heated sound of hatred, but a playful sound that clearly stated she wasn't giving up that easily. He'd have to do a lot more to take her down.

Rolling over effectively knocked him off her, and she gave her best return smirk before trotting off into the wooded area. Growling lowly, he moved back up to his four legs and ran after her.

She veered right, obviously trying to throw him off, but he wasn't falling for it. Instead, he followed her closely, his eyes narrowed determinedly. He wasn't about to let her get away that easily! Not after she teased him this morning, wagging her tail in a way she _knew_ drove his doggy self wild! The little minx would get her own, and he would get what his bitch had so temptingly offered, even if only to tease him.

The female let off what could've passed for a chuckle had she been human, but since she wasn't at the moment, it sounded more like wheezing. Shaking her head disgustedly at the horrid sound that dared escape her feminine snout, she ran on. If she wasn't mistaken, taking another left would lead her out of this forest, and the trees would cause Sirius, whom was slightly bigger than her, a few more problems. That would give her time to escape. Taking a right, however, would lead to a dead end.

Without a second thought, she turned left sharply and left the black dog once again in her dust. Unfortunately, she soon came to a halt as she found herself faced with a blockage of trees not even the smallest mouse could nibble his way through. Uh oh. Looks like it was the other way around, a left was the dead end and a right the escape route she so desperately desired.

Her companion approached, but stopped when he saw she was trapped. He gave her another of his "cocky smirks" and stepped forward predatorily. She followed suit, and soon the two were circling each other. All was silent around them as she tried to look for any way around him, and he thought of various ways to keep her from escaping again.

A branch cracked, snapping the two from their deep concentration. The dogs looked up when someone, a human, stepped into the clearing. Grinning at them shyly was the redheaded form of seventeen-year-old Ginny Weasley.

"Hey 'Mione, hey Padfoot, I was hoping I could ask you for your help."

The brown dog turned into a beautiful woman of thirty-five with slightly bushy hair, and the black dog into a handsome man of the same age. The two shared a look and shrugged. It wasn't often anyone came to them with their problems...Well, okay, it wasn't often anyone came to Sirius with their problems. Still, they were always willing to help a friend in need.

"Sure thing, Ginny," Hermione smiled slightly and stood. "What do you need help with?"

"Well, you see..."

**PADFOOT**

"I can't believe she was making such a big deal about that!" Sirius complained as he fell onto the couch. Hermione daintily plopped down on his legs, smiling at the indignant sound he made.

"Well, darling, when I was her age, I made a big deal about boys too." Hermione grinned when he sat up quickly, making sure not to move his legs too much lest he send her to the floor. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, searching for something in her latte gaze.

"How many boys?" he asked. "Who were they?"

Hermione chuckled. She and Sirius had always held feelings for each other, but just like James and Lily, it took them a while to admit it. While Sirius dated a new girl every other week, she watched jealously from the sidelines and went out with other boys as a petty form of revenge. Little did she know at the time, Sirius was dating those girls in his own version of vengeance against the girl that stole his heart and didn't even know it.

"Well, there were too many to count," Hermione informed him with a cheeky smile. "But, to be honest, I once had a humongous crush on Moony."

"M-Moony?" Sirius asked, his eyes widening. "When? Did anything happen between you two? Why didn't you tell me this? You like me more, right?"

Hermione's laughter caused him to glare, and this time he did move his legs. A smirk pulled at his lips when his girlfriend landed on the floor, but it faded when she glared up at him. He smiled nervously, and tried to scramble away before she could attack. Unfortunately, lady luck seemed to have left him, and Hermione pounced before he could make it fully off the couch.

"You're gonna pay for that!" she warned playfully, straddling him. Her fingers twitched, ready to start tickling her lover. Though he might've looked big and tough, Sirius was actually very ticklish. She'd have him begging for mercy in no time.

"Oh, really?" Sirius asked, pressing up against her. Hermione stalled when she felt something hard move against her, and glared down at him. The desire glinting in her eyes ruined the annoyed expression she was going for, however.

"Really," Sirius crowed happily, flipping them over. "Honestly, love, you should know by now it's not safe to let down your guard!"

Hermione giggled as he began attacking her sides, all the while rubbing against her in the most pleasurable of fashions. She couldn't stop a moan from escaping, and Sirius grinned as he leaned up and kissed her deeply. Desire coursed through his veins and was visible in his blue eyes. Hermione couldn't help but moan again.

"Bet Moony never made you feel like this," Sirius whispered against her ear. Hermione shivered at the husky tone of voice, but still managed to smirk at him.

"No, he didn't," she said honestly. "He made me feel hotter! Even if we, unfortunately, never got together and did anything."

"Unfortunately?" Sirius glared at her and began tickling her mercilessly yet again. "Unfortunately my arse! You only wanted me!"

"Full of yourself aren't you?" Hermione gasped out, chuckling every so often. Sirius grinned doggishly at her.

"Maybe so," he said with a knowing smirk, "but it's true."

"How do you know?" Hermione breathed when he moved his face closer to hers. He was right, of course, he was the only one she'd ever really wanted. However, she wasn't about to let him know that. His ego was big enough already.

"Because you're the only one _I_ ever wanted," he admitted with a sincere smile. Hermione's breath caught at the confession and she grinned, pulling him down for a heated kiss.

A loud knocking broke the two apart, and Sirius glared at the door. If he was trying to will whoever had come to visit away, his methods didn't work very well. The knocking continued, and Hermione sighed as she pushed him off of her. Shooting him a pointed look when he pouted, Sirius sighed aggrivatedly and raked a hand through his hair.

"Hey 'Mione," a familiar voice greeted apologetically.

"Remus!" Hermione said, surprised but pleased. "What are you doin' here?"

"Speak of the wolf," Sirius mumbled under his breath, but grinned when his old friend entered the room. Remus nodded once in greeting and took a seat, waiting for Hermione to settle next to Sirius before he began.

"Well, Tonks and my anniversary is coming up..." he trailed off and smiled sheepishly. "I don't know what to get her and was hoping you might have some ideas."

Sirius and Hermione shared a look and shrugged. Well, it wasn't often Remus came to them for help, though he certainly came to them more often than anyone else. It couldn't hurt to give him some advice. After all, that's what friends were for.

**MOONSTAR**

As soon as the door closed behind Remus, Sirius jumped on Hermione and knocked her to the floor. She winced in pain, but quickly forgot her discomfort when Sirius began planting kisses all over her face. She smiled and kissed him back, enjoying the attention he was lathering on her. Still, he could've attacked her a little better than knocking her to the hard floor.

"Too many visitors!" Sirius complained against her neck. She giggled and ruffled his hair playfully.

"Mmm, Siri-baby, we've only had two visitors today." Hermione reminded, gasping when he bit her neck in the ever so delightfully arousing way he always did.

"My point," Sirius mumbled. He placed kisses down her collarbone, enjoying the way she arched under him. He knew they should probably take it to the bedroom, but he was having too much fun here to bother moving. Hermione felt so right underneath him.

Hermione continued to giggle, but it quickly turned to a groan of disappointment when the familiar sound of someone flooing entered her ears. Sirius pulled away from her, growling at whoever decided to interrupt them _this_ time. His expression soon softened, however, and when Hermione finally managed to climb to her feet, she discovered why. Harry stood there, grinning widely at the two of them. She smiled at the amusement in his gaze and resigned herself to the fact they would, once again, not have a moment of peace.

"Hello, Harry, what's up?"

"Not much," Harry said with a shrug. "Just thought I'd come visit my favorite godfather and godmother."

"Why not go visit your _other_ godfather?" Sirius hinted, wrapping his arm around Hermione's waist. Harry shook his head.

"Couldn't find Remus anywhere," he said with another shrug. "And Mrs. Weasley's going barmy over at The Burrow, what with all her children visiting and everything."

"I see," Hermione said slowly. She knew all too well how Molly got when her children came to visit her. Now that all of them had gone away, all except Ginny anyway, she could only imagine how insanely happy the older woman was. Insane being an understatement.

"Well, you might as well stay for a while. Have a seat," Hermione ordered, gesturing towards the living room. "Sirius will keep you company while I make cookies. Sugar or chocolate chip?"

"Chocolate chip, please," Harry said with a smile and exited to the living room. Sirius shot her a lustful, disappointed look before following his godson. This day wasn't going at all as he'd planned.

**PADFOOT**

"Finally alone," Sirius sighed happily, burying his face in Hermione's shoulder. Hermione chuckled and pulled his face to hers.

"Now, where were we?" she asked huskily, her eyes darkening with lust. He growled at the desire swirling in her beautiful eyes and leaned closer to her.

"Right. About. Here." he leaned down to capture her lips with his. His hands roamed down to her hips, massaging them gently before moving over to her the front of her jeans. The sound of a zipper being lowered was like music to his ears, and he hummed happily as the jeans loosened around her. Hermione smiled brightly.

"Oi! Do you two have ta do that in front o' me?" Sirius jumped off of Hermione, whom frantically tried to rezip her jeans while looking completely innocent.

"Tonks!" Sirius growled. "What are you doing here?"

His cousin merely grinned and plopped down across from them, crossing her legs on the table. Her shoulder-length platinum blonde hair and silver eyes made her look eerily like Malfoy. The sight of his own flesh and blood looking like a Malfoy almost made Sirius sick. It probably would have, if he hadn't been more pissed that his private time with Hermione was once again interrupted.

"Remus said he had somethin' special planned for me," Tonks informed dreamily. "Said I couldn't be around while he was fixing things up. So, I thought I'd come see my favorite cousin and best friend. Wotcher 'Mione."

"Wotcher, Tonks," Hermione repeated the greeting with a slightly annoyed smile. She normally loved the metamorphmagus's company, but right now she wished the other woman had gone somewhere else.

"How long are you going to be here?" Sirius asked bluntly. Tonks shrugged.

"Dunno, 'til I think Remus is finished."

"And how long did he say his surprise might take?" Hermione asked, already regretting she told Remus to set their flat up like an expensive restaurant and cook for the younger woman.

"About three hours," she grinned widely at the two sitting across from her. They shared a wide-eyed look, both thinking the same thing._ Bloody hell!_

**MOONSTAR**

Later that night, as the two lay in bed, a smile spread across Hermione's face. Sirius noticed and leaned over her, arching a brow in question. What was she so happy about all of a sudden?

"You know," Hermione started, as though he'd spoken the question aloud, "today might've not gone as planned, but I have to admit it _has_ been a pretty good day."

"Really?" Sirius drawled. "How so? I'm eager to know, love."

Hermione just grinned wider. "Well, after all the interruptions, isn't it nice to know that we won't be bothered tonight? We've taken care of pretty much everyone's problems, so they won't be coming to us for a while. Or, at least not again tonight."

Sirius soon matched her grin with one of his own. His mind thinking up ways to celebrate his girlfriend's keen intelligence. He never would've realized that! That was why they made such a good match, Padfoot and Moonstar. She always saw the logical side, even if she didn't always use it, and he always saw the fun side, which caused him to lose his temper easier, unfortunately.

"Love, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" he asked cheekily, rolling on top of her. She giggled, something she didn't do a lot much to his chagrin. Sometimes it was a blow to his ego when she didn't giggle, espeically when he acted particularly charming.

"I'm merely suggesting we _unwind_." Hermione leaned up, locking him in a languid kiss that told him she was suggesting exactly what he thought far more than her seductive tone. He grinned against her lips and moved his hands to her waist.

About that time, the unmistakable sound of a doorbell ringing sounded. Startled, the couple broke apart. The ringing stopped, and Sirius sighed in relief. Perhaps it had been all in their imagination, after having so many intrusions earlier it made sense. Unfortunately, his hopes were dashed when the ringing was replaced by a loud knocking.

"Hermione? Sirius? I need your help!" Ron's unmistakable voice sounded through the house as the redhead let himself in with the key he'd borrowed from Harry. Sirius stared at the ceiling, feeling tears in his eyes.

"Oh, bloody hell!"

END

A/N's:

I like to think that _both_ Sirius _and_ Remus are Harry's godfathers. I know it's not that way in the books, but that's how I always picture it in my head. I mean if I had two best friends, I would want them _both_ to be the godparents to my children rather than just one – even if I was closer to him/her. Peter I always picture as a tag along anyway, so naturally I don't think of him as a godparent to Harry. Since Hermione is supposedly part of the Marauders in these fics, I think she too would've been asked to be a godparent. Thus why Harry called her his godmother.


	3. Wedding

**Episode Three**

Summary: In which a couple gets married, prompting another couple to get engaged

Wedding

"I do."

"I now pronounce you man and wife; you may kiss the bride."

Clapping resounded as the couple shared a loving kiss, then turned and raised their clasped hands high above their heads. The assembled group clapped louder at the matching gold bands, and wolf-whistled when the two started walking down the aisle. Bridesmaids and groomsmen followed close behind them, the maid of honor and best man watching their friends with proud smiles.

Though a war was brewing outside, the witches and wizards present couldn't help but feel cheerful. This marriage was a wonderful event, and though it was a false feeling of security, they couldn't help but feel as though nothing bad could ever happen to them. Soon enough they would be fighting in the war against Voldemort, but that was later on. Right now, they were simply happy to be watching two people so in love walk down the aisle together.

As the music started, the bride and groom began dancing slowly. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and his wrapped securely around her waist. He wouldn't let anything happen to his lovely bride, he decided, and smiled at the look of love on her face. After years of denying their feelings for one another, the two were finally married.

He looked up when he heard the familiar sound of his best friend wolf-whistling at them. He grinned and shot the prankster a thumbs up, then gestured for him to join the two with his own date. He was glad the best man had finally managed to get his woman too, because Merlin knew their love for one another had been painstakingly obvious to everyone but them.

Nodding once, he grabbed his date's arm and pulled her next to the groom and bride. She laughed nervously, well aware it wasn't until the first dance was over that the other couples were supposed to join the married two. However, when had these boys ever played by the rules?

She looked up, only to see her date silently communicating with the groom. How they did it, she wasn't sure, but she put it off to them being best friends for so many years. With a nod, the groom turned back to his bride, smiling lovingly at her. Meanwhile, her man turned to her and knelt on one knee, surprising her and causing the bride and other groomsmen to laugh lightly at her shocked expression.

"Lily," James said softly, "I know I'm not much, and I get on your nerves a lot, but I love you and I wanted to ask...Will you marry me?" 

Lily gaped at him, then turned to the newly wedded couple. Hermione nodded and gestured for her to answer. Sirius merely smirked at his best friend, keeping his arm wrapped securely around his wife's waist. Clearly, they had all known he was going to propose here, and they were perfectly fine with it.

"Yes, James, I will."

END


	4. Reunited

This scene comes from the third movie, not the book. I like the book better, but I just think the movie scene would work better for this chapter.

**Episode Four**

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius are reunited

Reunited

Remus and Hermione rushed to the Whomping Willow as fast as their legs could carry them. The tree swung wildly, but Hermione changed into a dog and easily leaped through the dangerous branches. Prodding the knot with a stick she'd picked up in her teeth, she turned to Remus with an expectant look and went through the opening. Remus followed close behind, his heart racing just as quickly as hers.

Hermione wasted no time in changing back to her human form when they reached the Shrieking Shack. Remus kicked open the door to find Harry straddling Sirius Black, his wand pointed threateningly at the fragile man's neck. It took all of Hermione's willpower not to hurl, but she managed to hold it in. The last time she'd seen Sirius, he'd been full of life and healthy; now, he looked like something the cat had dragged in, eaten, and hurled back out. Simply put, he was a right mess.

Remus gestured for Harry to move, which the boy willingly did. Ron trembled on the bed, but Hermione could tell he was trying to appear brave in front of her. She smiled slightly at the gesture and moved with Remus, closer to Sirius. The man smiled nervously at them, his eyes pleading for them not to hurt him before he did what he'd come to do. Hermione felt her sickness return at the sight of his yellowed, decaying teeth, which he used to take almost as good of care of as she did her own.

Pointing his wand at Sirius' throat, Hermione and Remus grinned at their old friend. Remus removed the wand as Hermione grabbed Sirius' arm and pulled him into a tight hug. She vaguely heard Harry gasp and Ron whimper as she pulled the grimy man into a longing kiss. Disgusting or not, she'd missed him terribly.

Sirius returned the kiss, bringing a smile to her lips as they pulled apart. Remus began explaining the situation to the startled boys, but Hermione wasn't paying much attention. All she knew was that Sirius was back where he belonged, in her arms, and she fully intended to make up for not believing he was innocent all those years ago. Right after they took Pettigrew to the Ministry.

END


	5. First Meetings

**Episode Five**

Summary: In which they meet

First Meetings

Hermione Granger shuffled her feet as she sat in the empty compartment. She was more nervous than she'd ever been in her entire life. Sure, many people would say that nerves were a normal thing to get on your first day at a new school, but she doubted those many people had started a new school in a whole new world. The wizarding world was nothing at all like the Muggle world, and she was born and raised in a Muggle family.

Many children around her age boarding the train had looked just as nervous, but the older ones looked quite content to be going back to Hogwarts. In fact, a few had been eager to leave their parents so they could board the scarlet engine. Hermione doubted she could ever be that excited to go back to school, but the scene gave her a little hope that this school wouldn't be all bad.

She sighed and watched as a few other children passed her compartment without a second glance. Hermione might have loved quiet when she was reading, but most of the time she enjoyed playing pranks on people. Those pranks involved friends and noise, and the quiet of her compartment was making her uneasy, antsy even. She sighed again.

A knock on the compartment door startled her, and she looked up just as it opened. A boy around her age, eleven, stepped inside. He had black hair, blue eyes, and a playful smile. He bowed mockingly when he spotted her, and Hermione couldn't help giggling a little.

"Ah, mademoiselle," he said charmingly, "would you mind terribly if I joined you in here? Everywhere else is full, and I'm not exactly welcome in my cousins' compartment. Not that I'd _want_ to go in there anyway."

Hermione nodded and gestured for him to enter. He smiled gratefully at her and took a seat opposite of her. As soon as he'd seated himself, he began studying her. Hermione blushed at his intense scrutiny, and silently thanked any gods up there when he finished his quiet perusal.

"I'm Sirius Black, and you are?"

"Hermione Granger," she replied, shaking his outstretched hand. His face scrunched up as he mulled over her words. She wondered what was so confusing about her name, but her ponderings were cut short when he began speaking again.

"Granger? Are you Muggle-born?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, I am," Hermione confirmed with a nod. "Is that bad?"

Sirius quickly shook his head. "Oh, no! It's great actually, you can teach me all about Muggle things! I've always wondered about some things they have, like cordrecs and all that."

"cordrecs?" Hermione questioned, then brightened as realization hit her. "Oh, you mean records!"

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah, those things."

Hermione giggled. "I thought everyone in the wizarding world understood Muggle things. That man, Dumbledore was it?, he seemed to know everything about the wizarding world."

"Some wizards do," Sirius said slightly enviously. "Unfortunately for me, I come from a very prejudiced family that doesn't like Muggles and thinks Muggle-borns are filth. I'm the Black sheep I guess you could say." He chuckled at the pun, and Hermione smiled nervously.

"So, you don't mind Muggle-borns then?" she asked, trying to clarify things and wrap her mind around the fact that there were people here who wouldn't like her simply because of her parents. Sirius shook his head and grinned widely.

"Not at all! In fact, I say we be friends!" he held out his hand again. Hermione's smile slowly faded into a grin. She took his hand.

"Yeah, lets!"

END


	6. Be My Valentine

**Episode Six**

Summary: In which Sirius plans to ask Hermione to be his Valentine

Be My Valentine

_Be mine, my Valentine_

_I want you to be my Valentine – toy dog I got one Valentine's Day a few years back_

Sirius paced the length of the Gryffindor common room, occasionally ruffling his hair nervously. Normally, the action was done by his good friend James Potter, in vain attempts to impress the elusive Miss Lily Evans; however, Sirius had taken over the habit for fits of nervousness. After all, if she turned down James every time he ruffled his hair to impress her, why shouldn't Sirius ruffle his hair when he was nervous about the girl he liked rejecting him?

He sighed as he looked longingly at the woman who had evaded him for years. It wasn't that she turned him down when he asked her out, no woman turned down Sirius Black, it was that she had no idea of his feelings for her. They had been best friends for years, two of the five great Marauders, and he never felt the need to tell her the truth.

Hermione Granger wasn't his usual type at all. Her hair was slightly bushy and long, the color of chestnuts, and her eyes a brilliant chocolate color that sparkled with wisdom well beyond her years. Appearance-wise she was pretty, but she was also smart. Sirius usually dated airheads or girls too worried about their looks to really care for schoolwork. Hermione, while she enjoyed a good prank or two, was basically the female version of Moony. She loved books, loved school, and loved to make good grades.

It hadn't been something he knew right away. His attraction to her had been a secret from everyone, himself included, until last year at the Yuletide Ball. Seeing her in that royal blue gown, hair straightened and hanging past her shoulders in gentle waves, face free of makeup save for some glittery lip-gloss, had been the death of Sirius. Honestly, he hadn't recognized her at first, and felt resentful of Thomas Wood for getting the beautiful creature before he noticed her.

When he discovered who the mystery woman was, Sirius realized just how close he and Hermione had grown since their first year at Hogwarts. He always worried about her and cared deeply for her; when there was trouble, she was the first one that popped into his mind. Questions of was she alright, was she hurt, how had she done that particular spell, and when would she be teaching him, constantly ran through his mind like a mantra.

At first he pushed it off to her being a sister-figure, but that night he could no longer deny he _liked_ Hermione. Hell, he _loved_ Hermione. She was the world to him, and he couldn't, didn't want to, imagine his life without her. Where would he be? What would he do? She was his everything.

It was with Prongs' urging that he decided to admit his feelings for her today. Valentine's Day. It was perfect, really, admitting his love for her on the day of love. What better way to come out?

Yet, he was frightened. For one, Hermione would most likely think the sentiment cheesy and horribly cliche; another reason was that she wouldn't feel the same for him, and he would be left heartbroken and alone. Everyone said she felt the same for him, but he didn't believe them. After all, most of the school had spread rumors that she slept with Wood the night of the Yuletide Ball when, really, she had only gone to the loo while he stood huddled among the Quidditch team.

The portrait swung open, and in stepped the object of Sirius' affections. She was talking to Evans, most likely about some new book, and smiled when she saw him standing there. She whispered something to Lily, whom looked at him and nodded before giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and running to the girl's dorm. It could have been his imagination, but he could've sworn the redhead had smiled at him, not something she did a lot.

"Hey, Sirius," Hermione piped up, startling him out of his reverie. Sirius spun around to face her, paling when he realized the time had finally come. He was going to tell Hermione how he felt once and for all. This was the moment of truth.

"Hey, 'Mione, can I talk to you?"

Hermione looked nervous, but she took a deep breath and nodded. Sirius wondered at this; usually, Hermione only took deep breaths when she was about to do something and didn't feel particularly confident.

"Hermione, we've known each other for years now, and I was wondering..."

"Sirius," Hermione started slowly. Then, almost as though it had been planned, the two spoke at the same time.

"Will you be my Valentine?"

Hermione blinked and looked at Sirius, as he stared at the love of his life in disbelief. Seeing the shock on each other's faces sent the two into hysterics. Hermione, being the first to calm down, smiled broadly at Sirius.

"I take it that's a yes, then?"

"Only if it's a yes for you," Sirius answered. Hermione's reply was to press her lips to Sirius'. That, he decided, was all the answer he needed.

A/N's:

One of my reviewers, brokenblackangel, requested I do a couple of things. Anyhow, since they sounded like fun things to write, I decided why not take requests? If you have something you'd like to see in this, as a one-shot, please tell me, and I'll write it to the best of my abilities. Of course, credit will be given to the one who requested whatever plot. Anywho, that's all for now.


	7. Sorting

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel asked for a story with a prank on Severus and one with the Marauders sorting. Here's the sorting anyhow, and the Severus one shall be up next hopefully. Hope this lives up to your expectations, luv.

**Episode Seven**

Summary: In which the Marauders are sorted

Sorting

Sirius absolutely hated his family. His mother was a bitch, his father a git, his brother a pompous arse, and his cousins, he wasn't even going to start on his cousins! To make matters worse, because the Black's were known Voldemort supporters, the entire wizarding world placed him in the same category. It was true, even at eleven years old, Sirius was a bit on the arrogant side, but he certainly wasn't stuck on the dark arts or any such rot like that.

He was going to prove it too! Now that he had finally started Hogwarts, his parents expected him to be sorted into Slytherin with his older cousins. They thought there he would learn how to be the proper Death Eater, and if he had any plans of being sorted into Slytherin, he had no doubt he would learn to be the best Voldemort follower. However, Sirius knew he didn't have the mindset of a Slytherin, even if he could play dirty at times, and even if he had to get on his knees and beg, he wouldn't let the 'Sorting Hat' put him in the snake pit.

"Black, Sirius!" Professor McGonagall called, and Sirius stumbled up to the platform. He sat on the stool and looked out at the sea of faces. He could see some people, most likely "blood traitors" glaring at him and others smirking, while the rest, Muggle-borns if he had to guess, looked on in apprehension.

_Ah, Mister Black, I was wondering when I would have the pleasure of meeting you._

_**You wanted to meet me?**_

_Oh yes, I've heard nothing but nasty things about you when I sorted your cousins. I thought perhaps they were merely jealous of your superior talents, assuming you had superior talents, but now I see they were right. You _aren't_ like them._

_**I'm glad I'm not! I will never be a prejudiced git like the rest of my family!**_

_I'm glad to hear you say that. Now, down to the sorting! You have the sneakiness of a Slytherin and you're very cunning, but I think we've already established you don't belong there. Hufflepuff is all wrong for you as well. Ravenclaw would be good, since you do have a keen mind for learning, but you don't particularly care to study. I wonder why..._

_**There are better things to do! There are **_**funner****_ things to do!_**

_I don't believe funner is a word, Mister Black, but I'm sure you couldn't care less. Very well, the only choice that truly fits you is **GRYFFINDOR!**_

Sirius was aware of gasps ringing throughout the hall as the hat made its decision. He looked at the Slytherin table, which had a mixture of gaping and glaring faces. "Traitor" many of them mouthed at him, while the others tried to come to terms with a _Black_ being in _Gryffindor._

Smirking smugly at the table, he sauntered confidently to the equally stunned Gryffindors. However, by the time he had taken his seat, many of the scarlet and gold 'lions' were congratulating him and asking him various questions. Sirius eagerly told the curious students how much he despised his parents; he figured it was best to get the truth out before rumors of an 'evil Gryffindor' could circulate.

When Sirius was satisfied no one would mistake him to be a family man, he turned back to the sorting. They had now reached the G's, and he vaguely wondered if McGonagall didn't get tired of standing there just reading out names. At least the awaiting students were waiting for something, not just reading off names from a long piece of parchment.

"Granger, Hermione!"

A young girl stumbled up to the platform. Her hair was slightly bushy, though not as bad as it probably could be, and her chocolate eyes sparkled with knowledge and mischievousness. When she smiled, Sirius could make out perfect rows of sparkling white teeth. Granger was a Muggle name, so he figured her parents were probably Dentures, or whatever it was Muggles called those teeth doctors of theirs. Either that, or they were particularly strict on mouth hygiene.

Sirius wasn't really one to notice girls all that much. Sure, he knew some were prettier than others, and he definitely knew that one day he would be dating them (he had seen it happen to too many men before him to really believe himself above the curse called puberty), but he still didn't pay them much attention. They were just another human being, some nice others, like his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, bitchy and cruel.

Seeing this girl, however, Sirius sat straighter and, though he didn't quite know why, hoped desperately they were put in the same house. The hat seemed to be talking to her, much like it had talked to him, and he wondered what choices she was being narrowed down too. He hoped one of the choices was--

_**GRYFFINDOR!**_

Sirius jumped at the sudden outburst. He quickly started clapping when he realized that the girl had been placed in his house, and he smiled charmingly when she looked around for a place to sit. Spotting his smiling face, she returned his smile with her own shy grin and sat down next to him.

"Hi, I'm Hermione Granger," she said softly.

"Sirius Black," Sirius replied, kissing her hand rather than shaking it. She blushed. "Nice to meet you."

"You too."

The two quieted and turned back to the sorting. Sirius grinned at the shocked murmurs going on at the end of the table. Apparently, the pureblooded Gryffindors realized Hermione was a Muggle-born too, and now no matter how many rumors were spread, he would have proof he wasn't prejudiced. He had just kissed the hand of a Muggle-born, and he had a feeling they would be great friends.

"Lupin, Remus!"

_**...GRYFFINDOR**_

Was shouted much sooner than it had been for either he or Hermione, though Sirius noted the hat still had enough time to talk to him too. Hermione squealed when he stumbled over to the table, and she promptly started waving him over. Remus smiled shyly at her and sat on the opposite side of the two, his sandy hair covering his face, which Sirius noticed had a few scars. He idly wondered why but figured he would ask later.

"Sirius, this is Remus," Hermione introduced. "We met on the train."

"Remus," Sirius replied, slightly jealous at the way Hermione was grinning at Remus. She was _his_ friend, damn it! At least, he hoped she was his friend.

"Black," Remus replied suspiciously. "I was surprised you were put in Gryffindor."

"Let's just say, I don't follow the family's way of thinking," Sirius remarked dryly.

Remus perused him quietly, then, as though he found whatever he was looking for, he nodded in acceptance and held out his hand. Sirius, though reluctant, shook the offered appendage. Best to have as many non-prejudiced friends as he could; it would not only piss his family off, but it would make any possible future rumors that much more impossible to believe.

"Pettigrew, Peter!"

A chubby boy stumbled clumsily to the platform. He fell once, flat on his face, which caused the entire hall to erupt in laughter. Peter stood again, blushing profusely, and hurried to the stool. There was little doubt in anyone's minds he would be placed in Hufflepuff. He just had that quality about him.

The hall grew silent, waiting for the hat to make its final decision, and it was obvious Peter was unnerved by whatever the hat was saying to him. Finally, much to everyone's pleasure, the hat made up its mind. The house wasn't expected, however.

_**GRYFFINDOR!**_

Peter scurried to the Gryffindor table and took a seat next to Remus. His face still had a red tinge to it, and he looked out of breath from all the 'exercise'. Sirius was tempted to make a comment on it, but he decided against it when Hermione introduced herself to Peter. He smiled politely, if not nervously, at her and shook her hand.

"Potter, James!"

**_GRYFFINDOR_!**

The hat hadn't even made it to his head before it was shouting out the house. Gryffindors erupted into applause again, and the sorting carried on for the last few people. James sauntered over to the Gryffindor table confidently, reminding Sirius eerily of someone, but he couldn't quite place who.

The dark-haired boy winked at a young redheaded girl, Lily Evans if Sirius remembered correctly, but she only huffed and turned away from him. With a shrug, he plopped down next to Hermione.

"Hi, I'm Hermione," Hermione introduced, as had become habit after the last few people that sat around them. "This is Sirus, Remus, and Peter."

James looked her over and grinned, much as he had at Evans, and kissed the back of her hand rather than shaking it. Now, he _really_ reminded Sirius of someone, but who? Sirius decided to ignore the familiarity and instead focused on making sure 'James' knew Hermione was his friend first.

"Hello, Herm," he said pompously.

"Hey, I met her first," Sirius growled, much like a dog would, "I get to make up the nicknames."

James raised a single brow at this. "Okay, then what do you suggest?"

"Hermsie!" Sirius shouted delightedly. A few surrounding Gryffindors chuckled at the name, and Hermione hit his arm playfully.

"Not in a million years," she said. "Try again, sweet face."

"Fine," Sirius agreed, surprised by her choice of words but nonetheless pleased she could at least take a joke. "Hermy it is."

"What did I just say?" Hermione asked dryly. Sirius' face fell and James laughed, clearly pleased she hadn't liked his nicknames for her.

"How about 'Mione?" Remus piped up. The boys and Hermione turned to look at him. She mulled the name over in her mind, and nodded her approval. Remus grinned when Sirius shot him a glare, and James merely continued to laugh. Peter laughed nervously, but it was obvious he wasn't sure he was allowed to join in.

"Hey, let's be friends!" Peter said suddenly, sounding amazingly childish. He blushed when Hermione, Sirius, Remus, and James looked at him. "Er, I mean..."

"Good idea, Pete!" Hermione said suddenly, obviously trying to make him more comfortable. He smiled proudly.

Sirius and James shared a look, shrugged, and shook hands with identical smirks on their faces. Remus and Hermione looked at the two boys and then turned back to each other.

"I have a feeling that was a bad idea," Remus whispered so only Hermione could hear when she leaned over the table.

"Yeah," she whispered back, "but how bad could they be?"


	8. Snivellina

Brokenblackangel's second request. A prank on Severus!

**Episode Eight**

Summary: In which the Marauders play a prank on their "favorite" Slytherin

Snivellina

Hermione giggled as Sirius blew against her ear. If someone had told her three months ago that she would be Sirius Black's girlfriend, she would have called St. Mungo's and then wished they were right. Now, it wasn't unusual to find the couple acting sickeningly romantic or, at the very least, snogging in the most inappropriate places.

The other Marauders were glad the two had finally found each other, but even they were getting annoyed by the lovey-dovey attitude from their two friends. Of course, they were well aware that Sirius and Hermione only acted that way _to_ annoy people, and not because they didn't know just how bad they were beginning to get on others nerves. That made them slightly less annoying to the rest of the pranksters.

Today, most of the Gryffindors had left when they saw Sirius and Hermione enter the common room. The two had grinned at each other and immediately began acting mushy to annoy the last few stragglers. Soon they would stop the mushy-gushy act and return to normal, since their act was starting to get on their nerves. It was fun to annoy people every once in a while though, and they enjoyed having the room completely to themselves simply because they walked in.

Just as the last Gryffindor, a first year girl, ran up to her dorm with a quick glare at the snuggling couple, the portrait swung open. Hermione and Sirius jumped, startled by the noise, and grinned widely when they saw James, Remus, and Peter enter.

The three boys were wearing identical smirks, well, Remus and James were smirking, Peter was more smiling nervously and constantly glancing around as though Filch would jump out at any moment with a detention slip already filled out. He was always the jumpiest of the Marauders though, so they didn't bother asking him what was wrong.

"What's your idea?" Hermione asked knowingly. The boys sat across from her and Sirius, and James propped his legs on the table much as Sirius was doing. The similarities in personality between the two boys was really scary sometimes.

"Remus' plan actually," James said and gestured for the werewolf to speak.

"Well," Remus ducked his head slightly. He usually wasn't the one to come up with pranks, though he had done his fair share for the Marauders. He and Hermione had simply always been the sensible ones. "Well, I came across this jinx and it sounded like fun. It makes a guy look like a girl or vice versa. I was thinking, why don't we change Snape when he's unaware, and see what happens when a female Snape comes to dinner?"

"Well, he _did_ call Lily and I ugly just the other day, this would be the perfect revenge!" Hermione mused.

"Yeah," James nodded. "Wait, he called Lily fat!?"

"Relax," Hermione soothed, "I got back at him. Or didn't you notice the bright pink hair and purple skin?"

"That was you? I thought Sirius did that!" James laughed. "Ah, 'Mione, sometimes you are too good. I still can't believe he went all day until _potions _without knowing! I mean even McGonagall didn't say anything!"

"I suspect she was around when he insulted us," Hermione said. "Otherwise, she would have given _all_ detention and asked Snape why he was purple and pink."

"True," Remus murmured. "Very true. Anyhow, we turn him into a girl say...now? He's alone." He held out the map so they could all see that Snape was, indeed, alone in the potions room, most likely working on some dark potion he'd tricked Slughorn into believing was for an extra credit assignment.

"Great!" James beamed. "We all know how absorbed he gets in his potions. Let's hurry though, I want to make it back in time to walk Lily to the Great Hall!"

"You know she's only going to slap you and stomp away," Peter pointed out. Lily Evans still hadn't given into James' advances, and he still wasn't giving up. It wouldn't come as a surprise if the two ended up married, the way they carried on.

"Yeah," James sighed blissfully, "but the pain only proves her love for me."

"If you say so, mate," Sirius humored. "If you say so."

323232

The dungeons were dark and dank as per usual. Hermione never liked it down here, it always made her uneasy, and even Sirius seemed to hold a certain hatred for this part of Hogwarts. Of course, that could also be because most of his family, save a select few including him, were in Slytherin and stayed in the dungeons.

The invisibility cloak, enlarged due to a spell, shielded them from view should they come across any Slytherins. The temptation to turn these halls red and gold was strong within each of them, but they refrained. If they were going to turn anything red and gold, it would be the Slytherin common room, just as soon as they found some way to get into it. Sirius and James had already discovered where it was, following Malfoy and Snape closely one night in order to prank them good, but the password for the dungeons changed almost continuously. Clever Slytherins.

As they neared the potions classroom, Hermione and Remus, the two chosen to cast this particular prank, moved from underneath the invisibility cloak. As a measure of extra precaution, they had cast a disillusionment charm over themselves to blend in with their surroundings. Snape, as into his potions as he was, was a smart boy and would probably notice someone in the room with him if they stood out.

As Hermione creaked the door open, she and Remus snuck inside. The classroom was completely empty, save for the student measuring ingredients and dumping them into the pot. His hands worked smoothly and quickly, slicing newts and grubblyplink stems into perfect little squares before placing them into the cauldron as well. Hermione briefly thought he would've made a great chef had he been Muggle, or even just the type to cook.

"Ready?" Remus asked her softly, so only she could hear. The guys were waiting outside, eager to see how well the prank turned out, but pacing themselves to wait until dinner.

"As I'll ever be," Hermione muttered. Then, she flourished her wand and softly whispered an incantation. Remus, meanwhile, said his own as he too pointed his wand in Snape's direction.

The Slytherin, feeling an odd sensation, turned quickly, but he wasn't fast enough to catch Hermione and Remus putting their wands away. He rubbed the back of his neck to make sure there wasn't some sort of slime like it felt, but when he looked at his hand it was clean. Shrugging, he turned back to the potion at hand, leaving a silently laughing Remus and Hermione to make their escape.

"Well?" Sirius asked when they were back under the invisibility cloak.

"Wait until dinner," Hermione said, giving him a chaste kiss. "You're going to _love_ this!"

323232

Dinner arrived and the Marauders eagerly made their way to the Great Hall. Anyone that knew them quickly got out of the way, then hurried to the Great Hall themselves, eager to see what the pranksters had cooked up this time. No doubt it was something good if even Sirius and Hermione were rushing to the Great Hall and not even bothering to hold hands.

The doors swung open, and everyone turned to see the newest arrival. Snickers rang out as Snape entered the Great Hall, while a few guys wolf-whistled at him. He shot them rude, confused looks and immediately turned to glare suspiciously at the Marauders. They were quietly talking amongst themselves, at least to any oblivious onlooker, but Snape knew what to look for, and he saw the subtle glances in his direction and grins they couldn't quite keep hidden.

Finally, irritated, he turned and started for the Slytherin table. Severus nearly tripped when he saw the male Slytherins eyeing him interestedly. Something was definitely wrong.

Turning, he marched over to the Gryffindor table and approached Black angrily. His fists clenching and unclenching, he stopped behind the blood traitors, Potter and Black. They turned as one to face him, not the least surprised he had sought them out.

"Yes?" Sirius drawled.

"What did you do, Black?" he asked angrily.

"Why, we didn't do anything!" James said, sounding truly hurt that Severus would accuse them. Then, smirking devilishly, he pointed to Remus and Hermione. "But they did."

Snape's attention immediately snapped to the snickering duo, and he glared dangerously. "What did you do?" he repeated, this time to the actual perpetrators.

"Why, nothing at all, Snivellus," Hermione said cheerfully.

"Or should we say Snivellina?" Sirius asked, then burst into laughter. The Great Hall followed, and Severus stumbled back in realization.

"You-you..." he couldn't say anything, only point at the Marauders angrily. "I'll get you back for this!" And with that, he ran out of the Great Hall, leaving the student body in fits of hysteria after seeing Severus Snape as, not only a girl, but sporting bright pink hair and purple skin.

Remus and Hermione laughed and high-fived each other from across the table. This had, without a doubt, been one of their greatest works yet.

END


	9. Chicken

REQUEST: Roxchck760 wanted me to write the Marauders first big prank.

**Episode Nine**

Summary: In which the Marauders pull their first big prank

Chicken

First year was going good for Sirius Black. He and James Potter became quick friends, after an initial suspicion that Sirius really was like the rest of his family that is. Now, the two were nearly inseparable and wouldn't have it any other way.

Along with James were Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. If Sirius were to be honest, Peter was more of a tag along than anything, but he didn't want to hurt the boy's feelings. After all, Peter wasn't exactly the typical brave Gryffindor, too easily frightened to really belong in the house, and he didn't have many friends in any of the houses. Most of those he _could_ call friends only hung around him because he was so easy to push around, and he wouldn't do anything in retaliation.

The eleven year old shook away those thoughts when the portrait opened. He smiled when he saw his very first crush, Hermione Granger, walk in with a tower of books. Following close behind her was his other good friend, Remus Lupin. As always, he too had a tower of books hiding his slightly scarred face, which he had yet to tell any of them about. Whenever it was brought up, his eyes would shift away and he would mumble excuses before running off.

At first, they thought he might be abused at home, but he talked so highly of his parents that the idea was quickly extinguished. He would talk when he felt comfortable with them, Hermione consistently reminded the boys. Though, even she desired to know what happened to her friend.

"Hey guys!" Sirius called. Hermione peeked around her tower of books, a smile playing on her lips.

"Sirius, guess what?" she said excitedly, carefully walking over to him. When the books were set down, she eagerly bounced on the couch, looking like Christmas had come early.

"What?" Sirius asked. He knew it probably had to do with some book, but he couldn't help feeling intrigued. Hermione's excited nature was contagious.

"They have the new version of_ Hogwarts: A History!_" she exclaimed happily. "Can you believe it? The updated version with all new points discussed, as well as new information found on old discoveries!"

"Really?" Sirius teased. "Wow, that sounds like something worth losing some sleep over!"

"Yea- Hey!" Hermione lightly punched his arm when she realized he was teasing her. Sirius laughed and turned to Remus, whom was smiling at the two a bit sadly. He usually held some sort of sorrow in his expressions no matter what he was doing, so Sirius didn't think much about it.

"Oh, come on, Evans!" James begged, following a petite redhead like a puppy. "Why won't you just eat breakfast with me? I promise to behave!"

"You don't know the meaning of the word!" Lily Evans, James' crush, snapped as she turned to face him.

"Well, that's true," James said thoughtfully. Lily rolled her eyes and turned away from him. "Wait! Please, just one little breakfast date?"

"No!" Lily all but yelled, her face turning a similar shade as her hair.

"Why not?" James whined. He usually wasn't the whining type, but he really liked Lily. She was spunky, cute, and she wasn't above admitting it if she didn't find his jokes funny. Unlike some of the kids who laughed just to be in a Potter's good books.

"You're a rude, immature brat!" Lily glared. "That's why!"

With that said, or rather yelled, she stormed up to the girl's dorm, only pausing to bid Hermione a pleasant hello. Hermione smiled slightly and raised an eyebrow. James grinned broadly at his friends.

"She digs me," he said arrogantly as he jumped over the back of the couch and landed on Sirius' other side. The four friends, who knew where Peter was?, huddled together almost instantly. There was a gleam in James' eye that told them something big was up.

"What are you thinking, James?" Sirius asked curiously. James chuckled evilly and rubbed his hands together.

"I'm glad you asked, Sirius!" he said loudly, then looked both ways to see if anyone was listening. Since the only people really left in the common room was their little group, no one was eavesdropping. He continued on in a whisper anyway. "I've been thinking we should do something. Something big!"

"Like what?" Hermione asked uncertainly, leaning away from the beaming pureblood. James looked like his face might split in two, and even Sirius looked slightly worried.

"Well, we tell jokes, but what about pranks? If we're gonna be the funniest, coolest kids in school, we gotta do pranks!"

"Hey, what are you guys whispering about?" Peter asked from behind Hermione. She jumped, startled by his sudden appearance, but smiled at him nonetheless. Moving over to allow him room, James repeated his earlier statement. "What do you mean pranks?" Peter asked in awe, hero-worship practically written on his face.

James grimaced inwardly at the look of adoration on Peter's face. He knew the other boy looked up to Sirius, Remus, Hermione and himself, but he really could do without the awe constantly in the chubby boy's eyes. It could be flattering sometimes, but mostly it was just annoying. Still, he wasn't about to say anything since it could be a real ego booster when Lily decided to play hard to get particularly rough and insulted him badly.

"I was just about to ask that," Hermione admitted, pursing her lips. She didn't look reproving, more like curious and unsure if she should follow James' lead. Remus had a similar expression on his face, but Sirius just looked interested. James grinned. If Hermione and Remus refused, he would at least have Sirius to play pranks with. The other boy loved a good joke as much as he did!

"Well," James leaned in and the others followed his movements, "I was thinking we should..."

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There had surely been a time when the five friends had eaten quicker and messier, but at the moment no one could think of one. Several Gryffindors had abandoned their own meals to watch the five friends eat. It was like a race to see who could go fastest, and a few of the older Gryffindors had even placed mini-bets on their favorite of the first years.

So far, Sirius was in the lead, followed closely by James and Peter, whom were tied. Hermione and Remus, though both could eat a fair amount, were more polite and ate at a slower pace. It was just their nature to be clean, neat eaters. However, on this day it was obvious even they were in a hurry to finish.

At that moment, the door burst open and in walked a group of Slytherins cleverly called The Slytherins. Really, for such a clever household, they didn't come up with very clever names. It wasn't their arrival that grabbed everyone's attention, but rather when they opened the doors, a bucket of what looked like water covered the group.

They stopped dead, looking at each other in confusion, before shooting dangerous glares around the Great Hall. Snickers broke out despite the tense atmosphere now surrounding the dining area, and those snickers quickly turned into great howling guffaws as feathers seemed to sprinkle down on them. No doubt a temporary holding and separating charm, which kept the feathers held away from the liquid and kept them in place until a few seconds later.

The Slytherins, now looking like giant chickens, tried plucking the feathers off of themselves. They quickly found the "water" wasn't water at all, but was the new super strong magical glue, which never wore off unless the proper spells were cast. Upon realizing this, the guffaws escalated until some were falling out of their seats, holding their stomachs.

"ENOUGH!" Professor McGonagall bellowed, standing from her seat. "You boys go to the infirmary!" she ordered. The Slytherins glared resentfully at the older woman, but did as they were told since they didn't want to stay around their amused peers.

When they were gone, McGonagall turned to the rest of the Great Hall, now silenced and watching her nervously. She could be dangerous when she wanted!

"Who did this? Come clean or else I'll..."

"We did!" James shouted happily. He had jumped onto the Gryffindor table, along with his partners in crime, and was waving jovially at the professor. Her voice seemed to catch as she looked at the group from her own house.

"What? Why?" this time it was Professor Slughorn that spoke, though he didn't sound too upset considering it had been students from his house that were pranked. In fact, he looked more curious than angry, and he seemed quite amused.

"Well," Sirius started, "we decided jokes are all well and good, but we need to do pranks too! So, voila!"

"Ah, I see," Slughorn said as he sat down again, chortling. Minerva shot him a look, but he ignored it and continued chuckling. "Very funny, very funny indeed."

"Horace!" Minerva exclaimed appalled. "That was not funny! You five, go to my office, now!"

The five on the table didn't look surprised, though Hermione and Remus shared a look that clearly stated "there goes our perfect records". Then, shrugging it off, they followed James and Sirius, while Peter tagged along behind them, looking rather nervous now that he had gotten into trouble.

Outside the Great Hall, James turned to beam at his friends. "Did you see that? They loved it! I think we may have found our new calling!"

"I-I don't know," Peter stammered. "McGonagall looked pretty angry in there."

"Oh, come on, Pete!" James whined almost mockingly. "Don't be such a chicken! They were Slytherins, had it coming anyway, right Sirius?"

"Right!" Sirius agreed full heartedly. He beamed at his companion. "I think you're right, James, we _have_ found our new calling! I say we make it a habit, we could be a 'gang' of pranksters! What do you say?"

He held out his hand, which was quickly covered by James'. Remus hesitantly followed, and seeing her fellow bookworm reach out, Hermione laid her hand over Remus'. They stared at Peter expectantly, though their expressions clearly stated he didn't have to join them if he didn't want too. Gulping, the smaller boy gathered what little courage he had and covered their hands with his.

"Now," Sirius said, beaming at his friends as they broke apart and started for McGonagall's office, "we need a name four ourselves."

"How about The Pranksters?" Peter supplied hopefully. James snorted.

"That's about as original as The Slytherins," he said. Peter blushed and ducked his head, but Hermione patted his shoulder reassuringly. He smiled gratefully at her but didn't speak up again.

"How about The Sirius Complex?" Sirius asked, striking a pose. This time the entire group snorted, and even Sirius was amused, though he feigned being hurt and asked, "What?"

"Hm..." Remus looked thoughtful, "how about The Marauders?"

Hermione, James, and Sirius stopped. Peter, realizing his friends had ceased walking, quickly ran back over to them and stared at Remus with wide eyes, though it was obvious he was just trying to fit in. Remus blushed when they stared at him and, much like Peter, ducked his head to hide his embarrassment.

"Remus," Hermione breathed, "that's...that's..."

"BRILLIANT!" Sirius and James exclaimed in unison. They high-fived each other and grinned at the still blushing Remus, but now he was turning red from modesty rather than humiliation.

"From now on," James spoke, "we shall be...The Marauders!"

The newly dubbed Marauders laughed about their first prank all the way to McGonagall's office. Unfortunately for the woman, and the rest of the school, this was only one of many. And it wouldn't _just_ be Slytherins that felt their wrath. Though, most of them would wear green and silver. The snaky bastards just had it coming!

END


	10. Oops!

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel asked for a prank planned for Snape that hits Lily instead. So, here goes...

**Episode Ten**

Summary: In which a prank hits the wrong person, much to James' chagrin

Oops!

Sixth year proved rather easy for the Marauders, whom finished most of their homework ahead of time. Normally, James, Sirius, and Peter wouldn't bother doing homework until the last minute, but Hermione and Remus were hounding them about getting it out of the way now that graduation was only one year away. Really, the boys had to admit they were thankful for their bookish friends. Finishing homework gave them more time to plan pranks, and because of it, their pranks seemed to have gotten even better. Of course, they got better every year, but that wasn't the point!

Sirius sat on the couch, his arm wrapped around Hermione's shoulders, as the two chatted with their three best friends. The newest prank was currently in the planning process, and their victim this time was, of course, Severus Snape. It had, surprisingly enough, been Peter to come up with the idea, but he didn't quite have the courage to cast the spell on the Slytherin.

"So, Sirius is going to do the casting then?" James clarified and everyone nodded. Sirius had been hexed by Snape a few days ago, though he truthfully had it coming, and the Marauders figured he should have his revenge. "And you know what you're supposed to do?"

"Just say _ballo grazioso!" _Sirius looked at his girlfriend for confirmation. Hermione nodded and snuggled closer to him, still slightly surprised she and Sirius finally hooked up after years of avoiding each other. Sirius grinned broadly.

"Right, and we'll take care of the other half." James said, gesturing to himself, Remus, and Hermione.

"Let's get to sleep then," Hermione suggested, "tomorrow's entertainment is going to be good, and we'll want to get enough shut eye to be fully alert when it happens."

Nodding in agreement, the boys hurried up to their dorm as Sirius walked Hermione to the girl's staircase. Sharing one last kiss, Sirius parted and ran up the boy's staircase while Hermione headed for her dorm. She grinned, hardly able to wait until tomorrow when her man would get his revenge. Tomorrow was definitely going to be interesting!

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The next day dawned bright and early, and the Marauders were wide awake and hurrying towards the Great Hall before most of their house mates had even risen for the day. Severus usually arrived at the Great Hall relatively early, but if their planned worked, he would be a little late today. They wanted _everyone _to see their achievement after all!

As the Great Hall filled up, the Marauders began to look eagerly towards the double doors. Samantha Brown had been put in charge of distracting Snape until the hall was full, and she should be arriving any minute now. Right on time, the doors swung open and Samantha walked in. Snape followed close behind her, scowling angrily at her back.

She smiled and shot the Marauders a thumbs up, Sirius' cue to do his part. Pointing his wand in the direction of Snape, he whispered _ballo grazioso _under his breath. A jet of baby blue shot from his wand, but before the Slytherin could be hit, a familiar redhead stumbled into the Great Hall and knocked him out of the way.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as Snape hit the ground, Lily Evans dropped the books she'd been trying desperately to keep in a stack as she walked, or rather stumbled, into the Great Hall, and the light hit her. Sensing the target had been hit, as had been a charm placed over the bucket hanging precariously over the doors, a bucket of crimson liquid spilled over the girl.

James whimpered as his beloved Lily Evans turned scarlet and gold and began to dance a graceful ballet, which looked rather odd considering she was dressed in her school uniform and Mary-Janes. Judging by her expression, this had obviously not been her idea, and the reddened cheeks only added to the laughter of the Great Hall.

_THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_

James hit his head repeatedly on the table as the rest of the Marauders watched Lily's dance nervously. Snape they could handle, but Lily had only just decided to give Potter a chance, and now it would be ruined! Hermione shared a look with Sirius and the two hurried out of the Great Hall before the spell wore off, followed closely by Remus whom was pulling a stunned Peter behind him.

As the ballet finished, the red and gold Lily turned to face James. He laughed nervously and smiled apologetically at the girl, hoping to convey his sorrow for her predicament. He really hadn't meant for it to hurt her! Maybe she would understand that, see the message in his eyes and forgive him.

"POTTER!!!!!"

Then again, maybe not...

"Hehe, Lily, I can explain!"

END

A/N's:

_Ballo Grazioso_ is Italian and is translated to dance graceful or graceful dance. At least, that's what babel fish told me. If that's a lie, and you speak or are Italian, feel free to tell me because I speak not a word of it!

Sorry the ballet isn't in detail, but I never took the class and couldn't describe it if I wanted too. So, you can just use your imaginations to come up with various humiliating ballet dances she might be doing.


	11. Two of a Kind

**Episode 11**

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius are two of a kind

Two of a Kind

Sirius Black absolutely hated his family. He didn't follow their pureblood beliefs, and he was quite proud of his Gryffindor colors while his the rest of his kin were in Slytherin. Staying at Grimmauld Place over the summer always left him in a terrible mood, but thankfully the Potters took him in nowadays. They were like a second family to him, and he couldn't imagine life without them.

Today, the Great Hall was in a buzz. Rumors that a new student would be arriving, and everyone wanted to meet the mysterious girl or boy Hogwarts had managed to snag. It wasn't often student came in the middle of the year, nor was it normal for said student to be older, but this one was supposedly seventeen and would be in sixth year.

The chattering stopped as Dumbledore stood, and Sirius followed the Great Hall's example by looking expectantly towards the double doors. Dumbledore grinned and shook his head amusedly at the lack of attention on himself. _Children _he thought fondly.

"I'M SURE YOU KNOW MY ANNOUNCEMENT, SO I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU ALL TO WELCOME MISS HERMIONE SALA!"

Whispers broke out, excited from the Slytherin table and fearful from the others. Everyone knew the Sala's were a powerful pureblood family that firmly believed in pureblood superiority. They went farther back than the Blacks and the Malfoy's, and no one wanted to cross a Sala. Having one at Hogwarts was like a nightmare come true, or a dream come true as far as the Slytherins were concerned.

The doors swung open, and in walked a tall brunette girl with slightly bushy hair and sparkling brown eyes. A frown marred her otherwise pretty tanned face, and she glared at the whispering students. They immediately shut up, though Sirius sat straighter when he noticed a familiar gleam in her eye. He had seen that same look in his own eyes many times before, the look that clearly stated she had been born with a reputation she did not appreciate.

As she sat down, Sirius found himself unable to look away from the young woman in his year. He wanted to know where she would go, and had already decided if she went anywhere besides Slytherin he would give her the benefit of the doubt. If she did go to the snake house though, she would be fresh meat for the Marauders.

After what felt like hours, but was really only a couple of minutes, the Sorting Hat came to a decision.

_**GRYFFINDOR!**_

The Great Hall gasped in shock, much as they had when Sirius was sorted five years ago, and he sat up even straighter. He smiled as she nervously made her way to the tentatively clapping table and waved her over. Hermione smiled gratefully at him and took a seat next to him.

"Sirius Black," he introduced, holding out a hand for her to shake. Hermione looked momentarily startled, then grinned as she glanced at the table where the unmistakable Malfoy sat with his friends, glaring heatedly at the table.

"Hermione Sala, nice to meet you."

"You'll like it here," Sirius reassured. "No Gryffindors believe in the whole pureblood superiority thing."

"Good," Hermione sighed in relief, "I'm tired of that reputation following me."

"Trust me," Sirius said with a smile, "I know what you mean."

And so began a great friendship between two similar magical beings.

END!

Yes, Hermione was not a Marauder in this one, but that doesn't mean she can't become one later on. Just use your imagination lol


	12. Marauders Map

REQUEST: FayeLibra2317 wanted the making of the Marauders Map!

**Episode 12**

Summary: In which the Marauders make their map  


Marauders Map

Hermione sighed as she was once again led to Dumbledore's office. Curfew passed a couple of hours ago, and the Marauders planned to prank the Slytherins good as they walked into Potions first thing the next morning. However, since James had a Quidditch game the next day, he had to go to bed earlier than usual, leaving herself, Remus, Peter, and Sirius as the only ones able to put the spell up.

Peter had been shaking in his boots at the thought of going without the supposed leader of the Marauders, so he would stay behind as well. Unfortunately, Sirius and Remus were both hit by a prank from Snape before the day ended and were now in the hospital wing with an awful case of the flu. That left Hermione as the sole Marauder able to set up the prank.

They could've put the prank off for another day, but James had his heart set on doing it before the last big game of their fifth year. Hermione, curse her soft heart, couldn't let her friends down. Besides, Sirius and Remus would be out before Potions tomorrow and would still be able to see the prank in action.

Now, Filch had caught her, and she was being led to Dumbledore's office. Thankfully, the prank had been set up before he caught her, so the Slytherins would still find themselves serenading the Potions class with Muggle show tunes.

_There has to be something we can do to stop getting caught! _Hermione thought irritably. She loved Dumbledore really, but she was getting tired of being led to his office. For Merlin's sake, the _portraits_ knew them by _name_!

Sighing yet again, she watched as the gargoyle leapt aside and Filch led her up the moving staircase, almost dancing as he walked up them, eager to get to the headmaster's office quicker. He still had rounds to do and students to catch. One little troublemaker wouldn't be nearly enough to keep him satisfied the entire night!

Tomorrow, Hermione decided, she would talk to Remus and see if he had any ideas. At the very least, one of the Marauders would be able to come up with a plan, a way to get around the professors. Sure, they would still have get caught sometimes, it wouldn't be nearly as much fun if they pulled pranks and weren't discovered before the prank! But it would still be nice to cut down on the extra time spent with Filch.

"Come in!" Dumbledore called almost jovially, and Hermione pasted on a smile. Time for another talk with the ever fun, ever insane Albus Dumbledore.

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"A way around the professors?" Remus questioned at breakfast the next day. He and Sirius had just escaped the hospital wing and had met the others outside the double doors. Now, Hermione brought up her idea from the night before, and she could see the calculating, intrigued looks in her friends eyes.

"It would be a complicated bit of magic," Remus mused, rubbing his chin. Already his blue eyes were sparkling in anticipation at the challenge, and Hermione knew her chocolate orbs looked much the same. Peter seemed thrilled at the prospect of less trouble, and Sirius and James just looked happy at the thought of less Filch time and more pranking time.

After all, if they weren't caught, they could set up _two_ pranks in a night! Hit the Slytherins, and other houses including Gryffindor, but mostly Slytherin, twice as hard! It was like a dream for them!

"It could be useful," James admitted. "But what could possibly do the job?"

"A map!" Sirius exclaimed. When his friends shot him a confused look, he clarified his idea. "Think about it, a map of all Hogwarts grounds! We could know when and where people were rather they were inside of Hogwarts _or_ outside! Plus, it would help us during Moony's time of the month."

"Padfoot's right," Hermione commented, grinning at her boyfriend. Sirius smirked back, unable to stop a slight blush from appearing on his face. "I hadn't even thought about that!"

"Hehe, better watch out, honey," Sirius said mockingly. "I might just be taking the cleverness title from you!"

"Ha! You wish!" she exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at him. Sirius growled teasingly at his witch before pulling her into a deep kiss. The Marauders grinned, far too used to this scene than they really cared to admit.

"Agh! Come on, guys!" James pleaded after two minutes of non-stop kissing. "You have to _breathe_!"

Sirius was content on ignoring his best friend, but Hermione pulled away. She wanted to finish discussing the map! Besides, classes started in a few minutes, and the Marauders had to get going if they planned to make it to Potions in time.

"Thank you," mumbled James, ignoring the glare Sirius shot him.

"We should get going," Remus piped up, thinking along the same lines as Hermione. Nodding, the boys and Hermione grabbed their bags and headed for Potions. One of the few times James and Sirius would actually make it to class on time!

"So, about this map, where are we going to get it?" James asked.

"I saw a map in Zonko's last visit," Sirius admitted. "It didn't have anything on it, but the old man said that with the proper charms, it would show us whatever we wanted. And with a key word, it would turn invisible to everyone."

"That's perfect!" Remus exclaimed. "Hermione and I can find the charms to cast."

Hermione nodded. "That sounds fine to me. Next Hogsmeade trip you boys pick up the map, and Remus and I will pick up a few books."

"Agreed!" Sirius, James, and Peter said in unison as they entered the classroom, more than ready to see the Slytherins embarrass themselves.

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The map was now in their possession, and Hermione and Remus had a book set out before them. The mere size of it made Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail want to turn tail and run in the other direction. How their two friends could possibly stand such large books, they would _never_ know!

Right now, this large book was working in their favor though. Who knew an older version of_ Hogwarts: A History _would have a charm to spy on Hogwarts grounds?

"Ready?" Hermione asked the boys needlessly. They all nodded as she and Remus pointed their wands at the parchment.

Chanting began, softly at first and then growing louder. Remus' voice seemed to echo Hermione's until, eventually, their voices somehow fell in sync. Sirius watched wide-eyed as his girlfriend focused all her attention on the map. She was so beautiful when she was working difficult magic, he thought dreamily, and resisted the urge to pick her up and run out of the room for another makeout session.

James almost squealed, _almost_, when writing began to appear on the parchment. He couldn't quite make out what it said, but it must've been what they wanted, because he was getting a very good feeling about the quickly filling parchment they had purchased earlier that day.

The last of the chant died away, and the writing immediately disappeared. Hermione slumped on Remus, panting hard, as he too tried to catch his breath. Sirius pushed away the jealousy he felt flaring to life, and casually tilted Hermione closer to his side than Remus'. She smiled knowingly at him, before turning her gaze back to the map.

"We have to think of a key word or phrase to make the writing appear. Touch your wand to the parchment, and say the words."

"You do it," James said with a grin, "it was your idea."

"Remus and I did the spell," Hermione reminded, "we're both too tired to think. You do it; you're the rumored leader."

James looked pleased at this. "Hm, what should I say? Padfoot, any ideas?"

"Yeah!" Sirius said quickly, having thought up a good saying long before they bought the map. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good!"

"And to make the words disappear?" Remus spoke up.

Sirius blinked. He hadn't thought about making the words disappear. Surprisingly it was Peter that spoke up.

"How about...'Mischief managed'?"

"Works for me!"

END

A/N's:

I know the buying the map wasn't the most original idea, and this lost a lot of quality as it went on, but I've been recently addicted to _Naruto_ yaoi fanfiction, and as such completely lost my thought process on other fics, this one included. That's why it's taking so long to finish. Don't worry, I have the requests from your reviews still ready to write, but I just have to work up the right muse again.


	13. Revenge

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted the girls to get back at the boys!

A/N's: I decided why not put this in with _Oops_! So, this is basically what happened after. Hope ya don't mind me joining the two!

**Episode 13**

Summary: In which Hermione helps Lily gain revenge on the male Marauders

Revenge

Lily wanted to kill, **_KILL_**, James Potter! He had completely embarrassed her in front of everyone! True, the prank was meant for Snape, but that didn't change the fact it not only affected _her_, but he had apologized while _laughing _at her! Oh yes, Lily was ready to murder someone, and that someone had messy black hair and hazel eyes!

"That egotistical, self-absorbed, conceited, self-worshipping--"

"You do realize those are synonyms, right?" Hermione commented from her bed. She had been rather hesitant with Lily since the incident the other day, but she couldn't help making the comment to her fellow bookworm.

Admittedly, she thought Lily was taking this way out of proportion, but she could understand the redhead's desire for revenge. After spending five years being dignified in this school, her entire reputation had gone down the drain because of a prank.

Lily turned her blazing glare on Hermione, and the brunette flinched away. If this was the glare James consistently received, she was surprised he hadn't been burned alive by now! The redhead, rather she realized it or not, was downright terrifying!

"I don't see why you bother with those _boys_," Lily spat the word, feeling some of her anger dissipate.

"They're my _friends_, Lily," Hermione reminded as she idly flipped through her copy of _Hogwarts: A History_. Lily snorted at that.

"If they were real friends, they wouldn't drag you into so much trouble!" she pointed out, rather logically she thought.

"They don't _drag_ me into anything," Hermione responded defensively. "I go along with them willingly."

"Why, besides Black being your boyfriend, would you want to play pranks willingly?"

The mere idea truly confounded Lily. She never understood the thrill of breaking rules, especially not when there was such a feeling of accomplishment by _following _them. Hermione smiled slightly, a truly devious idea running through her mind.

"Lily," Hermione started, closing her book and biting her lip. She wasn't sure how the redhead would take to her idea, but she was fairly confident Lily would accept with a little coaxing. "Lily, what if I helped you get revenge on the boys?"

Lily's eyes landed on Hermione, intrigue in her emerald gaze. "What's the catch?" she asked suspiciously, knowing Hermione would never offer to get back at her boyfriend and friends without a reason.

"No catch," Hermione said, shaking her head to emphasize her point. Bushy locks hit her face, and she irately pushed them away. "Do you have a scrunchy or rubber band?" she asked Lily. The redhead nodded and tossed her a red scrunchy lying on her bedside table. "Thanks."

"No problem," Lily responded. "So, if there's no catch, then why are you offering to get revenge for me?"

"Not for, _with_," Hermione corrected. Lily's eyes widened. She _knew _there was a catch! She would get in trouble, that was the catch! As though reading her mind, Hermione rolled her dark brown eyes heavenward.

"Don't worry, Lils," she reassured the other girl, "you won't have to take the blame _if _we get caught."

Lily frowned, nibbling her lower lip in thought. Hermione was shocked she was taking to the idea so quickly, or at least considering it. She thought there would be a lot of cajoling on her part before she could persuade her friend accepted the offer. But here she was, already thinking it over, and about to accept if the expression on her face was anything to go by.

"Well..." Lily started slowly.

She had to admit, the idea of getting revenge on Potter and his cronies was nice, and the only one who could truly outsmart them would be one of them, hence why Hermione was a good partner for this. Lily also knew that if Hermione said she wouldn't take the blame, she really _wouldn't _take the blame. The idea of doing something bad and not getting punished for it made her feel guilty, but she couldn't afford her record to be marred by a vengeful prank!

"Okay," she conceded. A squeak of surprise left her when Hermione promptly jumped her and dragged her into a breathtaking (literally) hug. "Hermione...can't...breathe..." she croaked.

"Oh, sorry!" Hermione singsonged, sounding not very sorry at all. She let go of the redhead and all but danced to her bed. "The plan commences in one week!" she informed, already having a great idea running through her mind. _And it'll teach you the wonders of breaking the rules, at least every once in a while._

"Hermione?" Lily called to her friend after a few moments of silence.

"Hm?"

"What's the plan?"

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Sirius knew something was up. Hell, all of the Marauders knew something was up. Hermione was spending a lot of time with Lily lately, and while that wasn't abnormal, they hadn't necessarily been in the library all those times. James, for all his stalk- er...following Lily to make sure she was alright, knew that even when they _were_ in the library they weren't studying.

None of the boys could come up with a reasonable explanation for why the two bookworms were suddenly spending every waking moment together. Though, Sirius had a theory that Lily was trying to convince Hermione to dump him, a theory that had quickly been put down by James. Of course, even if that was the case, Lily wouldn't be successful since Hermione was far too crazy about Sirius to ever leave him.

Still, the boys were on edge. Something was definitely up, and they were curious to find out just what was going on. Tomorrow, they decided, they would follow the girls around until they had some clue as to what the two were planning. It was just too bad this idea came six days after Hermione told Lily her plan.

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Hermione grinned brightly as she sat with the boys the next day at breakfast. She had been eating with Lily lately, and she knew they were growing suspicious. She really did know them too well, which only added to the truth that Hermione was really the only one that could truly pull a prank on the Marauders.

"Hey guys," she greeted, sitting next to Sirius. The doggish teen frowned curiously at his bushy-haired girlfriend before realizing she was actually going to eat breakfast with them. Grinning brightly, he threw an arm over her and snuggled her closer to his side. It had been so long since he'd been able to do this!

"Hermione!" James greeted casually, his hazel eyes sparking with curiosity. "We haven't seen you in a while."

"No, you haven't have you?" she asked rhetorically, taking a bite of her eggs. "Lily and I have been working on a project for Transfiguration."

"I don't remember any Transfiguration project," Remus replied suspiciously. Hermione merely smiled.

"Extra credit," she responded.

"Hm." James glared at her, leaning over the table to study her closely. Hermione blinked innocently, pretending she had no idea what he was doing.

"James?"

"Hm?"

"Is there a reason you're so close to me?" she asked, scooting closer, if it was possible, to Sirius. He tightened his grip on her, and though he knew what his friend was doing, couldn't help glaring defensively at the messy-haired Chaser.

"Just looking for clues," James said, as though it were obvious. Perhaps it was, to the Marauders at least, but Hermione had a part to play.

"Clues for what?" she asked, raising a brow.

"Nothing!" James responded quickly, sitting back in his seat and stuffing his mouth with a forkful of food. Hermione's other brow raised as she stared at the boy incredulously, but she didn't comment on his odd behavior, instead laughing inwardly at his poor acting skills. Normally James was a great actor, but when he was suspicious of something, he made it painfully obvious.

The other Marauders, realizing they wouldn't get a better answer out of Hermione, slowly began to eat their own food. As though they had planned it, the Marauders (Hermione included) took a giant swig of their pumpkin juice. It was amazing how alike the five friends had become after five years of friendship.

This time, however, something new happened. When James put the goblet down, he immediately felt a tingling coming over his body. Judging by the expressions of shock and confusion on Sirius', Remus', and Peter's faces, they too felt the odd feeling. He turned to Hermione, only to see a victorious smirk on her face, and he knew he had just been pranked. With a sigh, and a slight smile of approval at his sneaky friend, he waited for the results of her prank.

Slowly, table by table, the Great Hall burst into laughter as they saw the four Marauders. A fast, catchy beat had started to play, and each of the boys: James, now with pink hair, Sirius with bright blue hair, Remus with lime green hair, and Peter with lemon yellow hair, all four wearing coconut bras and grass skirts, began to dance the hula.

Everyone, except the Slytherins who looked disgusted, was in hysterics when the four boys were finished. Clapping resounded around the Great Hall, started by not-so-surprisingly, a beaming Dumbledore. Sirius, James, and Remus bowed while Peter blushed bright red and looked near tears before joining his friends in bowing. Hermione chuckled and whistled, mostly at Sirius, who turned and winked at her.

"We'll get you back for this," James mouthed, though he was grinning brightly. Hermione shot him a 'bring it on' look, then laughed as the boys pretended to be famous dancers and flounced out of the Great Hall, most likely to experiment different ways to turn their clothes back to the normal school uniform.

Brown eyes sought out green, and Hermione couldn't help but grin when she noticed the amused smile on Lily's face. It seemed the other girl had felt some sort of thrill when she had been planning the prank, and while Hermione doubted she'd see the redhead breaking too many rules, she had realized why Hermione took such great pleasure helping the Marauders. Winking at the other girl, Hermione stood and left the Great Hall to help her friends transfigure their clothes back.

Watching her leave, Lily couldn't help but think revenge was fun. Laughing, she turned back to her meal and her friends.

A/N's:

Again, I'm not very good with describing dances, so you'll just have to imagine it yourselves. Also, I had another prank planned, with far more Lily/Hermione interaction in it, but I completely forgot what it was, so this had to do. Besides, what better way to get revenge for making someone break into dance, than by making them break into dance too?


	14. Werewolf

Sorry for the wait. My uncle passed away just last week, and his funeral was Tuesday, so I've been with my dad, stepmother, aunts, and other uncles for the past few days.

**Episode 14**

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted the Marauders to discover Remus' secret

Summary: In which Remus' secret comes out

Werewolf

Remus hurried out of the classroom, his head down and his books nearly spilling out of his bag as he tried to stuff them in. He felt his strength waning with each second, and he knew tomorrow he would not be in class. Not that Remus ever liked his awful secret, but there were times when he _really_ hated it! Ever since he befriended the Marauders two years ago, his first year at Hogwarts, he had begun to wish it had been someone else who's father angered Fenrir Greyback.

The idea that anyone else would have to suffer his horrible curse made him sick once he grew used to the idea that he would become furry three days out of the month, the day before, of, and after the full moon, but making friends and knowing they would leave him should they ever discover his secret made his selfish wish return. Why couldn't he be normal? What had he done to anger the gods so?

With a sigh, he scurried towards the hospital wing. It had taken much pleading for Madame Pomfrey to give him the Pepper Up Potion so he could make it to class today. She hadn't been pleased with his decision, but he didn't want his friends to grow too suspicious. Sirius and James were smarter than they acted, and Hermione didn't even bother acting stupid to begin with. Peter was another story entirely, but that was beside the point. Remus knew they were growing suspicious, had probably been suspicious since the third time, when Hermione would've disregarded coincidence that his mother had gotten ill at the same time each month, he gave the age old excuse.

"Why?" he whispered softly, finally freeing himself from the herd of students heading towards the Great Hall in the opposite direction. "Why did this happen to me?"

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Sirius furrowed his brow as he, James, and Hermione followed their friend. Peter would have been with them, but he was more interested in lunch. Hermione wanted to scold him for his lack of concern, but his loud stomach grumbling would've given them away to Remus' seemingly ultra-sensitive hearing, so they allowed him to leave. Though, she was pleased to note that even Sirius seemed disgusted by his oblivious attitude towards Remus' obvious dismay.

A blush spread across Hermione's face as she thought of Sirius. They had been best friends since first year, and now they were in their third year at Hogwarts. She knew she wasn't the only girl that found him attractive, and even though they were young, he had already dated multiple girls for small periods of time. The sight of him with another always broke her heart, but she at least had the pleasure of knowing he was only truly thoughtful with her and the other Marauders. The knowledge of that comforted her when she saw him with his new girl-of-the-week.

"Subject has turned left!" James whispered, bringing her out of her reverie. Hermione felt like slapping her forehead. They were right there, he didn't need to tell them every move Remus made! Of course, she knew there would be a problem with introducing James and Sirius to spy novels, but they had looked so intrigued by her Sherlock Holmes book.

"James," she said blandly, standing to her full height from where they had been crouched behind the corner, "I can see that."

"Get. Down!" Sirius hissed, making the command two words. He looked nervously left and right, as though he expected Remus to jump out and yell 'BOO!' Hermione rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the thought that Sirius looked really cute when he was worried.

"Sirius, Remus went into the infirmary about two minutes ago. I don't think he's going to see me right now. Besides that, James has his invisibility cloak, and we won't get anywhere if we don't don the cloak and go in there!"

"Hermione is right!" James shouted, holding a finger in the air. Hermione raised a brow that clearly said 'duh!', and Sirius allowed a small blush to grace his features. He smiled at Hermione, enjoying the matching pink that covered her cheeks. Merlin, he loved it when she blushed!

The invisibility cloak swung over their shoulders, hiding all three students from sight. They quietly shuffled towards the hospital wing, and carefully pushed the door open so that no one would notice them entering. Pushing the door back to its original position, the trio quietly headed towards Remus' bed.

He was sitting there, talking to Madame Pomfrey about something. She was watching him with an expression they had not seen too often in the normally strict medi-witch's eyes. Pity.

"I just wish they would make a potion for it!" Remus shouted suddenly. "Is that so much to ask? A cure?"

With a sigh, he fell back on the bed. His pale complexion and dull, grey eyes made him look like he belonged here. But that wasn't right. He had looked fine earlier, though the Marauders wouldn't put it past the effects of a Pepper Up Potion. They had all taken enough of the potion to know that, when they wore off, the peaky look returned full force as though whatever exhaustion or sickness they had was taking some twisted form of revenge.

"I'm sorry, Mister Lupin," Madame Pomfrey said, sounding truly regretful. "I too wish they had some cure, but you know that may never happen. I find it best not to wish for the impossible."

"Yeah," Remus sighed, "I know. Thank you for the potion, Madame Pomfrey, I'll be here first thing tomorrow."

The medi-witch nodded and hurried into her office as Remus climbed off the bed. He had just downed another Pepper Up Potion, and he could already feel it taking effect. His pale face returned to its usual tanned color, and his eyes brightened as he felt his exhaustion being pushed off for a later time. Now, he had to find the other Marauders before they realized his missing presence in the Great Hall. Assuming, of course, that the ever perceptive Hermione Granger hadn't already noticed something.

When he was gone, the invisibility cloak fell off. The trio looked curiously at one another. They had hoped that by following Remus they would get some answers, but instead they found more questions. What needed a cure? What was wrong with Remus? Was he dieing? No! The idea was too ridiculous to think about. They refused to believe their friend was going to...to...die.

"We have to go!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed, coming back to reality. "We need to get to the Great Hall before Remus!"

"Right!" the boys agreed in unison. James folded the cloak, and the three hurried out of the infirmary, taking every shortcut they knew to get to the dining area of Hogwarts.

Back in the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey watched them run out. She sighed softly to herself and hoped the Marauders soon discovered Remus' secret. While they might have been troublemakers, she felt she knew them well enough to know they would not abandon the poor boy as he seemed to think. Maybe, with friends to help him through, the idea that there might never be a cure for lycanthropy would not seem so bad to him. Smiling softly, she bid them good luck, then ducked back in her office before another student was brought to her.

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_The next day_

Remus looked sick; Remus _felt_ sick. It had been like this since he was five, but every time felt like the first time. The only consolation was that this would be nothing later on. Of course, it wasn't all that comforting since he knew the only reason it wouldn't feel like anything to worry about later was because of the pain he would be feeling from transforming. The breaking and rearranging of bones was an excruciating pain he would never get used too.

The Marauders didn't seem to notice anything odd about him. Remus wasn't sure he felt relief that they hadn't noticed anything, or upset because they didn't seem to care about his obvious illness. He decided for relief since he didn't want them discovering the secret he'd had since he was five. He also reminded himself that he looked sick around the same time every month, and after two years it had probably become like second nature to them to see him looking green.

"Hey Remus," Hermione said casually, digging through her bag. "You'd better get a move on if you want to get to classes on time!"

"Oh, uh, my mother has taken ill," he lied. Looking away from the girl he considered his closest friend out of all the Marauders, mostly due to their shared love for books, he felt guilt for lying to her. He couldn't tell her the truth though, he couldn't tell _any _of them the truth.

"Oh?" Hermione turned her attention to him, concern glittering in her brown orbs. It wasn't the first time he'd used the excuse, nor would it be the last time, and even if she did suspect something, she always worried he might be telling the truth. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah, but I have to go visit her for the next few days. I'll be back in about three days though." Remus smiled what he hoped was comfortingly, and Hermione nodded before turning back to her stuffed bag. Shouldering it, she started for the portrait.

"I'll tell the boys then," she promised as she stepped out of the Gryffindor common room.

"Thanks!" Remus smiled. When she was gone, his expression faltered. His green complexion worsened as guilt added on to his sickness. Why did he have to lie? Oh yeah, because no one could ever accept a werewolf. "Might as well find Professor Dumbledore," he muttered as he too stepped out of the Gryffindor common room.

Behind the tapestry, Hermione, Sirius, James, and Peter watched as their close friend passed them, muttering about how unfair life was and hating to lie to his friends. They shared a look of disbelief. True, the quartet knew it was a strong possibility Remus was lying to them; hell, they _knew _he was, but to hear him say it aloud made the fact all the more real, and it just didn't seem possible that _Remus_ would lie.

"C'mon!" James urged them in a harsh whisper. "He's getting away!"

Bringing out his cloak, which Sirius had aggrandized with a simple enlargement charm, the four friends were covered by the silky material. As soon as they were sure every part of their body was covered, the Marauders hurried after the elusive fifth prankster. There was no way he was getting away from them today!

Remus had the oddest feeling he was being followed, but whenever he turned around, he didn't see anyone there. More than once, he swore his friends were hiding under James' invisibility cloak, but he had often thought that during his first year at Hogwarts, when he was frightened the first people to be his friends would find out his secret. So, he pushed it off to the usual paranoia and continued on his way. The Shrieking Shack was waiting.

Frowning in confusion as Remus met up with Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall at the entrance to Hogwarts, the Marauders exchanged curious looks under the cloak. Maybe he wasn't lying to them after all? Maybe he really did leave every time each month? No, that just wasn't logical. While coincidence was possible, the same event happening for the past two years at the exact same time every single month wasn't mere coincidence.

"Are you ready?" Dumbledore asked, a sad smile in place of his usual cheerful one. Remus nodded morosely and followed the old professors out of the school, his friends close behind.

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Remus entered the Shrieking Shack while Dumbledore stayed in front of the entrance. He wondered why the old man was acting as a guard, but shrugged it off to just another quirk the headmaster had. Nodding his thanks, Dumbledore returned the nod, and McGonagall sent the boy a sympathetic smile before she started back towards the school.

Meanwhile, the Marauders were anxious for Dumbledore to leave. His position had blocked all possible entrance into the room. They could walk past him, but one of them would bump against him – most likely Peter since he was the largest – and that would alert him to their presence. Though, the Marauders were getting a sinking feeling he already knew of their presence, especially when he didn't follow McGonagall after the doors had closed on Remus.

"I think it's time you came out now," Dumbledore told the four stalk...er, spies.

Yeah, he knew they were there. Big surprise. What _didn't_ Albus Dumbledore know?

The invisibility cloak slid off of the curious friends, and they looked guiltily at the older man. He was not smiling, but the usual twinkle in his blue eyes was there, as though it had never left. He gestured for them to follow him without another word, and with one last longing look at the doors that hid their friend from view, they followed their favorite (and only) headmaster back to Hogwarts.

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"Years ago, Thomas Lupin insulted Fenrir Greyback – a cruel, dangerous werewolf with a taste for children. In retaliation for his insolence, I suppose you could say, Greyback bit his five-year-old son, your friend – Remus."

"So, what you're saying is...Remus is a werewolf?" Hermione asked, trying to wrap her mind around the concept of her best friend turning furry three days out of the month. Dumbledore nodded.

"Since he was five?" Sirius added, leaning against Hermione, despite them being in separate armchairs, for support. She didn't even bother blushing at the proximity, too busy being shocked about her friend's secret. She had no idea, but now that she thought about it, it did make sense. Every time he left he looked sick, and it was always around the full moon too! Why hadn't she noticed that little detail before?

"Correct," Dumbledore confirmed with a nod. He looked at each of them seriously, awaiting their initial shock to wear off. When he was sure they could at least think rationally, not that any except Remus and Hermione ever _did _think rationally, he cleared his throat to garner their attention. Once they were looking at him again, he spoke. "Now, I think the big question is, is this going to change your views on Mister Lupin?"

"What? No way!" James shouted, outraged by the mere idea. "Remus has been our best friend for two years, why should this change anything?"

"Yeah!" Sirius agreed full heartedly. "He's a Marauder, and Marauders stick together!"

"So what if he turns furry?" Hermione joined. "It's not like he _asked_ for it, and he's still the same Remus he always was!"

Peter looked like he wanted to protest their defense, but hearing all three of his friends protest, he clamped his mouth shut and nodded almost frantically in agreement. Dumbledore smiled at the vicious response to his question. He had hoped for just such a response, for if they were sickened by the mere idea of leaving Remus, even knowing his secret, it meant they were truly his friends.

"Very well then," he said, clasping his hands together. "I shall inform Mister Lupin of your discovery upon his return, and we will see where it goes from there. In the meantime, I believe you four should take the day off to process this information. I will inform your professors that I gave you permission to rest today."

"Thanks, professor," the four mumbled in response as they walked slowly out of his office.

"So," Sirius started.

"So," James agreed.

"Remus is a werewolf," Hermione breathed. "I know what I said in there, and I stand by it, but I just can't believe it!"

"I know," Peter squeaked in agreement.

"Who would have thought? Remus of all people. He's too nice to suffer like that!" Sirius spoke with a slightly angry gleam in his eye. If he could, he would've ripped Fenrir Greyback apart in that instant for daring to harm his friend, no matter how many years ago it was!

"Well, I think we should set up the room of requirements for a little party," James suggested. "I know the room gives you stuff too easily, and so we don't really care for it much, but I doubt the common room is a good idea for a 'we know you're a werewolf, but we accept it and hope you'll stay friends with us' party."

"Yeah!" Sirius, Hermione, and Peter shouted in agreement. They ran after James, laughing and chatting about all they could do. One thing was for sure, Remus was NOT going to be alone in his suffering anymore! The Marauders would make sure of that!

END


	15. Animagus

A/N's:

Takes place after the last chapter. Since they became animagi because of Remus' secret in the book, I figure why change it here?

**Episode 15**

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted the Marauders to become animagus

Summary: In which the Marauders first become animagus

Animagus

After discovering Remus' secret, and holding a huge party for him that weekend in the RoR, the Marauders had decided that the best way to stay with Remus during his time of need was to become animagi. Well, actually Sirius decided this, and the others went along with it. Besides the fact that they all thought it was cool, it would allow them to stay with their friend.

Even Hermione, who had once said it was impossible for them to become animagi without help from someone older and experienced – like McGonagall, jumped at the chance to attempt it when her friend was the cause. She wanted to stay with him just as much as the others, and so went along with their seemingly impossible plan to become animagi.

Now, one year later, they had finally succeeded. Normally, it took several years to accomplish this feat, but as was said earlier, this was for a friend. And when it concerned a friend, the Marauders would stop at _nothing_ to accomplish their goal! It was just too bad they would have to be illegal animagi, Hermione thought, if they had put down their names, they would be put in the history books for accomplishing one of the most difficult forms of transfiguration faster than anyone in the past ever had!

The idea that this was illegal oddly enough didn't make her squirm as it might have. She thought perhaps the boys, particularly Sirius, whom she had started dating a few months ago, had rubbed off on her. Or, it could just be because, again, this was something that would help her friend, and she would do anything for a friend in need.

Remus knew of their "project", but he didn't know they had finally managed to master the art of the animagus. That would be his surprise tonight, and next week, during the full moon, they would attempt to stay with a werewolf through the night, as animals of course.

Currently, James had gone to fetch the werewolf from his homework, which he usually did with Hermione while the other three boys goofed off and then begged for the answers, and was supposedly dragging him to the Room of Requirements for his newest surprise. This room had been getting a lot of use out of the Marauders, who usually didn't care for it since it was much too easy and no fun to get what you wanted from the room.

"Do you think he'll like it?" Hermione asked for what felt like the millionth time.

She knew Remus would appreciate their gift, naturally he would, but rather he would accept their presence during the next full moon was something entirely different. She knew he had only agreed to let them go with him because he didn't think they'd succeed. Hell, she hadn't even been completely confident they would tackle their difficult goal.

"Of course he will, love," Sirius reassured, pulling her to his side. A light blush tinted both of their cheeks while Peter rolled his eyes at the (unfortunately) familiar sight. Ever since they started dating, those two had been practically inseparable! "He promised us we could go with him next week if we did it, and we did it, so now he _has _to keep his promise! Rather he wants too or not!"

Hermione sighed and smiled slightly, grateful that Sirius was so confident. She smiled lovingly at him and kissed his cheek, causing his blush to deepen. He might have been the heartthrob of many girls, but Hermione was the only one that could make his heart beat so fast and his palms get so sweaty. If he didn't know better, he would swear he was in love with his bushy-haired girlfriend, and hey, maybe he was!

About that time, much to Peter's happiness, the door swung open to reveal the last two Marauders. Remus looked uncertain, as though he was about to have his worst fears confirmed. In contrast, James was grinning broadly and jumping from one foot to the other in anticipation.

"Ready for your surprise, Remy?" he asked, slapping the werewolf on the shoulder. Before Remus could protest the unwanted nickname, James had bounded over to the rest of the Marauders and stood beside them with sparkling hazel eyes.

"Uh...fine," Remus sighed out.

"Yay!" James and Sirius cheered, high-fiving each other.

"Close your eyes!" Sirius ordered then, turning back to Remus. The werewolf heaved another sigh and closed his eyes as Sirius commanded.

When he heard a bark, Remus opened his eyes, curiosity getting the better of him. He wondered if perhaps Sirius and the others had bought him a dog, though why they would do that he couldn't fathom. Despite being a werewolf, Sirius was far more like a dog than he.

His grey-blue eyes widened in shock when he saw the animals before him. A stag with sparkling hazel eyes, a small rat at the front of them, and two dogs – one large and black with sparkling blue eyes, and the other brown with slightly bushy fur and chocolate colored eyes that held far more intelligence than any dogs he had ever seen before.

These were his friends, he knew that much. He felt tears build up in his eyes as he watched them, one by one, slowly return to their normal bodies. Despite himself, he couldn't help feeling amazed and awed by them. These people, these four teenagers, had accomplished what was said to be a four-year task in just one year because of him, for him. They had done all of this for him!

"So, what do you think?" James asked softly, sounding insecure for the first time since any of them could remember. Remus looked at him with a wide smile, unshed tears causing his eyes to sparkle in the bright light of the room.

"Thank you," he whispered, falling to his knees as his four best friends crowded around him. "Thank you so much!"

"Hey," Hermione said with a slight smile, "what are friends for?"

END


	16. Children

**Episode 16**

REQUEST: MissPadfoot101 wanted Hermione and Sirius to discuss children

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione discuss having children

Children

"Would it really be so bad?" Hermione wondered aloud, tapping a finger to her chin. She looked around the large house Sirius had bought for them after their wedding, and smiled. It was much too big for two people, and a few little feet pattering on the floor wouldn't hurt.

"Would what be so bad?" Sirius asked, looking up from the _Daily Prophet._ He tilted back the cup of coffee, guzzling it down and ignoring the dribbles that escaped to his chin. Hermione smiled deviously as she imagined his reaction.

"Children," she answered innocently. Just as she expected, Sirius promptly did a spit take, which he was _very_ lucky missed her and her breakfast. He began coughing, at first for real, but then just to take the time to gather his bearings.

"Children?" he asked. "Whose children?"

"Ours, silly," Hermione said sweetly. She pouted at the gaping face of her husband. "What? You don't want to have children with me?"

"I-it's not that!" Sirius exclaimed quickly. He didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings, and truth be told he liked the idea of little Padfoots and Moonstars running around, but the subject always made him nervous for reasons he couldn't quite fathom himself.

"Oh? Then what is it?" Hermione asked, raising a brow. In truth, she knew Sirius liked the idea of children, but she enjoyed seeing him nervous like this.

"What about Harry?" Sirius asked, using the first name that popped into his head. That of their godson, whom they both loved as their own.

"First of all, Sirius, Harry is fourteen," Hermione pointed out. "Second of all, he's still Lily and James' son, and the last time I checked they were still taking pretty good care of him."

"Okay...what about work?" Sirius pointed out, feeling his hackles rise. He was losing this argument, just as he lost every argument, though what they were arguing over had escaped his grasp. He knew children was the topic, but was this really an argument? He didn't think so. Perhaps just a very uncomfortable discussion, for him anyway.

"Sirius, together we have enough money to allow me a few months off of work until she's ready to be left with a babysitter. I doubt Ginny would mind some extra money, and when school's in there's always your cousin. Tonks _loves_ children!"

"I know," mumbled Sirius. He hated thinking of how his best friend and she were already working on their fourth kid. Moony, he could understand, was a werewolf and therefore nearly insatiable, but did it really have to be his little cousin? Well, at least it wasn't Hermione, he decided, considering how close those two had been in school and how he'd often thought he didn't stand a chance at winning her affections from the lycanthrope. "Hey, who said it was going to be a girl anyway?"

"I did," Hermione said proudly. "A beautiful baby girl with hair like her father's, and a brain like her mother's!"

Sirius took a few moments to appreciate the dreamy expression on his wife's face. Even with her slightly bushy hair, and penchant for bossing people around, Hermione Granger-Black was truly a beautiful woman. The _most_ beautiful in Sirius' eyes.

"Why can't she have a brain like her father's?" he asked finally, jutting out his lower lip when Hermione broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. What? What was so wrong with having a child that thought like him?

"Sirius, my sweet, loving, handsome husband, think about it! If we had a daughter that thought like you, not only would she be in trouble every week (Sirius nodded proudly at this thought), but she would have a different boy hanging off her arm every other day!"

Once again, choking sounded. Sirius hadn't thought of that! It was true though, while he'd always had eyes for the female Marauder, he did date a multitude of girls before finally working up the courage to ask his best friend out. If his daughter was like him...He didn't even want to think of all the boys that would be chasing after her!

"The hell she would! I'd kill them all before they even got close to her!" he declared vehemently, thrusting one fist in the air and sticking his chin out proudly. Hermione ran a hand over her face, both to hide her amused smile and because she could already feel a migraine coming on.

"Sirius, she would be at school. What would you do? Become a professor?" Hermione laughed at the thought, but it slowly petered off when she saw the expression on her husband's face. "Oh no, no way in hell! There's no way Dumbledore would even hire you!"

"What makes you say that, love?" Sirius asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. "Don't you have any faith in me?"

"Of course I do," Hermione reassured him, leaning over the table to petted his head. Sirius scowled at the gesture, but couldn't help thinking it felt nice to have her hand running over his hair like that. "Just not when it comes to you being a professor. Besides, you'd have to work with Snape, and I don't even want to _think_ about what you'd do to the poor bastard!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about him," Sirius muttered under his breath. He frowned as another question came to mind. "Oi, why are you talking about this now all of a sudden?"

Hermione bit her lip. This was the question she had both anticipated and been nervous about answering. She glanced shyly at her husband, bangs shadowing her dark eyes.

"Well," she started slowly, then paused. "Well, it's not official yet, but...it's possible...I have a meeting with a healer next week...I might possibly be...pregnant."

She said it so softly, the P-word, that Sirius almost thought he was imagining it. As soon as the shock wore off, however, his sparkling blue orbs caught her intelligent gaze. He gestured to himself mutely, before finally managing to croak out what he deemed a good sentence.

"I...daddy?"

"Possibly," Hermione confirmed with a nod. "It's not official though. I haven't had morning sickness, but neither did my mother or her mother, so I can't be sure."

"I...oh..." Sirius tried to find the words to say, then, with a bright smile spreading across his face, he jumped up from the table and wasted no time running over to his wife. Hermione shrieked as she was lifted in her husband's loving arms and swung around excitedly, laughing and shrieking for him to let her down. "I'm gonna be a daddy! Possibly."

"So, you don't mind then?" Hermione asked in between chuckles when he finally put her on her feet again. Sirius smiled lovingly at his wife and pulled her close, running his hands up and down her back soothingly.

"Of course not," he said happily. "To be honest, I'm surprised you weren't impregnated earlier!"

"I was using the charm then," Hermione reminded him.

"Oh yeah...Let's celebrate!"

Before Hermione could ask what he meant by celebrating, she was once again thrown over his shoulder. And as she laughed and hit his back, once again demanding he put her down, Sirius chuckled and ran upstairs to their bedroom. Hermione said she wasn't sure yet, so he wanted to make double sure her answer came back positive next week!

A/N's:

I don't think any chapter will go over the PG13, so I've decided to lower this story to a T-rating.

I think Remus was about thirty-five in the third book, so that would make them about thirty-six right now if Harry is fourteen. Plenty old enough to have children, and still have lived out a nice life! Just wanted to clear that up.

END


	17. Dating 101 with Professor Black

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted Sirius to help James get a date with Lily and fail miserably

**Episode 17**

Summary: In which Sirius attempts to help his best friend land a date

Dating 101 with Professor Black

Seventh year, and James' belief that Lily Evans would finally go on a date with him had not waned yet. Despite rejection for the past, oh, six years!

"This is the year, my friends!" he proclaimed proudly, sticking his chin out and pumping a triumphant fist in the air. The four Marauders looked boredly at their fifth, and the supposed leader, according to the rest of the school anyway, of their little group of pranksters. "The year Lily finally goes out with me!"

"_Riiight_," Remus drawled disbelievingly.

"So you've said the past six years," Hermione reminded him dully, turning back to her book.

"She hasn't said yes yet, mate," Peter pointed out. "What makes this year so different?"

"What? Don't you have any faith in me, Pete?" James asked, pouting slightly and shooting a mild glare at the shortest of the group. Peter squeaked and moved back, so that he was leaning against Hermione's leg. She eyed the pointed-looking boy with a reassuring smile.

"He's just joking, Wormtail," she soothed. "Don't let him get to you."

Peter smiled thankfully at Hermione. She was always kindest to him, her and Remus, and probably the main reason he hadn't done something stupid. Like help those Slytherins when they promised him power if he'd just give up a little information on Gryffindor tower.

What type power they had in mind, he didn't know, nor did he care about. Slytherins were slimy, and they were mean to his friends. Besides, the only power any of them had lied within their family names, and the Pettigrew's, Potters, Lupins, and Blacks were old pureblood families themselves.

"Nyah!" James stuck his tongue out at Hermione. She merely raised a delicate eyebrow, brushing a strand of bushy hair behind her ear.

"Oh yeah, that's _real _mature, Prongs," she said blandly.

"He doesn't know the meaning of the word," Remus reminded her, looking up from his own book. Hermione smiled at the werewolf, as James crossed his arms and pouted.

"Padfoot, are you going to let her talk to me like that? Do something!"

"What would you have me do, mate?" Sirius asked.

"I dunno, something! She's _your_ girlfriend!"

"And I'd like to keep it that way, thanks."

James pout was exaggerated even more at this response. Normally, Sirius was more than happy to stand up for his honor, but Hermione had his best friend wrapped around her finger. Of course, James didn't mind. In fact, he had been the one to help them get together in the first place.

"I've got it!" Sirius said suddenly, hopping onto the couch beside Hermione. "I'll help you land a date with Evans!"

"What? Really?" James looked hopeful. Then he frowned, remembering something important. "Lily doesn't like you though, so how would anything you do for me actually help me?"

"Don't be silly," Sirius said with a wave, "all girls like me!"

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked dangerously low, glaring at Sirius. He paled, but smiled charmingly at his girlfriend, whom merely raised a brow in response. Damn, she was one of the only ones immune to his roguish good looks!

"They like me!" he squeaked out. "I don't like them!"

This response caused a few fourth year girls, who'd been giggling in a corner, to run up to their dorms with tears in their eyes. Long wails of "Life is so unfair!" and "Why is _she _so special? She doesn't even wear lipstick!" were heard a few seconds later. The Marauders eyed the stairs for a few moments, blinking slowly.

"_Riiight_," Hermione said this time. "Anyway, back to the discussion!"

"Right, I'll help you land a date with Evans. Think about it, Prongs, you haven't had much luck yet, so anything I do is bound to work, right?"

James was about to protest, but then thought over Sirius' words. In his mind, that made perfect sense! If Lily wouldn't go out with him when he was using his own methods, then maybe she would if he used Sirius'. He knew the redhead used to have a crush on his black-haired best friend, never mind it only lasted a week and was during their first year at Hogwarts, so maybe that was the key to getting her affections!

"Alright, I'll do it!" James said happily. "Lily will be my mine by the end of the year, then we'll get married and have lots of little Prongs' and Lily's. I always thought fifty was a good number," he mused to himself.

Hermione slapped her forehead, feeling a migraine coming on, then turned back to her book. Sirius grinned proudly and laid his head in his girlfriend's lap, smirking smugly as she unconsciously began coming her fingers through his hair. Remus just rolled his eyes and turned back to his book as well, while Peter just sat there, staring at James as though he were a some sort of idiotic god.

"Oh, Lily will be coming back from the library any minute, I'd better get ready for her arrival!" James shouted suddenly. He rushed upstairs, most likely to ruffle his hair some more.

Sirius sighed blissfully. "I am such a genius," he murmured. "I'll just help James snag a date, and then he can finally be happy!"

"You just better hope it works," Hermione told him. Then, without even looking up from her book, she promptly pushed Sirius onto the ground. Thankfully, Peter had moved to her other side so he wouldn't be crushed by the taller teen.

"Ow, you're so mean to me, love!"

"Deal with it," Hermione said blankly, and continued reading. Sirius pouted, then headed upstairs to help James prepare for Lily.

"Do you really trust him to help Prongs?" Remus asked when he was gone. Hermione looked at the werewolf, a serious expression on her young face.

"Not as far as I can throw him," she said honestly. "I plan to do a little work of my own."

Remus nodded. "Good idea. Who knows what might happen otherwise!"

Peter shivered at the thought, and though they kept their cool, the remaining Marauders agreed full-heartedly.

323232

"Are you sure about this?" James asked Sirius, frowning at the bouquet of lilies and the box of sugar free chocolates.

"'Course I am!" Sirius exclaimed, munching on a chocolate frog. "Don't you trust your own best mate?"

"Yeah," James said slowly, unsurely, "it's just, it seems so...cliché."

"Yeah, but it works like a charm on the ladies," Sirius said with a wide grin.

"Hm, if you say so," James finally conceded. He allowed Sirius to push him towards his precious redhead, whom was currently on her way to Transfiguration with another Gryffindor, an acne-suffering, giggly, obnoxious blonde by the name of Rolinda. "Lily, my sweet!"

"Potter?" Lily sighed, exasperated. "What do you want now?"

"I got you flowers!" he said proudly, holding the lilies right under her nose. "And chocolates," he added as an afterthought, also sticking them under her nose. Lily backed away from the lilies, her emerald eyes widened in disbelief.

"You...you..."

"Hunk? Sweetheart? Sensitive and understanding man that you've been waiting your whole life for?" James suggested hopefully.

"BASTARD!" Lily screeched. "I'm allergic to lilies!"

"Oh..." James frowned. He hadn't known that. Quickly throwing the bouquet behind him, he just thrust the chocolates under her nose. "Well, they don't do you justice anyway."

Lily frowned at the chocolates, reading the heart-shaped box. "Sugar free?" she questioned, glaring at the smiling male. "So now I'm fat? Is that it!?" she yelled angrily.

James' hazel eyes widened. Okay, that wasn't quite the reaction he had expected.

"Erm, no, no, not at all!" he denied. "No one could mistake you for fat, my darling, you're much to skinny!"

Sirius slapped his forehead from where he was hiding. Even he knew that had been a mistake, and judging by the frightened expression on James' face, he too had just realized his mistake. Probably because Lily now looked downright murderous.

"So now I'm a stick, huh?"

"No, that's not what I meant!" he said frantically, throwing the chocolates behind him as well. "You're not skinny at all!"

"So I am fat?" Lily demanded, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"No!"

"Well, what is it then? Make up your mind, Potter, I haven't got all day! Am I fat or skinny?" (1)

"Neither, you're perfect!" he shouted finally.

"Perfect?" Lily asked, sounding less dangerous than before. Actually, she sounded, and looked, rather flattered by the thought. "Really?"

"Yes, of course," James sighed in relief. He wasn't in the doghouse anymore. "I mean you have those curves, and those nice hips, and those supple--"

"PERV!" Lily shrieked and slapped him, hard! She stomped away, leaving Rolinda behind in her haste to get away from Potter and to the Transfiguration classroom.

Rolinda giggled at the forlorn expression James' face, smiling and cuddling up to the dark-haired Chaser. "You know," she purred in what she must've thought a seductive way, "I thought the whole idea was sweet."

"Did you?" James asked nervously, backing away from her slowly. She nodded, following him. "That's nice. I, um, I have to go...now!" James turned tail and ran, leaving a pouting Belinda behind.

"Hmph! How rude!" she grumped, heading in the direction Lily had gone.

Sirius frowned at where the disaster had taken place. Plan A failed, so it was time to move on to plan B, but first...He picked up the flowers and candy, grinning widely as he too headed for the Transfiguration classroom. Lily might find the sugar free chocolates insulting and be allergic to the flowers, but Hermione wasn't, and she was a sucker for clichés.

323232

Dinner in the Great Hall was a wondrous event for many, especially the ever hungry teenage males inhabiting the school. Today, however, one such male was waiting nervously at his beloved's spot. His fists clenched nervously as he tried to remember exactly what Sirius had told him to do. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have been so freaked out, but this wasn't normal circumstances. This was his last year, his last chance, to finally snag the woman of his dreams, and if he failed...He didn't even want to think about that!

"Flower girl at twelve-o'-clock!" Sirius stage-whispered. James frowned.

"What? That hippy girl in Hufflepuff?" he asked his best friend, then looked at his watch baffled. "It's seven, Sirius, not twelve."

The doggish boy slapped his forehead again. Sometimes James really could be dense!

"Lily, you idiot! Lily's here!"

"Oh! Why didn't you just say so?" James asked, though he had perked up considerately. Sirius hung his head and sighed. Was he ever like this? No wonder Hermione thought he was hopeless. "You okay, mate?"

"Yeah," Sirius grumbled, trudging down to the rest of the Marauders. "I'm fine."

"Potter," Lily frowned when she reached her usual spot. "What do you want now?"

"I was just going to get your chair for you," (2) he said politely. Lily eyed him suspiciously for a moment before deciding he was sincere. She smiled slightly.

"Well, thanks then, I guess."

James beamed happily, closing his eyes blissfully as he let Lily's thanks wash over him. As a result, because he had his eyes closed, James pulled the chair out a little too far. The poor redhead landed on her butt, and because she tried to grab the table to keep from falling, a plate of mashed potatoes flew into the air and fell right on her head. She blinked a few times, trying to digest what happened, while James looked on in stunned dismay.

Slowly, as the laughter built up in the Great Hall, Lily turned to face her admirer. James gulped at the murderous glare on her face. Lily pushed the plate off her head, and scooped off a heaping of mashed potatoes, slinging them at the gaping Potter's face.

"You obnoxious, conceited, insensitive JERK!"

Lily ran out of the Great Hall, face red from both embarrassment and anger. James started to follow her, but as he passed his friends, Hermione's hand snapped out to stop him. He looked at her questioningly, hopelessly.

"Let her have time to cool off," she said wisely. "Otherwise, she'll just kill you, and then you really _won't_ have chance of winning her over."

James wanted to protest, but he knew she was right. Of all the pranksters, Hermione was the only Marauder Lily really liked. Well, maybe Remus too, but she didn't talk to him as much as she did Hermione. So, therefore, the bookworm would know what was best, and besides, James really didn't want to die. Not yet anyway, not until he had children with his beloved.

"Fine," he grumbled and plopped down next to her. Sirius leaned over his girlfriend, keeping an arm wrapped firmly around her waist.

"Tough luck, mate, but that was hilarious! Especially the mashed potatoes landing on her hair! If only that were a prank..." he said with a rumbling laugh. "Ow!" he whined when Hermione elbowed him furiously.

James let his head drop to the table, lifted it, and dropped it again.

323232

This was foolproof, or so Sirius said. He would be Lily's partner in Potions, and impress her with his amazing skills. Since Lily was the type to prefer brain over brawn, she was bound to fall for him when she saw James wasn't the hopeless moron she thought he was.

Needless to say, after the last two attempts to gain her affection, James was really beginning to get nervous! His hands shook slightly, though not enough to be visible to the naked eye, and he gulped several times over, attempting to dislodge the lump in his throat. What if he messed things up again? Then what would he do?

Lily walked into the room, groaning when she saw the only seat left on the Gryffindors side was next to Potter. Obviously, this had been planned, but she couldn't sit next to the Slytherins. They were a rough bunch, and she didn't trust any of them to be her partner in this class. At least she knew Potter liked her too much to poison her, pranking her was a different story, but he wouldn't poison her.

"Lily!" James greeted enthusiastically when she sat next to him.

"Potter," she replied icily. She hadn't forgotten the Great Hall incident yesterday evening, and neither had most of the school. Her only conciliation was that the students would forget all about it the next time a juicy bit of gossip was thrown their way, and she knew Hermione and Remus were working on something that would gain their attention.

James pouted, but nevertheless felt pleased with himself for his accomplishment. So far he hadn't done anything to mess up, which was good.

"Ingredients are on the board, along with directions," Slughorn announced to the class. "It's the potion we've been talking about all week, so making it shouldn't be too hard. Just remember, chop, _don't slice_, the dragon weed!" (3)

James grinned happily as they began making the potion. At first everything was going good, and he could see Sirius and Hermione out of the corner of his eye, giving him an encouraging thumbs up. Well, Sirius was, Hermione was busy thumping her boyfriend on the head for not paying closer attention and making her do all the work. Still, James noticed her shooting him an encouraging smile from time to time, and grinned back. Maybe this really would work.

"You take care of the dragon weed," Lily told him. "I'll do the leech blood."

James nodded vigorously, more than happy to help. Unfortunately, because he was so focused on Lily, he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. His natural curiosity had taken over his actions as soon as it found the chance, and instead of following directions he had done the opposite and sliced the long, green plant.

Lily, too busy counting how many drops of blood she was putting into the simmering pot, didn't notice his mistake. She smiled when the last drop had fallen, then looked expectantly at James. Eager to help his love, he dropped the sliced weed into the pot with the rest of the liquid.

It shimmered, bubbled, then turned the desired silver color. Lily sighed in relief, happy that everything seemed to be going right. James did as well, though he wasn't thinking about the potion. As though sensing their thoughts, and deciding it was time to smite the smug teenagers, the potion began to bubble again, something that most definitely wasn't supposed to happen.

Suddenly, the pot exploded. James ducked out of instinct, along with the rest of the class, but a stunned Lily moved too slow and was hit head on with the potion. She blinked a few times as the liquid seemed to dry instantly, but a snicker caught her attention, and she looked at her hands in confusion.

Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw dark green skin with yellow polka dots. She turned to look at a gaping James, eyes narrowing.

"Oh dear," Slughorn rushed over to them. "This is why you don't slice the dragon weed," he told the class with a slight smile beneath his walrus mustache. "Miss Evans, why don't you go to the hospital wing? I believe Madam Pomfrey should have something to help you."

"You..." Lily pointed at James, ignoring Slughorn for the time being. James gulped.

"Lily, I--" he never got to finish.

"I hate you, and I _never_ want to see you again!" she whispered venomously. Then, with as much dignity as she could muster, Lily stood straight and walked out of the classroom, ignoring the unrestrained laughter of the Slytherins behind her. She didn't once look back at the broken-hearted boy on the floor.

323232

"James!" Hermione called to the downtrodden Gryffindor. He lifted his head to gaze at his friend sadly. She smiled soothingly at him, and took the seat next to his. "Cheer up," she said, "there's still time to win over Lily."

"No there isn't," he said, voice muffled since he'd once again placed his head in his hands. "She hates me, never wants to see me again!"

"Oh? How many times has she said that before?" Hermione asked, thinking back to their previous years when Lily had shouted the same thing at her friend. He hadn't given up before, so why now?

"That was different," James mumbled, looking at her. "I could tell she was really serious this time. Maybe it's time I just faced facts, Lily and I aren't meant to be."

"Of course you are!" Hermione exclaimed, smiling slightly. "James, I think you've just been going about this all the wrong way. You know I talk to Lily, right?"

James nodded. "Yeah, so? What of it? Did she tell you more about how much she hates me?"

"No, just the opposite actually. She likes you, James, _a lot._"

"That's not what she said," he grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting.

"That's because you either act like a conceited prat, or follow Sirius' advice." Hermione smiled when he peeked at her from the corner of his eye.

"So, what's your advice then?"

"Be yourself, simple as that. Not conceited, not Sirius, just you, James Potter."

"You know," James mused, placing a finger on his chin in the traditional thinking pose, "that sounds _really_ familiar."

"It's what you told Sirius," Hermione reminded him with a smile. James blinked and looked at her.

"And it worked?" he asked, baffled.

"We've been together since fifth year, haven't we?"

"Yeah," James smiled slowly, "but I always thought he did something else to gain your attention!"

"No," Hermione laughed, then shivered. "I'd be frightened of anything else he might've done!"

James stood, and Hermione with him. She looked curiously at her dark-haired friend.

"Where are you going?"

"To find Lily," James said with his usual mischievous smirk. "I have one more plan up my sleeve before I call it quits."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Be myself."

Hermione smiled.

323232

"Hah! I told you I'd help you two get together!" Sirius bragged when James told them he had a date with Lily. The four Marauders slapped their foreheads at their friend's conceit and idiocy.

"_You_ didn't, Hermione _did_," James told him bluntly. Sirius' smirk faltered, and he turned to look questioningly at his girlfriend. She merely smiled and turned back to her book.

"Oh."

"So, where are you guys going?" Remus asked from the red and gold armchair he was sprawled across.

"Three Broomsticks," James answered. "Lily said she wouldn't go into Madam Puddifoot's if she was offered a million galleons."

"Here, here!" Hermione cheered, shivering at the idea of the pink hell hole so many girls loved going too. Sirius also shivered and settled next to Hermione, wrapping an arm over her shoulders.

"Thank Merlin for sensible women!" he said, cuddling to her side. She laughed and petted his head, as though he were in his dog form. Sirius emitted a pleased growl from deep in his chest, and playfully rubbed against her side.

"Here, here!" this time James cheered.

"I guess it's safe to say we won't see you at Hogsmeade then?" Peter said more than asked. James nodded.

"Right-o!"

About that time Lily walked downstairs, and was immediately bombarded by an eager Chaser.

"Lily, my sweet, shall we go?" James asked, offering his arm to her. Lily giggled softy and nodded, locking their arms together.

"Have fun, kids!" Sirius called. "Don't do anything Hermione and I would! Ow!"

Hermione, of course, had elbowed him again. James turned his head to smirk smugly at his best friend, and stuck his tongue out childishly, grinning at the indignant yelling Sirius started when Hermione stopped him from retaliating.

"So, are we going?" Remus asked when they were out of sight. "We'll have to hurry if we want to keep them in our sights!" He produced James' invisibility cloak from behind him while Sirius gaped.

"Huh?" he mumbled incoherently, trying to figure out what was going on.

"C'mon, Sirius," Hermione said half annoyed, half amused. "Don't you want to make sure nothing bad happens on Prongs' date?"

"Oh...Oh! Of course," he agreed happily, catching on to their plot. Spy on their best friend during his date. It was an old game, but always fun. "Hey," Sirius said after they were out of the common room, he and Hermione a few feet behind Peter and Remus. "How did you help James anyway?"

"I just told him to be himself," she answered.

"Really? And that worked?"

"It worked for you didn't it?" she retorted, smiling.

"That it did," Sirius said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "And I've never been happier."

A/N's:

1. This scene was inspired by an episode of _Will and Grace_, where Grace's boyfriend tries to take Will's place as her best friend, and ends up insulting her on accident by telling her she's too skinny and a nightgown makes her look fat. I loved that part, even if the episode wasn't one of my favorites.

2. I think they sit on benches in the Great Hall, but for this story it's going to be chairs, okay? It just works better for that particular part.

3. I wasn't referring to drugs, and if you thought I was, shame on you! Shame! Shame!


	18. Death

A/N's: This is just a short little one to let you all know I haven't died. I'm having writer's block with the chapter, which was a request, and unfortunately it happened when I had about ninety-eight percent done. I do have all the requests, and my own idea coming up as well, which puts me at eight chapters to write, counting the next one. Please, feel free to leave more requests if you have them, but I beg that you be patient. Also, no one request that someone tries to sabotage Hermione and Sirius' relationship; I already have that planned, but it won't be until about chapter 25 though.

**Episode 18**

Death

Summary: In which Hermione hurts

James and Peter had been hard enough to deal with. Sirius being the one culprit had only added to the pain, but they had dealt with it. Hermione and Remus. They had survived, helping each other through the tough times until Harry's third year when both returned to Hogwarts as co-teachers for DADA and discovered Pettigrew wasn't just alive, but also behind the Potters' deaths.

Hermione wasn't sure if she was happy that Sirius was innocent or not. She missed him, sure, he was the first and only man she ever truly loved, but she had learned to deal with his guilt. He wasn't the same carefree boy he had been, but she knew she still loved him and that was all that mattered. There were three _true _Marauders still around, and that comforted her in a way.

This was not what she had in mind for their futures. She almost wanted to hate Harry, but Hermione couldn't even bring herself to blame him! It was Kreacher that lied to him after all, and to think she had once wanted to help that little roach!

None of it really mattered anymore. Sirius was gone now, thanks to Bellatrix. His own cousin – well, neither had particularly cared to admit they were related – had knocked him behind the veil _and_ escaped! Harry wasn't hurt, which Hermione was glad to know, but she wished he had managed to slow Bella down long enough to have her own go at the Death Eater.

Remus wrapped an arm over her shoulders, lending her more strength than he really had left in him. Both were hurting and tired, and they had just recently lost yet another friend. It hurt Hermione to even think that the man she'd loved and once again started a relationship with – no matter how flimsy it was now – was dead. It hurt even more to _know_ that when the final battle was over, no matter which side won, she and Remus would be gone as well, and the era of Padfoot, Moony, Prongs, Moonstar, and Wormtail truly would come to an end.

END


	19. Hospital

REQUEST: roxchk760 wanted a chapter where the Marauders are with Harry in the hospital on the day of his birth

A/N's: This request didn't seem like it would take too long to write, so I'm doing it sooner.

**Episode 19**

Hospital

Summary: In which the Marauders are at Harry's birth

"Push!"

"I AM PUSHING YOU _SONUVABITCH_!" Lily screamed at the doctor while slowly breaking James' hand. He winced in pain but didn't comment about the painful grasp. His wife had to be in more pain than him right now, as she was making it so blatantly obvious with her uncharacteristic yelling and cursing.

"Lily, sweetheart, calm down!" he tried to soothe, smiling lovingly at her. Lily didn't return the gentle smile, rather she glared at her husband of one year next month.

"YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU BASTARD!" Lily shrieked at James. "I HATE YOU FOR THIS! I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGA—Oh God. OH GOD!"

"PUSH!" the doctor screamed, in order to be heard over Lily's insanely loud voice. She looked ready to comment, but her eyes bugged and instead she fell silent, her features twisting in pain.

James couldn't help but feel pity for the woman that owned his heart, though he felt no regret about his actions. She was about to have his child, and there was no way he regretted that. Despite what she might say now, the prankster knew Lily felt the same.

"You can do it!" Hermione cheered from the sidelines while Sirius grimaced at the shrieking voice filling the room. Lily's protests were beginning to make him reconsider taking Hermione off the charm. He rather liked her _not_ threatening to kill him while in immense pain because of a small body about to emerge from her womb.

Remus slept peacefully in a chair on the far side of the room. How he could sleep was beyond Sirius, but he figured the full moon from the night before had a big part in it. Despite James' urgings for him to rest, Remus was determined to be there for his friend – apparently, even if he was sleeping while present. The sentiment was still there, and it only proved the Marauders friendship couldn't be broken.

Peter was the only one not present. He had said something about business out of town, and no one questioned him. Surprisingly, the coward had taken a position at the Ministry, and while it certainly wasn't one of the more dangerous jobs, it did keep him out of town quite a bit. He seemed happy, if not slightly shaken, by his position, so none could complain.

"SHUT U-AAHHHHH!" Lily yelled as the child finally slid free. James' eyes widened, Sirius turned green, and Remus twitched in his sleep. The redhead fell limp to the bed while Hermione, unable to contain herself, ran over to her friends and their new child. Sirius was a bit more hesitant, but he too walked over to the new family.

"Here, the father should cut the cord," the doctor said, handing the scissors to James. He took them with shaking hands, though when he snipped the umbilical cord he was perfectly steady – didn't want to hurt his wife or child after all.

"Why," Sirius whispered, pale as a sheet, "did she have to have a child in a Muggle hospital?"

Hermione smiled amusedly at her pale husband. She planned to have her own child in the world she'd been born in, and she knew Sirius would have different feelings when it was his own child. As it was, the only birthings he'd seen had been in the magical world among healers and potions, so he wasn't quite used to the Muggle method. Neither was James actually, but he was holding up pretty well – Hermione guessed because it was _his _son.

The doctor carried the child away for his cleaning while James soothed his exhausted wife. Lily smiled at him warily, her green eyes shining with adoration. Any pain-filled hatred was gone as she looked at the love of her life, the one who'd given her a son.

"He's beautiful," she whispered. James nodded, tears building in his hazel eyes.

"Yeah," he agreed, "he really is."

"What will you name him?" Hermione asked after several moments of silence. Lily looked at her, nose scrunched in thought. James thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Harry," she finally answered with a firm nod. "Harry James Potter."

"Harry?" James looked at Lily like she'd lost her mind. The redhead glared at her husband.

"Harry was my grandfather's name, do you have a problem with that?"

"N-no, no problem at all!" James grinned indulgently. "At least his middle name's still good," he muttered under his breath, earning himself a weak swat on the arm from his wife. He smiled down at her, and she smiled back.

"I heard that," she muttered, though there was no fire in her words, only love and exhaustion.

"You should rest," James told her. "You've had a rough time. I'll wake you when Harry comes back."

Lily wanted to protest, that was obvious, but she was too tired. Nodding, she closed her eyes and immediately fell into a light doze. A small smile played on her ruby lips as she dreamed of her new child and the life she would have with him. Hopefully, he wouldn't be another James Potter. Then again...

"Hermione, Sirius," James spoke softly, not wanting to wake either his wife or the sleeping lupine. Both looked at him curiously, wondering why he sounded so shy all of a sudden. James smiled at them, and they returned the gesture.

"You're a father now," Sirius piped up. "How's it feel, mate?"

"I don't know..." James shook his head. "Wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring, scary...It's like a whole _mix _of emotions! I keep thinking 'what if something happens?' 'What if I'm not good enough?' 'What if Harry gets hurt?' I don't think I've ever had so many questions running through my head at one time!"

"That's perfectly natural," Hermione soothed. "I hear everyone feels that way in the beginning. Don't worry, you'll do fine. I _know_ you will."

"_We_ know you will," Sirius corrected. Hermione nodded her agreement, smiling up at her husband of six months.

"Thanks." James sniffled back tears and wiped at his eyes, laughing nervously at how weak he must've looked. Padfoot and Moonstar merely shot him knowing looks and cuddled closer together. "I was actually wondering...would you two...would you two be Harry's godparents?" he rushed out. "I mean, I want all of you to be, but obviously I can't ask Remus or Peter at the moment. So, will you?"

"James!" Hermione breathed in surprise. She had seen this coming in a way, but she thought only Sirius would be asked such a serious question. She smiled slightly, tears welling in her own eyes. Not able to say a word yet, she hugged the dark-haired boy – no, he was a man now – furiously.

"I'll take that as a yes," James joked, laughing lightly and patting Hermione's back. He looked at Sirius, whom was beaming wider than he'd ever seen the doggish man smile before.

"Yes."

END


	20. Babysitting

REQUEST: this-love-is-sirius wanted me to do a babysitting tale Marauder's style

**Episode 20**

Babysitting

Summary: In which the Marauders babysit

How was she ever talked into this? Oh yeah, Sirius made sure she was well distracted when he asked the question. Bastard. She would have to get back at him for this, maybe refuse to sleep with him for the next month. Yeah, that sounded logical.

Hermione sighed. If her parents knew that her best threat to make her boyfriend obey was not to give him any, they would probably disown her. Or at the very least refuse to let her return to Hogwarts for her final year.

She had always pictured herself waiting until marriage, but somehow that plan was sabotaged by a charming grin and mischievous blue eyes. Oh well, at least Sirius planned to marry her; he'd already proposed, and now the biggest problem was telling her parents, which she was putting off for a later date. Maybe after the honeymoon...

But her thoughts were digressing. The point was, she couldn't believe she had agreed to go through with this! "This" being a babysitting job, James and Sirius had oh so intelligently decided to do. She wouldn't be so upset, especially since Hermione usually loved little kids, but it was more the fact the two boys had volunteered _all_ of the Marauders for this job without their consent – though Peter hadn't been able to make it because of family problems.

_I suppose it's a good thing Remus and I are here though, _she thought with a sigh. _Merlin only knows what James and Sirius would do without someone responsible watching them!_

"What's wrong, love?" Sirius whispered, placing an arm over her shoulders. Hermione rolled her eyes upward to glare at her tall boyfriend.

"I'm still trying to figure out why anyone would actually trust _you _and _James _to watch their children," she replied scathingly. A quick smile proved she was only joking, and the slightly hurt look on Sirius' face smoothed out into amusement.

"Why, love, I'm hurt!" he said, covering his heart mockingly. "Don't you trust me?"

"Not with a human life, no," Hermione answered as sincerely as she could, successfully keeping the smile from her face. Sirius pouted for a moment, but when Hermione made no move to take back her words or, better yet, kiss away his frown, he sucked his bottom lip in and conceded defeat.

"Okay, you're probably right, the Leesons don't know much about the Marauders," he admitted. "But I could _so_ be responsible if I wanted too! I just don't want too."

Remussnorted beside him. He shared an amused glance with Hermione before both began listening to Tiffany Leeson, a friend of the Potters, finish giving them the rules for her children, Jennifer and Joseph.

"They need to be in bed by nine, and no sweets! Alright? Do I need to repeat anything?" she asked worriedly. Her husband, Ricardo, rolled his eyes at his wife's reluctance.

"Come on, sweetheart, these look like respectable young adults, and we've known the Potters for years! There is no way they would've raised a hooligan!"

It took all the Marauders willpower not to burst into laughter at that. James was nothing if not a "hooligan", as he'd so elegantly called it. James, sensing their desire to laugh, turned to shoot mock-hurt glares at his so-called friends.

"Yeah, you're right," she sighed softly. "Okay, just floo to the restaurant if you need anything. And remember, under absolutely _no_ circumstances are they to have _any_ sweets!"

"Relax, darling," Ricardo soothed, leading his wife away, "how bad could they possibly be?"

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Sirius flopped onto the couch, lying his head on a reading Hermione's lap. He sighed and snuggled closer to her warmth, frowning when she didn't so much as glance at him from the small print before her. He whimpered softly, but still earned no response, then whimpered louder in annoyance.

"I think he's trying to catch your attention, Moonstar," James said amusedly. Sirius glared at him, but he paid it no heed.

"I'm testing a theory," Hermione said simply. Remus raised a brow as he looked at her from his own thick tomb.

"What theory's that?"

"The theory that if you ignore something, it will eventually go away."

"Hey!" Sirius finally settled on talking when he heard that. He sat up, sticking his face close to hers and pouting. She could never resist his pouts. "That's not very nice for my girlfriend to say!"

"Too bad," Hermione said, finally bookmarking her page and closing the book. Sirius grinned triumphantly when she looked at him and pulled her into a lingering kiss. "Mmph...Siri...children!" she scolded, pulling away, but there was a slight flush to her cheeks that said she'd enjoyed the kiss.

"Ah, they're not doin' anything!" Sirius whined. "Besides, there's three others to look after them."

"There might be three more of us," James said, plopping into a seat across from the couch. "That doesn't mean any of us want to see you two making out though!"

"We're not going to be making out," Hermione said firmly, producing another pout from Sirius, which she steadily ignored. "That doesn't stop you and Lily," she added under her breath. Sirius, being so close to her, and Remus, having enhanced hearing, heard her and nodded in agreement, smiling amusedly.

"What?" James asked, noticing the grins on his friends faces.

"Nothing!" Hermione said quickly, flashing him an innocent smile. Of course, even Hermione couldn't get away with the innocent look, being a Marauder and all. James shot her a suspicious glare, but he decided not to dwell on what she might have said, rather he turned his thoughts into daydreams of his beautiful Lily.

"Well, _he's_ gone," Sirius commented boredly with a raised brow.

"Hm." Remus and Hermione agreed.

"Hi!" chirped a small voice. The four – well, three, James was too busy dreaming about Lily to notice – looked down to see a small girl and boy standing before them.

"Hello," Hermione smiled at the twins that had been upstairs since they arrived. "You must be Jennifer and Joseph."

Joseph giggled as only a six-year-old boy can. He looked at Hermione with wide, obsidian eyes, a unique trait of the Leeson clan.

"You're pretty!" he said with a wide smile. Hermione's eyes widened in brief shock before she smiled and laughed, fluttering her lashes teasingly.

"Why, thank you!" she said, honestly flattered. Then, looking at Sirius, her eyes narrowed. "_You_ could take lessons from him."

"What?" Sirius half asked, half shouted. He glared at the boy, getting his face close to the six year old's. "Oh, I see how it is. You're tryin' ta take my woman, are you?"

Joseph stared at Sirius silently for several moments. Sirius stared back, eyes narrowed in challenge. The young boy looked between Sirius, Hermione, and back again. Finally, he spoke.

"I don't believe it," he declared, hands on his hips and nose turned upward away from Sirius' face.

"Huh?" Sirius blinked in confusion.

"I don't believe that she's (he pointed at Hermione) your (he pointed at Sirius) woman. She could do much better!"

The teen fell back in shock. He never knew a six year old would say something like that! He glared again and jumped up, but stopped his oncoming rant to stare in disbelief at the laughing Hermione.

"Well, you wouldn't be the first to say that, believe me," Hermione said, picking Joseph up.

"What!?" Sirius shouted again. "Who else thinks I'm not good enough for you?"

"My mother," she replied easily. Sirius sniffed.

"Well, your mother thinks a lot of things, doesn't she?"

Brown eyes narrowed dangerously and zoomed in on Sirius. The animagus realized belatedly his mistake and took a nervous step back, hands raised in a placating manner.

"Don't you _dare_ start on my mother!" Hermione shouted at Sirius, looking quite peeved. Joseph snickered at the black-haired boy's ashen face.

"Yeah," he agreed, raising a small fist in the air, "don't talk about her mother!"

Hermione smiled at the boy. "Thank you, Joseph."

He merely smiled widely back, showing several missing teeth. Hermione couldn't help thinking how cute he was, and how she hoped her future son looked like him.

Meanwhile, Jennifer had taken Remus' attention.

"I'm Jennifer!" she said, climbing into Remus' lap and not giving him time to protest. "What's your name?"

"I'm Remus," he replied with a smile, holding out a hand. Jennifer shook it enthusiastically, grinning at the sandy-haired teen.

"You're cute," she declared. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Remus' mouth gaped open in shock, and Jennifer giggled as she snuggled against Remus' chest. James, having finally come out of his daydream, snickered.

"Looks like Moony's gotta girlfriend!" he teased. Remus blushed lightly and chuckled, looking down at the cuddling six-year-old girl.

"It appears I do."

"Well, your mother thinks a lot of things, doesn't she?" Sirius said suddenly, gaining the attention of both Remus and James. Jennifer even peeked out from her "snuggling spot" to see what was going to happen.

"Don't you _dare_ start on my mother!"

"Yeah, don't talk about her mother!"

"I may have a 'girlfriend'," Remus replied dryly, "but they fight like an old married couple."

"Yeah," James agreed, crossing his hands behind his head and interlocking his fingers. "They're gonna last. I _know_ they are."

Remus smiled. "Don't we all?"

Sirius and Hermione continued to bicker with Joseph helping Hermione, and Jennifer continued to snuggle against Remus. James, needless to say, planned to have a good, long laugh about this whole thing later when he was retelling it to Lily.

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Sirius walked into the kitchen, fully intending to grab himself a butterbeer. He and Hermione had finally stopped bickering, and the little brat – Sirius' new name for that girlfriend-stealing baby – decided he would rather play his games than stick around to flirt with Hermione. A tugging on his pants leg caught Sirius' attention, and he looked down. Big mistake.

"Can we have a cookie?" Jennifer asked, staring hopefully at Sirius. Sirius frowned. Normally, he was all for breaking rules, but he wanted to prove to Hermione that he _could_ be responsible. She might never want to have his kids if he screwed this up!

"I don't know, your mother said no sweets," he replied hesitantly. Jennifer pouted.

"Pleeeeaaassse, can we have a cookie?"

Mustering up all his courage, Sirius uttered the one word he had always hated, even now. "No."

"Not even one. _Little_. Cookie?" Jennifer wheedled. "We won't tell anyone, promise!" Joseph nodded his agreement eagerly beside his sister.

Sirius' frown deepened. Were these kids bargaining with him? He felt a smirk tug at his lips. They would've made _great_ Marauders. He still didn't like the boy though.

"Well...If you promise not to tell," he said, grinning. Sirius reached into the cookie jar and grabbed two large cookies. Surely Tiffany and Ricardo wouldn't miss them, and it wasn't like anything truly bad would happen!

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"Sirius, _what_ did you do?" Hermione yelled, ducking as Jennifer sailed by on her small broom. Joseph was laughing and swinging on the chandelier, refusing to come down no matter how much Hermione coaxed him. She didn't even want to _know_ how he got up there in the first place!

They had been like this since five minutes ago, only a couple of minutes after they exited the kitchen with questionable crumbs on their faces. James was hiding behind an upturned table, using it as a kind of shield against the food magically flying from the kitchen at him, thanks to the pre-magic magical children, especially purebloods, exhibited before learning to harness it through a wand.

"Nothing, I swear!" Sirius shouted, ducking along with Hermione. Remus ran past them, trying to jump up and grab Jennifer, but she always remained slightly out of his reach. Giggling, she blew the werewolf a kiss, which he actually growled at, but she didn't hear and continued to zoom around.

A loud crash caught the Marauders attention, and they ran quickly to the kitchen. One of the twins had somehow managed to get the plates and bowls to fall on the floor and crack open. Hermione yanked out her wand with so much force it very nearly went sailing across the room.

"Reparo!" she shouted before turning to glare at Sirius. "You sure you didn't do any- hey, where'd he go?" she had just noticed the lack of Sirius, and turning to her other side, James was also gone. "Where did James go?"

Another crash, this time from the living room. Hermione and Remus made it in record time, only to see the chandelier on the ground, and a six-year-old boy nowhere in sight.

"Where's Joseph?" Hermione asked frantically.

"I don't know, but do you see Jennifer?" Remus asked, looking left and right. Hermione shook her head, but two tensed when twin yells came from outside.

Slowly, in unison, they turned to the window. Outside, despite the dark, two figures could easily be seen hanging from tree branches. Jennifer's hair hung straight down and her shirt rode up a little, due to her upside down position. Joseph, on the other hand, was holding onto a thick branch with one hand – how he got his hand wrapped around the branch was beyond them – and had his other hand under his arm like a monkey.

"Look at me!" he shouted happily. "I'm a monferie!"

"Monferie?" Hermione asked. She hadn't yet read of such an animal, assuming it wasn't just something the boy was making up.

"It's a fairy that looks like a monkey and hangs from tree branches," Remus explained as the two ran outside, not noticing James and Sirius' absence. When they reached the children, Hermione felt her face heat up in anger, and Remus scowled darkly.

"JAMES! SIRIUS! WHAT THE BLO- I mean WHAT THE _HECK_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" Hermione shouted, outraged. The two "leading" Marauders were happily sitting on two tree branches above the swinging children, gesturing wildly as they talked about Quidditch scores.

"Eh, Hermione! Love, what are you doin' out here?" Sirius asked nervously. Hermione merely scowled, which caused Sirius to gulp. "Uh...I'll be right down?"

"Good boy," Hermione growled. Remus snickered at the power she had over his friend, and Hermione shot him a quick smile. "Take care of these two while Padfoot and I have a talk about following rules?"

"No problem," Remus said with a small wave. Sirius glared at him as soon as his feet touched the ground.

"What do you mean 'no problem'?" he asked aghast. "You're supposed ta be my friend, mate! Ya know, stand up for me when I'm in danger and all that!"

"But James is your best mate," Remus pointed out, "and I don't see him jumping to your rescue either."

"Don't bring me into this!" James protested, looking down at them. Sirius' eyes widened, and he turned to glare at the boy still in the tree.

"Moony's right! Why aren't you down here!?" he shouted at him. The children were momentarily forgotten as the argument waged between the four friends.

"You just _had _to bring me into this!" James sighed, jumping down from the tree. He landed in a neat crouch, proof that he had been doing stunts like that for years.

"Well!" Sirius trilled before Remus could reply. He pointed at Hermione, who had a single brow raised and hands on her hips. "Protect me from her!"

"Fine!" James puffed out his chest. "If you won't be a man, I will! Step aside damsel, I'm going to save you!"

Sirius mock-swooned. "Oh, my hero!" he said in an awful impression of a lovesick girl. Remus shook his head, smile tugging at his lips. The Marauders never got old at least.

"Now, you fierce, evil dragon you!" James pointed accusingly at Hermione. His finger wavered at her 'I know you didn't just call me a dragon' look. "Uh, I mean, you, um, beautiful, fairy princess you!" he squeaked out a quick correction.

At least Hermione's look changed, he thought as he backed away from the scowling girl. It was now more of a 'you have _got _to be kidding me' glare. James gulped. Hermione could be terrifying without even saying a word. A dopey grin spread across his face; she was a lot like Lily in that respect.

"Look at me!" squeaked a voice, bringing Hermione's attention back to the children (thankfully). Joseph was standing on the edge of a branch, swinging his arms back and forth, squatting as though about to jump. It didn't take long for Hermione to realize that's exactly what he was planning to do.

Just as the boy jumped, Hermione started running. Unfortunately, she tripped over a rock and went sliding across the ground, landing under the boy just as he hit the ground. A loud _whoosh_ of air left her when the small boy landed painfully on her stomach. She sighed in relief, though, glad he wasn't hurt.

Joseph laughed and stood, running towards the house again. Hermione sat up, rubbing her head, which had hit the tree painfully. She winced, closing her eyes in pain when she felt the knot growing on the top of her head. She would feel that in the morning!

"Hermione, you okay?" Remus called.

"Yeah, I'm--"

"Hey! Hey! I can do that too!" Jennifer cried happily. She swung her arms and crouched, and it was Moony's turn to slide across the ground.

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"I can't believe you gave them cookies!" Hermione shouted at Sirius and James, who stood against the wall, quivering in fear at the anger in the more sensible Marauders' eyes. They looked downright murderous in that moment!

"It was only one...each!" Sirius protested. "How was I supposed to know this would happen?"

"Maybe you should've picked something up when Mrs. Leeson kept telling us _NOT _to feed them sugar! Under _any _circumstances!"

Sirius cowered.

"And you, why didn't you try to get them down from that tree?" Remus demanded of James. "If you're going to look after children, Prongs, you have to actually _look after _them!"

"But I--"

"No buts!" Remus interrupted angrily. This time, it was James that cowered.

"Wait a minute," Hermione muttered, as a startling revelation hit her. Remus looked at her questioningly before noticing what had caught her attention.

"Oh great," Remus growled, sounding very unlike his usual self, "_now _where are those little boggarts?"

"They're sleeping!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing to the couch. Sure enough, with thumbs in their mouths, the two children were fast asleep. The Marauders sighed with relief.

"That was tiring," James yawned, using one hand to cover his mouth. Remus nodded, tempted to remind James he had done nothing to help in the past hour, but he refrained. "I say we get some sleep before the Leesons get back."

No one seemed to have any objections to that, except for, it seems, Sirius, whom was still wired up and ready to go.

"Hey, who wants ice cream?" Sirius suddenly piped up, but his expression dimmed when he noticed his friends were _already_ fast asleep!

"Merlin, you _never_ learn!" Hermione glared at Sirius.

"But that's why you love me?" Sirius replied all-knowingly.

"Idiot, just sleep." Hermione smiled softly at her beloved, settling down on the floor. He grinned back doggishly and snuggled against her side. Hermione yawned and closed her eyes as they waited for the Leesons return.

A/N's:

Surprisingly, this chapter was difficult to complete, but I liked the challenge. First, this wasn't the original way I wrote this, but I think this is much closer to my requester's idea, and I would _never _have finished the original plot. Then, I couldn't think of anything – or rather I thought of too many things – to write. But after all that time, here's the newest mishap! Undoubtedly not at its best potential, but here it is all the same!


	21. Closet Time

REQUEST: Moony's Fire wanted me to do a chapter where the Marauders lock Sirius and Hermione in a closet

**Episode 21**

Closet Time

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione spend time in a closet thanks to the Marauders

Fourth year finally arrived for the Marauders, as did hormones. By the middle of the year, boys that had once called girls disgusting were holding hands with their girlfriends, and girls that once couldn't stand the male species were making out with said animals in the broom closets. Some, however, were like James and Lily. The former would ask out his beloved, and the latter would reject his offers for a date every day.

Hermione and Sirius were nothing like James and Lily. They were _much_ more annoying.

It wasn't exactly hard to see they liked each other, probably had since first year really, but neither would admit that their friend could possibly have feelings for each other. The constant evasion amused and annoyed the Gryffindors to no end, but for the Marauders it was simple annoyance.

Really, Moonstar and Padfoot had always had a tight bond that even Prongs and Padfoot couldn't compare too, but they still refused to admit they cared for each other beyond friendship. It had been okay at the beginning of the year, but now, with the constant rants of how they love and yet aren't loved in return, the Marauders were really beginning to get irritated.

Peter, surprisingly, came up with the brilliant idea. It had to work, after all it was thought up by a Marauder! So, with Peter's plan in all their minds, James, Remus, and Peter went in search of the Black heir and Muggle-born.

Finding Sirius and Hermione wasn't hard at all. The latter was in her favorite place, the library, and the former was muttering charms underneath a table in the Great Hall, turning Snape's hair various colors. Getting them to move from their spots, however, was a tad harder.

Hermione was convinced when Remus explained that McGonagall wanted to talk to her about something important, but James was still having problems with Sirius.

"No!"

"Come on, Padfoot, why won't you come out? You can play with Snape later!"

"But I'm having fun now!" Sirius protested, grinning malevolently at the oblivious Slytherin. His hair was currently bright pink, but he was so preoccupied with his potions essay that he hadn't even noticed the snickers of his classmates. "What if I miss his reaction when he realizes his hair is pink?"

As though he had somehow heard the Gryffindor from across the semi-crowded room, – not everyone had yet to make it to the Great Hall for lunch – Snape looked up. Sirius snickered as Bellatrix handed him her small, compact mirror. Almost immediately, the pale boy's face turned red from embarrassment and anger.

"BLACK!!!" he shouted, catching everyone's attention. As soon as the students occupying the Great Hall saw him, they burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. Sirius smirked and crawled from under the table, straightening his hair and clothes just as Snape marched up to him.

"Oh, hello Snivellus," he greeted boredly. Glancing at the Slytherin's hair, he allowed his smirk to return. "Did you do something to your hair?"

"Ha ha, very funny." Severus glared at the insolent Gryffindor. "Turn it back. _Now_!"

"Why, whatever do you mean, Snivels?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Don't act like you don't know, you did this!" Snape huffed, pointing towards his hair. The Gryffindors roared with laughter as they heard his slightly indignant tone. It wasn't hard to see that Snape was fighting not to pout.

"Well, I think it suits you," Sirius sighed, "but if you insist..."

Severus was surprised that Sirius was actually listening to him, and it showed, but his expression quickly turned superior. Obviously, the lowly Gryffindor had finally realized who was more powerful and was listening to his superiors.

Sirius waved his wand and muttered something under his breath. "There you go!" he said cheerfully. Snape eyed him suspiciously, huffed once, and marched back to the Gryffindor table. He steadily ignored the still-snickering students as he took his seat and watched the Marauders leave the Great Hall with wide smiles on their faces.

Just as the double doors closed behind them, a loud shout of "BLACK, YOU BASTARD!" could be heard from inside. Snape must have just seen his newly acquired bright yellow Mohawk.

"Bloody hell, mate, that was good!" James praised. Sirius smirked and rubbed his fingernails against his thick cloak.

"I know," he answered cockily. His smirk turned into a smile as he looked between James and Peter. "So, what did you guys want again?"

"Oh!" James perked up. "Uh, we saw this really cool...thing in McGonagall's class! We wanted you to check it out!"

"You saw a really cool _thing _in the Transfiguration class?" Sirius asked skeptically, raising a brow in disbelief.

"Yes!" Peter confirmed enthusiastically, nodding almost frantically. "It was a very neat...thing."

"What kind of thing?" Sirius continued to interrogate skeptically. Maybe it was the shifty eyes and fidgeting, but something told him James and Peter were hiding something from him.

"Well, it's kind of...and it's got a...and it's...well, ya see, it's got this really neat...thing on it..." James stuttered. Normally he was good at lying, but the hope that this would actually work and the fear that it wouldn't were making the usually charismatic Gryffindor too nervous to think straight. Peter wasn't good at lying in the first place and could only nod his agreement, blushing slightly.

Sirius grinned. "Neat! Let's go!" he started running in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, eagerness in his every step. Peter and James watched him go, wondering how their friend could fall for such an obvious ploy, but were grateful nonetheless.

"Let's hope this works," James muttered, following Sirius.

"Don't worry," Peter piped up beside him, "it's foolproof!"

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"So, what is it exactly that Professor McGonagall wanted to see me about?" Hermione asked. She was getting a sneaking suspicion Remus was hiding something from her, and so far her instincts had never been wrong. The werewolf shrugged nonchalantly, hiding his worry that she would figure something out before they had even made it to the classroom.

"She wouldn't say," he answered. "Just that she needed to speak with you about something important."

"Huh, that's odd," Hermione mused. "She does tend to keep important matters between herself and whoever is concerned though."

Remus almost sighed in relief when Hermione seemed to have fallen for his answer. Almost. He knew if he did, it would be a dead giveaway that something else was going on. Hermione paid attention to detail, and nothing got past her. It was why Remus had been chosen to find her.

"Here we are," he said, pushing open the door. Hermione entered with the werewolf following close behind.

"Hey, I don't see the professor anywh- _oomph_!" the Muggle-born was cut off as Remus pushed her into the open closet in the Transfiguration classroom and closed the door. He placed a chair in front of the door and sat down, waiting for James and Peter to get there with Sirius.

He didn't wait long before the door was pushed open again. Sirius stepped into the room, his eyes alight with mischief.

"So, where is it?" he asked the two behind him without turning. He looked from left to right eagerly. "Where is this cool thing at?"

"Cool thing?" Remus questioned, raising a questioning brow. Sirius jumped and turned to face the lupine. He hadn't noticed his presence earlier.

"Moony! You're here too! Cool, so where's Hermione anyway?"

"Remus, let me out of here you bastard!" Hermione shouted before Remus could say anything. It seemed the temporary shock of being pushed in a closet by her supposed friend had worn off. "When I get out of here, I swear I'll kill you, Moony! Let me out!"

Sirius' eyes widened in shock. Just as Remus stood from his seat, the black-haired Marauder pushed his chair away and swung open the door.

"Hermi-_oomph_!" Sirius felt something hard push him into the closet and onto Hermione. It was hard in the enclosed space to move away from her, but he couldn't let her know how excited being so close to her was making him. "Uh, hi Hermione."

"Oh, uh, hi Sirius," Hermione greeted equally nervous. She blushed slightly and was thankful the darkness hid her red cheeks from view. "Hey, we're in a closet!" she shouted suddenly, realizing she hadn't managed to get out. "Let us out!" she yelled, jingling the knob violently.

"Sorry 'star," James' voice could be heard from the other side, "but you and Padfoot need to work out your feelings, and this seemed like the best way! We'll be back in an hour. Ya'll two don't behave now, ya hear!"

"Guys?" Hermione growled. "Guys! Guys, this isn't funny! Seriously, let us out!"

Sirius snorted. "I think they're gone, love," he stated, glad that she couldn't see his blush. Why did James have to go and mention his feelings for the female Marauder? Now, she would know something was up and could reject him to his face!

"No kidding," Hermione muttered sarcastically. "Dicks," she added as an afterthought. Sirius snorted again, this time in amusement. You wouldn't know it just by looking at her, but Hermione actually had quite the dirty mouth on her. It was just one more thing he loved about the female prankster.

"I'm sorry you have to be stuck in a closet with me," he said instead, feigning hurt, "since it's obviously so repulsive to you."

"No!" Hermione shouted, startling them both. As their eyes adjusted, Sirius swore he saw a light sheen of red across the bridge of Hermione's nose. Meanwhile, she could have sworn the same, but both quickly dismissed it as their imagination. "I mean no, it's not that."

"Oh." Sirius wouldn't admit that her response had made him feel a little more confident. He smiled slightly. "I was just kidding."

"Oh." Hermione's voice was soft, almost scared. She sighed and leaned against the closet wall, since it was much too cramped to actually sit down. "So...how did they get you here?"

"Told me there was a really cool thing," Sirius answered promptly.

"A really cool thing?" Hermione asked in disbelief. "What kind of thing?"

"Well it had a...um...now that you mention it, they did make it kind of obvious there wasn't a thing here!" Sirius laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head, wincing when his elbow hit a shelf. "Ow."

"You okay?" Hermione asked. She had refrained from face-palming for fear of hitting something herself, and she had resisted the even stronger urge to kiss Sirius for fear of screwing up severely. He wasn't particularly stupid, just a tad gullible where James was concerned. It was cute though, in her opinion, and just one more reason why she loved him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius answered with a light chuckle. "Ya know, aside from being forced in a closet and all that."

"I'm sorry you have to be in here with me," she said, repeating his teasing words from earlier. There was a hint of pain in her voice, and it broke Sirius' heart.

"You know that's not what I meant!" he said quickly. Hermione smiled slightly, and by now Sirius could see it, though it was still rather hard to make out her features clearly.

"Yeah," she said, "I'm just being silly I guess."

"You're not exactly known for being silly, 'star," Sirius reminded her. Moonstar smiled.

"You're known for being too silly," she informed the dog-like boy.

Padfoot smiled this time. "Yeah, guess I am. But that's why you love me!"

Hermione's eyes widened. She couldn't believe it! How had he found out? She thought she hid her feelings rather well!

"I'm going to kill them," she whispered darkly when she realized how he must've discovered her affections. Sirius looked at her in surprise, but Hermione had closed her eyes so she didn't notice his expression. Not that she would have noticed it anyway, since it _was_ still dark.

"Wha?"

"I can't believe they told you!" she shouted, cutting Sirius' question off. He had no idea what she was talking about, but he was beginning to worry. When Hermione was mad, she was_ mad_!

"Eh, told me what, love?"

"That I love you!" she shouted angrily. Hermione gasped and clamped her hands over her mouth, ignoring the jolt of pain she felt when her elbow banged against a shelf on her side of the closet. Somehow, she knew she had said too much. "They never told you...did they?"

"N-no," Sirius mumbled nervously, hope that she really did feel the same as him nearly crushing his heart. "No, they never told me anything."

"Oh." Hermione's face was beet-red by now, and Sirius knew it wasn't just his imagination this time. He gulped and reached a trembling hand towards a strand of chestnut hair. Hermione shivered as he pushed it behind her ear and turned away from him. "Could you just pretend I never said any of that?" she asked hopefully.

"No!" Sirius answered quickly. He felt his face heat up and knew he too was now blushing crimson. Hermione let out a breath, clearly unhappy with his answer. "I mean," Sirius corrected quickly, "I won't forget about it because I...I love you too!"

"Wha? B-but how?" Hermione couldn't believe her ears. This had to be a dream! There was no _way_ Sirius could return her feelings!

"I-it's nothing really," Sirius shrugged bashfully. Imagine, _the_ Sirius Black acting shy! It was a good thing James wasn't here, or he would _never _let him live this down! "I just...the way you scrunch up your nose when you think, and the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, or the way you get annoyed when James and I don't listen to you and get in trouble, then beg you to get us out of it later...I love it. I love everything about you, 'Mione!"

"Sirius," Hermione breathed and smiled. "I love everything about you too. Like when you--" Sirius never found out what she was about to say though, as he was too busy pressing his lips to hers. He pulled away slowly, smiling brightly at his new girlfriend. Hermione's smile was equally big.

"Does this make us a couple?" he asked hopefully. Hermione couldn't stop the snort of amusement.

"It had better," she told him. "I don't usually kiss guys I'm not dating."

"I should hope not!" Sirius said, upset by the mere thought of Hermione kissing another man. His expression softened as a new thought penetrated his mind. "Does this mean you'll stop hounding me to study three _months _before an exam?"

"Oh Sirius," Hermione laughed lightly. Her expression turned serious, and her laughter faded. "Not even in your dreams," she answered completely serious and all hints of amusement gone. Sirius sighed and hung his head.

"Figures," he muttered. A new smile broke across his face. To be honest, he was kind of glad she'd said no. It wasn't like he studied anyway, but her constant reminders were yet another trait he loved about her, just one of the more annoying ones he wouldn't mind disappearing every once in a while. "Oh well, was worth a try."

"Shut up and kiss me," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. Sirius had no problem complying.

323232

"It's been an hour, Prongs," Remus said. "We should go check on Hermione and Sirius."

"Yeah, you're right," James agreed. Together, the three Marauders made their way back to the Transfiguration classroom. They had been keeping an eye on McGonagall, making sure she didn't go back to her classroom before the hour was up. Thankfully, she hadn't once made a move for her office.

"I wonder how they're doing," Peter mused as they pushed open the door. A soft _thump _caught their attention, and Peter gasped. "Oh no, Hermione's killing Sirius!"

James and Remus rushed to the door, hoping their friends were okay. Deep down they knew neither would hurt the other, but still...If somehow their plan backfired, Peter's hypothesis could very well be correct.

James wrenched open the door and gaped at the sight he saw. A slow smile spread across his and Remus' faces as they quickly closed the door and turned to the shortest Marauder.

"What's goin' on?" Peter asked nervously. "Are they okay?"

"Oh yeah," Remus assured, "they're just fine."

"Why don't we leave the lovebirds alone for a little while longer?" James suggested, smirking. Peter looked between the two and back at the door curiously before shrugging. He would find out what they had seen later. Since neither looked worried, he figured Hermione wasn't strangling Sirius, and his plan wasn't failing horribly.

Laughing, Remus and James led the way out of the classroom and away from the closet.

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Three days later found the new couple cuddling on the couch, while their friends smiled happily at them. They had finally gotten together, and there was no more avoidance or declarations of unrequited love from either. Across the room, James had finally managed to catch Lily alone.

"Evans!" James greeted happily. "Go out with me?"

"Get lost, Potter!" Lily shouted angrily, marching out of the Gryffindor common room.

The four Marauders watched as the messy-haired teen chased after her, begging her to give him a chance. Hermione pursed her lips in thought.

"You know," she muttered, "I hear the Transfiguration closet works wonders for a relationship..."

Remus was quick to answer. "Sirius and Peter can get James, you and I will get Lily."

Satisfied with the new plan, the Marauders rushed after the redhead and James, determined to make them fall in love one way or another. Closets had proved a good place to start.

END

A/N's:

Sorry if their confessions of love were cliche. I'm really more of a smut/angst person, though most of my M-rated stories aren't posted, so fluff isn't really something I'm particularly great at.


	22. Singing

A/N's:

I might write poetry, but I'm not creative enough to make up a song for Sirius to sing. So, even though the song would probably be "Muggle", in this story it's going to be a wizarding song! I'm also too lazy to check my favorites list and go to HPLexicon and see if they have some lyrics for HP.

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted me to do Sirius' horrible singing

**Episode 22**

Singing

Summary: In which Hermione learns how badly Sirius sings

Seven months since they had graduated, three since Hermione moved in with her boyfriend of five years, – they started dating in third year – and she honestly couldn't be happier. Life was great with Sirius, always something new and exciting happening. Not that life could be anything _but _exciting with two Marauders living together.

Deep down, though, Hermione had been terrified to move out of her parents home and into Sirius'. She had lived with her parents since she was born, obviously, and was nervous about being without them. But when she first set foot in Sirius' new flat, she had felt at home.

Today, Hermione had woken earlier than usual – oddly enough, Sirius was the early riser whereas Hermione preferred to sleep – and decided to start breakfast. Sirius was already in the shower, so she thought it would be a nice surprise for him when he exited the bathroom and smelled his favorite – bacon and flapjacks.

She climbed out of bed and stretched, feeling her back crack pleasantly. Sighing in relief, as her muscles relaxed again, Hermione passed the bathroom – only to stop and go back. She pressed her ear to the door, eyes widening in surprise. Sirius was singing? She had never heard him sing before!

_Ho, ho, ho  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe it's not so  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe, it's not so_

Hermione cringed. It wasn't hard to see why she had never heard him sing. Handsome as he was, it was hard to imagine he could do anything badly. Right now, though, Hermione was torn between wondering if he was just pretending to be unable to carry a tune and taping his mouth closed so she never had to hear something so awful again!

_Never been awake  
Never seen a day break  
Leaning on my pillow in the morning  
Lazy day in bed  
Music in my head  
Crazy music playing in the morn-_ing_ light_

His voice cracked on "morning", and Hermione's silent question of if his singing could possibly get worse was answered. Pulling away roughly from the door, Hermione tried to tune out the rest of the lyrics. The song was a favorite of hers, but after this she didn't think she could ever handle listening to it again! Sirius' voice was just that bad!

_Ho, ho, ho  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe it's not so  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe, it's not so_

Unfortunately, after hearing his singing, it seemed she couldn't get it out of her head. No matter how hard she tried to tune him out, his voice drifted from beyond the door. Hermione clamped her hands over her ears, but that only seemed to make the words she'd already heard louder, so she removed her hands and listened to the next line, feeling unbelievably sorry for herself in that moment.

_I love my sunny day  
Dream of far away  
Dreaming on my pillow in the morning  
Never been awake  
Never seen a day break  
Leaning on my pillow in the morn-_ing_ light_

Finally, Hermione seemed to come to her senses. She quickly rushed out of the room where Sirius' voice couldn't reach her. She sank against the door, relaxing now that she was safe. Or maybe she wasn't... The door to the bathroom had just opened, and Sirius was _still _singing!

_Ho, ho, ho  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe it's not so  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe, it's not so_

Hermione didn't miss a beat. The female Marauder rushed down the stairs to start breakfast, fully intending to blast the radio so she could get Sirius' voice out of her head! When they got married, if Sirius dared think to sing the lyrics of their song to her, she would kill him and run away with someone else – she did have a thing for Moony in first and second year after all...

As she walked down the stairs, Hermione couldn't help singing the last bit to herself. Her voice, in complete contrast of Sirius' was actually rather lovely. She smiled slightly. Even if he couldn't sing, at least Sirius was still cute and funny!

_Ho, ho, ho  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe it's not so  
It's magic, you know  
Never believe, it's not so_

END

A/N's:

The song used is called _Magic _by Pilot. Lyrics were found out stlyrics (dot) com.


	23. Interruptions 2: In School

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted me to do a chapter with Sirius constantly being interrupted while trying to ask Hermione out

**Episode 23**

Interruptions 2: In School

Summary: In which the fates seem determined not to let Sirius ask Hermione out

The day was finally upon him. Sirius had screwed up his Gryffindor courage and was going to ask Hermione Jane Granger out. He had been dreaming of this moment since second year, when he began to see the bushy haired Marauder as more than a friend. Sirius thought a year of pining was more than enough, so now, in third year, he planned to start their relationship off once and for all.

Who knew, maybe they would grow old together and have lots of little Padfoots and Moonstars running around. Fifty had always seemed like a good number to him, or maybe sixty-seven was a better place to start. Yeah, he rather fancied the number sixty-seven.

The portrait swung open, emitting the very person he had just been thinking of. Sirius gulped and nearly wet his pants, though he would _never_ admit that, when he realized now was the perfect time to go for it. No one else was present in the Gryffindor common room, and Hermione wasn't carrying fifty books with her indicating she was too busy to listen to him. Not that she was ever too busy for a friend, just one more little quirk to love about her.

"Hermione?" he called nervously. His heart raced, and he swore the people in America could hear it pounding against his chest! He wished it would just stop already; the feeling wasn't soothing him in the least!

Sirius got his wish when Hermione turned to look at him. Her cocoa eyes gleamed with curiosity, and his heart stopped at the beautiful picture she made. True, Hermione wasn't what you would call a traditional beauty, but her confidence in her own ability, her intelligence, and her kind heart made her quite the catch around Hogwarts. Not to mention, she loved to have fun and play pranks, hence why she was a Marauder and not another Lily Evans.

"You okay, Padfoot?" Hermione asked concerned. He had called her name, but now he was just standing there like a non-magical statue. She could clearly see the nervousness in his eyes, and it worried her. She wasn't used to Sirius looking scared, and she hoped nothing bad had happened. "Has something happened? Is it your parents?"

Sirius flinched at the mention of his home life. He hated his family, and it was one of the few topics that could always get him riled up. Feeling the mood quickly evaporating, Sirius knew he needed to go for it now or else he might never work up the courage to ask her out again. He couldn't – no, he _wouldn't –_ allow that pretty boy Wood to get to her first like he'd been talking about in the dorms the other night!

"No, nothing's wrong," he reassured the Muggle-born. "I just...I wanted to ask you something."

Hermione cocked her head to the side, a curious expression on her flawless face. She smiled encouragingly when she saw Sirius hesitate.

"Go on," she urged, "what is it? It can't be that bad!"

Inside, Hermione was all a flutter. Her stomach felt like it did when she was on a broom, like it wanted to rid itself of all the food she had ever eaten from the time she was born until now, but at the same time she felt anxious. There were rumors going around that Sirius wanted to ask her out, and while she normally wasn't one to fall for the silly gossip that circulated throughout Hogwarts, she truly hoped this time it wasn't just mindless rubbish some girls had decided to make up.

Hermione had liked Sirius since first year, but she didn't fully recognize her feelings until the end of second year when he had stood up for her after Snape, Malfoy, Bellatrix, and Narcissa teamed up against her. She smiled slightly at the memory of how caring he had acted. It was then she knew she wanted to spend at least some portion of her life in this man's arms.

She wasn't the type to let her emotions get away from her though, nor was she the type to encourage ridiculous fantasies that had very little chance of coming true. So, Hermione hid her affections behind friendly smiles and teasing words, disguising the jealousy she felt towards the girls that flirted like hussies with pats on the back and sarcastic comments.

Now, it seemed as though something might actually be happening in her favor. She had never seen Sirius so nervous, and she felt her hopes rise considerably. Was this the moment she had been waiting for?

"Hermione," Sirius took a deep breath, "would you...will you...I, uh, I wanted to know if you would like to...you don't have to if you don't want too, but would you--"

"Yes?" Hermione urged, trying to hide her anxiousness.

"Hermione, would you g--"

"Hey, there you guys are!" James rushed into the common room, looking eager. Sirius scowled at his best friend, feeling a rare surge of irritation toward the messy-haired prankster. It could have been his imagination, but he almost swore Hermione also looked annoyed.

"James..." Sirius growled, sounding more like his newly-acquired dog-self.

"What?" James looked between Hermione and Sirius, a questioning look in his hazel eyes. Shaking off his confusion, he decided to worry about that later. "Not important," he said before Sirius could answer, "you guys have to get to the Great Hall now! Malfoy was taunting Moony, and he just snapped. Now, the Slytherins are...Well, you'll see. C'mon!"

He grabbed Hermione's hand, pulling her out of the room while Sirius followed behind at a quick pace. He was feeling a mix of emotions right now: one part of him was eager to see what Moony had done (it was rare he lost his temper, but when he did he truly lived up to the Marauder reputation); another part was still irritated James had interrupted him right when he was about to ask Hermione out; but the strongest emotion was jealousy over how close James held Hermione as he led them to the Great Hall.

Everything but amusement quickly vanished, however. As soon as the double doors were pushed open, loud music blasted and Sirius burst out laughing. Hermione's sweet laughter joined his as they watched the red and gold Slytherins dance the tango with each other – boys with boys, and girls with girls – and shout 'GRYFFINDORS RULE! HOORAY FOR GRYFFINDOR!' every so often.

"Bloody hell, good one, mate!" Sirius praised, slapping Remus on the back. The werewolf smiled slightly, blushing just a tad. He had no problem following along with most of their pranks, but it was rare he did one on his own, so he always felt embarrassed when he was complimented on his genius.

"Yeah, I've never seen anything so hilarious!" Hermione agreed. Jumping onto the Gryffindor table, she drew her wand and began moving as though directing a concert. Just as her "baton" went down, the Slytherins would shout about how wonderful Gryffindors were, amusing the students to no end.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Sirius crowed. "You are a _wonderful_ conductor, mademoiselle!"

"Why thank you kind sir!" Hermione responded with a slight bow. "You really must thank the composer though. Mister Moony created this wonderful scene all by himself!"

"Impressive, impressive!" Sirius clicked his tongue in a nod. "Good show, Mister Moony."

"Thank you, Mister Padfoot." Remus smiled.

"Miss Star really does look lovely conducting though, doesn't she, Mister Padfoot?" James asked, joining in. Hermione beamed at the compliment and moved her hands with a little more motivation.

"That she does," Sirius agreed, feeling a blush stain his cheeks. He wasn't just playing around when he said that, and he had a feeling James knew it too. Maybe it was the wink his best mate had just sent him. He noticed a light blush also staining Hermione's cheeks, and he felt his confidence grow just a tad bit more. "In fact, I was wondering if the lovely Miss Moonstar would accompany--"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" McGonagall's voice rang through the Great Hall. The students quieted quickly, though the loud music continued to blast and the Slytherins continued to dance. Hermione quickly jumped off the table, pocketing her wand, but not before uttering a counter-charm to turn off the music and quiet the still-shouting Slytherins.

The Transfiguration professor glared at the five Marauders. Peter quaked, feeling the urge to wet himself under the professor's steely gaze. Remus and Hermione averted their eyes, not really scared about being in trouble, but still a little bit ashamed they had been acting so childishly. Despite being Marauders, they were _still_ two of the most sensible, more mature students in Hogwarts. James and Sirius, however, merely smiled brightly at the angry woman.

"My dear Minerva," James started suavely.

"You look _beautiful_ today!" Sirius continued. "Wouldn't you say so, Mister Moony?"

"Absolutely stunning," Remus muttered, playing along regardless his instincts telling him to shut up. "What about you, Miss Moonstar?"

"Oh, I love the dress! It really accentuates the stylish bun," Hermione agreed. Silently, she cursed Remus for pulling her into this word-game. She could feel the Marauders sinking into more and more trouble with every word, and the darkening expression on Minerva's face didn't help her bad feeling any. "Mister Wormtail, what's your input?"

"M-me?" Wormtail stuttered. He looked at Hermione in disbelief, before gulping and resigning himself to another detention with Filch. At least he would look cool in front of the students as he was led out with his best friends, the ever popular Marauders! "I-I t-think she looks a-absolutely b-breathtaking! Why I can hardly t-talk!"

"You shouldn't talk," McGonagall cut in before anymore could be said. She glared at each of the Marauders, her disappointed-but-not-surprised gaze landing on Hermione and Remus. They quickly averted their eyes again. "My office now!"

"Now, now, don't you think you're moving a bit fast, Minerva?" James asked, laughing nervously. Her sharp gaze turned to him, and he gulped audibly.

"That's Professor McGonagall to you, Potter, and I recommend you get moving. _Now_!"

The Marauders wasted no time in following her orders, taking time to glare at the smirking Slytherins as they exited the Great Hall in a single file line. As soon as the five students and professor were out of the Great Hall, the rest of the student body burst into laughter and applause, loud enough for the Marauders to hear and smirk at their achievement. Yet another successful prank, all thanks to Moony this time.

323232

Detention was normally rather mundane, but tonight the fates seemed to really be looking out for Sirius! Instead of the usual scrubbing-cauldrons detention, they had been sent out with Hagrid to check out the Forbidden Forest. He had been hearing noises lately, and he wanted to make sure none of the magical creatures inhabiting the forest had been hurt.

After Filch left, Hagrid had decided to assign them in pairs, and lo and behold he placed Sirius and Hermione together! Sirius would have to remember to buy him a big present, a big, _big_ present! Maybe that dragon he had been pining for...Then again, weren't those illegal? Ah, who cared? He was already an unregistered animagus, and since when did Sirius Black follow the rules anyway?

"Hermione," Sirius muttered softly, so softly he thought she might not have heard him. Some small part of him hoped she hadn't, so then he could put off asking her the big question for a little longer. He couldn't help it! He had been prepared before, but now he wasn't. Still, he needed to ask before Wood caught her alone and did so himself.

"Yes?" she asked, crushing his hope that she hadn't heard him. A bigger part of him sighed in relief, though he felt snitches flipping around in his stomach like quaffles, or more to the point – bludgers!

Another deep breath... "Hermione, we've been friends for a while now, two years, and I was wondering if you would like to--"

However, luck had run out for Sirius, or so it seemed. Just as he was about to ask her to the next Hogsmeade weekend, Hagrid's bellowing voice could be heard calling their names.

"'Mione! Sirius! Ya out here?" he called, stumbling through the trees with all the grace of a hippogriff on rollerskates. Sometimes being a half-giant _didn't _pay off. "Oi, there ya two are! I was gettin' worried. C'mon ya two, we're done fer the night, an' yer friends are already headin' back ter the castle!"

"Oh, uh, thanks, Hagrid." Hermione smiled, but she was unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. She was so sure he had been about to ask her out too! Of course, she wasn't sure, and she liked to be one-hundred percent accurate before pressing a matter further. Besides, she really didn't care to stay in the forest longer than necessary when she couldn't turn into her dog form.

Sirius pushed off the disappointment he thought he'd heard in her voice as his imagination. There was no way Hermione was as eager as he was about the question that seemed unable to make it past his throat. He too smiled at the large man, and the two teens set off for the castle. Thankfully, Hagrid wouldn't question how they knew their way around the Forbidden Forest so well. He just wasn't the type to pay attention to that kind of detail.

As they walked, Sirius realized they were alone again. Hagrid wouldn't be interrupting them either, since he had already bumbled off to his hut in the distance. His silhouette could be seen just entering the home as they finally cleared the edge of the forest.

Hermione must have also realized this detail, because she turned expectant brown eyes to Sirius. "What was it you were going to ask?" she asked immediately, silently cursing herself for sounding so desperate. She really wanted Sirius to ask her to Hogsmeade though! Hell, just a trip to the kitchens, just the two of them, would be enough for her in that moment. So long as he would finally ask!

"Oh, uh, well, I was wondering if you would like to go with me too--"

"Padfoot! Moonstar!" James shouted, running over to them, waving his arm like a madman. "Are you guys coming or what? It's almost curfew, and I have a Quidditch match tomorrow morning!"

Sirius was tempted to ask James why his Quidditch match was any matter to them, but he decided against it. They would be getting up rather early to go to the game, and classes were cancelled that day – why Dumbledore decided to have it on a Wednesday was beyond him, but he wasn't complaining – so they might as well get to bed earlier than usual.

Hermione sighed and smiled at the Chaser, following him to Hogwarts. Sirius walked beside her, willing his best friend to go ahead of them and disappear so that he could finally pop the question. James so far hadn't heard any of his silent pleads, and Sirius was finally forced to give up hope that he might ask Hermione out that night.

Sure enough, they were soon in the Gryffindor tower and heading up to their own dorms. Sirius sighed as he laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling. Looks like Wood might very well be right about his chances with Hermione. Sirius had failed miserably in his attempts to ask her out. She probably didn't like him like that anyway.

323232

Sirius decided it was best to just give up. Normally, he was a persistent bugger, but after all the interruptions from the night before, he was beginning to think fate didn't want him and Hermione together. He wasn't one to believe in such things, but after all that trouble for nothing, and now he couldn't even quench up the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to the Great Hall, he was beginning to think there really was such a thing as cosmic irony. (1)

Just as he fell on the couch in the empty common room, the portrait swung open. Sirius looked up, gulping and feeling suddenly nervous when he saw Hermione enter. She looked determined as she marched over to him, and Sirius began to feel the snitches in his stomach turn into bludgers again.

"Hermione, wha?" Sirius never got to finish because his crush had just placed her hand over his mouth. She stared intently at Sirius, searching for something. Whatever it was, she must've found it because she breathed a sigh of relief and released her hold on his mouth. "What's this all about then?" he asked, surprised his voice didn't crack with her so close to him.

"Sirius..." Hermione took a deep breath and: "Would you go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Sirius stared, blinked several times in surprise, and stared some more. Hermione's expression turned from determined to embarrassed to upset.

"I'm sor--" she started to apologize, thinking she had read his emotions wrong. Sirius didn't give her time to finish, however, as he had covered her lips with his own. Pulling away, he smiled shyly at the blushing girl.

"I'd love too."

END

A/N's:

Wow, I really got into this story I think. It was actually fun writing it once I got started! Sorry if I overused details, but I was really in my Harry Potter mode tonight. That, and it was a full moon so I was really inspired.

1. Though I'm sure at least ninety-eight percent of you know this, but if anyone doesn't, cosmic irony is when a deity manipulates events so that the hero thinks things will turn out good, but they don't. _Oedipus_ is a good example of that, I think.


	24. Happy Birthday

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a birthday chapter, so here it is before the other requests because of her upcoming birthday! Happy Eighteenth!

**Episode 24**

Happy Birthday

Summary: In which Sirius celebrates his birthday with Hermione

The morning light reflected on the head of jet-black hair. Grumbling resounded through the room, as the covers were pulled roughly over the head of the sleeping heir. Just as sleep was about to claim him again, his door swung open.

"Sirius, wakey-wakey!" his (annoying) brother called, running into his room. Really, for a young man of sixteen, Regulus could be a right pain in the arse sometimes. At least, that's how Sirius felt when his precious blanket released its comfortable hold on him and settled on the floor. He sat up to glare at the younger man, but only received a snort of amusement for his trouble.

"Honestly," Regulus tutted, "you should know by now that Black glares only work on people that aren't of the Black lineage...Or your girlfriend, but she's a terror in herself!"

"What did you say?" Sirius asked, fully awake at the mention of Hermione. He glared at his younger brother, who shrugged nonchalantly in response to this threatening question. Regulus liked Hermione, she was like an older sister to him, but that didn't mean he couldn't speak the truth.

"Anyway, it's your birthday, Siri!" Regulus grinned at him. "How's it feel to be the big one-eight?"

"One-eight?" Sirius yawned, climbing out of bed. Seemingly he had already forgotten his little brother's insult toward his girlfriend – not that it wasn't true. Hermione could be scary when she wanted to be, but that's why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She wasn't intimidated easily. There were other reasons, of course, but that was one of his favorite traits about her.

"Eighteen, _hello._" Regulus rolled his eyes at his brother's apparent stupidity. Seriously, sometimes he wondered if his mother hadn't accidentally picked up the wrong baby when Sirius was first taken home. There was no way someone as intelligent, mature, and handsome (don't forget modest) as him could be related to such a neanderthal.

A sharp pain quickly brought Regulus from his musings. He cried out in pain, rubbing the back of his head while glaring at the smirking Sirius.

"What was that for?" he demanded angrily. Sirius smirked wider.

"You should stop talking aloud, little brother," Sirius answered mockingly. Regulus spat and cursed at him as Sirius pushed him out the door, already thinking about the wonderful day ahead of him.

Hermione usually spent the first half of the summer at home, and the second half with the Marauders, but she always visited on his birthday. Now that they were a couple, he planned to spend the whole day with her. Alone. Just the two of them.

James agreed to keep Lily busy, so she wouldn't feel the need to do something special for his birthday. Ever since they got together at the tail end of seventh year, she had insisted on celebrating holidays and special days with them. None of the Marauders minded, all being quite fond of the redhead, but right now Sirius just wanted some quality time with his girlfriend – hopefully soon-to-be fiancée.

He had been working up the courage to ask her for the past several months, but his plans to ask her at graduation were canceled when his mother took ill. It just hadn't seemed right to get engaged when the woman he had loved the longest was in Saint Mungos. Thankfully, she had gotten better, and now she knew of his plans and couldn't be happier. Hermione was perhaps her favorite of all the Marauders, and she had wanted the Muggle-born as her daughter-in-law since she first met her the summer after their second year.

Sirius smiled as he pulled out the ring. It was nothing particularly beautiful, just a simple gold band with a very small diamond, simple compared to most engagement rings. That's what would make it perfect though. Hermione _hated _rock-sized diamonds on rings, and thought the whole thing silly. Love was the most important part of a relationship in her mind, and the size of jewelry given didn't even play a part. Sirius wished more women could be like her.

Then again, with most women the answer to the infamous question would be obvious. Hermione, though he was certain she loved him almost as much (there was no way she could love him as much) as he did her, might not be ready for such a step. If that was the case, then she wouldn't say yes just to make him happy. That's what scared Sirius, what if she _wasn't _ready and rejected him?

He shook that thought away quickly. It was his birthday, his _eighteenth _birthday at that, and he wouldn't let anything get him down! Hermione would say yes, of course she would, and everything would be perfect in the life of one Sirius Black.

With that thought in mind, he quickly set about getting ready. He didn't want to spend too much time away from Hermione after all...

323232

"So, how does it feel to be eighteen?" Hermione asked curiously, leaning over the table. Sirius gulped and willed his eyes away from the visible cleavage.

"I dunno, not too different I guess," he muttered with a shrug. Hermione had turned eighteen in September, so everyone had been around to celebrate. For his birthday, it was just the two of them, dressed in their best and at one of the most prestigious wizarding restaurants around.

Hermione didn't care much for fanciful places, and neither did Sirius, but he wanted to propose to her like the men in those Muggle movies she loved so much (not that she would ever admit it). Sirius wouldn't admit, even to himself, that the restaurant was just an extra precaution. Surely she wouldn't shoot him down in front of so many people!

"Oh, come on," Hermione wheedled with a smirk, "surely you're excited to be eighteen!"

"Well..." Sirius trailed off, smiling slightly. "I know something that would make me extremely happy."

Hermione leaned back, her eyes glinting with curiosity. "Oh, what's that?" she asked, wondering if he was going to act perverted in such a beautiful restaurant. Hermione didn't mind his crazy sense of humor, understood that he was a guy and that was just how he thought. She also found it rather hilarious, just not when they were in such an expensive looking place. Sirius wasn't above anything though, so she should be alert.

Her eyes widened when Sirius dropped out of his chair and onto one knee before her. She was only vaguely aware of several patrons turning to watch them, but she didn't think too much of it. Her shock was too overwhelming to care that people were staring at Sirius and her.

"Hermione, we've been together since we were eleven, and we've been _together _for a few years now. I'm happiest when I'm with you, and I think it's always been that way, even when we were little. You know mum loves you, and dad thinks I'm an idiot for waiting this long, and this isn't quite the romantic speech I had planned out, but would you ignore that and marry me anyway?" Sirius rushed, feeling a blush come to his cheeks.

Hermione felt tears gather in her eyes, and a smile pull at her lips. Sirius only babbled like that when he was truly nervous about something. That he would worry over her rejecting him was a bit confusing to the Muggle-born. Did she not give the impression that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the man she had met seven years ago? Well, if she hadn't, then now was the time to correct her mistake.

"Sirius," Hermione breathed, brushing away the tears that slipped past. Sirius looked at her, grey eyes wide in anticipation and nervousness. He gulped when she bent down, but allowed her to pull him up for a lingering kiss. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Sirius let out a sigh of relief and rubbed his nose against Hermione's, foreheads touching. He loved her so very much, and now he had her forever. He slipped the ring he had forgotten to take out of his pocket in his anxiousness onto her finger, watching as it fit perfectly and glinted in the light.

"I love you," he whispered softly. Hermione smiled.

"I love you too."

They were so lost in each other, neither heard the applause surrounding them. Sirius smiled as he kissed Hermione again, feeling as though everything were finally right in his life. This was without a doubt the best birthday present anyone could have ever given him. Well...maybe those new prank fireworks Zonko's had just gotten wouldn't hurt, but he would leave that gift up to James, Remus, and Peter.

END


	25. Savior

REQUEST: WhiteRaven88 wanted me to do one when Hermione is in danger and Sirius saves her

**Episode 25**

Savior

Summary: In which Hermione is in danger, and Sirius plays knight in shining armor

The Slytherins were planning something. Sirius could see it in the way they would constantly smirk at the Gryffindor table, more specifically at the Marauders. He clenched his fists and resisted the urge march over there and throttle that smug look right off of Snivellus' face. Sirius didn't like the way he was looking at Hermione, didn't like it one bit.

"_Padfoot_! Are you even listening to me?" James shouted, waving his hand in Sirius' face. The teen shook his head to dispel the vengeful thoughts running through his mind and smiled at his best friend.

"Eh, sorry, mate," Sirius apologized sheepishly. "What was that again?"

"Oh Sirius, _honestly_!" Hermione shook her head, amusement clear in her dark gaze. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Well, I could think of a few things," he replied suggestively, leaning closer to his girlfriend. She laughed and hit his arm mockingly. "You wound me, love." Sirius pouted, then turned his attention back to the smirking James. "What was it you wanted, Prongsie?"

"Ah, I was just telling my ingenious prank for the Slytherins next Quidditch match!" he said, leaning forward and looking from side to side, as though spying for eavesdroppers. Sirius grinned, previous bad mood forgotten as he leaned forward to hear what James had in mind.

"Let's hear it then."

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It was almost time. Severus could hardly wait as he helped Lucius levitate the crate to a hidden section of the woods. He was going to make the Marauders pay for all the tricks they had pulled on him! He and the other Slytherins were going to play a prank of their own, a _Slytherin_ prank.

"Are you sure Slughorn said this was okay?" Macnair asked, looking particularly uneasy.

Severus rolled his eyes and noticed Lucius do the same, albeit more discreetly since it was quite immature for a Malfoy to roll his eyes. Slytherins were known to be cowards, – when the going got tough, they got going – but Macnair was by far one of the worst. He could get annoying when he wanted too, and today, it seemed that he wanted to be a problem.

"Does it _matter_?" Lucius scowled, and Macnair wisely backed away from the blond. The Malfoy family was far more powerful than his own, and in higher regards in Voldemort's court. It was wiser to get in trouble and stay on his good side than to worry about getting caught by a professor.

"No, I suppose not," he replied curtly. "What exactly is in the crate anyway?"

"Ah, that would be Severus' very own concoction, right Snape?" Lucius looked at the greasy haired boy with a cruel smile. Severus returned it with one of his own.

"I call it _dor grande_," (1) he said smirking. Even Macnair smirked at the name. It fit, assuming his potion would actually work, which knowing Snape, it would.

The Slytherins grinned at each other as Severus pulled a single vial of clear liquid out. Too much would kill the Mudblood, and though the idea was tempting, none of the boys wanted Dumbledore breathing down their necks. For an old coot, he was pretty smart, and he was already keeping a close eye on them.

"Gentlemen," Lucius started, straightening his robes in a very businesslike manner, "the plan commences tomorrow at breakfast."

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Hermione laughed along with the rest of the Marauders as Sirius reenacted a fourth year Ravenclaw's reaction to his fantasy prank, in which a well-aimed charm would hit the person and make them live out their fantasy – aloud. Sirius' expression darkened as he continued, and Hermione felt a blush spread across her face.

"It was all fine and dandy until he started moaning Hermione's name!" Sirius growled, shooting a glare at Edward Giovanni, the Ravenclaw in question.

"Maybe it was coincidence?" she offered unconvincingly. She was pretty sure there wasn't another Hermione in Hogwarts, as it was a pretty unusual name. The only other time she'd heard it used, in fact, was from the Shakespearian character she was named after.

"Not unless there's another Granger here," Sirius drawled. He wrapped a loose arm around her waist and grinned at his girlfriend. He loved the blush on her face and desperately wanted to find a broom closet somewhere.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Over the years, she had gotten good at interpreting Sirius' expressions, and she knew this one all too well. Instead of complying to his wishes and dragging him out of the Great Hall, she took a gulp of her pumpkin juice, cleverly hiding a smirk at Sirius' disappointed pout when she didn't immediately pounce on him.

Her humor was short-lived as a great pain immediately took over her body. She felt as though all her muscles were tightening, and something ripped through her chest, like thousands of knives butchering her heart. Except, instead of dieing, she could feel every painful minute of it.

A cry escaped her throat, and Hermione fell back, convulsing on the floor. She was only vaguely aware of her friends confused, angry shouts and the questioning voices floating around her. It was as if she was in another world, a world of pain, and Hermione didn't like it one bit!

At the Slytherin table, Severus, Macnair, and Lucius smirked triumphantly.

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"Off with you now!" Madame Pomfrey ordered, shooing the Marauders out of the hospital wing. Hermione opened her eyes enough to see the boys, especially Sirius, being forcefully pushed from the room, protesting and complaining all the way about the unfairness of not being able to stay with their friend. "Out! It's almost curfew!"

"But--"

"No buts Mister Black! Out!"

Sirius didn't get another chance to speak as the door was slammed in his face. Even then, though, Hermione could vaguely hear his complaints through the wood. She smiled slightly, though it pained her to do so, and closed her eyes as sleep once again enveloped her in its warm embrace.

_Hermione...Hermiiiioneeee...Hermione, come to me!_

Hermione awoke when the voice began to echo in her mind. She couldn't be sure how long she'd been asleep, but it felt like only a few minutes. Even as disorientated as she was, Hermione was smart enough to realize it was a lot later than it had been the first time she woke up.

Sighing softly, she tried to go back to sleep. The voice refused to let her, and unfortunately, Hermione could only pay attention to one thing at a time right now. Her mind so focused on wondering how much sleep she'd gotten, she didn't think about how odd it was to hear such a dark yet persuasive voice echoing in her mind.

_Hermiiiioneeee, I'm waiting for you. Don't keep me waiting...Please?_

Well, it _did_ say please...Hermione climbed out of bed, wincing at the cold floor her bare feet met. That discomfort was soon forgotten as she began to walk and every muscle in her body ached almost as badly as it had in the Great Hall. Her eyes unfocused as she followed the sound of the voice, its enchanting tone growing louder with each step she took.

_HERMIONE!_

The voice was booming now, and she smiled slightly at that. Whoever was calling her must've really wanted her fast. She had never heard someone sound so urgent before, other than Sirius when he wanted a quick snog or wanted her to listen to his newest prank while James was busy daydreaming about Lily.

"I'm coming," she said, pushing open the doors and walking outside of Hogwarts. She neared the Forbidden Forest, not even aware of where she was going. She just wanted to placate the voice before it left, before she found it.

_HERMIIIIONEEEE!_

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" she called louder. A few snickers from the edge of the forest went unnoticed by her as she continued walking. She didn't notice anything walking into the darkened forest, least of all the three Slytherin boys that were coming up behind her.

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Sirius was unable to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Hermione writhing on the floor in pain, and him unable to do anything. He wouldn't be surprised if this was the Slytherins doing, but if it was, they better hope he never found the culprits behind this cruel prank. He'd kill them with his bare hands!

Finally, with a growl of annoyance, he pushed out of his bed and slipped out of the room. Clothes and shoes were of no importance as he'd be changing as soon as he was out of the Gryffindor common room. Thankfully, the Fat Lady was a sound sleeper and only snorted once when the portrait was pushed open.

Sirius transformed into his animagus form and took off for the hospital wing. He was a Marauder on a mission – the objective: see Hermione and make sure she was alright. He didn't care if he was caught by Madame Pomfrey, or if he got into trouble for being out after hours, he was going to see Hermione and he wasn't going to leave her side until she woke up!

Because he was in dog form, Sirius' sense of smell was a lot better than usual. On the way to the infirmary, he was distracted by a familiar scent, a scent that should've been surrounded by medical potions and antidotes and the medi-witch that had refused to let him stay earlier. Hermione smelled as she usually did, like cherries and the scent that was strictly Hermione, but the stench of a dark potion also surrounded her.

Sirius didn't have to think twice before he turned and ran after his girlfriend. His blue eyes narrowed and he growled, showing off his sharp canines. The dark potion had the unmistakeable smell of Slytherin, which only confirmed Sirius' suspicions over which house had dared to harm his beloved.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Hermione called when they were outside. Sirius wasn't sure where they were going, or who she was even talking too, but he'd bet anything it had to do with the Slytherins prank. His suspicions only increased when he heard snickering near the edge of the forest. He made sure to stick close to the shadows so he wouldn't be seen by whoever was there, but he could still follow Hermione at a close distance.

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Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Walden Macnair moved in toward Hermione when she finally came to a stop in the middle of a clearing near the edge of the forest. None of the Slytherins were brave enough to edge further into the forest, but they didn't want to do this where any teacher that happened to be on patrol could simply look out a window and see them. Besides, the magical signature of the forest would hide their own, making it impossible for them to be caught as the perpetrators.

_Hermiiiioneeee..._The voice had gotten softer again, darker in its tone, and Hermione whimpered nervously at the sound. Now that the cold air was hitting her, she could feel the wet grass under her feet and wondered if she'd been smart to follow a strange voice into the Forbidden Forest. She was still too disorientated to think about running though, and she probably wouldn't have gotten far anyway.

"Gotcha, Mudblood!" Macnair shouted, pointing his wand at the girl. "_Quebre um pé!" (2)_

Hermione's leg twisted painfully, and she fell to the ground. Her senses returned to full capacity at the new pain, and she looked up, frightened and shocked by the Slytherins she hadn't noticed surrounding her earlier. She refused to let them know she was scared of them and masked her terror with a cold glare.

"What do you want?" she hissed, keeping her voice decidedly calm, especially for one whose leg was just broken. All three boys simply laughed at her bravado, taking sick pleasure in the fear that they knew was there.

"What do we want?" Lucius asked, stepping forward. "Well, that's a hard question. We want many things: women, money, power, to be the Dark Lord's greatest subjects, but at the moment we just want you gone."

"You're filth!" Macnair said condescendingly. "Worthless, disgusting, Muggle filth, and you're dirtying our world by being here!"

"Oh?" Hermione looked at her nails with mock-boredom, her Marauder nature refusing to give them the satisfaction of knowing how much their words truly hurt. "Is this because I beat all of your asses in class again? Guys, _guys_, you really should just admit that I'm smarter than you. Honestly, this just makes you look pathetic."

_That's my girl, _Sirius thought, growling lowly. He was waiting for the right moment to attack the three boys and get Hermione out of there, but so far his girl seemed to be doing a good job of keeping them distracted.

"Why you-you filthy little Mudblood whore!" Lucius shouted. He whipped his wand out and pointed it at her threateningly.

Normally, Hermione would try to jump away from the blast, or rather roll away as was her only real option, but her leg twinged at the slightest movement, and she deduced that it wouldn't be a good idea to move at all. Now, her fear finally caught up to her as she realized she was trapped, and her wand was still in the hospital wing!

The Slytherins smirked, seeing the fear flash in her chocolate-colored eyes. Hermione was as good as theirs, and would pay both for the Marauders pranks and for being a disgusting Muggle-born. They sneered at her, Severus also drawing his wand along with Walden. The three boys stared at her cruelly, each contemplating which torture would be best.

"Should we use the Cruciatus Curse?" Lucius asked mock-thoughtfully. "It's the Dark Lord's favorite, and I rather fancy giving it a try myself."

"No, I told you I wanted to try my new curse out," Snape reminded him firmly, though his voice held a bit of fear in it. Obviously, Malfoy was the true leader of this little brigade. "Sectumsempra should do the job nicely."

"Hm...What do you think Macnair?" Lucius asked, turning to the third boy. He had remained silent, shaking nervously at the prospect of getting caught. A shiver ran down his spine when Lucius turned to him, and he looked up with an obviously fake smile on his sweating visage.

"I think we should try Snape's," he said surprisingly calm. "I'm sure Dumbledore has something to catch Unforgivable Curses, and we don't want to be caught using them here."

Snape smirked smugly. It would have been a smile, but Slytherins had a rule against smiling and it wasn't good to break Slytherin rules. Lucius sighed in disappointment, but he had to admit that Macnair had a point. Besides, he secretly wanted to see what Snape's personal curse could do. It hadn't been tested yet, but the greasy haired boy was smart enough to come up with something good surely.

Slowly, the three boys turned to face Hermione, Snape raising his wand threateningly. "Ready, Mudblood?" he asked darkly, a cruel tone entering his voice. Before Hermione could reply, he swung his wand down and yelled "Sectumsempra" at the top of his lungs.

A pained yell escaped Hermione's throat as various cuts appeared on her body. The Slytherins laughed maniacally at the sound of her screams, but their humor was short-lived when a giant black dog jumped out of the shrubbery and charged them.

"Ah! What the hell is that thing?" Malfoy shouted fearfully, backing away as the dog melded in with the shadows until only his glaring white fangs were visible. His blue eyes snapped onto each of the frightened boys before landing on Hermione. He would have to get her out of here and back to the hospital wing soon, which meant he couldn't tear these boys limb from limb. Damn.

Sirius growled threateningly at the Slytherins nervously backing away. _Hang on, Hermione, I just need to get rid of these bloody bogies!_ The Gryffindor girl whimpered softly but seemed to nod, as though hearing Sirius' thoughts. He would have smiled had he not been in dog form, but his attention was quickly drawn back to the Slytherins and he rushed at them.

Forgetting all Slytherin pride, the boys screamed and ran back to the large school, the overgrown canine chasing them all the way. As soon as they were out of the forest, Sirius turned back to Hermione and quickly transformed. He frowned when he reached her, noticing she was unconscious.

"Hermione? Hermione? Love, wake up!" he pleaded, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. A pained whimper made him smile. She was still alive! That was good.

"Sirius," Hermione moaned softly, opening her brown eyes to show the tears welling in the beautiful orbs. "Hurts."

"Don't worry, love," Sirius soothed, picking her up as carefully as he could. She nearly screamed at the pain but managed to hold it in and instead let out yet another pitiful whimper. There was pain everywhere, and she just wanted it to stop. Sirius hushed her and carried her back to the school as fast as he could, not caring about any teachers that might be milling about.

There was only one thought on his mind at the moment. _Get Hermione to the hospital wing!_ After he had done that, he would go get the rest of the Marauders and then...Then those Slytherins had better hope the professors got to them first because he would make them pay! They had hurt his Hermione, and as far as Sirius was concerned, that was punishable by death!

First though, he had to get Hermione help. He looked down at his passed-out girlfriend and felt his heart break. He should have attacked sooner! If he had, this probably could have been avoided.

Shaking those thoughts away, Sirius reminded himself that the past was the past and at least she was still alive. He lowered his head to nuzzle his cheek against her nose, smiling softly as her scent permeated his nostrils.

"Don't worry, love," he repeated, "Sirius is here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you ever again. I promise."

A/N's:

1. _Dor Grande_ is Portugese for big pain

2. _Quebre um pé_ is Portugese for Break a leg


	26. Care

A/N's:

I'm joining this one to the last chapter, so this takes place directly after _Savior_.

REQUEST: WhiteRaven88 wanted me to do one where Hermione is badly hurt, and Sirius takes care of her

**Episode 26**

Care

Summary: In which Hermione is hurt, and Sirius takes care of her

Two weeks after The Incident, as Hermione had taken to calling it, Sirius could be found waiting on her hand and foot. Madame Pomfrey had given her a potion that healed the cuts and her leg instantly, but she still felt sore and weak, and had been given a week off from classes. This was only the first week she was back, and everyone except the Slytherins had been giving her pitying or envious – why couldn't Sirius look after them, the "prettier" girls? – looks. She absolutely loathed it.

Though, Hermione had to admit that having Sirius make such a big fuss over her was rather flattering. There were some days she wondered if she wasn't just another notch-in-the-belt so to speak, and since his home life was less than desirable, Sirius wasn't the type to say I-love-you everyday. So, it was the little things that reassured her he did care, and lately she'd been reassured more than she thought possible!

Dropping her books on the table with a huff, Hermione fell onto the red and gold couch. Remus looked up from his Arithmacy book and smiled at her knowingly. Just because they put more consideration into their schoolwork than most people did _not_ mean they liked doing it. Especially not the makeup work that the professors loved to pile on them as punishment for missing their classes.

"Arithmacy, Transfiguration, and DADA essay, all three feet long! Care of Magical Creatures exam to study for, and my absolute favorite, a four foot essay on potion antidotes for magical illnesses. Ugh, I was hurt! Why can't they just once go easy on me?" Hermione complained, throwing her arms over the back of the couch and thumping her head on the arm.

"I told you to take Divination," James said as he and Sirius entered the room. They hadn't heard all she'd said, but both boys had a pretty good idea about the source of Hermione's complaints.

"Why would I want to take that class? Trelawney's a bloody fraud! If they want to have a good Divination professor, why don't they just ask a centaur?"

Of course, Hermione knew a centaur would _never _agree to work for a human, they were too proud and thought themselves to be better. The magical creatures were a lot better about foretelling events, not to mention they actually admitted to not always being correct, than the bug-eyed freak that currently taught.

"You could take it because of me, the love of your life!" Sirius answered her first question, pouting when his loving girlfriend snorted.

"Yeah right, that's a _great_ reason to take the bloody class!" Hermione agreed sarcastically. "I'm going into a subject I hate because some arrogant pretty boy is in it. _Riiiight_."

"I do believe, Padfoot, that you were just mocked by your bint." James nodded once to confirm his point, and Peter laughed aloud when he quaked under the hard glare Hermione sent his way.

"What did you just call me?" she asked dangerously low.

"Erm...Sirius' beautiful, loving girlfriend?" James smiled nervously and ruffled his hair for good measure. That always worked to distract the ladies, right? Well, except when it came to Lily, but that was another story entirely.

"That's what I thought," Hermione growled. She turned back to Sirius when he lifted her legs and took a seat on the other end of the couch, letting them fall onto his lap once he was settled.

"So, what, may I ask, ails you, my love?" Sirius asked gallantly. "Please, tell me so that I might slay it for you."

Hermione pointed towards her pile of schoolwork and pouted. "The evil professors have given me loads of work to do, and it's all due within two days! Help?" Her lower lip quivered for added effect, but Sirius' expression had changed from gallant and brave to downright terrified.

"Er, uh, sorry, 'Mione, but I've got work of my own to do! You're on your own!"

"Hmph!" Hermione snorted. "That figures."

"Oi, so what are we gonna do about the Slytherins?" Peter asked eagerly. He would probably do very little against them as he was quite the coward, but that didn't mean he wouldn't cheer on his friends.

Immediately, the comfortable atmosphere turned thick with angry tension. James and Remus were glaring darkly at the large books on their laps, and Sirius' fists clenched and unclenched so tightly his knuckles turned white. Peter shivered at the aura of pure hate now surrounding his friends, especially Hermione who looked both scared and vengeful at the same time.

"I'm not sure yet," Sirius replied in a low growl, "but they'll be lucky to survive!"

"Hermione sighed and moved her legs off of Sirius', ignoring his playful whimper of protest as the silky legs were moved away from his reach. Another sigh and she grabbed her books, stacking them one on top of the other.

"Well, I'm off to the dorms," she told them. "I can't seem to concentrate when Paddy-boy is here."

The three smiled amusedly at the doggish Marauder, who smirked smugly at the compliment. Hermione rolled her eyes and tsked.

"That wasn't a compliment, _love_," she informed him. Sirius' protests went unheard as Hermione walked up the girls stairs, hips swaying the whole way.

"Hm." Sirius hummed pleasurably as his eyes strayed to her bum.

"Ahem!" James "coughed", grinning at his best mate when he snapped his attention back to the stag. "Shall we get to work, Padfoot?" He gestured to the large book in his lap, indicating schoolwork.

"Right!" Sirius agreed. Books were thrown to the side as the two began a mini-sword fight with their wands, sparks flying dangerously. Remus shook his head and turned back to his work while Peter turned his full attention to the dueling duo.

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Hermione yawned and stretched, feeling her muscles pull pleasantly. She was finally over the soreness it seemed, and she sighed in relief that it was over. Revenge was still on the forefront of her mind though, as she wanted the snaky bastards to pay for taking her dignity, even if just for a brief time.

Her legs swung over the mattress, and she stood, only to fall back on the bed in pain. A scream escaped her throat, more because she was surprised by the sudden pang than because she felt the need to scream. Her eyes watered, and she looked at her leg to see one of the few cuts that hadn't managed to disappear completely as wide as it had been that night.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Lily asked urgently, running to her friend's bedside.

Of all the Marauders, Hermione was the one person she could truly stand to be around for more than an hour. Remus was fine too, but Lily still liked to keep her distance from him too. He was just so distant from everyone, except the Marauders, that it was a tad scary to be in his presence.

Hermione whimpered and pointed to her leg; Lily gasped at the sight and snapped her gaze back to Hermione's sweating face.

"Are you alright?" she asked. "Stupid question," she said when Hermione shot her a dark glare. "I'll go get Madame Pomfrey!"

Without another word, the redhead tore out of the room. Hermione whined as she left, feeling the pain spreading through her veins like wildfire. Why did this stuff always happen to her?

Sirius was sitting in the common room along with the other male Marauders. Hermione was usually one of the first ones down, despite being a girl, but today it seemed she had discovered the typical female habits of taking forever to get ready.

All four boys were surprised when Lily shot down the stairs, her eyes widened in fright as she hurried to the portrait hole. James, always eager to catch the redhead's attention, called after her.

"Oi, Lily, what's wrong? See a bug?" he joked. Okay, probably not his brightest move, but at least she looked at him, and she wasn't glaring. Her expression hadn't changed though, but he could see a hint of annoyance in the emerald orbs.

"I don't have time for your jokes, Potter," Lily hissed. "Hermione's wound reopened, and she's in a lot of pain right now!"

"What!?" Sirius shouted angrily. Lily had already exited the common room though, and was speeding down the halls before he could get the first syllable out.

Upset that his girlfriend was hurt, Sirius turned to the girls staircase and sped up them. Even as it turned into a slide, he somehow managed to keep his footing and continue up. It was amazing the feats you could accomplish when the one you loved was hurting.

Hermione, and the few other remaining girls, gasped when the door swung open and Sirius, a _boy_, rushed to her side. His eyes were wide in panic, but his mouth was set in a firm line. There was no humor in his gaze, something very few saw him without, and he looked almost murderous.

"Sirius," Hermione gasped out, wincing at the stinging in her leg. Sirius frowned and nuzzled her hair with his nose, glaring at the gaping girls so harshly, they scattered like flies from the room. His arms wrapped around the girl, wiping pain-induced tears from her eyes with one hand. "Hurts."

Sirius' heart stopped beating for several seconds. That was exactly what she'd said that night, barely conscious from the pain the Slytherins had wrought on her. He held her tighter to him, almost suffocatingly so, but Hermione only returned the embrace. He would kill them; he would kill every last one of the bloody snakes, starting with the trio that dared hurt his love!

"Don't worry, love," he comforted, "Madame Pomfrey's on her way."

Hermione, eyes closed and sweat covering her face, managed to nod her understanding. Just then, the door flung open and the medi-witch stomped into the room. Her expression was a mixture of anger, disbelief, and sorrow. She was deeply upset she'd not healed Hermione as well as she thought, but she was also angry at whoever would dare hurt such a kind-hearted, if not undisciplined, young woman.

Sirius didn't even bother looking up as the older woman rushed to his girlfriend's side, checking her over for any other injuries beyond that on her leg. The medi-witch didn't question why or even how he'd managed to get up to the girl's dorms; the only acknowledgement she made to Sirius' presence was to order him to carry Hermione to the hospital wing as levitation might hurt her more.

It didn't take long for a small train, known as the Marauders, to start up behind Madame Pomfrey when she walked out of Gryffindor Tower. Many students stopped to stare in confusion at the small procession headed for the infirmary, and everyone (save the Slytherins) shot sympathetic looks at Sirius when they saw Hermione whimpering in his arms.

Everyone, though, even the Slytherins this time, was quick to jump out of the Black's way. He looked downright murderous in the times he wasn't staring concernedly down at Hermione, and no one wanted to get in his way.

"Is she going to be alright?" James asked when Hermione was once again lying in bed. Remus and Peter had left for class, to explain why James and Sirius (assuming Sirius even came to class) would be late. He looked worriedly at the girl he considered his sister and felt anger well up at whoever dared hurt her. He knew, though, that what he was feeling wasn't half as strong as Sirius' anger had to be.

"She'll be fine," Madame Pomfrey reassured. Her voice didn't sound too certain though, as she coaxed Hermione into drinking a tasteless potion.

The brunette was clutching Sirius' hand painfully tight, but he didn't once flinch. Instead, he was busy running a wet cloth over her forehead, softly whispering encouragement in her ear. She would get through this, he told her, she had too because he needed her.

"Sirius," Hermione whispered. Sirius smiled at her and leaned down, pressing his lips gently to hers. She returned the kiss before flopping back on the bed. Her eyes watered from the pain, but she managed to give him a loving look all the same. "Love you."

"Love you too, 'Mione."

"You should get to class now," Madame Pomfrey told James. She looked at Sirius, tempted to tell him the same, but one look at the peaceful (albeit pained) expression on Hermione's face, and she decided to be lenient for once. "Tell Minerva that Mister Black won't be in class today."

James nodded, smiled once at his distracted friends, and promptly left the room. Madame Pomfrey then turned to the two on the bed, but decided against disturbing them. Quietly, she headed back to her office for a few minutes, until the potion should truly take affect and she could ask Hermione if it was stemming the pain any.

"Will you take care of me?" Hermione asked Sirius when everyone was gone. The teen smiled and kissed her again.

"Always," he promised sincerely. Hermione smiled and allowed sleep to envelope her as she waited for the potion to stop the pain.

Sirius settled in the bed next to his girl, wrapping his arms around her. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his nose against her hair, waiting patiently for her to get better. And she would because Hermione wasn't the type to let Slytherins get the better of her. Reassured with the thought, Sirius fell into a dreamless sleep.

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_One Week Later_

Severus, Lucius, and Walden sauntered into Dumbledore's office as nonchalantly as they could. Earlier, Macnair had been complaining about having a bad feeling when they were ordered to the headmaster's office, and for once the two boys had to agree with him. A niggling feeling in the back of their minds had been nagging at them all day, and it all started when the Minister showed up for a conference with Albus.

The trio stopped when they saw the three large men waiting for them, the Minister standing between the men, and Dumbledore off to the side. The latter had no twinkle in his eyes as he looked at the three Slytherins, and they gulped feeling their nerves skyrocket. Something definitely wasn't right!

"You wanted to see us, Professor?" Lucius asked casually, as though Aurors weren't staring them down. He kept his gaze firmly on the white-haired man rather than the two burly wizards in front of him.

"Yes," Dumbledore said softly, tensely, "I've been told and given proof that you know more about Miss Granger's cause than you let on."

Severus' heart stopped. Oh no, this wasn't good. He looked to the side to see how Macnair and Malfoy were holding up. The former was sweating profusely, giving away his guilt immediately, but Malfoy looked unaffected. Snape guessed it had to do with his upbringing.

"Oh?" Lucius shrugged. "And who told you this?"

"_That_ is confidential," Dumbledore replied firmly. "But I can tell you that it was an eyewitness at the scene of the crime, and he is not very pleased with you three right now."

"W-what's going to happen?" Macnair stuttered nervously. His eyes flicked from the Aurors to Dumbledore and back again. He didn't like where this was going.

"It pains me to do this, to my own students especially, but...Minister?"

"By order of the Law of Wizards: Section A, Sub C, Article 10, you are hereby under arrest and sentenced to three months in Azkaban for endangering the life of a young woman with a dark curse."

"WHAT!?" Malfoy had officially lost his cool. He continued to struggle, even as one of the Aurors apprehended him while the others went for Snape and Macnair. "You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am?" he shouted, continuing to struggle against the Auror.

"Shut it!" the burly Auror commanded, knocking Malfoy roughly on the back of the head. The blond ignored the warning and continued to curse and spit at Dumbledore, though it was quite degrading for the usually collected Malfoy to show such a side of himself.

Snape remained silent. Azkaban? Oh, his mother would have his head when she found out! He was more worried about getting out than staying in. What was the worst that could happen there? The guards wouldn't feed them enough?

Macnair seemed to be the only one truly afraid of going to prison. He was shaking in his boots, crying and begging to be forgiven and simply given detention for the rest of his time at Hogwarts. All of his pleads went unheard, however, as he was dragged from the room.

"You'll be back here in three months time," Dumbledore told them as they were led out of his office. "I hope you learn _something_ in Azkaban."

His eyes were hard, but his voice was weak. Albus really _didn't _like doing this to his students. Their parents had already been notified, but none were too interested in their children's lives until news circulated and their reputations were truly at stake. It was a shame as far as the headmaster was concerned, but he couldn't let this kind of thing go unpunished.

With a deep sigh, he closed the door on the Slytherins and Aurors. He knew their parents would probably bail them out before they had even gone through with their full sentence. It wasn't like the bail payment would be too much for the wealthy families to handle.

Still, he hoped they learned something in the little time they were there. Albus had a strong feeling, though, that they wouldn't learn anything at all. But at least Hermione and the other Muggle-borns were safe for now. And next time, he would do a better job of making sure _everyone_ was safe under Hogwarts roof.

A/N's:

Probably not what my requester had in mind, but I hope it was good anyway.

Fudge didn't become minister until 1990 (or so it says on HPLexicon), and it's my belief that he was the one who placed Dementors in Azkaban. Or at least the minister before him did, so therefore they haven't yet been placed in the prison. Thus why Snape isn't too concerned with being stuck there for three months.


	27. Jealous

A/N's: For this particular request, Krum was made older

REQUEST: echidna wanted a chapter where Sirius is jealous of Viktor Krum

**Episode 27**

Jealous

Summary: In which Sirius experiences jealousy over Krum

They were twenty-seven years old now. James and Lily had been married since their graduation, and Sirius and Hermione had been married since they eloped in the Muggle world the summer before their seventh year. Both families were extremely happy, the former with a son and the latter with great sex and no children to interrupt.

Sirius thought he might like to have children someday, but he wanted to enjoy Hermione for at least another year before a little Padfoot and or a little Moonstar started running around the house. His wife agreed full-heartedly, and both were content to let Harry play the part of their surrogate son (even though his own parents were very much alive).

It wasn't until the fourteen-year-old wizard came to them one day, pleading for both to attend the World Cup with him since his parents had to work (his father whining the whole time about the unfairness) and he couldn't go without an adult, that Sirius began really debating if Harry was worthy of being his surrogate son or not.

Sirius Black loved Quidditch as much as the next male wizard, and he was all for going to the game with his godson. Hermione went along because, as she pointed out, Sirius wasn't exactly good adult supervision. She wasn't a fan of the game, but she liked having two of her favorite boys happy, so she would tag along and not intrude on their fun. Even though questions about what the hell was going on swam through her mind the entire game.

Bulgaria was amazing, but it was nothing compared to Ireland. In the end, the latter team won, but Viktor Krum of the Bulgarian team had caught the snitch. Krum was Harry's idol, and for a while he had been Sirius' too. Now, he was the bane of Sirius Black's life!

It all started after the game ended. The Weasley's had managed backstage passes, and Ron was quick to give the extras to his best friend and his best friend's godparents (especially Hermione, whom he'd fancied for a while now). Bagman introduced the losing team, and Bulgaria lined up to shake his hand, irritation clear on their faces.

Then, Viktor Krum, famous Seeker since he was sixteen and hero to many, laid eyes on Hermione. His expression lifted, he stood a little straighter, and when she smiled back at him, he winked. In that moment, Sirius knew his childhood hero, who was actually only four years older than him, was a woman-stealing bastard.

Later, both teams stood around, giving mini-interviews to the children and families that admired them greatly. Most were centered around Ireland, but Bulgaria had its own fan club as well. And it was a descent size too.

While the Weasley's went to talk to the Irish team, Harry asked Sirius if he would mind going to get Krum's autograph with him. He hadn't noticed the wink Krum gave Hermione, but he did know that Krum had been Sirius' hero since he was twelve. The dark-haired man grunted an affirmative, thinking perhaps he'd been wrong, but he was reluctant to go when Hermione tagged along behind.

Viktor was a famous man. He was used to women throwing themselves at him, even if he wasn't _the _most handsome of men. He had seen many beautiful creatures, but none compared to the brunette from earlier. Obviously, her looks came second as portrayed by her bushy brown hair, but her smile was amazing and her body remained far from a stick figure. The mischievous glint in her chocolate orbs made her a mystery, as she had the appearance of a bookworm but the aura of a prankster.

It was with great pleasure that he noticed a trio, one that included his brown-haired goddess, nearing him. The teen in front looked nothing like either, so Viktor guessed that he was just a friend of the two adults following behind. The black-haired man didn't have his arm wrapped around her waist, a sign that they were not together, in Viktor's books anyway – actually Sirius was too busy looking around to even think about showing any sort of claim on his Hermione.

She was smiling at the teen's enthusiasm as he waved his arms around, and Viktor waited patiently for them to stop in front of him. As soon as they had, the teenager looked at the ground, cheeks bright red and excitement in his emerald orbs. He seemed shyer now that he was near his idol, something Viktor was far too used to.

"Who do I make this out too?" he asked, looking at the tall boy in front of him. His gaze moved from the boy to the woman though, and he soon found himself caught up in the most beautiful brown eyes he'd ever seen.

"Harry Potter," the boy replied, breaking Viktor from his thoughts. The dark-haired man next to her was now glaring at him, but Viktor paid it no heed as he signed the notepad Harry had offered him. "Here!" he said, handing Viktor another one when Sirius didn't budge. He blushed again and jabbed his thumb at Sirius, mouthing 'wuss' at the older Seeker.

Viktor allowed a small smirk to appear at that. He understood what the boy was saying well enough. The man was too shy to ask for his autograph, though he had the distinct feeling that wasn't the reason why he'd stayed silent and unmoving. Call him crazy, but Krum didn't get the 'shy person' vibes from the tall, pale man.

"And this?"

"Sirius Black," Harry answered for his godfather. "And Hermione too, right?" He looked curiously at the woman, and Viktor inwardly rejoiced at the chance to check her out again.

"Why not?" Hermione replied with a small smile at the Seeker. "H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E." She spelled for him when he shot her a questioning look. "It's not a very common name," she muttered with a blush.

"No," Viktor agreed, "but eet ees, how do you say, beautiful?"

Hermione's blush darkened, and Viktor didn't think he'd ever seen anything so beautiful in his life. Harry looked between the two with a confused, slightly disgusted look on his face. Call him crazy, but it just wasn't right to see someone, especially his idol, hitting on his godmother. Ron was bad enough, but _Viktor Krum_?

Sirius growled angrily and ripped the notepad away from him. "It'd do you good to keep your eyes to yourself!" he snarled at the Seeker. Viktor backed up in shock, though he couldn't blame the man for being jealous. Hermione really was a beautiful woman. "That's my wife you're looking at!"

"Sirius!" Hermione protested, even as she allowed him to pull her away. Harry gaped after the duo, but quickly got his bearings and ran after them, but not before apologizing profusely to Krum for his godfather's childish behavior.

The Seeker watched them go, eyes narrowing at the arm now firmly around Hermione's waist. He sighed and wondered if he would ever find another woman as beautiful as that one had been. Too bad she was taken.

323232

"Uh, Sirius?" Hermione questioned when they were out of the Quidditch players earshot. He looked at her curiously, stealing a kiss and smirking smugly when she returned it. Yeah, Hermione was his alright. _HIS! _"You do realize you just yelled at your hero since adolescence?"

Sirius stopped, looked back at Krum now signing some little girl's book, and back to Hermione. His expression turned grave, and Hermione made a confused noise in the back of her throat.

"Well, shit."

END

A/N's:

I may fix this one up later. About 3/4 of the way through, I thought of much more I could do for this to change it, but as it was already almost done and echidna has been waiting patiently for goddess knows how long, I figured I would go ahead and post it now.


	28. Straight?

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Lily and Hermione question how straight James and Sirius are

**Episode 28**

Straight?

Summary: In which James' and Sirius' sexuality is questioned by the ones that mean the most to them

"Excuse me?" James asked, gaping at Lily.

He, Sirius, Lily, and Hermione were on a double date in the Three Broomsticks. It was a full moon tonight, so Remus was back at Hogwarts with Peter, the only one not dating anyone. The three Marauders would've stayed with him, but he had shooed them away and ordered them to have a good time in Hogsmeade. Cleverly, he snuck in a request for lots of chocolate, which Hermione and Lily agreed to buy him immediately. Apparently, women turn into simpering coddlers when a "poor, sweet, innocent soul like Remus" isn't feeling well, even if one of those women knew the cause of his illness.

Now, they were sitting around a table in the crowded pub, but no noise seemed to be able to permeate James' hearing. Well, no noise besides the question recently posed by his supposedly loving girlfriend.

"She said," Hermione repeated slowly, "are you gay?"

"Lily, love, what brought this on?" James asked, half curious and half nervous. Why would his girlfriend, whom he had loved since first year ask such a question? Not that he had a thing against homosexuals, his cousin was one and quite content with it, but he wasn't and he didn't want his _girlfriend _of all people to question his manhood!

"Well, you see," Hermione explained when Lily looked at her, "we were talking about our years at Hogwarts, and we realized that you two spend quite a bit of time together. Even without the rest of us Marauders around," she said before Sirius could protest, "so we were curious as to if you two were _really_ straight or not."

"It's okay if you're not!" Lily reassured quickly, smiling kindly. "We won't think any less of you. We're just curious."

"WHAT!?" Sirius and James both shouted.

"You think that we- that he- that I...Hermione, how could you?" Sirius asked, looking between the two girls. "You know I'm crazy about you! I have been since our first time on the Hogwarts Express when I saw you sitting there, your cute little dress riding up a bit--"

"PERV!" Hermione shouted, causing several people to glance in her direction. She pointed an accusing finger at Sirius. "I knew it! I knew you were looking up my dress! You little--"

"Hermione...Hermione!" Lily calmed, pushing the girl back in her seat. "Calm down, that was years ago. Besides, James isn't much better. He's always perving on me."

"Hmph!" Hermione turned her head away from Sirius, but she did seem to have calmed down somewhat. "Anyway," she turned back to the boys, "are you or are you not homosexual?"

"No!" "Of course not!" "How could you even say...?" "I can't believe you don't trust my manhood!"

These were just some of the responses the two boys managed to get out. They died down when they saw the redhead and the brunette holding their sides in unsuppressed laughter.

"Prongs?"

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"It would seem we've been tricked by our own girlfriends."

"So it would."

James and Sirius glared at the laughing women, scooting closer together as they talked over ways to get back at the girls. Noticing the laughter had died down, they saw the two girls shooting them smug smirks. Looking back at each other, Sirius and James realized just how close they were sitting and how much closer their faces were.

"AH!" they shouted, jumping apart.

Needless to say, it was a while before the two friends sat next to each other again.

END


	29. Baking

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione bake and have a food fight

**Episode 29**

Baking

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione bake and a food fight ensues

"That doesn't go in yet!" Hermione shouted at Sirius, as he tried to pour the milk into the bowl. "The eggs have to go in first!"

"But Hermione, love, don't you ever wonder what would happen if you _didn't_ follow the rules on the box?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I doubt it would matter what order it happens in, Padfoot," she pointed out.

"Then what's the worry, love?" And he promptly poured the milk.

Hermione felt like slapping her forehead in irritation, but decided against it. Why cause herself pain because her fiancé was a moron? A cute moron, but a moron nonetheless.

Sirius smiled when Hermione gave that cute, annoyed little sigh of hers and shook her head. His fiancée was truly beautiful, and he was damn lucky to have caught her before that bastard Amos Diggory did. He couldn't, and didn't want to, imagine his life with her in the arms of that pretty boy Quidditch player.

"Come now, love," he coaxed, "you used to love to break the rules in school. Why not now?"

"I still do love to break the rules!" Hermione protested, turning back to her man. "I just don't want to poison Harry with his own birthday cake."

"Why _are_ we making Harry's cake anyway?" Sirius asked. "Shouldn't _Lily and James _be doing this?"

"Yes, but as you know Lily has to work, and I frankly don't trust James not to do something to the cake just to see if he's still 'got it'."

"It's his son!" Sirius was quick to defend his best mate.

"It's James," Hermione replied blandly. Sirius started to retort, but he couldn't think of a good comeback for that. She was right.

"You trust me more than James?" he asked instead, mock-offended.

"No," Hermione answered honestly, smirking at the shocked gasp from Sirius. "I can watch _you_ though."

She cracked a few eggs, as though that would in some roundabout way reinforce her point, and placed them in the bowl. Sirius stuck his tongue out in retaliation and set about mixing the concoction. Unfortunately, he still hadn't quite got the hang of Muggle tools (Hermione insisted on doing this the Muggle way), and so more than half the bowl sprayed out and on Hermione.

Sirius, managing to stop the beater, looked at the love of his life with a sheepish smile, which soon turned to hysterical laughter when he saw her. She was covered in white substance, with hints of yellow, showing on her skin. It was just too funny for words.

Glaring at him, Hermione wiped away egg and milk from her face. "Think that's funny, do you?" she asked dangerously low. Sirius knew he should shake his head, run away, do _something_ besides laugh, but he couldn't stop!

"Well, why don't you try some?" she asked, flinging some onto his face. Sirius screeched impossibly high (seriously, not even _Hermione_ could make her voice go that high!) when the substance landed too close to his hair for comfort. This time it was the female Marauder that was laughing her arse off.

Sticking her tongue out at the scowling pureblood, she poured what was left in the bowl into a pan and stuck it in the over. Once she had successfully started the oven she turned, only to pelted with chocolate chips Sirius had gotten out of the cupboard.

Hermione gasped when her precious chocolate was turned on her. Yes, her parents were dentists, but she had been a chocoholic ever since Remus first introduced her to the treat.

"No!" Hermione cried dramatically. It probably would have went on longer, like in those melodramatic movies, but a chocolate chip found its way into her mouth. Hermione closed it out of instinct and began chewing on her treat. Her enjoyment of the treat didn't stop her from hearing Sirius' laughter, and she glared pure death at the man.

Discreetly edging for the refrigerator as Sirius continued to laugh, Hermione quietly pulled a plate of leftover spaghetti from the night before out. Sirius noticed just in time for her to fling it at him. He jumped down, but not fast enough for the pasta to miss splattering over his face and shirt.

"Watch the hair!" he cried, checking his hair frantically for any food. None was there thankfully. Hermione raised a single brow at the sight, and Sirius realized belatedly how much of a girl he was being. "I worked really hard on it just for you is all."

"Oh yeah," Hermione said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "that _definitely_ saved your machoness!"

"Really?" Sirius asked hopefully. His reply was a face full of spaghetti. He frowned and wiped away the noodles and sauce, reaching behind him for more ammo. Hermione's sudden shout caught him by surprise, and he stopped what he was doing immediately.

"Oh sweet Merlin!" Hermione shouted. Sirius looked at her confused as she turned back to the oven.

"What is it, love?" he asked, coming up beside her. Hermione stared in horror as the cake exploded in the oven, covering the inside in milk and egg.

She reached for the box of cake mix and held up the unopened bag inside.

"We forgot to add the powder."

END


	30. Overprotective

REQUEST: Moony's Fire requested a chapter where Hermione and Sirius' daughter goes on her first date

**Episode 30**

Overprotective

Summary: In which Sirius watches his daughter go on her first date

Sirius stared at the boy. The boy stared back. Silence enveloped the two men until the younger began fidgeting nervously. Sirius jumped from the couch in triumph, pointing to the teen before him.

"Hah, you fidgeted!" he crowed delightedly. "That proves you're not worthy of taking my daughter out!"

"Sirius!" Hermione exclaimed angrily, coming into the room. She glared at her husband, hands on her hips. "You stop giving Aiden such a hard time!" she ordered, then turned to smile at Aiden. "Isabella will be down shortly."

"T-thanks, Mrs. Black!" Aiden smiled broadly, blushing at the returned grin.

The Muggle-born Ravenclaw was reminded strongly of the song "Stacey's Mom" whenever he saw Hermione Black, but he knew a relationship with her would never happen. Besides the fact her husband was still very much around, Sirius was unbelievably possessive of the things he considered his. And his wife was most definitely _his._

"He's smiling at you, Hermione!" Sirius complained. "That's a sign!"

"Sirius!" Hermione admonished in disbelief. Honestly, a smile? That was his excuse now?

"What? I was his age once, I know these things!" Sirius whined. "I smiled at your mum didn't I? And do you know why?"

Hermione's hands found her hips again, and she glared dangerously at her husband. "No," she said slowly, "_why_?"

Sirius finally seemed to have realized the danger he was in and cowered away from his angry wife. "Um, because I thought she was a kind lady, and I very much appreciated her for bringing you, the only love of my life, into existence?"

Aiden thought the whole thing came out as more of a question than an answer, but the Latino didn't get much farther in his ponderings as the lady of the hour finally came down the stairs. His breath caught when he saw his beloved Isabella in the short blue dress and matching heels. She looked almost exactly like her mother, save the black, straight hair and blue-grey eyes that came from her overprotective father.

"Aiden," she said with a shy smile. Aiden returned it with his own, his cheeks heating up.

"Isabella, you look...wow!"

"I don't like the way he said tha- ow!" Sirius silenced when he saw the glare his wife was shooting him. He rubbed his stomach where she'd elbowed him and turned away from the two teens with a pout. Isabella rolled her eyes at her father's antics, though according to her mother she took after him personality wise.

"Sirius, shut up!" Hermione ordered. "You look lovely, sweetie," she told her daughter with a smile. "Now, have fun and don't do anything your father would."

"I know, mum." Isabella hugged her mother and kissed her cheek, rolling her eyes when her father pulled her to him and refused to let go. Finally, though, Hermione managed to pry the childish man away from his only child and shooed the two lovebirds off on their date.

As the door closed behind them, Sirius placed his arm around Hermione's waist and sighed. "You realize, love, that this means we're getting old."

Hermione leaned her head against his shoulder, a smile painting her lips. "Yeah," she replied, "but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."

"Me either," Sirius agreed. Then, as an afterthought: "Well, maybe I wouldn't let my daughter go on a da-"

"Sirius!"

END


	31. She Was Amazing

**Episode 31**

She Was Amazing

Summary: In which Sirius tells his daughter about her mother

Sirius Black was a lucky man in the world's eyes. He had money, looks, women throwing themselves at him, and a sweet daughter of three. However, even though the girl was young and he would have no problem finding a wife, he refused to marry or even date anyone. His heart had been stolen by the female Marauder known only as Hermione Granger, and even though he'd stopped mourning her, he couldn't see himself with anyone besides the lovely brunette.

The picture clutched in his hand wrinkled as his fist clenched. Okay, he hadn't completely stopped his mourning yet. There were still days when all he could do was look at old photographs and cry. But then his daughter would come in, curious about something (just like her mother), and he would remember why he lived and how he could still smile.

Today was no different. Tears streamed down his face, but he tried to hastily wipe them away when the sound of small footsteps coming down the stairs reached his ears. He looked up to see the small, black-haired girl with sparkling brown eyes looking at him curiously. She wore her blue-cloud pajamas and had a small rabbit under one arm.

"Daddy?" she asked innocently, coming to stand next to the crying man. "Why are you crying?"

Sirius smiled at her and shook his head. He lifted her onto his lap, unable to be mad at her, even though she was up _way_ past her bedtime, when she cocked her head to the side and looked at him so curiously like that. It reminded him so strongly of his wife that any anger he might have felt melted away instantly.

"Isabella, what are you doing up?" he asked instead, avoiding her question. "You know you have to get up early tomorrow if you want to go see Uncle James and Aunt Lily."

Isabella snorted and rolled her eyes. "Please," she drawled, "Aunt Lily is the _only_ person that will be up tomorrow morning. Neither you, Uncle James, _nor_ Harry are morning people!"

Sirius laughed. She was right, they weren't. It was also funny that she would speak so properly, so like her mother, even though she'd never met the bushy-haired woman.

"Whose that?" she asked, pointing to the picture in his hand. He looked down to where her small, chubby finger was pointing. Right at the smiling witch in between himself and Remus. "I recognize Uncle Remy, Uncle James, Uncle Peter, and you, but whose the woman? She's pretty!"

"Yeah, she is," he agreed with a smile. "That's Hermione Granger," he told her. "She's your mother."

Isabella's eyes widened as she looked at her father. "Really? That's mummy?"

Sirius nodded with a small smile. Isabella pouted.

"Where is mummy anyway, daddy?" she asked. "Is she ever coming back?"

"No, sweetie." Sirius shook his head sadly. "Mummy is in a place called heaven, and she can't come back."

"Why not?" Isabella's pout turned watery, and she sniffed. "I never got to meet mummy because she left when I was born! I wanna meet her! Why won't they let her come back? I want to meet my mummy!"

"Shh, honey, I know," Sirius soothed his daughter, rocking her gently. He wiped away the few tears that had escaped her eyes. "We'll see mummy one day, just not now."

Isabella's tears instantly cleared up, and she looked eagerly at her father. "Are we going to visit mummy in heaven?" she asked hopefully. "Do you think she'll like me? I'll wear my favorite dress just for her!"

Sirius chuckled, though there was a sad tint to it. "Honey, we can't visit mummy. We will see her one day, when we go to heaven."

"B-but I want to meet mummy." Isabella teared up again. "It's not fair! I don't like this heaven place!"

"Hey, hey, don't say that," Sirius scolded his daughter lightly. "Mummy would be very hurt to hear you say that."

"She would?" Isabella sniffed. Sirius nodded. "Daddy, will you tell me about mummy?"

Sirius' smile turned loving, and his eyes unfocused as though he were gazing at something unseen. Isabella watched, enraptured, as her father seemed to be float back several years in time.

"Hermione was...Well, she was simply amazing. I remember this one time..."

323232

_Thirty Years Later_

Isabella sat in the attic of her old house. Her father had recently passed away, the last of the Marauders, and now she was cleaning out the old house. Her husband was at work, but her daughter had been more than eager to tag along and help her mother clean her grandfather's house.

She was young and hadn't been able to meet the amazing man, but Isabella had many good stories to tell about him. She smiled sadly and wondered again why she'd never come to visit him other than when Nikita was born. Actually, he had come to her then, but he had to leave soon after as James' funeral would be the following day. He didn't want to miss that.

Work, it seemed, had simply caught up to her. Her father always told her that she took after her mother, right down to the workaholic nature, but she always just laughed and brushed it aside. Now, she wondered if maybe she had let down the brown-haired woman she knew only from pictures. After all, workaholic or not, Sirius told her that Hermione was always there when needed, and she was always willing to put off work, if it wasn't _too_ important, for a prank or two.

"Mummy?"

The small voice interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to see Nikita staring at her with wide brown eyes. She looked like her father, with the tall stature and olive-colored skin, but her eyes and her hair were definitely Isabella's. Only Isabella could pull off the bushy, black hair and still look incredible, and it seemed Nikita was following in her footsteps. Well, hers and her grandmother's, who also had bushy hair and yet remained unbelievably beautiful (in her daughter's eyes anyway).

"Mummy, are you okay?" Nikita asked, walking closer to her mother. She was four now, but just as sharp as Isabella had always been. Sirius always said it came from her mother, and she was glad to see that a piece of her mother would be in her own daughter as well. Hermione's keen intelligence would live on.

"I'm fine, sweetie," she answered, smiling at her daughter. She sniffed back tears and pulled the girl into her lap as she reopened the photo album she'd been looking at.

"Is that grandda?" Nikita asked in a thick accent, pointing to the black-haired man that looked somewhat like her mother.

Nikita was quick to pick up on the Irish brogue after her parents move to Ireland when she was three, but Isabella didn't mind in the least. Sirius had once told her that her mother was half Irish, from her father's side, and often used the thick brogue when she was angry.

"Yeah," she said, smiling at her daughter. "And that's Uncle James, Uncle Peter, Uncle Remy, and the redhead is Aunt Lily."

"Oh...Whose she?" she asked pointing to a brunette witch sitting on Sirius' lap. "She's pretty!"

Isabella laughed, reminded of herself when she'd first seen a picture of her mother so many years ago. "That's your grandmum," she informed the small girl.

"Oh...What was she like?" Nikita asked. "You tell me all about the others, but never her."

Isabella thought back. Her mother had died during childbirth, deciding to give her daughter life rather than keep her own, and so she had never had the fortune to meet her. All she had were stories from her father, stories of both good and bad times. She smiled slightly, remembering the one thing that remained the same, no matter the tone of her father's newest tale.

"She was amazing."

END

A/N's:

I can't believe I thought up something so sad! Well, actually I can. I do tend to have a sick, twisted, and morbid mind...When it's not being perverted anyway.


	32. Sabatoge

**Episode 32**

Sabatoge

Summary: In which someone tries to sabotage Sirius and Hermione's relationship

It wasn't fair! She had seen him first! But did that matter to the Muggle-born? No! Hermione was content to move onto her territory anyway.

The young black-haired girl growled when she saw the love of her life wrap his arm around Hermione Granger. How did she do it anyway? Was there some spell involved? They were in their fourth year of Hogwarts, and the brunette had a well known reputation for being a bookworm. Somehow, though, she had managed to make a place for herself among Hogwarts famous pranksters – the Marauders.

Okay, she could admit that Hermione wasn't a follow-the-rules bookworm like Evans, but she was _still_ a studious know-it-all. How could Sirius, who loved flirting and pranks, possibly fall for _her_? She just didn't get it!

Rumor had it that he'd been fond of Granger from the moment he saw her, but she didn't believe that. She knew he was really looking at her when his eyes sparkled with adoration, and that he was dreaming of her when he told his friends in vivid detail (details they _really _could've lived without) what happened in his dream the night before.

So, how was it that the bushy-haired prankster managed to snag the handsome player known as Sirius Black and keep him for a year? No girl could keep him for more than a week, which is why she didn't think anything of their relationship until the second week passed and they were still together. It pissed her off to no end that Granger was keeping Sirius from admitting his feelings to her, his _true_ love, and that was why she had the perfect plan. She was going to ruin their relationship and take back what was rightfully hers!

Tiffany Leeson, a fourth year Ravenclaw, grinned evilly.

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"Hey, you guys ever get the feeling someone wants to chop you into little pieces and feed you to the giant squid?" Hermione asked one sunny, non-Hogsmeade-weekend Saturday.

The Marauders were lazing under their favorite tree, joking and laughing over their latest pranks. James had just finished his Lily-will-be-mine-this-year speech, which he made at least once a day every year since girls became something more than icky to him (Hermione was never a girl in his eyes, so he never thought of her as gross).

Sirius had his arm wrapped around Hermione, content to sit with her all day. The two had finally admitted their feelings to each other the previous year, and now they were in a steady relationship that had more than half the school in an uproar. It wasn't just jealous girls either, Hermione had her own set of admirers that weren't happy.

At the sudden question, the boys looked at the only female. Disbelief was in James' eyes, curiosity in Remus', fear in Peter's, and disgust in Sirius'. What kind of question was that?

"All the time," Remus finally answered. He half-smiled, but his friends knew his answer was more serious than joking. Being a werewolf was hard on him, especially with a school full of ignorant people that were more than willing to share their views on the "evil monsters" when the DADA professor began that particular lesson.

"Is it Snivellus?" James asked, trying to lighten the mood. "I think he imagines that everyday!"

"No kidding," Peter replied sarcastically. "I wonder why."

He had been getting more outspoken ever since he met a young Hufflepuff named Isabelle that actually looked beyond the chubby exterior to the shy, sweet boy hidden underneath. They weren't in a relationship yet, but it was heading that way fast. The Marauders, who'd all (even Remus) had various relationships, thought it would be good for him to finally meet someone that liked him for him and not because he was their friend.

"What brought this on anyway, love?" Sirius asked his girlfriend curiously. He tightened his grip around her waist as he looked down at her. She sighed and shook her head, cheeks heating up slightly.

"It's nothing," she assured them. "I just had a sudden feeling like someone was imagining my slow and painful death. It probably is just Snape though. I wouldn't doubt he's still mad that I beat him at the potions making contest Slughorn put on in class today."

Slughorn was prone to do contests to see which of his students could make the best potion, and usually Snape won as it was in his family's blood to make potions amazingly well. Today, however, Hermione managed to beat him, and though Evans beat her for first place, Snape wasn't happy that a _Marauder_ managed to get the better of him in his own subject.

"Don't worry," Sirius said, maneuvering his girl into his lap, "I'll protect you from the big, bad Slytherin."

"Oh," Hermione mock-swooned, "my hero."

"Damn straight!"

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Everything was set up. She had the bucket placed over the door, filled to the brim with hot chilli, and just waiting for the brunette to walk through. It was set to work only when Hermione entered the Great Hall, and once Sirius saw how easily pranked she was, he would forget all about her and go to the genius that was Tiffany Leeson.

Unable to contain her glee, Tiffany let out a loud, maniacal laugh. Several people walking into the Great Hall scooted around her, and the Ravenclaws hung their heads in embarrassment. How did such an insane _idiot _get into their house anyway?

She danced over to her own seat, ignoring the nervous looks she was getting from her house mates. The Marauders would be entering soon, and Hermione would get the shock of a lifetime! It was almost worth another maniacal laugh, but she refrained seeing as she had just bitten into a roll and didn't want to spray her food everywhere.

The double doors swung open, and the Great Hall looked up to see the Marauders. Everyone was rather eager to see if the five had any new pranks up their sleeves, but they merely sauntered – the Marauders couldn't just _walk _now could they? – over to the Gryffindor table with bored looks on their faces.

Tiffany choked. She couldn't believe it! How could her prank not work? She glared at the un-chilli-fied Gryffindor. Something wasn't right!

Quickly, not caring that everyone was watching her, she ran over to the double doors. As soon as she was in position, the bucket of chilli turned over and dumped itself on her. She screamed in pain at the hot food covering her body. Turning, she felt her cheeks heat up, and not because of the food, when she saw all the people staring at her. A soft snicker broke the dam, and the entire Great Hall, Slytherins included, began laughing hardily at her expense.

Tiffany gasped and ran out of the Great Hall, ignoring the applause coming from within.

Meanwhile, at the Gryffindor table, the Marauders were staring speechlessly at the doors. Who had thought up such a prank, and why couldn't they have imagined it first?

"Oh shoot!" Hermione snapped her fingers. "I knew I was forgetting something! I forgot to take off the stasis charm that kept any pranks overhead from happening to us!"

With a shrug, the Marauders laughed and dug in, all wondering who was the genius behind the prank.

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Tiffany sighed. It had taken quite a few potions to get rid of her burns, but now she was back in action. Some might give up after the first failed attempt to break up Sirius and Hermione, but not her! Oh no, she wouldn't stop until Sirius was in her arms, loving her the way he was Hermione right now!

She smirked evilly to herself as she watched the lovebirds. It made her sick to see Sirius acting so lovey-dovey with someone not her, but tonight that would all change. She had the perfect plan! They were on a date right now, in Hogsmeade, a week had passed and now it was another Hogsmeade weekend, and she planned to make everything go wrong.

Following them into Madame Puddifoot's, she sent a silent apology to the woman she most respected for what she was about to do to her little café.

Hiding behind the booth that Hermione and Sirius had chosen for their date, she waited for the perfect moment to release her secret weapon. When Sirius and Hermione began to kiss, she knew it was time.

The problem with Cornelius Pixies is that they're hyper little imps that love to cause trouble. This was perfect for Tiffany, and as she released them a maniacal laugh yet again escaped her. It was drowned out by screams as patrons of the shop ran out, their dates ruined by the culprit who released the pixies. Sirius and Hermione broke apart, staring wide-eyed at the small, blue creatures.

Tiffany waited. Any minute now, Sirius would realize Hermione wasn't half the prankstress she was, even though he couldn't see her behind the booth, and would leave the bushy-haired girl for his true love. When he was in her arms, Tiffany would regal everything she'd done, and they would laugh as he complimented her on her amazing skills and told her how she should replace Hermione among the Marauders.

Her daydream was cut off by loud, raucous laughter. She frowned and risked a peek over the back of the booth, seeing Hermione and Sirius laughing aloud as they pointed at the pixies. Instead of terrorizing the only couple foolish enough to stay, they were terrorizing the small cupids Madame Puddifoot was known to bring out close to Valentine's Day.

Hermione clapped and kissed Sirius' cheek, enjoying the show. "This is better than I thought it would be!" she exclaimed happily. Sirius looked at her questioningly. "C'mon Siri," she said, using her pet name for him, "you know how I despise these places!"

"Oh, uh, right!" Sirius smiled at his girlfriend and wrapped his arm around her waist as he led her out. "How about we hit the Three Broomsticks with the others?" he suggested. Hermione nodded and walked out, while Sirius muttered, loud enough for Tiffany to hear, "Thank you, whoever did this, for keeping my date from failing!"

Then he left, leaving the stunned Ravenclaw to have her hair yanked by bored pixies.

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This was it! The perfect revenge for all her failed attempts, which Tiffany was quick to blame on Hermione (never mind the Gryffindor didn't even know what she was doing). She was going to make Hermione wish she'd never received her Hogwarts letter when she was done!

Charm memorized, she smirked smugly to herself and waited for the bane of her existence to arrive. The Transfiguration door flung open, and Lily Evans entered with a pleading James following close behind. Following them were Peter and Remus, the latter barely paying attention to his surroundings as he flipped through a book, and the former blushing at whatever the note in his hand said. And behind them was the couple of the hour: Hermione and Sirius.

Smirking wider, she waved her wand under the table and muttered the incantation. Unfortunately for Tiffany, she had overlooked the small detail of two pages being stuck together, and so she was muttering parts to two different spells. Also, her wand was off aim, not that she noticed, too busy glaring at Hermione, and so the stream of light hit Sirius chest-on.

He was flung back, and when he stood everyone, including the shocked Marauders, burst into laughter. His hair had grown to waist-length, and he was dressed in a frilly, unbelievably poofy crimson and gold dress. He also had an abundance of makeup on his face that made it look as though he'd fallen into a river of paint.

"Ow..." he groaned, glaring at his girlfriend who was enjoying a good laugh at his expense. Looking himself over, he decided to play the part of peeved girlfriend and turned, sticking his nose in the air. "I can't believe you're laughing at me, Hermy-love! After all I do for you!" he said mock-hurt, sounding as though he truly were the upset girl in the relationship.

Hermione snickered and pointed her wand at herself, changing her own clothes into a brown tuxedo that fit more with the 1800's than the 1970's. She even added a temporary mustache that curled up at the ends and a matching brown bowler.

"Terribly sorry, my love!" she apologized in her deepest voice. "It's just that you look so damn cute!"

"Really?" Sirius gasped in his best girly voice. He flung his arms around Hermione, kissing her cheek soundly. "Oh, you charmer you!"

There was a pause as the rest of the class burst into laughter. As it slowly died down, Sirius pulled back from Hermione, though he kept his arms around her neck and hers remained around his waist. When he spoke, it brought on another fit of laughter from the classroom.

"You _are_ getting rid of that mustache right?"

"What?" Hermione fingered her mustache. "I kinda like it."

Tiffany banged her head against the table.

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"I give up!" she groaned, flopping back on her bed.

The entire day had been one failure after another, and quite frankly she was tired of losing Sirius to Hermione. He still had no idea who did all the great pranks, but the Marauders had been complimenting the mysterious culprit all day.

"He'll never be mine!" she whined pitifully, throwing her arms over her face. "I might as well just go to Beauxbatons if I'm doomed to never have my true love! Oh why, cruel fate, did you leave me to see my only one with another? What have I done to deceive you so?"

As her wailing monologue continued, her roommates looked at each other bewilderedly.

"What's with her?"

"I have no idea."

END

A/N's:

So, did anyone else notice references to past pranks? Sorry, I just couldn't come up with anything new. I'm not a prankster by nature, though I do enjoy seeing pranks done, rather to me or someone else, but I can't come up with _that _many new scenarios for pranks!


	33. I'm Pregnant

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel asked for a chapter in which Hermione has problems telling Sirius she's pregnant

**Episode 33**

I'm Pregnant

Summary: In which Hermione finds it more difficult to tell Sirius she's pregnant than she thought it would be

Hermione had just gotten back from the Healers. She had been feeling sick lately, throwing up after she ate, but then getting incredibly hungry later, and she wanted to make sure her suspicions were correct. When the results came back positive, she was not surprised and in fact was overjoyed, but her joy was short-lived as she imagined telling her husband the news.

It wasn't that she thought Sirius would be upset she was pregnant; hell, he wanted children more than she did! But he was still a kid at heart himself, and she wasn't sure how he would handle the news that he was going to be a father so soon. They had only gotten married eight months ago, but they had been together since their second year at Hogwarts.

Even though many people tried to break them up for their own reasons, they stayed strong with the help of the Marauders, and so far the old saying 'marriage ruins everything' was proving to be an old wives tale. Being pregnant wouldn't destroy their happy relationship, Hermione was confident of that, but it _would _affect them, and how good that was she wasn't sure.

Rubbing her stomach for comfort, as she'd found herself doing ever since she got the results, she entered the large home Sirius had inherited after his parents deaths. That was a sad day indeed, as she'd been quite fond of the Blacks, but she was glad her husband didn't give up the house to his wild brother, who was more of a partier than he himself was, and had more debts than her gambling-addicted grandfather.

"Sirius?" she called, wincing when her voice echoed back. At least when she had a child, there would be a little more room taken up, and the house wouldn't seem so gigantic and empty.

"'Mione, love!" Sirius cried happily, running down the stairs in sock-clad feet. He slid on the tiled floor as soon as he hit the last step and stopped right in front of her. It was one of their favorite things to do, and the reason why they both rejected the idea of carpet that was constantly brought up by their guests, minus the Marauders. "Where have you _been?_ I've been _so _lonely!"

Sirius threw his arm over his face in mock-despair. He was quick to leave the position and pick up his beautiful wife, swinging her around as he spun on the floor. Hermione shrieked and giggled, demanding her let her down only half-heartedly.

When she was back on her feet, he pulled her to his chest and leaned down to look seductively into her brown eyes. Whispering against her ear, he smirked when she shivered.

"I missed you, love," he whispered suggestively.

"Sirius, stop that!" Hermione protested when his hands began to move her skirt up. He chuckled and ignored her protests, knowing she didn't mean them, but he was forcefully removed from her when she pushed him back.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked worriedly, noticing the serious expression on her face. He frowned. Had something happened while she was out? All he knew was that Hermione had business to take care of today and had been gone for quite a while, but she seemed fine when she entered the house.

"Nothing's wrong," Hermione denied, smiling reassuringly at him. "It's just...I have some news, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

"Ooookay?" That wasn't an everything-is-fine tone as far as Sirius was concerned, but he couldn't see any injuries on his beloved wife, so he didn't demand she tell him what happened.

"Sirius, I...Well, how do I say this? I'm pr--"

_KNOCK KNOCK_

"Padfoot, mate!" James voice called from behind the door. "You in there?"

"Just a mo', Prongs!" Sirius responded. He looked at Hermione, taking her hands in his. "What were you going to say, love?"

Hermione shook her head. "Nothing, go let James in. We might as well see what ole Prongsie wants."

Sirius smiled at his wife and nodded in agreement. He knew from experience that if James wasn't given attention almost immediately, he would keep bugging them until he got it. Of course, Sirius was the same way, but that wasn't the point.

"We'll talk later," he told her going to the door. Hermione nodded and sighed, rubbing her belly yet again.

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"Sirius!" Hermione squealed as her husband landed on top of her. It had been an eventful day, shopping with Lily, James, and the four-year-old Harry, but now they were back home and Sirius wanted to test the new handcuffs he managed to sneak into their bag pile of items without Hermione's knowledge.

"Mmm, 'Mione!" Sirius purred, kissing her cheeks. Hermione giggled and playfully swatted at him. She still had to tell him the big news, but he seemed determined to shag her senseless first.

"Seriously, stop," she ordered, though it was a breathless command that didn't hold the fire she wanted it too.

"I, Siriusly," he smirked, "don't want too."

"Sirius! Mmm..." she was cut off as he kissed her, but as soon as he let up for air she continued her protest. "I still need to tell you my news!"

"Can't it wait?" he pleaded, giving her the puppy-dog eyes. Hermione rolled her eyes at his attempt, and a good attempt it was, to change her mind. But this was much too important to put off.

"No, it can _not _wait!" Hermione informed him haughtily. He looked like he was going to complain some more, but the sound of someone flooing cut him off.

"Oi! Sirius, you there?" James' voice called through the room. Sirius was quick to rush over to the fireplace and engage his friend in an enthusiastic conversation over the latest Quidditch game.

Hermione sighed. "But I guess it'll have too."

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Hermione stomped through Zonko's three days later. She still hadn't told Sirius the important news, and every time she tried to something came up. Rather it was one of their friends flooing them, getting called into work, or Sirius distracting her, she simply could not manage to get the words out. If Hermione didn't know any better, she would swear Sirius _knew _what she was going to tell him, but that was impossible. The man was simply oblivious, and insatiable apparently.

So, now she was storming through his job, ready to tell him here and now. At work he wouldn't try anything, he had too much respect for the prank shop that had been left to him since the original owners had no children to vandalize any of the merchandise. No matter how he might be vandalizing it.

Growling, she came to stop behind the dark-haired man she'd married and tapped his shoulder impatiently.

"Excuse me just a mo'," he said without turning around. "I'll be with you soon. I just need to--"

"Sirius!"

Sirius spun around to see his wife, and she smirked slightly at the startled look in his eyes. The startled expression turned to confusion – wasn't she supposed to be at work? – and then to a sort of smugness only he and James could pull off without looking Slytherin-ish.

"'Mione, you took off work just to see me!" he crowed delightedly. Wrapping his arms around his wife, he pulled her into a deep kiss. "'Fraid I can't please right now though," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows to let her know what he meant by 'please', "_I_ still have work to do."

"I didn't come to be _pleased_," Hermione snapped, crossing her arms. "I came to tell you the same news I've been meaning to tell you for three days now!"

"Oh?" Sirius looked noticeably disappointed, but Hermione really didn't care. She'd come here for a reason, and she was damn well going to complete her mission this time!

"Sirius, I'm pregnant."

"Excuse me?" Sirius, who'd gone back to counting his merchandise, turned to face her so fast she nearly had whiplash. Hermione smiled and turned away, a small blush now tinting her cheeks. Once the news had been given, she didn't feel so angry or snappish anymore.

"I'm pregnant," she said blissfully. "You're going to be a daddy!"

"..."

_Thump!_

"Sirius?" Hermione spun around to see why he wasn't answering, only to find that Sirius wasn't standing behind her anymore. Her gaze lowered to the ground where her husband was currently lying, eyes closed and arms spread out. He had fainted. "Sirius!"

END


	34. Doggy Tag

REQUEST: HowlinWolf asked for a chapter where Sirius and Hermione run around in Hogsmeade in their animagus forms

**Episode 34**

Doggy Tag

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione romp through Hogsmeade during the full moon

The moon was full, and Remus had just finished his change. It always hurt the Marauders to see, and hear, their friend in such pain, but once the transition had happened, there was no stopping them from having fun. Currently, Moony was with James and Peter, running around through the Forbidden Forest while the two alternated between playing with him and keeping him from going outside of the forest.

Hermione and Sirius, meanwhile, had snuck off for a little alone time. Even though they had taken to changing into their animagus forms whenever they could, it still seemed like forever before they got the chance to be dogs again. And as their last date had been ruined by a group of Slytherins, Sirius had the bright idea of spending some time, just the two of them, in Hogsmeade as dogs. No one could get them in trouble if they thought the two were animals.

Moonstar had to admit, though she'd been skeptical at first, she rather liked romping through the village with Padfoot by her side. She smiled, as best she could in dog form, and let out a joyful bark as they ran past a few wandering wizards and witches on dates of their own. Padfoot returned the bark, his tongue lolling out, showing just how happy he was right now.

The stars sparkled brightly above them under the full moon as the two ran about blissfully. There was just no denying that life as an animal was so much more free than life as a human. Not that they wanted to be animals forever mind you, but it was nice to get away from it all every once in a while. No wonder McGonagall wandered through Hogwarts in her cat form at night sometimes. Yes, they had seen her!

The brown dog looked at her beau, only slightly larger than her in size, and growled playfully. He turned to her, nuzzling her with his snout and accidentally knocking her onto her side when he used a bit too much strength. Hermione snarled in mock-anger and managed to push him away from her. Once she was back on her paws, she took off in a random direction, well aware of the yipping dog following close behind.

A few witches shrieked as she ran past them while others laughed at the sight of the two dogs chasing each other. Wizards watched them go by with confused or amused smiles on their faces, wondering if the male dog would get his bitch or if she would outsmart him in the end.

Paws skidding across the sidewalk, she hadn't known she _could _skid in dog form, she came across a group of young children sitting about with their parents. It was late, and Hermione could tell that the mother had planned to have them home long before now. Somehow, though, the children had tricked her into keeping them out later.

She came to a stop before them, tongue hanging out as she made an attempt at a smile. One child, a small girl of about four, gasped and ran to her, completely disregarding her mother's worried cries for her to come back. The small hand fit on top of Hermione's head and she petted the dog happily, grinning toothily when Hermione licked playfully at her hand.

"Pretty doggy!" she said in the childish, cute voice all children her age seemed to have.

"I wanna pet the doggy!" the boy, she guessed he was the girl's twin as they looked quite a bit alike, whined and broke away from his mother's hold.

The other boy looked a bit more nervous, Moonstar guessed since he was obviously older, around six, he probably realized how much danger a stray dog could be. At least more than his younger siblings did, but even he moved to pet the bushy-furred dog.

Finally, the mother seemed to realize the dog wasn't going to attack her children and moved closer. Smiling at the innocent brown eyes peering up at her, she too gave in and gave a gentle pat to Moonstar's head. The dog barked her thanks for the attention lavished on her, and turned when another bark echoed her.

Seeing Padfoot coming up behind her, she turned and gave one last lick, this time to the little girl's cheek before taking off again. The black dog followed close behind, and had she been human she would have laughed at the sound of the little girl's voice.

"Mummy, that big, black dog is chasing the pretty dog! Should we help her?"

"No, sweetie," the mother replied with a smile, "I think the pretty dog _wants_ him to chase her."

"But why?"

"I'll explain when you're older."

Padfoot must have also heard because Moonstar had the distinct impression he would be laughing if he was in human form as well. There was no time to worry about that though. Making another quick turn, she ran towards the familiar building.

Just as she neared the entrance/exit, she was tackled by the bigger dog. He licked her muzzle playfully, and she snorted at him in mock disgust, rolling over so she was on top. This time she licked _his_ snout, and he gave his best cocky smirk of triumph. Snorting again, she moved off of him and ran through the Shrieking Shack, followed closely by Padfoot.

When they exited through the shortcut, they found their friends waiting for them just beyond the Whomping Willow. Sharing a look, tongues hanging out, they ran towards the trio to romp and play in the Forbidden Forest. Above them, the full moon continued to glow.

END


	35. Bug!

**Episode 35**

Bug!

Summary: In which Sirius faces his greatest fear

He could do this. He had faced countless Death Eaters, a corrupt Ministry, killed his traitor of a friend, and seen Lily and Hermione have their first children the Muggle way (that was the most terrifying by far). This, though, this was just a nightmare come to life.

Glaring at his opponent, Sirius raised his wand with killer intent. His opponent merely stared, determined to stay in the spot he'd made his sometime in the last five minutes of Sirius cleaning the attic.

"Alright, you wanna go?" Sirius growled in a very dog-like manner. His opponent twitched but made no other move, standing his ground. "Oh, you're a brave one, but this time bravery isn't going to save you."

There were several seconds of silence, in which Sirius hoped his opponent would just walk away before he had to get violent. Of course, if the bastard dared show his face again, he would be killed immediately. But at least he would get the chance to live for a little while longer.

Nothing moved. Finally, Sirius was forced to concede that the monster wasn't going anywhere. Now, he would have to take matters into his own hands.

"Fine," he snarled. "Diffindo!"

Somehow, even with his immaculate aim, his opponent managed to miss the charm and remained in his place. Sirius stared. His opponent stared back. Silence surrounded them.

The opponent made one step closer. That was all it took.

"AH! ROACH! HERMIONE, HEEEEELLLLLPPPP!" Sirius shouted, running through the house into their bedroom where he awaited his wife's return while sucking his thumb.

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_Far away_

"_Ah! Roach! Hermione, heeeeelllllpppp!"_

Hermione looked up from her shopping, brows furrowed in confusion. Lily came to stand next to her worriedly.

"What's wrong?" the redhead asked. Hermione shook her head.

"Nothing, I just could've sworn I heard Sirius screaming for help."

"Don't be silly," Lily admonished with a smile, "Sirius is in your flat in the wizarding world. We're in the middle of a crowded mall in the Muggle world!"

"Yeah, you're right." Hermione shrugged away her confusion and smiled, holding up a small crimson and gold dress that would fit her daughter of ten months. "What about this one?"

END

A/N's:

Written to help me feel better about my own intense fear of six-legged creatures. Yes, I'm a bug-phobic.


	36. I'm Pregnant: Sirius Style

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a continuation of "I'm Pregnant" from Sirius' POV

**Episode 36**

I'm Pregnant: Sirius Style

Summary: In which Sirius' wife has something important to tell him

Hermione was gone, and Sirius was bored out of his mind. James was off with Lily as per usual, and Remus had managed to snag himself a female werewolf. Peter...Well, who knew where Peter was anymore? Surprisingly enough, the laziest of the Marauders was the one almost impossible to catch these days.

In just five minutes, Sirius had managed to complete yet another chess game against himself (how he kept losing to himself was beyond him, but somehow his invisible opponent continued to win). Chess wasn't something he was particularly fond of to begin with, so of course he was ready for something interesting to happen.

As though reading his thoughts, the sound of a door opening caught Sirius' attention. He sat straighter, eagerly anticipating his wife's call. He wasn't about to run to her yet though, he didn't want to seem _too_ desperate.

"Sirius?" Hermione called. That was all it took. Sirius was out of the bed and down the stairs in no time.

"'Mione, love!" he greeted enthusiastically, sliding across the floor to her. It was one of his favorite things to do, but he'd done it so much today before his Sirius-vs-Sirius chess games that the action didn't hold the same appeal to him at the moment.

"Where have you _been?_ I've been _so_ lonely!"

Sirius threw his arm over his head in mock-despair, then he decided he'd much rather be holding his wife. So, moving quickly, he picked her up and spun her around. Hermione's laughter and half-hearted demands to be let down were music to Sirius' ears. He hated the quiet, and without someone else around the doggish man, the mansion always seemed far too quiet in his opinion.

"I missed you, love," he whispered Hermione seductively, once she was back on her feet again. Hermione shivered and it brought a smirk to Sirius' face. He loved the reactions he could pull out of his wife, and he knew she loved the reactions only she could cause him.

"Sirius, stop that!" Hermione commanded when his hands began to move up her skirt.

Sirius merely chuckled and ignored her protests. She knew how much he loved this skirt on her, and it was her own fault for wearing it in his presence. It didn't hurt that spinning her around had given him a chance to glimpse her lacy black knickers.

Unfortunately, Hermione was more serious (no pun intended) than he thought. He found himself pushed forcefully away, and he blinked a few times in confusion

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, worry taking over his tone now that he saw her humorless expression. Had something bad happened while she was away? She seemed alright earlier.

"Nothing's wrong," Hermione denied, smiling reassuringly. Sirius raised a skeptical brow. "It's just...I have some news, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

"Ooookay?"

"Sirius," Hermione breathed deeply, "I...Well, how do I say this? I'm pr--"

_KNOCK KNOCK_

"Padfoot, mate, you in there?" James called from the door.

"Just a mo', Prongs!" Sirius replied to the question. He wanted to know what his wife was about to tell him. "What were you going to say, love?"

Hermione sighed softly and shook her head. "Nothing, go let James in. We might as well see what ole Prongsie wants."

Sirius grinned and nodded in agreement. He knew from experience that if James wasn't given attention almost immediately, he would keep bugging them until he got it. Of course, he was the same way, but that wasn't the point!

"We'll talk later," he told his wife, going to the door. She nodded and rubbed her belly.

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"Sirius!" Hermione squealed as Sirius threw her on the bed and landed on top of her.

It had been a long day of shopping in Muggle London with James, Harry, and Lily, and Sirius had been steadily going crazy. He hadn't shagged Hermione in a few days, and the short skirts and tight shirts Lily kept handing her (who knew the redhead had such skimpy tastes?) didn't help him any. So, naturally, after hours of growling at unwanted male attention aimed towards his wife, Sirius was ready to get busy with his lovely wife.

"Mmm, 'Mione!" he purred, kissing her cheeks. She giggled arousingly, and it was all Sirius could do not to take her then and there. Didn't this woman know what she did to him?

"Seriously, stop," she ordered. Sirius was pleased to note her voice was breathless and not at all commanding. In his eyes, that meant she really wanted him to continue and was just playing hard to get.

"I, Siriusly," he smirked at the pun, "don't want too."

"Sirius!" Hermione started to protest, but ended up moaning when Sirius caught her lips with his. He pulled away for air, thinking he had left Hermione completely at his will. He thought wrong. "I still need to tell you my news!"

"Can't it wait?" he pleaded, going all out with the puppy-dog eyes. He was surprisingly good at them, no doubt thanks to his animagus form. Of course, Hermione's form was a dog too, but she just pouted and Sirius was wrapped around her little finger.

"No, it can _not_ wait!" Hermione said haughtily. She was no longer breathless, and Sirius didn't like that. He started to complain, but the sound of flooing caught their attention.

"Oi! Sirius, you there?" James' voice yet again cut through the room.

Sirius wasted no time in leaving his wife to engage his friend in an enthusiastic conversation over the latest Quidditch game.

"But I guess it'll have too," Hermione muttered, the words going unnoticed by her chatting husband.

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Sirius sighed as he took inventory of his merchandise. He had loved Zonko's as a child, and when the owners asked him to take over after their deaths, he had been both excited and depressed. Excited because he, who had no blood relation to them that he knew of, would be in charge of his favorite shop, and depressed because two of the only adults he listened too would soon be on their death beds.

Now, he still loved the shop and was eager to try out new gags with the Marauders before putting them on the shelves. It was his way of saying he still had it and making a profit in the process. Who said you couldn't do what you love for a living?

There was one thing Sirius _didn't_ love though. Inventory. Counting was really more Hermione's or Remus', the only two Marauders that took Arithmacy, forte, and it always left him bored and exhausted. Before he took on this job, Sirius hadn't known he could even count as high as he could! Guess it was true what they say, you learn something new everyday.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Sirius could almost feel the aggravation pouring off the person behind him. Then again, inventory had its uses. At least when he was busy counting, he could put off dealing with annoyed parents who'd been the subject of their children's pranks.

"Excuse me just a mo'," he said without turning around, "I'll be with you soon. I just need too--"

"Sirius!"

Sirius spun around at the sound of his wife's voice. He was startled, not even noticing her smirking at his expression, but it soon turned to confusion, and then to smugness.

"'Mione, you took off work just to see me!" he crowed delightedly. Wrapping his arms around his wife, he pulled her into a deep kiss. "'Fraid I can't please right now though," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows to let her know what he meant by 'please', "_I_ still have work to do."

"I didn't come to be _pleased!_" Hermione snapped at him, crossing her arms. "I came to tell you the same news I've been meaning to tell you for three days now!"

"Oh?" Sirius questioned, well aware that his disappointment was visible. Disappointment soon turned to shock as she finally told him her big news.

"Sirius, I'm pregnant."

Sirius had just turned to continue counting his merchandise, but he froze at those words. Surely he hadn't heard right. Hermione was pregnant? How? He thought she was still on the charm!

"Excuse me?" he asked, spinning around quickly. Hermione was momentarily dazed at the speed in which he'd turned, but now her irritated posture was gone and replaced by shy happiness. She turned, blushing, and spoke the words again.

"I'm pregnant," she said blissfully. "You're going to be a daddy!"

There was many things Sirius could do in that moment. One was spin her around while singing 'I'm going to be a daddy!', another was to fall to the floor in shock while Hermione worried over him, but it was the third option that was most inviting.

Sirius fainted.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked, turning around. "Sirius!"

END


	37. I'm Sorry

**Episode 37**

I'm Sorry

Summary: In which Sirius follows in his parents footsteps

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered against the brunette's ears.

She shuddered and turned her head away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. Was this really Sirius Black? The man she'd played pranks with, studied with, and stole kisses from in broom closets during their school years. The man that proposed just a year ago and promised to love her forever.

"Apologies don't change things, Black," she managed to snarl. Much to her chagrin, her words didn't carry the heat she wanted them too. Sirius seemed to get the message all the same and stepped back, his head lowered.

"I know," he murmured, "but there was just no escaping it. I'm a Black, Hermione, Gryffindor or not, it's in my blood."

Hermione snorted in disgust. "What happened to not sharing your families views, huh? What happened to being different from them? What happened to loving me, a Muggle-born?" her voice steadily rose with each question, but Sirius didn't once flinch.

"I do love you," he told her, earning himself another snort. "That's why I have to do this, so they can't hurt you."

"And you think this doesn't hurt?" she asked, looking at him for the first time. Sirius did flinch then, seeing the tears in his beloved's eyes. He hated it when she cried.

"Not as much as it could," he informed her blankly, hiding his emotions immaculately well. Hermione turned from him again.

"You're not the man I loved," she said softly. Sirius hung his head again.

"No, no, I suppose I'm not."

"Get on with it then," she said darkly. "Finish it off like the bastard you are! Show your Slytherin blood to me!"

Sirius raised his wand. "I love you," he said once again, and then granted her wish with two words. "Avada Kedavra!"

END

A/N's:  
Yes, a Death Eater Sirius. I know such a thing would _never_ happen, but it was an idea that was in my head, so I had to put it down.


	38. Attack

REQUEST: Snape's girl14 desired a chapter where Snape attacks Hermione, and Sirius attacks Snape

**Episode 38**

Attack

Summary: In which Snape attacks Hermione, and Sirius attacks Snape

Cornered. The Slytherin bastard had her cornered, and there was nothing Hermione could do. Her wand lay behind the greasy-haired snake, and her back was roughly pushed against a tree trunk. There was nowhere she could go. Hermione was cornered.

Severus Snape smirked at his prey. The Marauders had just finished pulling yet another prank on him, and he was quite tired of it. This was his revenge! Hurting the "princess" of the group with a curse he'd made up, there was something almost poetic about the whole ordeal. It was even better since he couldn't get into too much trouble, nothing more than detention, since his curse wasn't _technically_ a dark art as he had made it up and therefore he couldn't be arrested for using it unless she died. Snape had no intention of killing the Mudblood, at least not on school grounds, so he would be safe from harsher laws.

Dumbledore would be disappointed in him, but it wasn't like he cared what the old coot thought. Voldemort was right about one thing if nothing else, Albus Dumbledore wasn't fit to run the school. He let filthy Mudbloods inside of Hogwarts as though they were actually fit to inhabit the wizarding world, _and_ he openly opposed the great Dark Lord, going so far as to call him by name as though he was worthy of uttering the three syllables! So, no, Severus didn't give two shits what Dumbledore thought of him. Hell, the worse his opinion of the Slytherin, the better.

Hermione shivered at the maniacal glee present in Snape's onyx eyes. He really wasn't a pleasant man, and she highly doubted that anything short of a professor showing up right now would stop him from attacking her. She wondered briefly if even _that _would stop him from enacting this unfair revenge against the Marauders.

True, she knew that Snape had every right to hate her. Not because she was Muggle-born, but because she helped the Marauders torment him. Hermione just wouldn't say that _this _was the kind of revenge he had a right to enact. She already knew he planned to hurt her, badly, and though she tried to hide her fear as a proper Gryffindor would, she couldn't stop her heart from racing.

What was going to happen to her? Would Snape actually kill her, or was he just trying to scare her by grinning so dangerously? Gulping away the worries, she turned a harsh glare onto the Slytherin.

"Well, are you going to get on with it or what, Snivellus?" she asked heatedly, hoping to goad him into some kind of action. Worrying about what move he would make was taking its toll on her, and maybe if she made him angry enough, he would lose focus and she could get away.

Severus, unfortunately, seemed to have understood her plan and only smirked wider. Hermione half expected his face to split in two.

"I've been dieing to test this new curse I've made, Mudblood," he said conversationally. "I think you're the perfect candidate..._Sectumsempra!_"

A pain unlike any Hermione had ever experienced before, and she'd experienced plenty of pain, engulfed her body. She could vaguely hear animalistic screams echoing around the forest, and only after several moments did she realize they were coming from her. The brunette managed to pry her eyes open long enough to see Snape grinning maniacally at her, obviously enjoying her pain, before they closed again.

This was too much! She didn't want to have marks all over her body, but more importantly she didn't want to die of blood loss. Finally, she collapsed from the pain, sighing blissfully as unconsciousness took her to a much better, pain-free place. The last thing she heard was a loud thump, then everything went black.

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Sirius was walking around the grounds, trying to find some way he could finally admit his feelings to Hermione. They had been going out for a couple of months now, the longest relationship either had ever had, but he never told her how he truly felt. That he loved her. Now, he decided, was the perfect time to come clean.

Hermione seemed truly happy with him, and he didn't want her wandering off to some other bloke before he could say those three little words. There was just one problem: Sirius couldn't seem to get the words out of his throat. Before, he never understood why so many people seemed to have trouble saying 'I love you' when they were just simple words, but now that he had the feeling himself, he was beginning to get a better understanding of why so many people freaked about confessing.

He stopped when he heard a familiar voice, and a smirk slid across his face as he took off into the Forbidden Forest. The voice wasn't too far in, though he wouldn't expect a Slytherin to go very far anyway, but Snape was definitely far enough inside that no one would see them if Sirius decided to use Snivellus to take his mind off his worries for a bit.

Perhaps it was cruel to use Snape as a constant punching bag, or rather pranking bag, but the Slytherin had it coming. It wasn't like he didn't get his own revenge on the Marauders, and he made his admiration of Lord Voldemort perfectly clear. This only further encouraged Sirius and the other Marauders to use Snape as their guinea pig for various pranks. It was only fair they avenge those the Slytherin had wronged, and they got to have fun in the process. What could be better?

Blue-grey eyes narrowed when he finally came upon the Slytherin. Snape wasn't alone it seemed, as he was happily telling someone Sirius couldn't see about his new curse. Apparently it was a Muggle-born, if his usage of the age-old, but still horrid, insult was any indication. Sirius scowled, wondering who Snape had caught, but his scowl quickly turned to shock when he heard a loud scream pierce the air.

No one else was outside, he knew this because it was too cold in many people's opinions, so the scream would go unheard by anyone but himself and Snape. It wasn't the sound that shocked him though, it was the person that made the sound. After casting his curse, Snape had moved to the side, giving Sirius a perfect view of his girlfriend, cut in various places and screaming in pain.

A growl escaped his throat, and before Snape knew what had hit him, Sirius tackled him from behind. The Slytherin tried to hide his shock at being caught, but he was too late to stop a small gasp of surprise from escaping. Sirius didn't care to take pleasure in the greasy-haired bat's surprise before he was punching the Slytherin repeatedly.

"You bastard!" Sirius growled. "I'll kill you! I'll bloody fucking kill you! How dare you hurt Hermione? How _dare_ you!"

"Arg! Gerroff, Black!" Snape tried to yell, but his voice choked a a particularly hard punch landed in his stomach and he coughed up blood. He tried to fight the Gryffindor off, but Sirius, while not fat by any means, weighed a lot more than Severus did, and his attempts to move the Black were proving fruitless.

"I'll kill you, bastard!" Sirius snarled. He punched the hooked nose, smirking in pleasure when it came a sickening crack and Severus howled in pain. Another punch to the cheek would leave a wicked bruise, and yet another punch to the stomach had Severus coughing up more blood and even throwing up.

Normally, Sirius wouldn't be so brutal, not even to Snape, but he had hurt Hermione. No one, _no one, _hurt Hermione! Not when Sirius was around!

Growling angrily, he readied himself for another punch, not caring that the boy underneath him was struggling to breathe and could very well die if he didn't move soon. He stopped though, when Severus' wheezing voice spoke, barely intelligible due to the broken nose, but still relatively coherent.

"If...you...don't...save...your...Mudblood (he coughed some more), she'll...die!" Severus, despite his pain, managed to laugh again. It teetered off into another coughing fit, but at least he could breathe again. Sirius had left him the moment he finished his sentence and was carefully picking Hermione up and already carrying her to the hospital wing.

"Say a word of this to anybody..." Sirius told the coughing Slytherin.

Of course, he really didn't care if Snivellus tattled on him for beating him to a bloody pulp, but he just felt something needed to be said as he carried his girl away from the scene of the crime. He would let someone else find Snivellus, though he hoped no one did. Hermione was Sirius' only concern.

"I'm sorry, love," he whispered to the unconscious girl as he carried her into Hogwarts. "I should've protected you better. I love you."

There, he had said it, and it came out surprisingly easy. It was just too bad Hermione was unconscious. Sirius sighed and hung his head, hoping he would be able to tell her as easily again when she was awake. Then, he would do a much better job of protecting her! Even if she didn't return his feelings, he would make sure she stayed safe at all times. Nothing bad would ever happen to her again, not as long as Sirius was around.

"I love you," he whispered again, then looked up to make sure no one got in his way on the journey to the infirmary. Because he wasn't looking down, he didn't notice the slight jump in Hermione's breathing. Nor did he notice the small upward curve Hermione's lips had taken.

_Sirius..._Hermione thought, only half conscious but in no condition to talk. _I love you too._

END


	39. The Art of Wooing

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Sirius and James failingly try to woo Hermione and Lily

**Episode 39**

The Art of Wooing

Summary: In which Sirius and James try to woo Hermione and Lily...and fail miserably

Peter sighed in annoyance. He knew there was a reason he never told Sirius or James about his crushes like he did Hermione and Remus. The two encouraged him to talk to whatever girl had caught his fancy, though he never quite worked up the courage too, but James and Sirius were just...Not only did they encourage him, they embarrassed him by teasing him mercilessly and telling his love-interest about his feelings. The girl more often than not dated him for a while, then tried to seduce his friends, and when she realized she wouldn't get anywhere with the loyal Marauders, she dumped him for some other pretty boy.

So, it isn't hard to believe that Peter was currently hitting himself over the head, mentally of course, for telling Sirius and James about his girl problems. He would have told Hermione, who was always encouraging and gave him some pretty good ideas of what women want, or Remus, who was a great listener and never condemned him for liking a less attractive or crueler girl, but both were busy working on an Arithmacy project they'd been partnered up on. So, wanting desperately to get it off his chest, but with no one else around, he had gone to the two most popular boys in Hogwarts.

"I can't believe it!" Sirius said mock-shocked. "Our Petey-Wetey has a crush! Prongs, did you hear?"

"I heard!" James nodded enthusiastically. He clapped his hands over his heart and sighed dramatically. "Our little boy is growing up!"

Peter could feel a headache coming on. He normally loved when the two joked around, but right now they were really getting on his nerves. Why had he thought this time would be any different from the other times he admitted he had a crush to them? It was always the same with those two! Any minute now, one of the duo would suggest telling the girl and ignore his protests to keep it to themselves.

"Why, I think we should inform Miss Belinda of his devotion to her!" James suddenly said, holding a finger in the air as though he had just come up with a brilliant idea. Sirius gasped at the genius that was his best mate and smiled widely, far too wide in Peter's opinion.

"That's a _great_ idea, Mister Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed in agreement. Peter whimpered at the mere idea.

Belinda McDougal was a fifth year Hufflepuff, two years below them, but she was amazingly smart and mature. Just like Hermione had often been asked how she made it to Gryffindor rather than Ravenclaw, Belinda was asked how she became a Hufflepuff instead of a Ravenclaw. The blonde girl was incredibly sweet as well, and she was always nice to Peter, unlike so many other girls that just used and/or abused him.

But she had no idea how he felt for her, and Peter was in no hurry to have her informed. What if she laughed? No, worse, what if she thought they couldn't be friends anymore because of his feelings? Belinda was one of the few friends he had beyond the Marauders, and he didn't want to lose her.

"No, wait!" he shouted, attempting to tackle James before he could reach the portrait. He missed and landed on his stomach, feeling the air leave him at the impact. Sirius and James turned to face him, eyebrows raised. "Please, don't tell her!" he begged. "I-I want to do it, I-I j-just don't know how!"

Peter looked pleadingly at the boys. They shared a look, silently communicating as only two people so very alike can. Normally, they would ignore his pleads and tell the girl he liked about his feelings anyway. It wasn't to be particularly mean or even because they wanted to hurt their friend, but they felt he really should be more outspoken. This was their way of giving him a push in the right direction.

Something about the way he was looking at them made the duo change their minds about going with the usual plan. What was a Marauder that didn't change things up every once in a while anyway?

"Alright," James said soothingly, "you can tell her."

"Right!" Sirius agreed, smirking at the surprised, relieved look on Peter's face. "But we're going to help you talk to women better. Ya know, so you don't bugger everything up."

Peter's relieved look turned to complete and utter shock. They were going to help him? He felt like sitting was in order, but that proved rather difficult seeing as he was still lying on the floor. With great effort, he heaved himself back onto his feet and stared in awe at his two friends.

"R-really?" he asked breathlessly. Sirius and James might have been insensitive to his desire not to have his crushes know how he felt, but they were incredible with girls. Of course, both were steadily dating the loves of their lives right now, and had been since the end of sixth year, but that didn't change the fact that women still wanted them. Help from these two was a sure-win way to win Belinda's heart.

"Really!" James and Sirius spoke in unison, grinning at the gaping boy. Sirius wrapped an arm over his shoulder and led him to the couch.

"And to make sure you trust our abilities," James said with a slight smirk, "we're going to woo our girlfriends, and show you just how well our methods work!"

Peter looked between the two grinning boys and felt a smile of his own appear. Yeah, with Sirius' and James' help, there was no _way_ Belinda could say no!

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"No."

"But--"

"No."

"Oh, come on, love!" Sirius wheedled. He and James were giving Peter his first lesson, but Hermione wasn't falling for his charms like she usually did. The latter rolled her eyes annoyed and turned back to her book.

"Eheh, just a mo'," James whispered to Peter as the two watched from behind the stacks. He straightened his vest and ruffled his hair, then walked confidently up to Lily whom was also working with Remus and Hermione on the Arithmacy project. "Lily, my sweet!"

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily asked without looking up. Her relationship with James was great, and she wouldn't be with anyone else...Well, maybe that American actor Johnny Depp, but that was a _whole_ different story. However, that didn't stop old habits from dieing hard, and calling James by his last name was something she'd been doing since first year when he first asked her to accompany him on a trip to the kitchens. Just the two of them.

"Ah, Lils, is that any way to talk to the love of your life?" James pouted. Lily sighed and looked up, quirking a brow at the sight of her boyfriend less than five centimeters from her face.

"Can I help you?"

"Why yes, yes you can!" James grinned and walked around the table to her side. Rather than pulling out a seat, he jumped on the table and swung his legs merrily back and forth. "I was hoping that I might steal you away for a little quality time."

Lily raised a brow. "You want to go make out in a broom closet, don't you?"

Sirius snickered at her bluntness, but James merely nodded and grinned wider. Peter thought his face might split in two if his mouth spread any more.

"Let me think about that..." Lily paused for dramatics. James turned his head slightly to wink at Peter, then turned back to his girlfriend before she noticed his action. "No."

James nearly fell off the table in shock. "W-what?" he sputtered, unable to comprehend that he'd just been turned down.

"I'm working," Lily explained boredly. "And besides, I have much better things to do than spend my time with you in a broom closet."

"But--"

"No."

"Oh, come on, love!"

Well, this all seemed eerily familiar.

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"Alright, when the straightforward way doesn't work, the best way to woo a woman is with gifts!" Sirius told Peter as he showed him the lilies he'd managed to acquire through questionable means. James held a box of sugar-free chocolates and planned to give them to his beloved Evans.

"Gifts, right, gotcha!" Peter nodded with a smile. Sirius and James shared a look, nodded once, and headed into the Great Hall to distribute their gifts.

"Lily!" James called happily, sitting next to the redhead. Peter watched from behind the door of the Great Hall. He wanted to go in and eat, but he knew as soon as he was sitting before the food, all of his attention would leave Sirius and James. He needed to see them in action if he was to learn how to properly woo Belinda. "I've bought you chocolates!"

"Really?" Lily looked at James half shocked, half touched. Peter couldn't believe it. It was really working! James nodded and handed over the box to his redheaded girlfriend, who promptly looked frowned when she read the label. "Sugar-free? POTTER, ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!?"

The scream echoed throughout the Great Hall, startling several people. Everyone turned to see the scene unfolding; James was cowering under Lily's glare, shaking his head frantically and waving his arms wildly through the air.

"No, no, of course not!" he said nervously. "I would never, you're absolutely perfect the way you are!"

"Hmph, you better believe it!" Lily glared at James once more for good measure, then stood and stomped away from him.

Peter frowned and turned to Sirius. Okay, so that didn't work. Sugar-free chocolates were an insulting thing. He could remember that. Maybe the flowers were having better luck. Women liked flowers, right?

"Hermione, sweetheart, you know I love you, right?" Sirius asked Hermione, sitting next to her. He shot a quick wink in Peter's direction, then turned back to the brunette. She turned to him, shock and confusion in her brown gaze.

"Uh, yeah?" she answered questioningly. "Sirius, are you okay? What brought this on?"

"Oh, nothing, and I'm fine, love, thanks for asking." Sirius kissed Hermione's cheek and pulled the flowers from behind his back. "I just wanted to let you know and to give you these."

"Oh, Sirius, these are...are...LILIES!?"

Once again, the Great Hall silenced as they turned to see where the new outburst had come from. Hermione Granger was standing, glaring at a nervous Sirius Black and holding a bouquet of lilies far away from her.

"You bastard, you know I'm allergic!" she shouted angrily, stomping away with the lilies still in her hands.

"Hermione, love, wait!" Sirius pleaded, but Hermione steadily ignored his protests as she too left the Great Hall. Peter sighed and shook his head. It looked like gifts were out as well now.

Hermione was on her way to the Gryffindor tower, and Lily had decided about halfway there she wanted to go to the library. They ran into each other in the hall, stopping when they saw the gifts the other had.

"Are those sugar-free?" Hermione asked hopefully. Lily looked at the flowers in her hand.

"Are those lilies?"

Smiling, the two girls traded gifts and headed in their own directions, each content with their new prize.

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"Sometimes just being a gentleman is the best route," James told Peter as they were heading for the Potions classroom. Peter nodded. That made sense.

"So, you've got to help your bird in class, or on her homework since you don't have any classes with her." Sirius scratched his head, then decided it best not to dwell on how Peter would help Belinda as he had his own girl to woo.

The chubby boy sat behind Sirius and Hermione. To his left were Lily and James, the latter grinning at Peter and shooting him a thumbs up. The sign that this time would go a lot smoother than the last few attempts at wooing. Peter nodded and paid close attention to what the two were doing, completely missing Slughorn's lecture, but thankfully his partner was Remus.

"You take the Norkle stems; I'll get the basilisk powder," Lily instructed, standing and walking to the ingredients cupboard. James nodded and began chopping the blue-green stems into perfect squares. He placed them into the cauldron just as Lily returned.

Almost instantaneously, what had already been made of the potion began to boil uncontrollably, something that definitely wasn't supposed to happen. Lily shrieked and backed away, just as the cauldron exploded, leaving a scorch mark on the table.

"Potter, you idiot!" she screamed at the shocked boy. "You were supposed to slice the stems, not chop them!"

"Er, sorry, Lily!" he apologized, smiling nervously. "I was too busy watching your beauty to pay attention."

"Oh, so now it's _my_ fault you messed our potion up! You jerk!" Lily stomped over to James and slapped him soundly across the face. Then, she turned and stormed out of the classroom, not caring that there was still two hours left.

Sirius snickered and clapped loudly. "Bravo, mate, bravo!" he said mockingly. James glared at him, but he paid it no heed, turning back to his own potion. He poured in the Eye of Newt, grinning when the potion shimmered correctly. It quickly turned to a frown as the potion turned green when it should have been violet.

Hermione, who'd leaned over to pull something from her bag, stopped at the sight of the green potion. "Sirius?"

"Yes, love?"

"Did you just pour in the Eye of Newt?"

"Yes, love."

"You. Are. An. Idiot!" Hermione ended in a shriek as she quickly backed away. Remus followed suit, and Peter, smart enough to follow the smarter Marauders, also backed away. The potion exploded, covering Sirius in gooey green liquid, which seemed to harden almost immediately. "I didn't put in the gillyweed yet!"

"Mph! Mmm...mm...mph!" Sirius tried to speak but couldn't.

Slughorn sighed and shook his head. What an awful day in Potions. At least it was with Ravenclaws, who, while snickering, were mature enough not to outright guffaw at the Gryffindors bad luck. He might have loved his house dearly, but that didn't mean he was oblivious to their immaturity where Gryffindors were concerned.

"Hah!" James crowed, grinning at the scowling Sirius. "Serves you right."

Peter sighed and hung his head. He was never going to win Belinda's heart.

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It was dinner in the Great Hall, and James and Sirius had given up teaching him how to woo women in order to beg forgiveness from their own significant others. He twirled the spaghetti around on his plate, sighing self-pityingly as he thought of all the guys Belinda would probably date that wouldn't be him. It wasn't like he was the only one that had an eye on her after all.

The blonde in question nervously approached the Gryffindor table, stopping behind Peter. Sirius and James stopped pleading to stare at her curiously, Remus looked up from his book, and Hermione and Lily who'd been steadfastly ignoring their boyfriends also looked at her, waiting to see what she would do. Belinda gulped when she saw all the attention she'd gained, but Peter still hadn't noticed her behind him.

"Ahem."

Peter jumped at the sound of a throat being cleared behind him and spun around, half expecting to see some Slytherin ready to taunt him, the weakest of the Marauders in front of the Great Hall. He felt his cheeks heat up when he saw the girl behind him and lowered his gaze to the floor nervously.

"Oh, uh, hi, Belinda!"

"Hi, Peter," she murmured, blushing just as badly as the Gryffindor.

"Was there something you wanted?" James asked with a raised brow. There was a hint of suspicion in his voice, it wasn't normal for girls to just come up behind Peter, but there was also curiosity in his tone. Belinda blushed even darker and looked at her fiddling thumbs as she tried to get the words out.

"I-I was wondering i-if you, Peter that is, w-would like to g-go with me to Hogsmeade next Saturday?"

Peter's gaze snapped back to the nervous girl, his mouth gaping open. Had she just...asked him out? _Him! _Peter Pettigrew, the cowardly Gryffindor?

"I understand if you don't want too, I was just--"

"I'd love too!" he said quickly, realizing she was, indeed, asking him out. Belinda looked at him, half shocked and half relieved. She sighed gratefully and smiled at him as she started walking backwards to the Hufflepuff table.

"Oh, great then! It's a date. I'll see you Saturday!"

"Yeah, see you then," Peter called after her. She giggled lightly and turned when she reached her table, still glancing at him every so often. Peter turned back to his plate, unable to believe that had just transpired. Then, something much more important caught his attention. "What am I going to wear?" he shrieked, jumping up from the table and running back to the Gryffindor tower to find something suitable for Saturday.

The Marauders and Lily watched him go, the latter and Hermione smiling at the rushed boy.

"Aw, he's already going to look for something nice to wear!" Hermione cooed. She and Lily sighed in unison, then turned to glare at their boyfriends.

"Wh-what?" they asked nervously, scooting away from the glaring girls. What had they done to bugger up now?

"Why can't you be more like Peter!?"

END


	40. Pregnant Reaction

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where James reacts to Lily's news of being pregnant

**Episode 40**

Pregnant Reaction

Summary: In which James reacts to Lily's news of being pregnant, much to Sirius' and Hermione's chagrin

"I'm pregnant."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm pregnant," the redhead repeated with a slight smile on her face. James could practically feel the blood leave his face as he gaped at his wife, unable to believe what she was telling him.

"Are you sure?"

Lily's expression turned rather annoyed as she glared at her husband. "Yes, I'm sure, the healer just confirmed it today! I'm pregnant." 

"Oh, oh!" James smiled nervously. "That's great!" he exclaimed, then as casually as a completely freaked out Marauder could be, he headed towards the fireplace. "I need to, um, visit Padfoot for a bit. I promised him I'd stop by for a tad. Do you mind?"

Lily raised a brow but shook her head. She knew James well after being in Hogwarts with him for years, and she knew he just needed time. It wasn't like he didn't want to have children, he'd been going on about it before the thought of little James' and Lily's entered her mind, but that didn't mean he wouldn't freak out. She'd give him a week at the very most, maybe not even that long, before he came back with a huge smile and a bottle of Firewhiskey to celebrate.

"Great! I'll, um, see ya...yeah!" James smiled nervously, then quickly jumped into the emerald flames and shouted his destination. Lily watched him disappear and sighed as she looked around Godric's Hollow. A smile appeared on her face. She'd have the whole house to herself for a few days. Whoever said that having a husband afraid of his pregnant wife was a bad thing?

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Hermione giggled as Sirius ran his hands up and down her sides seductively. After a hard day at the office, it was nice to come home to a loving husband that wanted nothing more (or less) than to bend her over and take her against every flat surface in the house.

Her giggling turned to moans when Sirius pulled her into a deep, lingering kiss, and that soon turned into a groan of annoyance when the sound of flooing caught her attention. The couple turned to see who had interrupted their time together, but the irate expressions quickly turned to ones of concern when James appeared looking for all the world like an inferius.

"Prongs, mate, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, jumping off of Hermione and running to his best mate. Hermione was on James' other side in no time, and both led him to their bed where he simply fell back with a bounce.

"James, are you alright?" Hermione asked when he didn't answer Sirius, hoping her softer tone could get some sort of response out of him. He sighed and looked up, his eyes wide and fearful.

"Hermione? Sirius?" he asked, his voice a near squeak. The two shared a worried look and sat down on either side of him, Hermione rubbing his back while Sirius conjured up a glass of water for the poor bloke.

"We're here, Prongs," Hermione reassured. "Wanna tell us what happened? Is it Lily? Did something happen with Lily?"

James gulped down the water gratefully and nodded. "Yeah, it's Lily alright."

"Oh, what happened?" Hermione was even more worried now. Lily might not have been a Marauder, but she had always been a good friend to Hermione. Both Muggle-borns and sharing a love for books that not even Remus' appreciation equaled had led to a certain bond that Hermione didn't have with the rest of the Marauders.

"She's...she's..." James could barely get it out. Sirius patted his back encouragingly. James sighed, took a deep breath, and... "She's pregnant!" he all but screamed, falling back on their bed as though the news had rebounded off the wall and knocked him backwards.

Sirius and Hermione stared open-mouthed at him for several long seconds. Finally, the former grinned widely and clapped his friend on the shoulder. 

"Congratulations, mate!" he said happily. "When's the li'l boggart due?"

"Dunno," James mumbled, "I floo'd here before she could tell me."

"You left!?" Hermione shrieked, unable to believe he had done such a thing. Okay, well, she wasn't really all _that_ surprised. James was a brave man, braver than any she knew, but when he did get scared, he freaked and tended to make unintelligent (when did he ever make intelligent decisions anyway?) decisions.

"Yeah." James nodded as he sat up, unconsciously ruffling his hair into an even worse disaster than it usually was. It was one habit he had retained from years of doing it to impress (not that it ever worked) Lily.

Sirius shook his head, chuckling lightly as he clapped his friend on the shoulder. "I can't believe you, mate. You do realize Lily's gonna kill you, right?"

James, if possible, turned paler. "Uh...I hadn't thought of that!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, there's no use in you going back tonight. Not while Lily's probably still ranting about and cursing your name to the seven levels of hell."

In truth, she highly doubted the redhead was doing just that. Hermione wouldn't be surprised if Lily was enjoying having the house to herself right now, basking in the silence that didn't exist when one lived with a Marauder that was not herself or Remus by reading a book. But she wasn't about to let the men know that.

"Really? I can stay here?" James didn't give Hermione time to answer before he leapt at her, wrapping her in a tight embrace that had her turning blue in no time. "Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you!"

"No...prob...lem..." Hermione croaked, using all her strength to dislodge James. He wasn't budging though, and finally Sirius, not liking the close proximity between his best mate and his bird, pulled the excited Marauder away from her.

"I'll just show myself to the guest room," James said sheepishly, walking out of their bedroom. Hermione and Sirius shared a forlorn look. There went the mood.

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"Mmm, Siri, stop!" Hermione moaned as Sirius moved the thin spaghetti strap of her nighty down and kissed her bare shoulder. "James--"

"Left," Sirius finished for her. "Said he was going to floo back earlier. Have a talk with Lily about their kid."

"Oh, good," Hermione sighed out, turning over and pulling Sirius on top of her. "That changes everything."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Just as Sirius leaned down to kiss Hermione, the loud CRACK startled them into separating. Hermione sighed and rubbed her temples while Sirius scowled uncharacteristically at James. Said wizard either didn't notice or completely ignored the scowls he was getting from the moment he just interrupted as he plopped down on their bed.

"I couldn't do it!" he exclaimed suddenly, startling the lovers that had been in a silent trance of shared irritation. "I got home, saw her lying there, and...I freaked. Again. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Lily is having our kid, and I'm pretty sure she knows I am, but that doesn't make this any less scary. I mean I'm going to be a father! That's a big step, especially for a Marauder. What if I do something wrong? I'm still a kid at heart myself!" 

"James," Hermione soothed, hearing the frightened note in his voice. James looked at her, his eyes shimmering with all the fear and excitement he felt. "James, it's normal for you to feel this way. That doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to Lily about it. In fact, I'll bet that if you do talk to her, you won't be so scared anymore."

"Really?" he asked, voice meek for once in his life. Hermione smiled comfortingly at him.

"Really."

"You know what, 'Mione? You're right!" James stood, grabbed some floo powder, and tossed it into the fireplace. "In fact, I'm going home right now!"

"Good for you!" Hermione cheered.

As soon as James was gone, she turned to Sirius, eyes glinting with mischief. The mood hadn't vanished yet...On the other hand, it was rather hard to get it on with a sleeping man. Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes at her snoring lover, then figured that since today was her day off, she might as well enjoy sleeping in too. So, saying, she pulled the covers over her head and fell back into a fitful sleep.

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James couldn't wait to return to Sirius and Hermione's home. He had talked to Lily, and just like Hermione said, he felt a lot better than he had before. Though, he was still rather nervous of leaving his wife around sharp objects. She seemed quite upset about his leaving, never mind that he had seen quite a few books she'd been meaning to read in the finished pile when he returned for the second time that morning.

Lily allowed him to go with the promise he'd be back in a few hours tops. He agreed, and now he was about to apparate over there.

"Don't forget to apparate _outside_ the door," Lily reminded him with a raised brow. James was bad about just going right into a person's room. "And for the love of Merlin, James, _knock_!"

"Right, right," James agreed, not really paying attention. Lily was always telling him to do these things, but he still hadn't listened.

CRACK! 

Lily shook her head, already knowing James wouldn't heed her advice. With a sigh, she turned and started back on dinner.

CRACK!

The noise startled her, and she rushed into the living room to see James standing there again. His skin was paler than she'd ever seen it, and his eyes were the size of saucers. It would have been comical if not for the traumatized expression on his face.

"James!" she shrieked. "What is it? What happened?"

"T-t-they..." he stuttered.

"They what? James, what is it?" Lily demanded, feeling irritated and frightened. Had something happened to Sirius and Hermione. James gulped and turned to face Lily, his eyes wide.

"They were busy," he managed to croak out. Then, he fell back on the couch while his wife raised a single enquiring brow. "Oh Merlin, I may never be the same again! My eyes, my poor, innocent eyes!"

"Innocent?" Lily shook her head and snorted. She really didn't want to know what James had seen to make him like this. Though, she was pleased to note that whatever it was, James now knocked before he entered any room.

END


	41. Dance Competition

REQUEST: Snape's girl14 wanted a chapter with Remus and Sirius fighting over who would take Hermione to the dance

**Episode 41**

Dance Competition

Summary: In which Remus and Sirius fight over who will take Hermione to the dance

Remus, James, and Peter watched as Sirius paced the length of their bedroom. He had been doing this for the past hour or so, and it was beginning to take its toll on their nerves. Peter was already about to pass out from dizziness just watching the dark-haired Marauder go back and forth, back and forth.

"Padfoot, mate, mind stoppin' for a mo'?" James asked when Sirius continued to pace and grumble to himself. The other boy didn't seem to hear him, though, and continued with his pacing. "Eh, Padfoot?"

"Might as well give it up, Prongs," Remus murmured to the stag. "He's thinking about Hermione again."

"Hermione?" Peter questioned. "Why would he be thinking about Hermione?"

James and Remus both gave the smaller boy 'are you really _that_ stupid?' looks, which made him quiver and shrink back. Sighing and rolling their eyes, James and Remus shared another look. Only Peter could not notice how much Sirius liked Hermione. First year girls had noticed on their first day, whispering questions they didn't know Remus heard about the cute but strange couple of an obvious bookworm and an even more obvious prankster.

"We'll tell you when you're older," James finally answered. Peter shot him a dark look, but it went ignored as the boys turned back to their pacing friend. "Alright, that's it!" he whispered harshly. Sirius continued to ignore their conversation, mumbling to himself still.

"What's it?" Peter squeaked, almost afraid to say anything for fear of another look from his friends. It wasn't his fault he was so oblivious, it was just in his nature to not be perceptive!

"We have _got _to come up with a plan to get Sirius and Hermione together," James explained. He nodded as though to emphasize his point.

"Mm, did you have something in mind?" Remus asked knowingly. He could tell by the glint in James' eyes that he did, indeed, have an idea.

Sure enough, James gave the two boys an evil smile, his devious prankster smile, and gestured for them to huddle around him. Sirius, meanwhile, remained completely oblivious to his friends as he tried to think up ways to ask Hermione to the dance before Thomas Wood or Zachery Bell stole her from him. He wouldn't, _couldn't, _let that happen!

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"Oi, Hermione!" Remus called, waving her over and ignoring the dark look Madame Pince sent him. The female Marauder smiled and walked over to him, a questioning look on her face.

"Hey, Remus," she greeted. "Mind telling me why we needed to talk here and not in the common room?"

"Sirius is in there," he explained briefly. Hermione shot him a confused look, wondering what that had to do with anything, until Remus continued. "James has a plan to finally get him to admit his feelings for you."

"Oh?" Hermione blushed lightly, but she wasn't surprised her friends knew of her attraction to him. She knew it was rather obvious to all except Sirius, and possibly Peter, but despite all the signs that he liked her too, she remained nervous and scared of rejection. So, she never told him how she felt, hoping he would tell her first.

Remus leaned over the table and whispered the plan to her. Slowly, a bright smile spread across Hermione's face, and she nodded eagerly in her agreement to play along when Remus pulled back. Both smiled then. Sirius would finally be hers!

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"Padfoot!" James called enthusiastically when he saw the doggish teen walking down the halls. The fifth year stopped and turned to face his friend, smiling widely at him.

"Hey, mate!" he replied. "You haven't happened to see Hermione, have you? I have something I want to ask her?"

"Oh?" James asked knowingly. Sirius either didn't hear or completely ignored James' tone.

"Yeah, I didn't finish my Transfiguration essay, and I was hoping she'd let me borrow hers before class today."

James felt like face-palming. He wanted to believe that Sirius was just hiding his true intentions, but the honesty in his voice and the fact that James knew Sirius hadn't completed the essay, neither had he for that matter, but he planned to ask Remus, told him that Sirius was being honest. Oh well, his plan started today. Sirius would admit his feelings in no time.

"I think she's outside with Moony," he said, jabbing a thumb at a nearby window to emphasize his point. Sirius smiled thankfully and quickly headed in the direction of the doors. James following behind at a steady pace, eager to see how this played out.

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Remus and Hermione were in position. The plan was for James to talk Sirius into coming outside, and then they would begin acting. Things seemed to be going smoothly, and now they were just waiting for Sirius to appear.

"There he is!" Hermione said suddenly, pointing to the side. Remus nodded and quickly closed the book he'd been reading while Hermione situated hers in her lap. Just as Sirius looked up, Remus took her hands in his.

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Sirius looked up from his incomplete essay to see Remus and Hermione sitting side by side. He smiled slightly at seeing the bookworm Marauders so close together...That is, until Remus took Hermione's hands in his.

Sirius stopped short, then moved behind some trees so he could get closer without being caught. He wanted to know what was going on; the last time he checked, Remus had no romantic interest in Hermione and vice versa, but could he have been wrong? They had a lot in common and spent a lot of time together in the library, but Evans was usually with them, and what about the old saying opposites attract? It should be _him_ she was attracted to, not Remus!

"Hermione," Remus' voice cut through his thoughts. The bushy-haired girl looked at him with question in her eyes.

"Remus? Wha?"

"Hermione, I really like you. I was hoping...Maybe we could...go out sometime?"

"Remus!" Hermione gasped, sounding truly shocked. Sirius knew how she felt. He couldn't believe it! And to think, he trusted that bastard too! Sure, Remus didn't know of his feelings for Hermione, but that didn't mean he should just go around asking out the girl Sirius had his sights on!

"Please, just-just think about it," Remus sounded nervous now and was blushing. He moved his hands and looked at the ground. "You're the first girl that accepted my werewolfism without any problems. I-I think I love you, Hermione."

Hermione gasped again. Then, she smiled slightly and patted Remus' shoulder, giving her cute blush to the, in Sirius' mind, traitor. "I'll think about it," she promised. "It's just so sudden, so unexpected!"

Remus nodded and smiled gratefully at her. "I promise, you won't be disappointed if you agree."

Hermione nodded and grabbed her book while Remus grabbed his. The two began reading in silence again, smirking at the undoubtedly shocked Marauder hiding just behind them.

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Sirius was on the warpath. Everyone jumped out of his way, even the Slytherins who usually enjoyed jeering at his obvious pain, and no one dared get in his way. Professors, students, even the Marauders had all been on the end of his wrath today. But now, it seemed, the one who caused the whole problem was about to suffer the consequences.

"REMUS!" he shouted, stomping into the common room. Anyone present, besides the werewolf, ran out immediately, wondering what sweet Remus could have possibly done to upset Sirius.

"Yes?" Remus asked bewilderedly, inwardly laughing at the look of anger on Sirius' face. He knew the Black had a nasty temper when he did get angry, but that didn't make it any less hilarious to see him like this. Of course, the werewolf also knew that if Sirius didn't admit his feelings to Hermione soon, there could be a lot of trouble.

"Don't you 'yes' me all innocent like!" Sirius shouted, pulling Remus up by his collar. It was an impressive feat considering they were the same height. "You were hitting on Hermione!"

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead made them go as large as they could. He gasped theatrically and pulled away from the angry Marauder.

"Y-you know about that?" he stuttered. "H-how? Were you spying on me?"

"No, I was spying on Hermione!" Sirius said loudly, then realized what he had just admitted. "Uh, I mean...no!"

Remus withheld the urge to snicker again and turned away, crossing his arms. "So what? So I like Hermione, what's the big deal? It's not like you like her or something!"

Sirius' eyes widened a fraction. Remus turned to face him, gaping at the look on Sirius' face.

"Y-you don't...do you?"

"I-I-uh...Well, so what if I do?" Sirius asked petulantly. "I can't ask her out if she accepts your date offer."

His anger gone, Sirius now looked like someone had broken his favorite toy. Remus inwardly scowled at how easily the normally persistent Marauder was giving up. Well, time to up the ante then.

"Well, she hasn't said yes yet..." he goaded, hoping Sirius would catch on quickly. Unfortunately, as sharp as Sirius was, he could also be amazingly oblivious at times. He merely stared at Remus as though he couldn't understand what the other boy was saying. "The dance!" Remus exploded, a growl underlying his words. "We can compete for her by seeing who gives the better invitation for the dance!"

"Wha? Oh, that's a great idea!" Sirius grinned broadly. "Why didn't I think of it?" His smile faded as he glared at the werewolf across from him. "Prepare to lose, Lupin! No one turns down Sirius Black!"

Remus did roll his eyes then, watching amusedly as Sirius stomped out of the common room. Only Sirius could compliment and insult someone like that. A few minutes after Sirius had left, James, Peter, and Hermione entered.

"Well?" James asked eagerly. Remus ignored him and looked at Hermione, a slight smile on his face.

"Prepare to have two suitors for the dance," Remus said dryly. James and Peter shared a look in burst into laughter, while Hermione smiled brightly and clapped her hands.

"Oh goody," she said sarcastically, "just what I always wanted!"

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Sirius scowled at Remus' back. He knew the werewolf was going to make his move today, and he would be ready. Perhaps it was wrong to try sabotaging his friend's chances with the girl, but Sirius didn't think so. He had a few favors waiting, and the girls were more than happy to pay them. Though, they didn't know that Sirius was trying to ask out another girl and that's why he was asking them to disrupt Remus and Hermione.

The bell rang, signalling the end of class. Sirius followed Remus and Hermione out into the hall and hid behind the corner to watch.

Remus took Hermione's hand in his and looked deeply into her eyes. Hermione blushed again, eyes flickering left and right almost nervously. Sirius wasn't sure why the slightly nervous smile on her face soothed him, but it did.

"Hermione," Remus spoke, gaining her full attention. Sirius scowled again. "Hermione, I was hoping you would--"

"Oh, there you are Remy!" a loud voice called. They turned to see Guinevere, an annoying Ravenclaw with impossibly red hair coming at them. "I've been looking _all over _for you!" she shouted, earning a wince from Sirius, Remus, and Hermione. Especially Remus, who heard it the loudest.

She grabbed his arm and drug him off, not paying any attention to his struggles. "I was hoping you would help me with my Potions homework! You know, since you're so smart and all..."

Sirius sighed in relief. Now was his chance! Remus had failed in his attempt to get Hermione, thanks to Sirius, and now he could ask her to the dance.

He cleared his throat, straightened his robes, and marched up to the confused girl with confidence only he and James possessed.

"Hermione!"

"Huh? Oh, hi, Sirius!" Hermione smiled sweetly at him, and Sirius felt his cheeks heat up in an uncharacteristic blush.

"So, what's up?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe what just happened!" Hermione exclaimed. "Remus was just about to ask me something, and that redheaded tramp showed up and hauled him away!"

It was no secret that Hermione and Guinevere did _not_ get along. In fact, it had become a strict rule for those two to stay at least thirty feet from each other at all times. Sirius wouldn't be surprised if Hermione hated Guinevere more than she did Slytherins!

Why they didn't like each other was a mystery to everyone except the two of them, and they weren't about to tell their secrets. But seeing as both were Muggle-born, and their dislike stemmed from before first year, it was obviously something that happened in the Muggle world.

"Really? That's awful!" Sirius looked mock-outraged. It quickly faded and he took Hermione's hands in his own, delighting in the blush that once again took residence on her cheeks. "Actually, I have something to ask you too."

"Oh? What is it?"

It could have been Sirius' imagination, but he could almost swear Hermione sounded anxious. He shook that thought away and turned back to the matter at hand.

"Well, you know the dance is coming up. I was wondering if--"

"PADFOOT! STAR!"

Sirius jumped and turned to scowl at a grinning James. James paid no heed to the dark look coming from his friends as he grabbed their arms and led them down the hall.

"You guys aren't going to believe this!"

"You're right," Sirius mumbled under his breath, "I _don't_ believe it."

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Alright, here it was! Sirius smiled and rubbed his hands together happily. Hermione was all alone, and all his for the pickings. He just had to close in silently and make his move before she realized what had happened.

"Oi, 'Star!" he called, walking up to her. She looked up from her essay and smiled at the approaching boy.

"Hey Padfoot, what's up?"

"Actually, it's about what I wanted to ask you..."

"Oh!" Hermione closed her book, making sure to mark her place with the essay, and turned her full attention to Sirius.

"I was wondering if you would like to go with--"

"Oh, there you are, Hermione!" Remus called from the portrait, smiling at the death glare Sirius sent his way. Hermione looked at Remus, and he gave an imperceptible nod. She smiled and stood.

"Sorry, Sirius, Remus was going to ask me something first. Remus, what is it?"

"Actually," Remus eyed Sirius smugly, "I was hoping we could talk in the library."

"Uh, okay?" Hermione followed Remus out, neither noticing the dark-haired boy following them.

When they were finally alone, Remus turned to face the girl. "Hermione, now that there are no interruptions, I was hoping that you would go with me to the--"

Sirius burst into the library, ignoring the annoyed shouts of Madame Pince as he ran right to Remus and Hermione. Finger pointing, he panted for breath.

"Hermione, you can't go with him!" Sirius said finally, looking pleadingly at the girl. Hermione frowned about to ask why, but Remus beat her to the punch.

"Why are you so persistent?" Remus growled.

"Because I'm better for her!" Sirius yelled at Remus.

"No, I am!" Remus yelled back.

"Me!"

"Me!!"

"ME!"

"ME!!"

"ME!!!"

"ME!!!!"

"M--"

"SHUT UP!" Hermione yelled. All went silent as the two turned to stare at her. "I need to think about this! I'll choose on the day of the dance. Now, until then, I don't want to hear anymore! Got it?"

"Got it," both boys replied. Then, without another word, Hermione turned and stomped out of the room.

"Jeez," Sirius muttered, "what's with her?"

Remus snorted in agreement.

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The room was beautiful. Chandeliers decorated the ceiling, which was set to look like shooting stars. The house tables had been replaced with smaller, circular tables that fit up to five people each. The floor was filled with some couples already dancing, while other stood around talking.

With the Marauders, Remus and Sirius were glaring at each other. This was the moment of truth. When Hermione entered, she would choose which one she liked best. Sirius wouldn't admit it, but he was feeling a little nervous.

"There you guys are!" Hermione spoke up.

The boys turned to see her; all four gasped when they saw the normally bushy-haired girl with straight hair that hung to her shoulders and curled loosely. She wore a strapless crimson dress that hugged her figure and spread out at the waist, going to her knees, with gold swirls decorating it. Her red heels matched the dress and made her look taller, and only the slightest bit of makeup covered her face. She looked...breathtaking.

"Have you decided?" James asked formally. Hermione took a deep breath and nodded.

"I have. Sorry, Remus," she smiled apologetically, "but I choose Sirius."

She walked over to the dark-haired boy, smiling when he wrapped an arm around her waist. Remus smiled at the couple, at least until Sirius spoke up.

"Hah! Looks like the better man won. Told you no one turned down Sirius Black!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing at Remus. The werewolf rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Honestly, Sirius," Hermione admonished, "I thought you were smarter than that!"

"Wha? What do you mean?" Sirius looked at his girlfriend, because that's what Hermione was now, curiously. She heaved a sigh and shook her head as well.

"It was all an act," Peter piped up with a smile. Sirius looked at him with a raised brow. "Remus was only pretending to like Hermione like that so that you would admit your feelings for her."

"She's like a sister to me, you of all people know that!" Remus exclaimed, glaring slightly at Sirius. The dark-haired boy frowned.

"Oh..." his frown turned into a smile. "Thanks, mate, I owe ya one." Sirius slapped hands with Remus, keeping one arm wrapped around Hermione's waist. Remus grinned and shook his head.

"Nah, thank James, it was all _his_ idea."

"That's right!" James positively preened – until he noticed the rest of the student body glaring at him. He gulped as all the students turned their angry looks on him.

"Uh, hehe, it was for the better good?"

"**POTTER!!!"**

END!

A/N's:

I'm sure my requester didn't have in mind Remus being part of a plot to get Sirius to ask Hermione out, but as I'm actually a die-hard Remus/Hermione shipper, I couldn't have her reject Moony because she didn't want to go with him.


	42. Exams

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted Lily, Remus, and Hermione to freak out over exams

**Episode 42**

Exams

Summary: In which Hogwarts infamous bookworms freak out as NEWTs draw closer

"They're almost here!" Lily shrieked, running a hand through her messy red hair. James sat beside her, looking at his girlfriend curiously.

"I know, isn't it awful?" Remus moaned, ignoring the confused looks from Peter.

"I keep wondering if I'm missing something!" Hermione wailed, throwing her hands in the air. Sirius rubbed her back comfortingly, all the while wondering what she was talking about.

Peter, James, and Sirius shared confused looks as the trio continued to whine about 'them' getting closer each day.

"Uh, Lily?" James asked tentatively.

"Hm?" Lily looked at James briefly before once again burying her face in her hands. "What, James?" she asked, voice muffled by her hands.

"What exactly is coming closer?"

Lily looked up slowly, along with Remus and Hermione. They turned to glare at James, who quaked under their dark stares.

"What do you _mean_ what's coming closer?" Lily asked slowly, harshly, telling James any answer he gave would be a bad one. He gulped and smiled nervously.

"Of course he doesn't know!" Remus said, slumping in the arm chair. "When do _these_ three," he gestured to Sirius, Peter, and James, "ever pay any attention?"

"That's a good point," Hermione muttered. Ignoring Sirius' indignant 'hey!', she explained: "the NEWTs."

"Oh, is that all?" Peter asked with a snort. He squeaked in fear when three angry glares were directed at him.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS THAT ALL!?" yelled the trio of bookworms.

"Uh, um, well, ya see, I, um..."

"You just don't understand!" Lily cried, running a hand through her hair again.

"This is important!" Remus whined in agreement.

"These tests pave the way for our futures!" Hermione said smartly.

Nodding in agreement, the trio stood as one and marched out of the room. Lily's voice the only thing to inform the remaining boys of where they would be.

"To the library!"

"Hmph!" James crossed his arms and raised a brow at his companions. "Bookworms."

Peter and Sirius nodded in agreement.

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"What's the most important use for a flobberworm healing potion?" Lily quizzed. Remus was busy reading up on his Transfiguration, while Hermione wracked her brain for the answer.

"Antiseptic?" Hermione asked more than said. Lily nodded. "Phew. What's the incantation for--"

"Ladies!" Sirius called, walking to their table and ignoring the glare from Madame Pince. "And Remus."

Remus nodded distractedly in Sirius' direction and made a soft grunt. James was following close behind his friend, but Peter was nowhere in sight. Most likely, he was in the Great Hall as it was dinner time. The bookworms planned to work through dinner time to study, but it seemed James and Sirius wouldn't have any of that.

"Come on to dinner, love," Sirius goaded Hermione. "I've got this great prank I wanna pull, and I want you there to admire my work!"

"Yeah," James agreed, "the Marauders should all be present in the face of a prank!"

"Is it against the school rules?" Lily asked with a suspicious glare, though it didn't have all the fire she might have liked. That was probably because she was busy looking at the book in front of her, distracted by her studies.

"Why, Lily, I'm shocked at you!" James gasped, then grinned widely. "Of course it is!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, as did Lily and Remus.

"Can you not see we're studying?" Remus asked, holding up his book for emphasis. "We'll hear about your prank later."

"But all the Marauders--"

"It never stopped you before," Hermione pointed out. "If we weren't there, you would just go ahead and play it. This is just to get us to stop studying."

"Is it working?" Sirius asked hopefully. The answer was simultaneous and in perfect unison.

"NO!"

"Hmph! Fine," Sirius grumbled as he and James left the library.

Once outside, James sighed and shook his head. "Bookworms."

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"Ah, I'm glad I reviewed that last paragraph in _Transfiguration Throughout Time _earlier!" Hermione said as they finally exited the room. "I didn't think the test would be as easy as it was!"

"I know what you mean," Remus agreed. "I almost laughed when I saw the 'When was the greatest goblin rebellion?' I just looked through that right before we left."

"Or what about the uses of slagleweed in potions?" Lily actually laughed. "I thought I was going to burst out laughing. That's what I was freaking out about the most, but as soon as I saw the question, it was like _BOOM_ the answer was just there."

"Hm." The other two bookworms hummed in agreement, smiling at each other at a job well done. This was their last major exam in Hogwarts too, a sad yet happy thought.

"Hey," Remus spoke up, looking around, "where are James, Sirius, and Peter?"

"Uh, come to think of it, I haven't seen them at all," Hermione mused thoughtfully. She also began looking, along with Lily.

Just then, three thumps caught their attention. The trio turned to see the three boys leaning heavily against the wall.

"Uh, are you guys okay?" Hermione ventured after sharing a look with the other two bookworms.

"So. Many. Questions!" James whined.

"My brain hurts!" Sirius pouted.

"I think my brain turned to mush," Peter cried pathetically.

"Hmph!" Lily crossed her arms and raised a brow at the dizzy-looking trio before them. "Slackers."

Remus and Hermione nodded in agreement.

END

A/N's:

Perhaps this wasn't at its best, but my father's car's battery died and I've been trying to help them fix it. As I know next to nothing about cars – actually I don't know _anything_ – I wasn't too much help. Now, though, that seems to be taking its toll on me, but I wanted to get the chapter out before brokenblackangel's exams. Good luck with those! Hope I made it in time, though probably not.


	43. Sleep

REQUEST: brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where sleep proves impossible for Hermione thanks to the Marauders

**Episode 43**

Sleep

Summary: In which Hermione can't sleep thanks to the Marauders

Sleep. It was all she wanted, all she asked for, but could she get it? No! And why not? Because her so-called friends would not shut the bloody fuck up!

Hermione growled as James continued to rant on about how awesomely wicked their newest prank was. About how she had missed out when she turned down the chance to see Snape's face after they cast said prank, and about how they would have to do it again just to show her! It was just so cool they would break one of the few Marauder rules, to never repeat a prank, gladly.

She tried yawning, but that only earned her a concerned look from Remus. She tried stretching tiredly, but Sirius took that as his cue to grope her – he earned a slap for that, rather than the usual chuckle – and even flat out saying 'I'm tired' hadn't worked as James just continued on, telling her that she could sleep later. It annoyed her to no end that they were so thoughtless as to her exhaustion, and she had a few choice things to say to them, which she would have had she not been too tired to bother.

Honestly, was it so wrong to want sleep? She had spent most of the night studying with Lily, but the redhead managed to return to bed after breakfast, whereas Hermione was forced to stay in the Great Hall with the boys because Sirius absolutely refused to release his hold on her waist until he was done, and then James had started going on about this prank.

"Alright, alright, I get it!" Hermione snapped. "You've been going on for three hours about the same bloody thing! I get that the prank was great, now can I _please_ go to bed!?"

James, Peter, and Sirius gaped at her. Remus also looked shocked, but he had a little more dignity than to imitate a fish. Hermione just glared at all four boys, sniffing in contempt.

There was no answer, and Hermione almost sighed in relief. Perhaps she would get away this time! They seemed to be in a state of shock, so if she just...

"Hermione!" Sirius finally managed, just as she was almost to the stairs. "Why would you want to sleep on such a glorious day?"

Hermione turned slowly to glare at him, but he was too busy gazing out the window at the shining sun and trees blowing lightly in the gentle breeze. He turned back to Hermione, completely disregarding her dark look as he dragged her out of the common room with Remus, Peter, and James following close behind.

"It's much too beautiful for a Marauder not to enjoy! Besides, Snape's down there, and now's the perfect chance to see our prank in action!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. It was going to be a _looong_ day.

323232

Admittedly, seeing Snape mummified with bright pink tape was funny, but Hermione didn't see what was so amazing that it deserved an encore performance. Perhaps it was just the expression on his face that her friends found so amusing. She had to admit, seeing his eyes darken and his scowl deepen so badly she feared his face would stay that way was a hilarious sight.

All the same, she was highly annoyed right now. All she wanted was sleep, but the Marauders had kept her from it for that simple prank. They would pay! Oh yes, they would pay dearly! But first, Hermione just wanted to catch a quick little nap.

"Oi, Hermione!" James called out when he saw her heading for the girl's staircase. Hermione stopped, foot in midair, and very slowly turned to face him. Either he didn't notice or somehow managed to ignore the murderous glare on Hermione's face and the blood lust flowing off her in that moment.

"What?" she hissed lowly, dangerously. If this wasn't worth staying awake longer, she was going to kill him all right now!

"Sirius is lookin' for you, says he's got somethin' important to show you." James shrugged like he couldn't care less, then looked left and right eagerly before turning back to Hermione with a frown. "You haven't happened to see Lily around, have you? I haven't asked her out today."

Hermione twitched. "She said to tell you 'no, no, and _hell_ no, Potter!' Where is Sirius?"

The question was said with an air of defeat. James didn't notice that either, though, as he was too busy swooning over his beloved redhead.

"Ah, she's warming up to me!" he declared with a bright smile. "He was near the Transfiguration room last I checked."

"Thanks," Hermione mumbled without much enthusiasm. James grinned and waved at her as she left.

"See ya, 'Star!"

323232

Hermione sighed contently as she laid on her bed. After beating Sirius for wanting nothing more than a snogging session, she had headed straight back to the common room. If anyone called her, she ignored them; if anyone stood in her way, she pushed past them; there was only one thing on Hermione's mind right now, and that was sleep!

Lily was still comfortably tucked away in her bed, and it was just the two of them in the room. Hermione curled under her own blanket and allowed sleep to claim her as she finally, blissfully closed her eyes.

323232

"Oi, Hermione, where's your boys?" Lily whispered when they were in Charms.

It was the first class of the day, and so far none of the Marauders besides Hermione had shown up. The redhead wouldn't admit it, but she was worried. If there was a prank involved, Hermione wouldn't be here either, so what could possibly be holding up the four boys? Especially Remus, who absolutely hated being tardy.

"Oh, you could say they're a little..._taped up_ right now."

Lily raised a questioning brow. "Don't you mean 'tied up'?"

Hermione just smiled.

323232

In the hall, four boys were hopping through the castle. None looked particularly happy, but then again, they _were_ all covered in hot pink tape.

END


	44. Cat Fight

REQUEST: WhiteRaven88 wanted a chapter where a girl hits on Sirius and it starts a cat fight

**Episode 44**

Cat Fight

Summary: In which a girl, Sirius, and a jealous Hermione leads to a cat fight

Hermione glared. Who did she think she was anyway? Looking at Sirius as though he was a piece of meat, and he was laughing! The bookworm could feel murderous waves rolling off her, and it seemed anyone within the general vicinity could as well, as most everyone – save Sirius and _Her –_ had scooted away the moment the redheaded girl showed up.

Guinevere was a Muggle-born in the Marauder's year. She was a Ravenclaw, though how she made it into the intelligent house was still in question, and she was well known as a tramp around the school. She slept around almost as much as the Slytherin Slut, Jezebel Parkinson, did, but it seemed that lately she had set her sights on Sirius Black, the former player of Hogwarts and Hermione's steady boyfriend of four months now.

She was giggling shrilly, occasionally flicking smug glances in Hermione's direction. The brunette tried to hide her ire, but it was obvious to everyone she was about ready to blow. James looked nervously at his best mate, hoping Sirius saw the glint in his girlfriend's eyes soon, or else there would undoubtedly be trouble in the Great Hall. Sadly, Sirius was too busy laughing at whatever Guinevere had told him to notice the steam practically coming out of Hermione's ears.

"So, then I said 'you have _got_ to be kidding me, right?' He thought Chardonnay was a pet store!" Guinevere laughed loudly, as she could only be loud it seemed. Sirius laughed along with her, inwardly wondering what the girl was talking about. He wasn't a particularly big fan of the redheaded Muggle-born either, but he wanted to see what his girlfriend would do when truly jealous.

Hermione's fists clenched under the table as she watched the two. She could feel her temper rising with each moment that passed, her anger steadily taking over her. She wasn't the only one that could tell bad things were coming either, several students had already excused themselves and now waited outside the Great Hall doors, hoping to listen in on what transpired without actually being in the danger zone.

"Wow, crazy guy that," Sirius said with a suave smile. "Mistaking Chardione for a pet shop."

"It's 'Chardonnay'," Guinevere corrected with another high-pitched giggle. She lightly tapped Sirius' arm, smiling brightly at him. "You are _so_ silly!"

"Uh, yeah, heh, that's me! Silly Sirius." Sirius was sure the nervousness he kept formerly hidden was now obvious in his tone, but Guinevere either didn't notice or he was actually better at hiding his true feelings than he thought.

"Why don't you come be silly in _my_ room?" Guinevere gave him a sultry smile, and that was when Hermione snapped.

"That's it!" she shouted, gaining everyone's attention. The professors shared nervous glances, not sure if their star pupil would actually do anything beyond yell or if they would have to step in. They decided to wait and see, but it was always best to be on guard.

Hermione pointed a shaking finger at Guinevere, whom was trying to look innocent but was failing miserably due to the smug smirk on her face. "You," Hermione hissed lowly, "stay away from my man!"

"Your man?" Guinevere taunted, grabbing Sirius' arm. "I don't see your name on him!"

"Uh, actually..." Sirius trailed off with a nervous smile on his face. Guinevere looked at him questioningly, and he tugged his arm free, pulling it out of his robe and rolling up the white sleeve, a red heart tattoo with a banner going through it had, in fancy letters, HERMIONE written across his arm.

"Oh."

Hermione smirked smugly now, but it quickly faded when Guinevere snorted and glared at her.

"I'll bet you forced him to get it, and he didn't want to at all!"

"Actually, it was my idea!" Sirius spoke up, but he was completely ignored by the two girls now facing each other.

"Oh, you think I did, do you?" Hermione growled, fingers out and curled like claws. Guinevere huffed.

"As a matter of fact, I do! It's clear he likes me!"

"Oh, you wish!"

"No, I _know_. _You _are just in denial!"

"Why you little..."

No more was said after that. Hermione had grabbed Guinevere's long, impossibly red tresses and pulled as hard as she could. Guinevere shrieked and tried to pull away. When that didn't work, she clawed at Hermione's face, using her long nails to her advantage as scratches appeared on Hermione's face.

"Hermione!" Sirius exclaimed, worried for his girlfriend. He didn't get too close though, and instead backed away when Hermione pushed the redhead into the Gryffindor table and smothered her face with a plate of food.

Guinevere shrieked and pushed Hermione away, clawing at her as only she could. Hermione fell onto her back and tried hard to grab Guinevere's wrists to stop her claws from making contact. The first few attempts failed, but she finally managed to successfully pin her to the ground.

Rolling them over so she was on top, Hermione growled again and slapped the redhead soundly across the face. Guinevere glared at her and somehow managed to buck the brunette off, then pounced on her and began kicking and hitting ferociously.

Several guys hooted while others backed away fearfully. The remaining girls either gasped in fright or cheered for Hermione, who hadn't hit on their boyfriends while they were dating said girls. The professors were up and running, grabbing the two girls and pulling them forcefully away from each other. Hermione struggled in McGonagall's grip while Guinevere did the same in Sinistra's hold.

"Let me go! Let me go!" Guinevere shrieked, struggling to get to Hermione. Her arms were still free and were making clawing motions at the brunette.

Hermione bared her teeth in a snarl and tried to fight her way to Guinevere. Somehow, the professors managed to hold the girls down and dragged them out of the Great Hall, leaving the students in silence.

James turned to Sirius after several moments of silence. "Padfoot, mate?"

Sirius turned to face James.

"The next time you decide to make Hermione jealous, do us all a favor...DON'T!"

END


	45. Rain

**Episode 45**

Rain

Summary: In which Sirius muses on rain

Sirius hated the rain. It meant he couldn't go out and play like he wanted to, and if he did, he paid later by getting sick. That meant he couldn't go out when it was sunny! It was a lose-lose situation when it rained.

He had kept this belief for years. When he first met James, he had been pleased to know another sun person. James realized the horror of rain as well, and he always wished it away as soon as it came

Peter also didn't like rain, but that was because he was scared of thunderstorms. Really, as much as the Marauders loved him, Peter had to be the most cowardly person they knew. How he managed to make it to Gryffindor was a non-spoken question on everyone's minds.

Remus and Hermione were different though. They loved the rain. Remus said it helped him concentrate better, but Sirius knew he just liked it because it soothed his nightmares away. He wasn't sure how or why, but the werewolf always slept better when it was raining.

Hermione, on the other hand, was completely different. She adored the rain, not only for concentration purposes, but because it was fun to watch. That's what she said anyway; personally, Sirius didn't see what was so great about watching water fall from the sky. Hermione said it was like a miracle though, a miracle that she wished wouldn't end as soon as it did.

When he asked her how she could stand it, Hermione hadn't answered him verbally. Rather, she had dragged him out of the library, which surprised him as she rarely left the library willingly once inside, and right outside despite their strict orders to stay inside during such a horrible storm.

Sirius hadn't liked the feeling of water pelting him, soaking into his clothes and weighing him down. He did like the sight of Hermione dancing though. Well, not really dancing, more spinning around and occasionally jumping. She looked happier than he had ever seen her, and when she pulled him out under the worst of the downpour to dance with her, Sirius thought her eyes lit up even more.

That was the first time he kissed her. Leaning down, under the pattering droplets, his lips touched hers for the very first time. It was also where she responded, pressing up to deepen the kiss and wrapping her arms around his neck. Sirius had grabbed her waist, and when they parted, he swung her around merrily, his soaked clothes no longer bothering him anymore.

Now when it rained, Sirius would smile as James wished it away. He would laugh when Peter hid under the table or his bed, and he would ruffle the sleeping Remus' hair with a fond look. Then, he would leave the common room or the bedroom, whichever they were in, meet Hermione outside, and they would dance merrily under the pouring sky.

Sirius didn't love the rain, but he had to admit that it wasn't so bad.

END

A/N's:

I figured since most of these focus on Hermione's side, as she's my favorite character, you should get _some_ Sirius, as he's my third favorite (right after Remus).

Personally, I'm with Hermione! I love the rain. In fact, I was woken up this morning by thunder and I, the person who clings to sleep as long as humanly, and sometimes inhumanly (I've slept until 8pm one time), possible, could not _wait_ to get out of bed! So, what are you? Rain or sun people?


	46. Familiar Face

A/N's:

Wow, who knew there were so many rain people out there? Everyone I know is a sun person, except for myself and my mother, though she prefers rain at night and sun in the day. Huh, well anyway, now that my pointless musings are out of the way, it's another rainy day and since rain inspires me to write, here is another chapter!

**Episode 46**

Familiar Face

Summary: In which Sirius sees a familiar face on the street

Sirius pulled his leather jacket tighter around him. It was chilly out tonight, a side-effect of nothing but rain for one week straight. Right before winter at that!

He sighed and dug around in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes he really shouldn't be smoking. It was a bad habit he'd picked up after dating a Muggle woman two months back. She was pretty, admittedly, but she wasn't the one he wanted. Her brown hair had been slightly bushy, her skin naturally tan, but her eyes were blue, not the latte color he so adored.

Really, Sirius knew deep down that no one could possibly be a replacement for her, but he had hoped he could forget and move on to someone new. That hadn't worked though.

It was three years since they graduated from Hogwarts, and Hermione had moved away to America, claiming they had one of the best wizarding universities in the world there. It taught wandless magic among other subjects foreign to Hogwarts halls, and she was always eager to learn new things.

Perhaps letting her go wouldn't have been so hard for Sirius had he managed to tell her how he felt beforehand. At the time he thought he had all the time in the world to come clean about his feelings, but then she announced she was leaving and suddenly there was a time limit for him to confess. Unfortunately, fear had kept the most confident Marauder from admitting the truth, and Hermione left none the wiser.

They had kept in touch, all five Marauders, at first, but steadily it trickled off. Sirius, of course, still saw James when the Chaser wasn't busy with his wife or his Quidditch team, and Remus lived nearby but was usually busy looking everywhere for a job that would hire a werewolf. Peter had surprisingly become an Auror and was often gone as well, and with Hermione in America, the Marauders had slowly drifted apart.

Sirius sighed in relief when he finally found the small sticks. Lighting one would give him reprieve from his thoughts, no matter how short the escape might be, and maybe he could find something else to think about in the process. Something that didn't involve a bushy-haired woman, similar to the one heading towards him right now, that he had fallen in love with and never told.

"Sirius?" a familiar voice called just as he turned his back. Sirius stiffened; he recognized that voice, how could he not? It was the same voice he had dreamed of moaning his name ever since he hit puberty. He turned slowly, to face the very woman he had seen walking towards him earlier, standing just behind him.

Bright smile with perfectly white, straight teeth; sparkling brown eyes that held intelligence and a hint of mischief common among pranksters; bushy brown hair that oddly fit and looked more attractive than hideous; a body any woman would die for covered by a pair of tight-fitting jeans, a baggy tee, and a leather duster.

"Hermione?" Sirius asked in disbelief, the cigarette moving with his words. Hermione's smile faded, and she glared at the man. Yanking the cigarette from his mouth, ignoring his protests, she squished the bud under her Doc Martins.

"When did you start smoking?" she demanded immediately. "Don't you know those things kill? Not just the smoker either, more people die from second hand smoke than--"

"Hermione!" Sirius cried delightedly, completely disregarding her lecture. She squealed when he picked her up and spun her around, ignoring the passersby that looked oddly at the couple. "What are you doing here?"

"Put me down, and I'll tell you!" Hermione laughed. Sirius didn't really want to put her down, but he knew he should.

Once she was on her feet again, Hermione punched his shoulder lightly, playfully. Sirius mock-gasped and grabbed his arm, as though the punch had actually hurt. Well, it _did_ hurt, but he wasn't about to let Hermione know that. Honestly, that girl never did know her own strength!

"So? What are you doing here?" Sirius asked again, smile still on his lips. Hermione couldn't help chuckling lightly.

"Perhaps we should get out of the rain?" she suggested, tugging on his arm and leading him toward a nearby café. "I'll tell you inside."

They walked through the rain and sludge, nodding occasionally to passing people. Sirius couldn't help noticing Hermione kept her arm looped through his, and though he knew it was only friendly in her mind, he couldn't help wishing it was more than that. Catching sight of their reflections in a dark window, Sirius thought they made a rather handsome couple and they really should get together. If only he had the time and courage...

"Mocha Cappuccino, please," Hermione ordered, snapping Sirius out of his thoughts. He looked around, only now noticing they had entered the café and taken seats. "Sirius?"

"Hm? Oh, I'll have a Double Caramel Latte, thanks."

The waitress nodded, her eyes lingering on Sirius a second longer than necessary, but the Marauder paid her no heed. He was too busy staring at Hermione, noticing the changes she had and/or hadn't gone through. She still looked the same as she had the last time he saw her, but at the same time she was different.

Her hair, he noted, was slightly less bushy than it had been, and it was shorter as well. To her shoulders rather than down her back like it had been in school. Also, her smile seemed...different. More beautiful than mischievous, but that could just be his own attraction to her speaking. Other than that, Sirius was pleased to note, she had stayed the same. Still modest yet confident, beautiful in an intelligent way, and obviously still into her studies.

"So?" he prompted yet again. Hermione smiled and looked at her twiddling thumbs.

"I graduated early," she answered quietly. Glancing up, she saw Sirius watching her intensely. She blushed and looked down again, hoping he couldn't hear just how fast her heart was racing right now.

In Hogwarts, she had done a pretty good job of hiding her feelings, but seeing the man who had stolen her heart so many years ago again after so long away, it was like realizing she was in love for the first time all over again. Scary yet exciting.

"I missed home, so I studied harder than ever, and I managed to graduate early. Now, I'm back, just looking for a place to stay." Hermione shrugged. "That's about it, I guess. So, what's been going on with you? Got a steady girlfriend yet, or are you still the playboy?"

Sirius chuckled, remembering his old reputation. Of course, women were still throwing themselves at him, in either world it seemed, but he hadn't dated nearly as many as he had in school. None could take Hermione's place, and he'd finally realized that when she was gone.

"No, I'm currently single..." he trailed off, looking at Hermione from under lowered lashes. "You said you were looking for a place to stay, right?"

Hermione nodded. "Yeah, so?"

"Well, as it so happens, I'm looking for a roommate. That is...if you don't mind living with an old playboy?"

"Are you serious!?" Hermione shrieked, jumping over the table to hug him. Sirius felt his face heat up, but he kept his cool and patted her back.

"Well, that's what everyone calls me," he joked, smiling. Hermione laughed and shook her head as she pulled away, also blushing lightly.

"I see you haven't changed much."

"I try not too." Sirius shrugged.

The duo smiled at the waitress as she came back with their drinks, once again eyeing Sirius longer than necessary. When handing him his latte, her fingers brushed against his hand and she winked. Sirius smiled at her, but he was looking at Hermione from the corner of his eye; was that jealousy he'd seen flash in those latte depths?

"Oi, Hermione?" Sirius asked when the waitress had gone. Hermione looked at him, taking a sip of her cappuccino. "I was wondering...Are you busy this Saturday?"

Hermione's eyes widened, and she coughed as the coffee went down wrong. Sirius patted her back worriedly, wondering what had possessed him to ask her so suddenly. Of course it wasn't jealousy he'd seen, just a trick of light. It was all in his imagination. Damn it.

"Are you asking me on a date?" Hermione asked when she could talk again. She winced as her voice came out rather breathless, but she stared intently at Sirius nonetheless. He looked away uneasily, a blush coming to his cheeks under her intense scrutiny.

"Well, it doesn't have to be...Just a friendly outing really...I mean...Yes, yes, I'm asking you out." He sighed and looked down, watching as the whip cream on his latte slowly melted and swirled with the light colored liquid.

Hermione couldn't stop the smile from coming to her face. "Sirius," she said, waiting until he looked back up again, "I thought you'd _never_ ask."

END


	47. Grandparents

A/N's:

After a conversation about my grandparents, on my father's side, who used to spoil me when I was a child (though both sets did), I decided to dedicate a chapter to them. None of my grandparents have been alive for several years, so this is in their memory.

**Episode 47**

Grandparents

Sirius held his wife as she sniffled over the graves her beloved grandparents. He noticed Eric Granger comforting Helen in much the same way, as the woman wailed over her lost in-laws. Sirius never thought he would see a spouse cry over the in-laws, but here he was witnessing the event. Of course, he knew that if his wife's parents ever bit the dust, he would be upset too. He really liked the Grangers, a lot more than he liked his own family, and it went without saying that he didn't want to ever see them like this.

Hermione had confided in him that they had been her favorite people as a child. When her parents refused to give her sweets, reminding her how bad they were for her teeth, her grandparents would give her peppermints or various other sweets that she probably shouldn't have had.

Once, she had whispered with an amused smile and tears flowing down her face, she had spilled her kool-aid on the off-white carpet, purposely, but when her father said he was going to spank her for such an act, her grandfather had stepped in with the reminder that it was only carpet and they would eventually replace it anyway. In other words, if Eric laid one hand on his little angel...

Today, he had learned, the old man just passed away. His wife went several years back, and that had also been a sad time for the family. Now, though, Hermione had Sirius to comfort her whereas she didn't back then. She said softly on the train ride here, that she wouldn't have it any other way.

Sirius wished he could have met the man, and woman, that meant so much to his beloved wife. Hermione really was an amazing woman, and she told him that it was mostly thanks to the older folks. Of course, her parents did a great job raising her too, but that didn't change the fact that it was her grandparents who had the biggest impact on her life.

Rubbing her back, he asked consolingly: "Are you gonna be okay?"

Hermione sniffled, then turned her brilliant smile on him.

"Yeah," she murmured, "I'm gonna be just fine."

END

A/N's:

It's short yes, but it felt like that would be a good place to end it. Yes, all of this stuff is true too. This is exactly what I've been told (I was only a baby at the time) they did when I was younger.


	48. Gathering

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted me to continue my chapter – _Familiar Faces_ – with a couple of things including a gathering of the Marauders upon Hermione's return

**Episode 48**

Gathering

Summary: In which the Marauders gather together upon Hermione's return

Hermione laughed as James hugged her yet again, followed by Lily, Remus, and Peter. A month after she moved in with Sirius, the Marauders and Lily were finally able to get time off to come see her. Now, they were having a small get-together, that was more reminiscing, to celebrate Hermione's return.

"Remember when we turned the Great Hall into a winter wonderland?" James asked, cracking up. Sirius laughed along with him, nodding.

"Right, it was Hermione's and Remus' idea. Even the professors loved it!"

Hermione and Remus shared a fond smile as they thought back to their best prank. Perhaps not the best the Marauders as a whole had pulled, but for the two bookworms, it was without a doubt their masterpiece.

"It was you two that thought of that one?" Lily gaped at her fellow modestly-blushing bookworms.

"Guilty!" Remus and Hermione said in unison, smiling at the redhead. She shook her head and chuckled.

"You guys never cease to amaze me," she murmured. James merely grinned and wrapped an arm over her shoulders while Hermione smiled.

"So, did you meet anyone special in America?" Peter asked with a sly grin. He was oblivious to the Marauders and Lily, minus Sirius and Hermione, shaking their heads frantically as a means to say 'don't ask _that_ you bloody fool!'

Hermione blushed and looked at her hands. "Well, there was this one guy," she said shyly, looking at Sirius from beneath lowered lashes. His shoulders had tensed upon hearing that, but he forced himself to relax when he remembered Hermione had agreed to go out with him. She wouldn't do that if she had someone in America waiting for her. "But things didn't work out too well."

"Why not?" Lily wondered aloud, though she knew she should just let the subject drop. Besides the obvious taboo of discussing Hermione with other men in front of Sirius, it was obvious the bushy-haired girl wanted to change topics.

"He was married and had three kids." Hermione shrugged nonchalantly, as though men lied about their marital status everyday. "When I found out, I kicked his sorry arse to the curb."

"You go girl!" James hooted. Hermione couldn't help laughing, and Sirius, though displeased someone had done that to his Hermione, couldn't help feeling glad that he had been married. Otherwise, Hermione might still be with the bastard and he wouldn't have had his chance!

"Besides," Hermione continued, glancing at Sirius, "there was someone here that I still loved."

Lily and Remus shot her knowing looks, James looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and gave a sly smirk, but Peter just looked confused. He had always been the most oblivious of all the Marauders, so naturally he wouldn't notice the attraction between two of his best friends.

Sirius blushed and looked down. He was aware that it was highly out of character for him to be so embarrassed, but hearing Hermione say she loved him so casually like that, even if she hadn't actually mentioned his name, was something he'd been dreaming about for ages. He figured it warranted a blush.

"Well, look at the time!" Lily suddenly said, grabbing James' arm and dragging him up with her. "We should get going. The babysitter can't watch Harry all night. You'll come by sometime and be properly introduced to our son, right? We want you to be his godmother after all. See you, Hermione!"

Hermione blinked at how much Lily had said, and all in one breath at that! Before she could reply, or even fully comprehend that the redhead just asked her to be Harry's godmother, James and Lily were gone.

Remus smiled and stood. "We should be going as well, right Peter?" he asked rhetorically, grabbing the smaller man by the collar and all but dragging him to the fireplace to floo away.

"What? But I can stay for a little while lon-"

"Just get in!" Remus growled lowly, so only the rat could hear. Peter gulped, not used to hearing such a tone directed at him from his friend. He obediently nodded and waved goodbye before grabbing a handful of powder and flooing home.

One last wave, and Remus also left via the fireplace. Hermione and Sirius watched them in silence, both blushing, until...

"So, how was it?" Sirius asked when they were alone again.

"Hm?" Hermione looked at him, smiling lightly.

"Seeing all everyone again," he clarified. "How was it?"

"Oh! It was great!" Hermione's smile grew. "To be honest, I didn't realize just how much I _really _missed this place until tonight. It's amazing how much has changed: Peter's an Auror, James and Lily had a son – admittedly, that's not too surprising though...And everything else too. I can't believe I missed out on all of this."

"Yeah." Sirius looked at his hands. "We're glad to have you back, Hermione. All of us are."

Hermione smiled and blushed. "I'm glad to be back."

Sirius took a deep breath and gathered all of his Gryffindor courage. Then, he leaned over and lightly placed his lips on the stunned Hermione's. After a moment, she relaxed into the kiss and returned it. When Sirius pulled away, it felt much too soon for either parties tastes.

"You know," Hermione mused, "I think _that_ was the highlight of the entire night."

"Well, I have been told I'm an excellent kisser," Sirius said as modestly as he could possibly sound. Hermione chuckled lightly.

"Well, you weren't lied too," she complimented. Before Sirius could say anything more, she reached out and pulled him to her again. "How about another? Just in case the first time was a fluke?"

Sirius grinned devilishly. "My pleasure."

END

A/N's:

Sorry this one took me a little while. I finished the chapter, but I didn't like it at all. It was, frankly, a piece of shit, and I didn't want you all to suffer reading something so bad when you've been enjoying all the one-shots so far. Seeing as I had no intention of continuing that chapter, though, having a request to see it continued took me by surprise. In the end, this was the result; thankfully, this time it came out about a hundred times better than it was the first time.


	49. First Date

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted me to continue my chapter – _Familiar Faces_ – with a couple of things including Sirius and Hermione's first date

**Episode 49**

First Date

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione go on their date

Sirius shouldn't feel so nervous. He had been on many dates with many women, but this was different. This was a date with _Hermione Granger_, the woman of his dreams since he hit puberty!

All the little things he rarely paid heed to before, now seemed about a million times more important to him. Every time he thought of something going wrong, he would get sweaty and nervous and wish the ground would swallow him up! It didn't help that Hermione had yet to say anything, even though they'd been seated in the restaurant for hours now!

Actually, it had only been a couple of minutes, but Sirius didn't usually carry a watch, so he was just going on what it felt like rather than what it actually was. Finally, he cleared his throat, smiling a little when Hermione jumped. It seemed he wasn't the only nervous one here.

"Um...So, how was America?" he asked, unable to think of anything better. At least Hermione hadn't told him too much of what happened in the country, so it wouldn't be too obvious that the smooth, charismatic Sirius Black didn't have a clue what else to say.

"Ah, it was fine," Hermione said with a fond smile. "I made a few friends there, but nothing like with the Marauders or Lily. I really missed you guys."

"We missed you too," Sirius said, looking at his hands. He looked back up when he realized he might seem a coward to not look Hermione directly in the eye. As soon as his eyes locked with hers, though, he felt his face heat up in a blush.

"Your food, _monsieur_," the waiter said, placing the food before the couple. He also placed a bottle of wine in between the two.

"_Merci_."

Sirius and Hermione watched the waiter leave before turning nervously back to each other.

"Um, I'll poor the wine!" Sirius said, wincing inwardly when his voice cracked. It only did that when he was really nervous, and that was the last thing he wanted Hermione to know. Even if he was already making it pretty obvious he was scared.

She smiled but didn't comment on the increased pitch his voice had taken, for which Sirius was very grateful. He wasn't sure he could handle that kind of embarrassment right now. Normally, he would take great pleasure in laughing at himself, but as was mentioned before, this was different. This was his first date with Hermione!

The lid popped off rather easily, and Sirius took Hermione's glass, filling it nearly to the brim. Yeah, he was well aware that wine was poured in little quantities, but he never understood that. It was hardly enough to wet the throat, much less to help you wash down your food! Though, maybe that's what the pitcher of water was for...

Hermione laughed when she saw how full Sirius got her glass. Really, she didn't like drinking much, even wine, but this was a special occasion, so she figured it would be alright.

As though the glass had somehow sensed her reluctance to drink, as soon as Sirius sat it down in front of her, it tipped over and poured onto her dress. Thankfully, the dress was red like the wine, but there was still a stain that would be hard to come out.

"Hermione!" Sirius gasped when he saw the wine fall in her lap. "I'm so sorry!"

He grabbed some napkins and was by her side in no time, helping her to wipe away the stain on her stomach.

"It's fine," she reassured, "it was an old dress anyway."

That was a lie. She had spent hours looking for this dress, and it wasn't exactly cheap either, but she had never been the type to care for materialistic things. In the end, it was only a dress and of no real importance to her life.

"Still..." Sirius trailed off, a blush crossing his cheeks when he realized his hand was lower on her than it had ever been. True, it was only her stomach, but still! "Uh, I mean, yeah, it's just a dress, right?"

Nervously laughing, he stood straight again, but bumped his shoulder on the table. It jarred painfully, and Hermione gasped this time when Sirius grabbed his shoulder and hissed in pain.

"Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," Sirius mumbled through clenched teeth, still holding his shoulder.

Hermione nodded but still looked worried.

Sirius smiled sheepishly and pulled out her chair, wincing when a jolt went through his shoulder. At least it would be fine in a few minutes.

Unfortunately, neither party had noticed Hermione's plate slide into her seat when Sirius bumped the table. So, not paying much attention, Hermione sat right in the plate of mashed potatoes and chicken Parmesan. Her eyes widened, and she jumped up in shock. Sirius' eyes also widened when he saw her plate in the seat. Hermione sighed and grabbed another napkin to wipe off the backside of her dress.

Thankfully, Sirius had managed to get them one of the few tables outside, so no one could see what was happening.

"I'll go get more napkins!" Sirius said, knowing that Hermione wouldn't let him help her clean that particular mess. She nodded her thanks, but just when Sirius turned to go back in, he tripped over the leg of her chair and fell belly-first.

"Sirius!" Hermione called worriedly, forgetting about her potato-covered behind in her worry over Sirius. With a grunt, the latter pushed himself up and smiled embarrassedly at her.

"I'm fine," he muttered. "Um, maybe we should go?"

Hermione nodded in agreement, and turned back to wiping off the back of her dress as Sirius went to pay the bill.

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"I'm sorry this date was so awful, love," Sirius apologized, looking down. Hermione would probably never want to go out with him again. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if she decided to move out in the next few minutes.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, taking Sirius hand and smiling. "I think it was great."

"Really?" Sirius smiled hopefully. Hermione returned the smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Really."

END

A/N's:

This chapter actually should have gone before _Gathering_, since in _Gathering_ she had been living with Sirius for a month, but I didn't think of that until starting this chapter, so just pretend this chapter came before the previous one, please?


	50. Nickname

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where the Marauders first got their names

**Episode 50**

Nickname

Summary: In which the Marauders first get their names

"We can't go on like this!" James wailed, throwing his arms about wildly. His friends shot him confused looks, but they didn't comment on his odd behavior. It was just how James was, as they'd found out over the past couple of years.

"What do you mean, mate?" Sirius asked bewilderedly. Surely, James wasn't talking about the pranks they pulled. They'd been pulling them since first year, and so far he hadn't complained, even if Lily did keep rejecting his offers for a date because of his immaturity.

"I mean we're the Marauders!" James said, as though that explained everything. Maybe, in his mind, it did.

"Eh, you want to stop pulling pranks?" Remus asked bewilderedly. He and Hermione shared a confused, slightly nervous look. They could go without the pranks, but just because they liked to read and be sensible didn't mean they _wanted_ to go without them. If anything, being in the Marauders made everything more interesting.

"No!" Sirius cried dramatically. "James, say it ain't so! How could you betray me like this?"

The thirteen year old threw himself onto the couch and began fake-sobbing loudly. He even punched and kicked the couch to add onto his tantrum.

"Of course not!" James exclaimed aghast. "How could you guys think I would ever..." he trailed off and sniffled, smirking inwardly when Sirius quit his tantrum and sat straight, an apologetic look on his face.

"I'm sorry, James!" he cried, throwing his arms around the other boy and knocking them both to the ground. James let out a loud '_oomph!' _as the air left his lungs. "I didn't mean it, I swear!"

Hermione shook her head amusedly at her boyfriend's actions and placed her book down in order to help him up. James sighed gratefully when the weight was off his back.

"Geez Sirius, how much do you weigh?" he asked half mockingly, half serious. Sirius gasped and turned his nose in the air.

"Don't you know it's rude to ask a guy how much they weigh, James? Shame on you! Shame! Shame!"

James sighed and hung his head. "That's it, that's what's got to change!" he exclaimed melodramatically. The four friends looked at him confused, wondering what he was going on about. "Our names," he explained, seeing their looks, "they aren't cool enough!"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, growling happily when Hermione rubbed the spot just behind his ear. "What's wrong with Sirius?"

"You're a walking oxymoron," Hermione muttered, and Remus nodded in agreement.

"What was that, love?" Sirius asked curiously, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, nothing at all!" Hermione smiled nervously.

"I mean that we can't very well be great pranksters and _not_ have wicked nicknames too!" James sighed and crossed his arms behind his head. "It just isn't right."

"I guess you have a point," Sirius admitted begrudgingly. He really didn't see what was so wrong with Sirius though, but it would be neat to have a nickname.

"Right, so what should our names be?" Remus asked, closing his own book to join the conversation. Peter sat silently, watching his friends with a hint of awe and a tad bit of fear.

"Well," James mused, "I think they should be something cool, but that no one really understands except us. That way we can confuse people!"

"What about if they take after our animagus forms?" Hermione suggested. "We could think up names like that."

"That's not a bad idea," Remus agreed.

"Alright then, it's settled!" James cried happily. "Now, what names go with our animagus forms?"

"Oh, I know!" Sirius said, waving his arm rapidly through the air. "Pick me! Pick me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, Sirius?"

"Right! How about I be The Amazing Black Doberman? Or-or The Amazing Black Rottweiler?"

Hermione raised a single brow; Remus copied the gesture. James was on his back in hysterics, and Peter was just staring blankly at Sirius.

"What? It's good choices!"

"_Riiight_," Hermione drawled. "Seriously though--"

"I am Sirius!" Sirius interrupted. Hermione glared at him, and he shrunk back seeing the expression on his girlfriend's face. "Sorry."

"James is right, we should come up with some good nicknames. Wait...Did I really just say that?"

Remus nodded while Peter gaped. James was beaming at hearing the smartest one in their group, besides Remus, actually say he was right about something. Sirius, on the other hand, was too busy sulking about Hermione's silent reprimand to take any notice.

"Hm...Well, to be honest, I always liked the name Prongs..." James finally admitted. "I mean since I'm a stag and all..."

"Prongs?" Hermione mulled it around.

"I like it," Remus finally agreed.

"It suits you, mate!" Sirius grinned.

"I-I think i-it's good," Peter stuttered his quick agreement.

"It works." Hermione nodded. James beamed again.

"Great! So, I'll be Prongs. I think Remus' is fairly easy."

"It is?" Remus and Hermione asked in unison. James nodded.

"Moony!" Sirius cried delightedly. "Ya know 'cause of the full moon and all!"

"Quiet!" Remus hissed, eyes flickering left and right to see if anyone was listening. Upon realizing they were the only ones in the common room, he blushed and glared at the smirking James and Sirius. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that so loud. Someone could find out."

"How's anyone gonna find out?" James asked. "No one here is smart enough to figure out the secrets of the Marauders!" He paused thoughtfully. "Except Lily. She's so smart and beautiful; I bet she could figure it out without us even saying--"

"JAMES!" the four Marauders shouted. He blushed and lowered his head.

"I did it again, huh?"

They nodded.

"But Moony isn't so bad," Remus admitted with a shy smile. Sirius whooped and high-fived James, for what reason only those two knew.

"Anyway, that's two down. What about the rest of us though?" Hermione asked, bringing their attention back to her.

"Right! I still say I should be The Amazing--"

"You won't be 'The Amazing' anything!" Hermione snapped. Sirius shrunk away from the glare his girlfriend had on her face and hung his head. "How about...um...Padfoot!"

"Padfoot?" Sirius rolled the name around on his tongue. "Hm...Padfoot..." He smiled brightly. "I like it! Then, you can be Padfoot's Lady!"

Sirius leaned over to kiss Hermione. She returned the kiss, but quickly shook her head in the negative at his suggestion.

"Not in a million years," she muttered. Sirius pouted.

"How about Lady Padfoot then?"

"What did I just say?" Hermione deadpanned. Sirius crossed his arms.

"Well then, what are we gonna call you? You're a dog too, so it's not like there's much else you can come up with!"

"What if..." James trailed off thoughtfully. The Marauders turned to face him curiously. "What if we called her by something she likes?"

"What? Bookworm?" Peter asked bewilderedly. Hermione's glare turned to him, and he squeaked in fear. Remus sighed when Peter huddled behind him, gripping his shirt tightly in clenched fists.

"I don't think that's quite what James – I mean Prongs meant," Remus muttered. James smiled proudly at hearing such a neat nickname being used for himself.

"I know!" Sirius said proudly. "Hermione really likes looking at the stars, right love?"

"Uh huh." Hermione nodded, smiling lightly. Stargazing had always been a favorite pastime of hers, even when she was little.

"So, the name should definitely have something involving stars!"

"Starfire?" (1) James suggested.

"Starfire..." Hermione frowned. "It has its quality, but it seems a bit too cliché for me."

"Yeah, you're right," James agreed.

"Bookstar?" Peter said. "Starbook?" The Marauders just stared at him.

"What kind of names are those?" Sirius finally asked. Peter blushed and ducked his head; Hermione sighed. Coming up with a nickname for her was proving harder than expected. Maybe she should just go by Bookworm. It certainly fit.

"Well, people say we're a lot alike," Remus mumbled. Hermione looked at him curiously. He smiled. "So, what if we had something similar in our names."

"What? You mean like Moonystar?" Sirius questioned. Hermione frowned and thought the name over. Slowly, a smile spread across her face.

"What about Moonstar?" she asked, though it was obvious she had already made her decision.

"Moonstar?" Sirius repeated. He smiled slowly. "Yeah, I like it!"

"Me too," James agreed. "We'll just call you Star for short."

"Thanks, Moony!" Hermione grinned, testing out the new nickname for the werewolf.

"Think nothing of it," he said, waving away her thanks.

"Eh, what about me?" Peter squeaked. He was the only one without a name. His friends scrutinized him for a few moments.

"How about Wormtail?" James suggested with a smirk.

"It works," Hermione admitted.

"I think it's good," Remus agreed.

"Right, Wormtail it is!" Sirius crowed with a bright smile.

Peter hung his head. Why did he always end up with the worst name possible?

END

A/N's:

1. This was originally going to be Hermione's name, but I decided against it.

This did NOT turn out how I wanted it too, but I hope you enjoy anyway.


	51. Getting the Girl

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where Sirius needs James' advice to get Hermione

**Episode 51**

Getting the Girl

Summary: In which James' advice doesn't help Sirius to woo Hermione at all

"Excuse me?" James asked, not sure he heard correctly. He looked at his best friend, whose head was currently thumping against the table repeatedly. The two were in the kitchens well after curfew, getting themselves a much-needed snack.

Remus was currently reading something and refused any attempts to get him to come along. Peter had eaten a little too much at dinner, and now he was sleeping off a particularly bad stomachache. Madame Pomfrey refused to give him any potions for it, though, saying it was his own fault for not stopping when he was full and stuffing himself past his limits.

Hermione was in the girls dorm doing who knows what, probably sleeping or reading, most likely the latter, and Sirius had told James he didn't want her to tag along anyway. This surprised James since Sirius was usually wheedling Hermione to go everywhere with them. He claimed it was because she was a Marauder and needed to stay with them at all times, but everyone – well, everyone except Hermione, and possibly Peter – knew it was because he had a crush on the girl.

Now, James was beginning to understand why Sirius had requested not even attempting to yell up the stairs for Hermione. Still, it was surprising to hear Sirius "Ladies Man" Black ask him to help him win over a woman. That's not to say James had bad luck with the ladies, not at all, but Sirius just had a little bit better luck than him. Besides that, didn't he have enough of his own problems getting Lily Evans, Hermione's redheaded counterpart minus the love for pranks, to notice him?

"I want you to help me win over Hermione," Sirius said again. He looked pleadingly at James. "Please, Prongs?"

Sirius made his eyes go overly large and water, pushing his bottom lip out slightly. James sighed and turned away from the sight.

"Come on, Padfoot, not the puppy eyes!" he pleaded. He peeked back at his friend, but Sirius still had his eyes large and his lip now trembled. "Fine! I'll help!"

"Yes! Thanks, mate, you're the best!" Sirius grinned, tears drying immediately. James merely smirked.

"I know."

James watched as Sirius pranced out of the kitchens before something came to mind. He had just promised to help Sirius win over Hermione, but he couldn't even win over Lily! Sure, most women threw themselves at him, just like they did at Sirius, but Hermione was a different category altogether; she was right there with Lily in the I-don't-fall-for-looks-alone section, which meant...

"Well, bugger," James muttered, and took Sirius' previous action of hitting his head against the table repeatedly.

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"Right, the first thing you need to do is let her know how you feel!" James said, nodding empathetically. He crossed his arms and grinned at the nervous looking Sirius. Who would have thought that Sirius Black would be nervous about talking to a girl? If it wasn't so serious, James would have laughed at the irony of the situation.

"Right!" Sirius agreed full-heartedly, then his shoulders drooped and he hung his head. "How am I supposed to do that?" he questioned. James rolled his eyes.

"Do something to get her attention," he explained in a 'duh' tone. "Play a prank and dedicate it to her, or something along those lines."

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Sirius smiled. Feeling new confidence build in him, he strutted into the Great Hall, smirking slightly at the gushing whispers of his fan girls.

He looked around for the girl of the hour, but not seeing her, his shoulders sagged. Where was Hermione? He was about to play a great prank for her– though what that prank was he had no idea – and she wasn't even around to see it!

"Oi, where's 'Star?" he asked Peter, sitting across from the chubby boy. Peter glanced up from stuffing his mouth to shrug in reply.

"Library," Remus answered without looking up from his book. "She's on her way here, I think, unless she got caught up in _Hogwarts: A History_ again. Why?"

Sirius blushed and looked at his hands when Remus glanced up over the book. He shrugged.

"No reason," he muttered. "Just wanted her to see my new great prank is all."

"Oh, are you going to dedicate it to her?" Remus asked, closing his book. Sirius frowned and met Remus' gaze with his own surprised one.

"Wha? How did you know?" he asked in disbelief. Remus irked a brow.

"Because--" he started, but was interrupted by James running into the Great Hall to whisper urgently that Hermione was coming.

"Great, now all I need is a prank!" Sirius wracked his brain for an idea, smiling evilly when he finally managed to get one. He stood on his seat, wand poised at his side, ready for whatever incantation he would spew. First though, his future girlfriend had to enter the dining area.

When the doors finally did open, Sirius smiled proudly at the girl. She looked curiously at her friend, wondering what he was up to now, along with everyone else in the Great Hall. The Slytherins steadily edged away from Snape, just in case he was yet again the target of a particularly humiliating prank.

"I dedicate this prank to Hermione J. Granger, a.k.a. Moonstar!" Sirius shouted to the hushed hall. Hermione's cheeks flamed when she heard that, and she couldn't stop a shy smile from appearing when several guys and girls cat-called or hissed in jealousy – either of Sirius or Hermione.

"_Papel de toalete!_" he shouted. Unfortunately for Sirius, who had his wand aimed at Snape, he had forgotten this particular charm involved saying the person's name first. So, no matter where his wand was pointed at, the charm turned directly to Hermione.

Sirius' mouth gaped open, and the formerly anticipated hush turned into anxious silence. Hermione could take a joke as well as any prankster, but this was a little much. Especially in the Great Hall, in front of everyone. The professors also stayed silent, wondering if they would have to keep the young girl from killing her friend.

Hermione dropped her books, not much choice considering toilet paper had wrapped around her until she resembled a mummy. Her eyes were wide as they looked around at the gaping, softly snickering students. She narrowed said orbs when they landed on the shocked-looking Sirius.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" Hermione shouted angrily. Sirius gulped and quickly muttered the counter charm so the toilet paper fell off.

"Oi!" a Slytherin shouted. "Put it back up! The Mudblood looks better that way!"

Hermione turned her angry glare to the snake table, which instantly silenced at the expression on her face. They were glad they weren't Sirius Black right now. Grabbing her books, she stomped out of the hall, ignoring Sirius' calls of apology.

Sirius slumped in his seat when Hermione was gone and looked at Remus, who was shaking his head slowly.

"Because," he continued, answering Sirius' earlier question, "James did the same thing for Lily."

Sirius frowned. "How did that turn out?"

Remus snorted and tilted his towards the Marauder currently trying to talk to the redhead. She wouldn't even look at him. "How do you think?"

Sirius thumped his head against the table.

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"Okay, when that fails, try Plan B." James nodded to emphasize his point, crossing his arms over his chest. Sirius blinked.

"What's Plan B?" he asked. James sighed and adjusted his glasses, sitting next to his friend on the couch and wrapping an arm over his shoulders.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius," he tsked, "'what's Plan B' he says, as though it isn't obvious!"

Before Sirius could reply, James was up and walking away, leaving Sirius to watch him go bewilderedly. Once outside the common room, James leaned against the wall and looked at the ceiling.

"What _is_ Plan B?"

"Er, James?" Sirius called after a few minutes, when the Marauder still hadn't returned. He saw James leaning against he wall, his eyes closed and his fists clenching and unclenching. He looked pained, Sirius guessed he was thinking of something deeply. "Prongs, mate?"

"I've got it!" James suddenly shouted, jumping up and pumping a fist in the air. Sirius jumped back, startled, and frowned at his friend.

"Got what?" he asked curiously.

"Plan B!" James answered, spinning around. Sirius idly wondered if he hadn't known the other teen was there all along, because he didn't act surprised when Sirius spoke.

"..."

"..."

"Well?" Sirius asked eagerly. James' smile faded slightly.

"Well what?"

"What's Plan B?" Sirius asked, slightly irate.

"Oh! Oh, right!" James smiled brightly again. "Well, here's what you do..."

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A slow thrum started, startling the few, very few, occupants in the library. Hermione and Remus looked up from their books curiously to see what was going on, while Madame Pince searched furiously for the culprit who dared make noise in her precious library.

"YOU'RE JUST TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!" Sirius' deep voice sounded through the library. Hermione paled and Remus shook his head in disbelief. The Marauder jumped out from behind stacks, his booming voice – thanks to the sonorous charm – resounding through the room. "CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU! YOU'D BE LIKE--"

"MISTER BLACK, LEAVE THIS INSTANCE!" Madame Pince shouted, making more noise than any of the students had ever heard from her. Sirius jumped in shock and, unfortunately, tripped in the process, landing on some random Ravenclaw's lap. The Ravenclaw blinked as Sirius slowly looked up into bright, blue eyes.

"Sorry, man," the Ravenclaw said, helping Sirius back to his feet, "but I don't swing that way."

With that said, he smiled apologetically at Sirius and grabbed his books. He nodded once to Hermione and Remus, who nodded in reply, and took his leave. Hermione frowned as she followed Sirius out of the library, Madame Pince shrieking at the boy for disrupting the peace of the library.

"Wow, Sirius," Hermione muttered when the doors had closed behind them. "I never knew you were gay."

"I'm not gay!" Sirius said loudly, shaking his head frantically. A few passing students snickered upon hearing the outburst, and Sirius felt his cheeks heat up. Hermione patted his shoulder consolingly.

"It's alright," she reassured, "I don't think any less of you."

"But--"

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have research to do." Hermione flounced back into the library. Sirius planned on following her, but as soon as he took one step in the library, Madame Pince's angry glare was back on him and he quickly decided against it.

"Great," he muttered, "_now_ how am I supposed to win Hermione's affection?"

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"Step three," James said, adjusting his glasses yet again and ruffling his hair. "Be yourself."

"Say what now?" Sirius asked confusedly. James sighed and shook his head.

"You just have to be yourself. Hermione likes you as Padfoot, doesn't she?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well, yeah, she wouldn't be my friend if she didn't!"

"So, then, be you. Be Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black. That ought to get her."

"I hope you're right," Sirius mumbled, now a little reluctant to follow James' advice. He walked over to Hermione, whom was currently working on her Transfiguration essay with Remus. "Oi, Hermione?"

"Hm?" Hermione glanced up, smiling at Sirius. He felt his heart skip a beat when he saw that beautiful smile, but quickly pushed away the unwanted mushy thoughts and sat down on the couch, looking at her essay. "Is something wrong, Sirius?"

"I was just wondering...Well, would you like to go with me this Hogsmeade weekend? I mean...Like a date?" Sirius clenched his eyes shut, expecting rejection or even outright laughter. Hermione surprised him by smiling brightly.

"I'd love too!" she said, still smiling. Sirius felt a smile cover his own features.

"Great!" he said. "That's great!"

Hermione nodded. "So, this weekend..."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "This weekend."

James watched the exchange, grinning broadly when Sirius shot him a thumbs up. He sniffled mock-tearfully and wiped away nonexistent tears.

"Ah, young love."

END

A/N's:

1. Portugese for toilet paper

The toilet paper idea came from Brokenblackangel when I asked for pranks as my own creativity was failing. Thank you for the list of ideas you sent me!

I'm sure we all know I got the singing thing from 10 Things I Hate About You.

Wow, I felt really weird when writing this. I hope it came out okay, I think it did, but I was completely out of it while making most of this chapter so I can't be too sure. This is the last time I listen to a radio show online with my mother; she has some very sleep-inducing tastes.


	52. Death Eaters

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where James and Sirius are Death Eaters

**Episode 52**

Death Eaters

Summary: In which James and Sirius are Death Eaters; Hermione, Lily, and Remus aren't

The masks covered their faces, hiding their identities from the battling warriors of light. There was a time when they would have felt horrible for this, when they would have regretted what they were doing, but not now. No, this was in their blood, what they were meant to do. Their parents had followed this path, and now they were following them.

Hazel eyes turned to blue-grey, and the Death Eater nodded towards the band of three, battling on the grounds. The other nodded his agreement, and they separated, circling around the group to catch them by surprise.

"Avada Kedavra!" was heard, but it caught the trio's attention. Only because, out of all the other curses being thrown their way, it was closest to them. Hermione and Lily turned, just in time to see a green light hit Remus, shock written plainly on his face, but no fear. Never fear, because Remus Lupin didn't fear death.

The two girls turned towards their enemy, only to find two Death Eaters watching them with familiar eyes. Hermione gulped but squashed her fear to glare at the blue-grey eyed man, because she knew it was _him_, hatefully. Lily also swallowed her fear to glare at the hazel-eyed Death Eater in disgust.

"So, this is what it comes too?" Hermione spoke first, her voice carrying all the conviction and hatred she felt for the man across from her.

"Killing someone whose been your friend for years?" Lily laughed, the sound hollow and dark. She stopped and glared at her own opponent. "You're disgusting, Potter!"

The Death Eater with hazel eyes lifted his mask and hood to stare at the woman he had loved for so long. He still did love her actually, but it never would have worked out. Muggles were not meant for the wizarding world, and James finally understood that.

"Why don't you show your face too?" Hermione asked, slowly walking away, leading her opponent away from James and Lily. This was their battle, and she didn't want her own to get mixed up in theirs. "Or are you actually ashamed after all this time, _Black_?"

The Death Eater winced, though Hermione put it off to her imagination, at the malice in her tone. He slowly pulled off his own hood and mask, letting them drop to the ground with a soft _clank_.

"Hermione," he said simply, his voice devoid of all emotion. This was what he was now, a minion to the Dark Lord, a Death Eater. Followers to the divine, former Tom Riddle couldn't very well feel things like sympathy could they.

"Don't!" Hermione shrieked, glaring at Sirius. "Don't you dare say my name like that! You lost that right a long time ago!"

Sirius knew she was right, but he couldn't help feeling a twinge of pain at hearing those words. Replacing pain with anger was something he had learned earlier on, when he first joined Voldemort's ranks, and he had no problem doing so now. He wouldn't let Hermione see how much she hurt him, not when she was so below him.

"Hn, you're hardly worthy to _be_ named, Mudblood!" Sirius sneered. A flash of pain shot across Hermione's face at his words, and Sirius smirked in triumph. Let her feel the same pain she had just caused him, even if what she had said was true.

"Well, then, why don't you finish me off?" Hermione growled. "Just like you did Remus! If you and James can follow Peter's footsteps, then why don't you just--"

"Don't you dare put me in the same regard as that traitor!" Sirius shouted angrily, remembering how Peter had sold them out to the Slytherins in school. Hermione snorted.

"What the bloody hell do you think _you_ are?" she snapped. Sirius went to reply, but he was better than that. So, raising his wand, he instead decided to curse her for daring to put him in the same category as that bastard. Even though he really was just like him now.

"_Crucio_!" he shouted. Hermione dodged, but only barely, and she angrily pointed her wand in his direction.

"_Expelliarmus_!" she shouted in reply. Sirius jumped out of the way at the last moment.

"That's your problem," he mocked her tauntingly. The two circled each other, like jungle cats about to attack. "You never did have the guts to kill."

A wry smile pulled at Hermione's chapped lips, though there was no humor in her expression. "Maybe you're right," she muttered. "But somehow, that doesn't seem like an insult. _Evanesco_!"

Sirius ducked under the vanishing spell and pointed his wand at Hermione. "It ends now," he hissed, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A similar shout was heard not too far away, and two _THUMPS _replied to the shout. Sirius groaned and got to his feet, glancing at James to see Lily also lying on the ground. The two shared a look before going back to the women they had loved for most of their lives.

"You'll burn in hell, where Mudbloods belong," Sirius hissed darkly. Though Hermione was dead, he could have sworn her voice echoed in his mind.

_I'll see you there, Traitor._

END


	53. Afterlife

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where the Marauders are in the afterlife, acting like themselves

**Episode 53**

Afterlife

Summary: In which the Marauders show the afterlife just what they're all about

Heaven.

None of the Marauders had expected to end up here. Well, hell hadn't actually been where they wanted to go, but with all the trouble they caused, to see the light shortly after their lives passed before their eyes was surprising. Now, here they were, dead and in heaven.

Peter wasn't among them. That traitor rat hadn't made it to this glorious place. He didn't deserve to be here anyway, not after he betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort, then let Sirius take the blame.

No, he wasn't invited to their reunion. This was a reunion for the Marauders, the _real _Marauders.

Hermione chuckled as she watched Sirius from over her large tomb. She loved him just as dearly now as she had on Earth, all guilt from not believing his innocence gone, along with any anger he felt that his friends didn't believe him. They were happy again; James and Sirius reunited; Hermione, Remus, and even Lily free to read all the books they wanted.

No wars, no pain, no sorrow. Just peace and happiness and...

"It's _sooo_ boring!" Sirius whined, floating over their heads. He hung upside down in front of Hermione, smirking cheekily at his woman. "C'mon Star, aren't you done reading yet?"

"Honestly, Sirius, if you want to play, go find James!"

The doggish man, now an angel, pouted but floated away all the same. Hermione sighed and went back to her reading, smiling in content. Until a shriek sounded, making all three bookworms jump, and a halo passed by at alarming speeds.

Hermione and Remus shared a look, silently communicating what they thought might've happened. Lily sighed and shook her head as she sat back down to read when Hermione reassured her that they would handle this. The redhead nodded, not protesting since she knew the Marauders needed their time together, and opened her book back to her previous place.

The reason for the halo was soon found, along with the reason for the shriek. It seemed Sirius had stolen a harp from the angel and had shot his halo from it like an arrow. James currently had the harp and was positioning his own halo when the angel appeared behind them, furious, and grabbed the harp away.

James pouted and tried to explain that he wasn't the one who took the instrument, but the woman paid no heed to his protests and used the harp to hit him over the head. Remus and Hermione winced.

"So much for no violence in heaven," Remus muttered dryly. Hermione nodded in agreement, chuckling lightly.

"Come on," she said, "we should go to them."

"Star! Moony! Ya finally done?" Sirius cheered, running to them. The harp-owning angel growled and snuck up behind him, also intending to harm him for taking her beloved harp when his halo swung into view again. "Duck!"

Sirius pulled Hermione and Remus down, seeing the golden object coming back at full force. The nameless angel was knocked back by the halo, unfortunate to not make it out of the way in time, and found herself head first in a cloud. The golden halo resettled itself on Sirius' head and James came to stand beside him, the two high-fiving each other proudly.

Hermione shook her head. "How did those two get into heaven again?" she mused aloud. Remus smirked.

"I think that's the greatest mystery of all time," he replied dryly.

Identical indignant shouts of "HEY!" resounded as the two men glared at their so-called friends. Hermione and Remus merely smiled at the two.

"Hey! I've got an idea!" Sirius crowed delightedly. "Let's go cloud skiing!"

"Say what now?" Hermione asked, but it quickly turned into a shriek when Sirius grabbed her arm and began "skiing" down a cloud, which was really just sliding down on the water-holding fluff. James laughed in excitement and grabbed Moony's wrist, pushing him ahead of the messy-haired Marauder.

"Come on, Moony!" he cried, pushing the man until he too was sliding. "You don't wanna miss out on the fun, do ya?" Then, James followed behind his friends.

Many shrieks, cries, shouts, and even a few curses were thrown at the quartet currently "cloud skiing". Lily looked up from her book and shook her head, a fond smile on her face.

Heaven would never be the same again.

END

A/N's:

The Marauders antics were inspired by my second favorite Disney movie, right after _Oliver and Company, All Dogs Go To Heaven 2._


	54. Matchmaking

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where Hermione and Sirius help Remus get Tonks

**Episode 54**

Matchmaking

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius help Remus and Tonks get together

"Come on, Sirius! He's your _friend_!" Hermione exclaimed, pulling on her husband's arm. Sirius pouted and resisted his wife's pull as best he could. Hermione must not have realized her own strength; even with his feet planted firmly, Sirius was being steadily pulled towards the door.

"But she's my _cousin_!" he countered, exaggerating his pout as though that would make Hermione change her mind. Unfortunately, this was one time Hermione wasn't falling for the pout.

"Right, and who better for her than Remus?" she asked. Sirius turned his nose in the air, but he couldn't deny Hermione was right.

Of all his cousins, Tonks was the one he was closest too. Being immediately ostracized because of her half-blood nature, Sirius sympathised with her and took her under his metaphorical wing. Actually, he felt more like her older brother at times than her cousin, and that included the overprotective feeling when she began to look at boys as more than fellow Quidditch fans.

Now, Nymphadora expressed interest in Remus, and though Sirius hated it, that interest was returned. That she knew of his werewolf nature and didn't care only made her that much greater in Moony's eyes, but he was too shy to ask her out, and Tonks was too afraid of rejection. In other words, any possible relationship between the two was going nowhere fast.

Personally, Sirius had no problem with that, but Hermione seemed determined to get the two together. Something about them being perfect for each other, or some such rot like that, and Sirius was, as her husband and Tonks' cousin, forced to help out. This, he did have a problem with.

"She's too young for Remus!" he protested. "He's like an old man compared to her!"

"He's three years older than her," Hermione deadpanned. "Honestly Sirius, don't you _want_ Tonks to be happy?"

And there it was. The guilt card. Sirius should have known Hermione wouldn't be afraid to play dirty, and using Tonks happiness was as low as it got. He sighed and hung his head, already knowing he had lost this fight.

"I thought so," Hermione said smugly. She smiled and kissed her sulking husband's cheek, already planning how she would get Tonks and Remus together.

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"Star, love, was this really necessary?" Padfoot asked in a series of barks. Moonstar glared at him as the two canines hid in the bushes, watching Tonks stargaze.

Hermione's brilliant idea had been to ask Tonks to meet them, and then to ask Remus to bring a picnic along with him to the same spot. Neither knew the other would be there, but Hermione would call when the found out, bailing out with the excuse that Sirius was sick after eating something rotten. It would be believable since Sirius ate everything without checking it first, something he had been very indignant about, claiming he was a growing man – never mind he had reached his full height about three years ago – and needed the nutrition.

Currently, Remus, still confused as to why his friends wanted to have a picnic at night in the Muggle world, was on his way but had yet to show up. To keep an eye on things, the dog Marauders had changed into their animal forms and were watching everything from the bushes.

"Quiet!" Moonstar snapped in a hushed bark, if there was such a thing. "She'll hear us!"

"Good, then we can call this whole thing off!" Padfoot looked smug, or as smug as his doggy form would allow him to look, at the thought.

Much as he loved his friend, and as much as he loved his cousin, he just didn't want the two together. He admitted they would be good for each other, both deserving a good significant other, but did it have to be his cousin and his friend? There was just something..._wrong_ with the whole idea!

"Here he comes!" Moonstar barked happily. Then, inwardly cursing herself for her runaway emotions, she ducked when Tonks looked in their direction. Damn it, for once in her life, Hermione wasn't happy about being a bigger dog like Sirius, rather than something small like a poodle. At least then, hiding would be _much_ easier.

Sure enough, Remus was walking towards Tonks, blanket and basket in hand. He stopped next to the metamorphmagus, smiling when she jumped slightly at his presence.

"Tonks," he said, "did Hermione and Sirius also ask you to come?"

"Yeah," she said. Then, noticing the items he was holding, she tilted her head in confusion. "Planning to have a picnic, Moony?"

The werewolf blushed. "Hermione told me to bring this," he said, shrugging. "Don't ask me why. My guess is it's Sirius' idea. Merlin knows he'll eat_ anything _he can get his hands on."

"Hey!" Padfoot growled. "I'm a growin' dog, you bastard! Wait...Why is Tonks nodding?" He looked to the side, and nearly fell over when he saw Moonstar also nodding in agreement. "Why are _you _nodding for that matter?"

"Because," Moonstar yipped, "it's true. Now, shush!"

"Anyway, I guess we should wait for them." Tonks blushed at the thought of spending time alone with Remus. "We could go ahead and set up the blanket!"

She stood, eager to help him lay it out when he put down the basket. Unfortunately, being Nymphadora Tonks, she tripped over a rock and landed face-first in the dirt. Or, she would have had Remus not caught her at the last minute, dropping the blanket in the process. Her blush deepened at both the close proximity and the fact that she had just embarrassed herself in front of her crush of Merlin knows how many years.

"Easy girl." Remus chuckled. "I don't think Sirius would forgive me if I let you scar that pretty face."

Tonks' blush darkened even more, if that were possible, and Remus also blushed when he realized what he had just said. Behind the bushes, Moonstar's tail was wagging as she thought of what a sweet gesture catching Tonks and wondered why Sirius couldn't be as courteous to her. Rather, he let her fall and then laughed at her. She shot a glare at her husband, but he was too busy gaping.

Briefly, after watching his mouth open and close several times, Moonstar thought Padfoot was doing a great imitation of a fish. Especially considering he was a dog, literally _and_ figuratively.

Sirius, meanwhile, couldn't believe it. Was Remus..._flirting_!? With his cousin no less! He growled, but stopped from charging at the two when his wife growled lowly in warning.

_Traitor_, he thought briefly, shooting a glare in her direction. His blue-grey eyes widened when he saw a darker glare in her brown orbs, accusing him of something, but what he didn't know. He had a feeling it had to do with Remus catching Tonks though. Maybe next time Hermione trips, he should catch her...Nah.

"S-so, um..." Tonks stuttered, righting herself. "The blanket!"

"Right!" Remus was grateful for the change of topic, and quickly went about setting out the blanket. He placed the basket in between himself and the purple-haired girl. At least, her hair was purple today. "Now we just have to wait."

The bushes rustled, but it went unnoticed by the two on the blanket. In hiding, Padfoot watched as Moonstar regrew her legs and arms, her snout shrinking until she was once again completely human.

Hermione took out her phone and began dialing Tonks' number. The purple-haired witch jumped when her phone rang, as she had been enjoying the silence with Remus. She checked the ID before answering the cell phone.

"Wotcher, 'Mione!" she greeted the woman she considered her best friend happily. "Are you guys on your way?"

"Sorry," Hermione replied, "we can't make it."

"What? Why not?" Tonks asked.

"Your cousin," Hermione said simply with a snort. "Sirius ate something rotten, you know how he eats _everything_, and now he's sick. Idiot's acting like he's gonna die, such a drama queen."

Padfoot growled and waited for Tonks to defend him. Surely, his beloved cousin would correct Hermione on her unfair description of him.

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "He always does make such a fuss. He is alright though, right?"

"Fine," Hermione muttered, getting the irate tone perfectly. "Nothing a couple of pills won't cure."

"Alright, I'll tell Remus. We'll just pack up the picnic--"

"No!" Hermione shouted. Clamping a hand over her mouth when Remus looked around bewilderedly. "I mean no, no, that's fine! In fact, why don't you two enjoy the picnic yourselves? I know you want too."

Her sly tone brought another blush to Tonks' face, but the younger woman didn't deny her accusation. She really wouldn't mind a little alone time with Remus. Judging by Remus' blush, he had heard Hermione as well. He didn't comment though, for which Tonks was extremely grateful.

"Anyway, I've got to go," Hermione said, snapping Tonks out of her daze. "Sirius is complaining again."

"Right! Later then."

"Later."

Both hung up, and Hermione immediately changed back into her doggy form. Padfoot glared at her, but she ignored it and instead focused on the two now opening the picnic basket.

_Damn_, Padfoot thought as his stomach growled, _that smells good._

Hermione rolled her eyes, hearing the sound, and scoffed – assuming dogs _could _scoff – at the expected reaction. Honestly, for someone so unpredictable, her husband could be amazing...well, predictable at times!

"This is good!" Tonks commented, biting into the chicken leg she had chosen. Remus smiled and took a bite of his chocolate cake.

"Thanks," he mumbled modestly.

Tonks frowned and looked at her hands, still holding the chicken. Now was the perfect time to tell him, the perfect time to come clean about her feelings. She looked at the man next to her, blushing when she saw him also looking at her.

_Come on_, Moonstar urged mentally, _say it! Say it!_

_I really, _really _want something to eat right now! _Padfoot moaned inside his mind, temporarily forgetting that his cousin and Remus were on what could very well be considered a date right now.

"Tonks, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Remus said.

"I have a confession to make," Tonks said at the same time. They stared at each other, blinking a few times, before Remus smiled.

"You go first."

Tonks nodded. "Right...Well...I've always liked you," Tonks admitted, blushing. She looked at her twiddling thumbs, hoping she didn't sound too pathetic to the older man. Remus sighed in relief and wrapped an arm over her shoulders.

"I've always liked you too," Remus replied. Tonks looked at him in surprise, and Remus leaned in to lightly touch his lips to hers. Tonks gasped softly but had enough sense to deepen the kiss, wrapping her arms around the werewolf's neck.

"I'll kill him!" Padfoot barked loudly, trying to run in and attack his so-called friend. Sadly, Moonstar had bitten down on his tail and was keeping him from running out that way.

"Did you hear something?" Tonks asked Remus, pulling away from the kiss. He frowned and nodded; the two began looking left and right for what had made the sudden barking noise.

"Padfoot, you idiot!" Moonstar barked.

"What?" Padfoot replied in a series of yips and barks. "They were _snogging!_"

"Never mind that," Hermione growled. "Run for it!"

The two dogs took off running, hoping neither witch nor wizard saw their escape. Unfortunately, they _were_ spotted.

Watching the two dogs run away, Remus wrapped an arm around the metamorphmagus. "We'll have to get them something special for this," he said with a slight smile.

"Yeah," Tonks agreed, also smiling. "Maybe a nice, big doggy bone for Christmas."

END

A/N's:

I hope this chapter came out okay. As much as I hate to admit it, I didn't give it my all. I utterly _despise_ the pairing of Remus/Tonks (I love both characters, I just don't like the pairing) and only use it when necessary, but it was a request, and who am I to keep my readers from what they want? It did come out okay, right?

Also, I _hate_ to ask this, but could everyone please hold off their requests. If you have something that's just dieing to get out, go ahead and post your request and I'll write it down. I'm working on requests up to_ episode 64 _right now, though, and I don't want to get too behind. I know you're all patiently waiting, and I thank you for that! I will inform you when I'm ready for more requests; again, thank you very much!


	55. Unexpected Competition

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where James thinks he's in love with Hermione

**Episode 55**

Unexpected Competition

Summary: In which James mistakes his feelings for Hermione, resulting in a fight between himself and Sirius

James and Sirius high-fived each other as the Slytherin ran off. Yet another day of successful pranking, and now they could unwind in the Great Hall with the other three members of their little "gang". What better way to spend Saturday when it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend?

"I wonder what Hermione's doing," Sirius mused to himself. James frowned and glanced at his best friend curiously.

"Probably reading, why?" James' eyes widened when Sirius, the Sirius Black, actually _blushed_.

"N-no reason!" Sirius stuttered, and James wondered if this moment could get any weirder. His lips pursed in thought, and he gasped when realization hit him.

"You like Hermione!" he crowed. Sirius' blush darkened.

"I...So what?" he huffed, crossing his arms. He quickly dropped them from said position to clasp his hands against his chest as his eyes stared dreamily at the clear sky. "What's there not to like about her? She's beautiful, funny, smart, loving, beautiful--"

"You said that already," James interrupted.

"Perfect in every way!" Sirius continued, ignoring James' interruption. He sighed blissfully. "She's hard not to love."

James' eyes widened even further. He had never said anything about love! Damn, who knew Sirius felt that way about Hermione? Shaking his head, he chuckled and clasped his best friend on the back.

"Didn't mean it in a bad way, mate, I just can't believe I never noticed."

Sirius shrugged and smirked at James. "Oi, last one to the kitchen's a hippogriff's arse!" He took off, leaving James in his dust. The messy-haired Marauder blinked a few times before glaring and taking off after his runaway friend.

"Padfoot, you bloody wanker!"

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James was sure there was something wrong with him. Ever since his brief conversation with Sirius a few days ago, he had been noticing little things about Hermione he never had before.

The way her nose crinkled in thought – much like Lily Evans, and the way she always had a book open – again, just like Lily, or what about the intelligence she never hesitated to show off, just like – you guessed it – Lily! James had to admit, Sirius was right about Hermione. She truly was perfect.

Potter quickly shook those thoughts away. How could he think that about the only female Marauder? Besides the fact that she was one of his best friends, Sirius _loved_ her, and he couldn't just go for the girl Sirius loved. It wasn't ethical!

There was no way in hell James Potter had fallen for his best mate's girl!

"Prongs, are you alright?" Hermione asked, her brown eyes sparkling with concern. James jumped at the sudden voice and looked into those chocolate orbs. He felt his heart stop at the intelligence and kindness he saw.

Maybe Sirius wouldn't mind if James had a little infatuation with Hermione. He hadn't actually told her his feelings or expressed any attraction to her, right? So, he could...No! He was not falling for Hermione J. Granger, one-fifth of the Marauders! There was no way in hell he could fall for her!

Right?

One more glance at those bright brown eyes.

Well, damn...

323232

"Prongs, mate, you won't believe the rumors this school puts out!" Sirius crowed, walking into the boys dorm. It had been a week since James' unfortunate revelation about Hermione, and lately he'd done nothing but stare at her or think about her. Sirius, thankfully, hadn't noticed, and he was pretty sure the rest of the Marauders hadn't either. At least, they never commented on it.

"What do you mean?" James asked, sitting up and putting the Quidditch magazine away for later. He crossed his legs when Sirius jumped on his bed and sprawled out, legs hanging off one end and arms crossed behind his head.

"Some birds actually said...said..." Sirius trailed off as laughter overcame him again.

"Said?" James asked curiously, eagerness in his expression. He wanted to be in on the joke too! Sirius wiped the mirthful tears away and cleared his throat. He sat up and stared James directly in the eye, his blue-grey orbs sparkling with amusement.

"They said that _you_ like _Hermione_!" Sirius started laughing again while James blinked.

"I do," he said simply. Sirius' laughter stopped abruptly. "I wouldn't be friends with her if I--"

"No!" Sirius interrupted, amusement back. "They said that you _like _Hermione!"

"Oh...Oh! Oh." James gaped at Sirius, who nodded in agreement and started laughing again.

"I know, crazy isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah...real crazy." James tried to laugh it off, but Sirius had already caught the nervousness in his voice. Laughter stopped abruptly, shoulders straightened, and Sirius stared at James for several silent moments. Then...

"Oh. My. Merlin...YOU LIKE HERMIONE!?" his shout reverberated across the room, and James was thankful they were the only two present.

"Shh! Not so loud!" he whispered harshly. The doggish man glared at him, pointing an accusing finger at James.

"You...You...HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?"

"Sirius, would you SHUT UP!" James also shouted. "I haven't done anything to you!"

"But you know how I feel about her--"

"Which is why I haven't tried to flirt with her," James interrupted. Sirius stared at him silently for a few minutes, and James stared back. Finally, it seemed the former had come to a decision.

"This means war!" he shouted, raising a finger in the air.

"Excuse me?" James half asked, half yelled at his rash friend. Sirius glared at his so-called best mate.

"Hermione is mine," he said coldly, "I won't lose her to anyone. Especially not _you_!"

"Wha? What's that supposed to mean?" James asked harshly. He glared at Sirius. The latter, meanwhile, turned his back and crossed his arms, sticking his nose in the air. "Fine!" James growled. "I'll win Hermione's affections and make _you_ look like a fool in the process!"

"You wish!" Sirius turned back to face James, the two glaring at each other with all the anger they could muster. That is, until the door opened and Remus and Peter entered.

The duo stopped short when they saw James and Sirius glaring at each other. Remus frowned in confusion.

"Did we miss something?"

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"Stupid Sirius," James muttered to himself as he tried to tame his hair for once in his life. "Thinks he can win Hermione with just good looks...Well, I'll show him!"

Deciding his hair would never be fixed, he instead ruffled it like usual and nodded in approval. He was extra handsome today, if he did say so himself, and there was no way Hermione would be abel to refuse him looking like this! Hell, she would probably fall head over heels for him with just one glance!

Satisfied there was no way he could lose to ex-best mate, he headed downstairs where Peter was waiting. Remus would be going with Sirius, as the two had ended up fighting over which one the duo liked best. In the end, it was decided they would be split up, and James took Peter since the other boy was always stroking his ego.

The rat sighed in relief when he saw his friend finally come downstairs. He wondered why James took so much time coming down when he looked exactly the same as he did every day, not one thing different about him, but he didn't comment on it. Perhaps it was something only someone as cool as James would understand, and he shouldn't question the amazingness of his much cooler friend.

"C'mon Petey!" James said, pointing towards the portrait hole. "We have to get to the Great Hall before Sirius!"

"Eh?" Peter watched as James ran out of the room, one eyebrow raised questioningly. "But he's already left."

232323

Sirius smiled, pleased with himself for making it to the Great Hall before James. Hermione was already at the table, having gone ahead of the boys, and was currently reading a particularly large tomb. Sirius frowned. Typical Hermione, reading when she should be chatting and laughing. Oh well, he would take care of that!

Plopping in the seat next to her, he ignored Remus who sat across from him, rolling his eyes at the eagerness Sirius was making obvious. Why was he stuck around such idiots again? Really, he and Hermione should find some different friends – _smarter_ friends preferably. But then, if they did meet anyone smarter, they probably wouldn't hang around a werewolf. So, he was stuck with a lovesick Sirius and an acting-odder-than-usual James. Damn.

"'Mione, love!" Sirius greeted, placing his hands on her book to keep her from reading. Hermione sighed softly, but a small smile played across her lips.

"Hello Sirius," she replied, looking up into blue-grey eyes. Her breath caught at how close Sirius was to her, and she felt a blush spread across her cheeks.

"Wow, isn't it coincidental that I ran into you today?" Sirius asked. Hermione raised a brow and looked at Remus bewilderedly. He merely shrugged and shook his head, a sign that she _didn't_ want to know. "So, I was wondering...would you..."

"'Mione!" James shouted, taking a seat on Hermione's other side. Both she and Sirius jumped at the sudden intrusion, the latter glaring at the messy-haired teen. "How are you this wonderful day?"

"I'm fine, James." Hermione smiled at her other best friend, silently wondering what the hell was going on. James had been acting weird lately, and Sirius...She blushed at the thought of her crush for the past several years. Sirius wasn't acting much better.

"You know how Hogsmeade is coming up?" James started, ignoring the glares and murderous intent rolling off of Sirius in waves. Hermione glanced between the boys and nodded, confused as to where this was leading. "I was wondering if you would like to go with me?"

"..." Hermione gaped.

"..." Remus gaped.

"..." Peter gaped.

"Bastard!" Sirius shouted, jumping up and pointing a finger at James. "You can't ask Hermione out, I was going too!"

"Well, you're too late!" James retorted.

"The hell I am!" Sirius growled. Hermione looked at Sirius in shock, wondering if he was really going to ask her out.

"Sirius..." she murmured, but her voice was drowned out by James.

"Why can't you just accept I like Hermione?" James asked angrily. Sirius pulled James from his seat by his collar, eyes flashing with anger.

"You know how I feel about her!" Sirius growled, punching James.

"I can't help how my heart feels!" James protested, pushing Sirius.

"Girl-stealing bastard!" Sirius shouted, tackling James.

The fight continued as the two boys rolled around on the floor; everyone, even the professors, were too shocked to do anything to stop them. Of everyone in Hogwarts, no one ever expected to see Sirius Black and James Potter fighting! There was a bigger chance of seeing McGonagall and Dumbledore duke it out than those two!

After several moments, Hermione couldn't take it anymore.

"ENOUGH!" she roared, hauling the two up and slapping their cheeks. The fighting stopped as they stared, shocked, at their female best friend. Glaring at Sirius, James turned and ran out of the room, leaving the Great Hall in silence.

"Star..." Sirius trailed off, his voice quiet. Hermione shook her head and left the Great Hall as well, chasing after James. She would set things straight before something bad happened.

Hermione entered the library, the last place she expected to find him, and spotted James immediately. It was kind of hard not too considering Madame Pince was glaring at him, and only him, harder than she had ever glared at anyone. Smiling at the librarian, who returned the smile before returning to glare at the troublemaker, Hermione sat next to said troublemaker. "We need to talk."

"Hermione!" James jumped and looked at the girl next to him. Innocently, though he knew what was coming, he asked: "About what?"

"James, you don't love me," Hermione stated simply. James frowned.

"What do you mean? Of course I do!"

"No, you don't."

"Hermione, I don't think you can tell me whether or not I love you!" James glared at the girl. How dare she not believe his feelings! Hermione sighed and shook her head.

"What exactly is it about me that you love?" she asked smartly. James didn't even hesitate to answer.

"You're smart!" he said. "Like Lily. And you love to read, like Lily, and you're really caring--"

"Like Lily?" Hermione interrupted. James nodded with a bright smile.

"Ri-- Oh." He looked at his hands, an embarrassed flush covering his cheeks. Hermione sat silently beside him for a moment, staring straight ahead. She turned to face the boy when a laugh bubbled up from his throat. "Haha! I feel like a total dunderhead!" he murmured. "I can't believe I didn't see it before! I'm so sorry to put you through all this, Hermione."

"Don't worry about it." Hermione shrugged it away. "You were just confused is all. It happens to everyone."

"Did it happen to you?" James wondered aloud. Hermione smiled amusedly.

"Ah, do you remember that time Remus and I tried dating?" Hermione asked him rhetorically. James laughed. Of course he would remember that! How could he forget? They broke up the next day saying they were too much like siblings for it to ever work out between them!

Come to think of it, Sirius had done nothing but sulk that entire time. James wouldn't forget how he looked like Christmas had come early, or Zonko's decided to hold a sale on all their pranking items, when Hermione and Remus announced they were breaking up. He really should have noticed the attraction back then, but why didn't he?

"Now," Hermione said, interrupting his reverie, "how about going to the Great Hall with me? I hear a certain redhead is there, in her usual spot."

Hermione didn't need to say anymore. James was already up and out the library doors, rushing to see his love. He stopped halfway down the hall and turned back to see Hermione walking at a steady pace behind him. Waiting for her to catch up, he smiled at the bushy-haired prankster.

"Thanks, Star."

Hermione grinned. "No problem."

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The next day, Hermione and Sirius announced the start of their relationship, James fainted when Lily actually agreed to accompany him to Hogsmeade, and it was as though the fight had never happened between Prongs and Padfoot.

END

A/N's:

Ne, those of you who haven't already checked it out should all go read **The Almighty Cheez It**'s story _MWSPP: Tales of the Five Marauders! _


	56. Pranksters

REQUEST: Sirius Black's girl14 wanted one where Hermione and Lily freak out over James' and Sirius' attitudes

**Episode 56**

Pranksters

Summary: In which Lily and Hermione don't agree with James' and Sirius' obsessive love for pranks

"Argh! I can't believe you guys!" Lily shouted, pointing a finger at the not-so-innocently whistling Sirius and James. Hermione stood beside her, nodding in agreement. "You're twenty-six now! James, we have a son, you have to set a good example for him! Why can't you two just act your age!"

"Lily-love, what did we do?" James asked as innocently as a Marauder that was guilty could ask. He smiled cheekily when the no-longer-redhead tugged at a purple strand of hair.

"This!" she shouted. "This is what you did!"

"You two really are childish," Hermione stated, twirling a blue strand of hair around her finger. Sirius smirked at her, winking at his wife of six years. Hermione rolled her eyes at the confident gesture, but she couldn't stop the slight blush or smile from forming.

"What can we say?" James asked with a shrug.

"We're Marauders!" Sirius finished. The two men, more like overgrown boys, high-fived each other and smirked identically. Lily shivered at the sight.

"It really freaks me out when they do that," she mumbled.

"Do what?" the men asked in unison, looking at her with matching expressions of bewilderment. Lily shivered again.

"And that!"

Hermione chuckled. She had long since gotten used to the identical natures of James and Sirius, both flirtatious and childish, so it didn't bother her so much anymore. But she could understand Lily's sentiment, remembering how freaked out she had been when the two used to act so alike in school, going so far as to finish each others sentences less than a week after they first met. Creepy.

"Hermione, love, you enjoyed the prank, didn't you?" Sirius asked suavely, wrapping an arm around Hermione's waist. The former brunette, now bluette, rolled her eyes again and shook Sirius' arm off her waist. "You look good in blue hair, you know."

A glare had the flirtatious man backing down.

"Are you saying I don't look good with brown hair?" Hermione asked darkly, flipping the currently straight locks over her shoulder. She would have to find out what part of the spell made her hair so straight. She rather liked it like this, less of a hassle.

"Eh? No! I mean...No, not at all." Sirius protested quickly, raising his hands in a placating manner. Hermione glared for a little while longer, just for good measure, before nodding her acceptance.

"I don't see what the problem is..." James muttered, crossing his arms and pouting. "It was a harmless prank."

"That's just it!" Lily growled. "It's a prank!"

"Guys," Hermione said when she saw the confused expressions on their faces, "we have to grow up sometime. You can't just keep playing pranks all the time."

Sirius and James looked flabbergasted, and disappointed, at the idea of growing up.

"B-but we're Marauders..." Sirius said as though that explained everything. Hermione nodded.

"I know, sweetie, but we have children we need to set an example for. Isabella and Harry have already gotten into more trouble at the Weasley's because of pranks they picked up from _you_ than Fred and George _ever _did!"

Sirius pouted. "That's because we're the best," he mumbled. James nodded quickly in agreement. Lily sighed and shook her head, pointing to a door.

"You two will sit in there and think about what you've done," she said, glaring at James.

"We'll come get you when you can come out," Hermione concluded.

James and Sirius looked ready to protest, but a quick glare from their significant others had them leaving the room at a fast pace. It's not like they would _really_ think about what they had done wrong anyway. More like they would plan their next prank together. That's how it always worked.

When they were gone and the door had closed, Hermione turned to Lily. A smile played across her lips as she tugged another blue strand and twirled it around her finger.

"We really do look good with purple and blue hair," she said. Lily, purple hair flung over her shoulder, glared at her friend.

"_Hermione_."

The female Marauder shrugged, following Lily out of the room. "I'm just saying."

END


	57. Bad News

REQUEST: WhiteRaven88 wanted a chapter where Hermione's at school when she receives news of her parents death

**Episode 57**

Bad News

Summary: In which Hermione receives horrible news at school, and Sirius is there to comfort her

"Miss Granger?" Professor McGonagall called the young woman's name sorrowfully. The teenager looked at her favorite professor and wondered what had caused such a tone.

"You may go," Professor Slughorn said, gesturing for her to pack her things. Hermione nodded, looked at Remus questioningly, and left when he nodded that he would be fine finishing the potion alone.

"What is it, Professor?" Hermione asked. Despite the sad aura hanging around the older woman, Hermione kept a slight smile on her face. The Transfiguration professor didn't answer until the two women were safely inside her office.

"Miss Granger...Hermione..." Hermione's smile dropped. The only time McGonagall called her by her first name was when something particularly bad had happened. Or when something particularly good happened, but considering she wasn't smiling now, Hermione doubted the older woman had good news for her.

"What happened?" she asked urgently. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry," the professor said, hugging the girl to her chest. Hermione felt tears prick her eyes, though she didn't know why she was crying. Something just told her she was about to hear something she _really _didn't want to hear.

"What's wrong?" she asked, voice muffled by the professor's robes. Minerva pulled away and looked the eighteen-year-old witch in the eye.

"Hermione...I'm sorry, but we just received word...Death Eaters attacked."

Hermione's eyes widened. She knew what was going on in the outside world, who didn't, but she didn't want to think about why Minerva was telling _her_ this. If she, out of everyone in the school, had been singled out, then...then that meant...

"Your parents...Hermione, I'm so sorry."

"No..." Hermione shook her head in denial. Hand covering her mouth, she silently begged for Minerva to tell her it wasn't true. "No. NO!"

The yell reverberated around the room, and Minerva flinched at the sound. She didn't bother scolding Hermione for her loud tone though. She understood the girl was in pain right now, and she needed the outlet.

"Please," Hermione begged, falling to her knees. "Please, tell me you're lying."

"I'm sorry," Minerva said, shaking her head, "your parents were killed in a Death Eater attack."

"Oh God..." Hermione's head fell to the floor with a thunk. She stayed like that for several minutes before moving so her head was laying on her arms, her shoulder shaking with sobs. Minerva sighed and watched the young woman cry out her anguish on the Transfiguration floor, knowing there was nothing more she could do.

"Professor?" A knock came at the door before it opened, emitting one Sirius Black. "Professor Slughorn wanted me too..." he paused, seeing his girlfriend sobbing her heart out on the floor. "What happened?" he demanded, running over to the girl and glaring at the professor suspiciously.

Minerva shook her head, keeping her eyes on the girl. Hermione, upon hearing Sirius' voice, sat up. She looked tearfully at her boyfriend and felt her heart break again. Sirius was quick to catch her as she started for the floor again, his hands rubbing her back soothingly.

Briefly, he was aware of McGonagall slipping the paper Slughorn had given him from his hand. She muttered something about leaving them alone, but he wasn't paying much attention. He was too focused on his crying girlfriend to care much of what the witch had said.

"Hermione, love, what happened?" he asked softly, rocking the crying girl back and forth. She continued to sob, but finally managed to look up at him with tear-filled eyes.

"Sirius," she croaked, her voice breaking. Sirius shushed her and rubbed her back.

"It's okay," he assured, "I'm here. I'm here."

"Sirius!" Hermione's voice was full of anguish, and it broke his heart. He didn't what happened, but whatever McGonagall told her, Sirius wished she had kept it to herself. "Their gone, Sirius, he killed them!"

"What? Who? Who was killed?" Sirius asked anxiously, pulling her back to look at her. Hermione sniffled and choked back more tears.

"You-Know-Who...No, _Voldemort_!" Hermione's voice had taken on a dark edge as she said the name. No longer would she call him by that. He had a name, and she was damn well going to use it. "Voldemort," she hissed, "he...he..." tears broke through again. "He killed my parents!"

Sirius gasped as Hermione clung to him, crying and sobbing her heart out. He felt his own heart break. He might not have seen them very much, but the few times he did meet up with the Granger's, he saw how happy Hermione was with them. They were some of the few that had his respect as well, and hearing they were dead was like hearing his own parents, had he actually cared for his family, were murdered.

"Hermione..." he muttered, rubbing her back again. The rocking resumed as Hermione cried her anguish out on him. "It's okay," he soothed. "It's okay. I'm here, I'm always here."

Hermione sniffled. "Always?" she asked, voice once again muffled. Sirius nodded and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"Always."

END


	58. Proposal

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted Sirius' messy proposal to Hermione

**Episode 58**

Proposal

Summary: In which Sirius proposes to Hermione, quite messily I might add

Hermione looked at Sirius, down on one knee and eyes averted to the side. Her heart sped up with anticipation, unable to believe this was actually happening to her. But...Shouldn't Sirius be looking at her? Not at the park bench just off to the left.

Sirius felt ashamed. Here he was, about to propose to the woman that had stolen his heart, and he couldn't even look her in the eye. What kind of man was he? Where had his Gryffindor courage gone all of a sudden?

Well, that couldn't be helped. Right now, he had a woman to propose to, and he couldn't let a little thing like nerves get in his way when he was already down on one knee – in the mud, but that wasn't important.

"Hermione, we've known each other a long time, and I was wondering..."

"Sirius..." Hermione whispered, a hand covering her mouth in happiness and shock. She never thought this moment was come.

Sirius, though they had been together for several years now, was still as flirtatious as ever. Of course, Hermione knew he wasn't interested in the other women, but that didn't stop him from winking or purring at them. Yet, here he was, about to make the ultimate commitment to his girlfriend of six years.

"Would you--" Sirius never finished though. Because, at that time, his foot still on the ground somehow slipped and he fell face first in the puddle of mud. Of course, since Hermione wasn't too far away from him, his hands automatically wrapped around her ankles to stop his impending fall, which only made the woman trip backwards and land in a puddle of muddy water.

"Sirius!" Hermione shrieked as her white dress became brown in the back due to the effects of rain on dirt.

"Sorry, love," Sirius said, looking at her with a face full of mud. Hermione couldn't stop the laughter from escaping when Sirius spit out a few twigs in disgust. He glared at his girlfriend, but after a moment, he too joined in the laughter. At least things couldn't get worse...

As though hearing his thoughts, the recently ceased rainfall started up again. Thunder, rumbling through the sky, made a loud BOOM that startled the finally standing couple and made them fall again. Harsh raindrops fell on the two, and Hermione shrieked as Sirius tried to stand, without falling this time, and help her up.

He finally managed to pull her to her feet, but Hermione's heels slipped in the mud again, and the two were down again. This time, Hermione was the one with the face full of mud, and Sirius' jeans, though thankfully black, had mud on the back of them.

The two looked at each other, sitting under the pouring rain, Hermione's dress now clinging to her body like a second skin, and showing more than Sirius wanted any other man to see, and Sirius' hair caked with mud and leaves and twigs, brought the two to another fit of laughter. They pointed at the other, amused by their appearances.

Thankfully, no one else had been foolish enough to go out tonight, not when so many random rainstorms had been happening.

"Marry me?" Sirius asked, holding out the surprisingly clean box, which was now getting wet due to the rain. Hermione smiled happily and flung her arms around Sirius' neck, making the box also go in the mud. At least the rain was fine...

"Yes!"

END

A/N's:

I'm sure this wasn't what brokenblackangel had in mind by messy proposal, but hey, it's still messy right? Hope it was fine anyway.


	59. Disowned

REQUEST: Sirius Black's girl14 wanted a chapter where Hermione finds out she's pregnant, but her parents aren't too accepting

**Episode 59**

Disowned

Summary: In which Hermione's parents aren't accepting of her big news

"Excuse me?" Helen Granger stared at her daughter, disbelief clear in her hazel eyes. Her husband sat beside her, rubbing his balding crown, chocolate eyes staring directly at their only child.

Hermione lowered her gaze to the ground, unable to look either of her parents in the eye. She was almost eighteen, her birthday in only a week, and Madame Pomfrey just delivered the news to her a few weeks ago. After talking with Dumbledore, the older man allowed her a week to go home and inform her parents of the good news. But, apparently, they didn't find the surprise as great as Hermione did.

"I know I heard you wrong," her father's gruff voice spoke dangerously low. Hermione looked at him from under lowered lashes. "I could've sworn you just said you were pregnant."

There was another pause, in which both parents waited for their daughter to confirm that they had, indeed, heard her wrong. Or, at the very least, that this was a not-so-funny prank she had thought up. Unfortunately for the Granger's, Hermione did neither.

"I did," she said, her voice soft. "I'm pregnant. I just found out two weeks ago, thanks to Madame Pomfrey."

"What?" her mother asked, voice cracking slightly. Hermione lowered her head again.

"I was knocked over by a jinx from one of the Slytherins, and when Madame Pomfrey was checking me over, she found out I was--"

"I know!" Eric interrupted his daughter. His dark brown eyes were nearly black in his anger. "You went over this already!"

"Da..." Hermione started, but Eric interrupted her again.

"No," he said lowly, "don't you _dare_ call me that!"

"What?" Hermione gasped. She looked to her mother for help, but Helen turned her eyes away in shame.

"You're not my daughter," Eric mumbled. Hermione felt tears burn her eyes. "Get out of my house, you whore!"

Another gasp cut through Hermione's lips. She had stood when her father told her not to call him da, but now she found herself on the couch again. Her legs wouldn't work, too shocked was she that her father had just called her a...a...

"You heard him," Helen said, glaring at the girl on the couch.

"Mum!" Hermione protested, her voice reaching an all-time high. Helen turned away from her again and pointed to the door.

"My daughter is not a slut," she hissed. "Get out of our house."

Hermione stared at the people she had called her parents. All her life she had loved them, done everything she could to make them proud, and she thought the feelings were returned. Surely, her parents had always treated her with the utmost kindness and love, even when she royally screwed up, but now they were calling her whore and slut as though she were some prostitute.

"I don't believe this," she murmured, forcing herself to stand again. Helen hugged her husband, shoulders shaking with sobs. He glared at the girl, but Hermione could just barely make out tears pooling in his own eyes.

"Neither do we," he muttered harshly. Then, pointing to the door again, he ordered: "Get out."

Hermione had no choice but to leave the house, one arm protectively covering her slim belly. She wasn't even very far along, but already her child had lost any grandparents. Sirius would die before he allowed their children to meet his own family, who had disowned him anyway, and now Hermione herself had basically been disowned. She knew her parents well, and this wasn't the sort of thing they would get over with time. No, they would never accept her back.

Her own shoulders shook with sobs, similar to her mother, but there was no one to hold her right now. Sirius was back at Hogwarts, probably complaining to the boys about not being able to accompany his fiancée, even though she was pregnant with his child.

The thought of Sirius made Hermione's shoulders straighten. She still loved him dearly, and she knew she would always have him no matter what. Tears continued to flow from the pain her parents had caused her, but she knew deep down that things would be fine in the end. Because Sirius was still there to hold her, to love her, and that would never change.

END

A/N's:

Kyah! I'm on a roll baby! I thank the full moon for inspiring me.


	60. First Time

REQUEST: MacKenzieBlueEyes wanted a chapter featuring Hermione's and Sirius' first time

**Episode 60**

First Time

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione experience their first time together

Hermione blushed and looked away. She couldn't help it. She was nervous. She had never done this sort of thing before, despite the boys she had dated in school, and that she was doing it with the man she had loved since first year only made her that much more nervous.

Sirius wasn't in much better condition. He had dated a lot of girls throughout the years, even more than Hermione, James, or Remus had – Peter hadn't dated many people at all, so he really wasn't counted. Yet, even with all the women throwing themselves at him, he hadn't slept with a single one of them. Not many would expect it from Sirius Black, but he was saving himself for the woman he had always loved from the moment he first laid eyes on her – Hermione Granger.

He leaned down to kiss her full lips once more. Alcohol would never be necessary, Sirius thought dazedly, because he could easily get drunk off of Hermione's kisses. She tasted of cherries and something that was distinctly Hermione. If it actually had a taste, Sirius might've called it intelligence.

Hermione arched under his touch as his hands roamed down her sides, and his kisses trailed to her neck. She gasped when Sirius bit down on the tan column and knew that there would be marks there tomorrow. Despite the fact she knew it would invoke much teasing from James, possibly Remus and Peter too, Hermione couldn't find it in herself to care. In fact, she felt more pleased than anything that Sirius had just marked her as his.

Legs circling around his waist, Hermione trailed her own hands down his strong back, over the tattoo of her name on his shoulder blade, and down to his arse, which she pinched. Chuckling lightly at the startled gasp and slight jump Sirius gave at the contact, he glared down at his woman, whom was now smirking cheekily at him.

His glare slowly faded as he too smirked, and he moved suddenly. Hermione arched again, a scream of pleasure escaping her lips. Her arms wound their way around his neck, and Sirius gladly accepted the invitation for another kiss.

When all was done, he lay beside the woman he had loved for so long, arms wrapped tightly around her bare waist. Hermione really was beautiful, even more so under the candlelight that lit the room in a dim glow, and he wouldn't want to be here with anyone else. Not even Aphrodite.

He smelled her hair, which had the distinct cherry scent he so loved, and placed a kiss on her cheek. Hermione, eyes closed as though it would somehow help her to enjoy the moment more, sighed in pleasure and snuggled against Sirius. Her back to his chest, she sighed in contentment when he kissed her again.

The last thing Sirius was aware of as sleep claimed him was just how perfect his body fit to Hermione's. Like two pieces of a puzzle that had finally found each other. For their first time, everything was perfect.

END

A/N's:

Yes, I skipped out on all the good parts. Sorry, but this is rated T, and since I've already downgraded the rating, I didn't feel like upgrading it again. I'm sure your imaginations can do the work, and if my requester really wants it, I'll do a full version of this and post it on Adult fanfiction.


	61. Where Do Babies Come From?

REQUEST: KaTeRiNa MaLfOy wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione's two children want to know where babies come from when Hermione is pregnant again

**Episode 61**

Where Do Babies Come From?

Summary: In which his children have a question for Sirius

Hermione was pregnant.

Again.

This would be their third child in the past five years, and Sirius was beginning to wonder why he hadn't had her cast the charm again. Though he loved their two children dearly, the five-year-old and seven-year-old could be a handful at times, and he rarely got any alone time with Hermione anymore. That's why he jumped at the chance when Lily offered to take the children, along with Harry, to the zoo for Harry's eighth birthday, which had also been Sirius and Hermione's sixth anniversary.

Now, he was paying the price. Hermione was not only pregnant, but pissed at him for keeping her from her work again. She wasn't very far along, and she could continue to work for the moment, but eventually she would have to take a leave again, and Hermione hated being unreliable when work was concerned. Not that her colleagues thought she was unreliable, but this being the third birth, it was put into question if she shouldn't just quit working at the Ministry and take on a position a little less important to the wizarding world. Perhaps work at a bookstore.

Sirius could normally handle all of this. Hermione was always beautiful to him, and that beauty was only enhanced when her stomach was swollen with his child. She was bloody gorgeous when she was angry, and he wanted nothing more than to ravish her. Unfortunately, child on the way and anger meant one thing – no nookie.

A groan escaped him when he switched positions on the couch. Bloody hell, this thing was lumpy! Funny he wouldn't notice that until his wife had, oh-so-lovingly, banished him to sleep in the living room for the rest of the month! Thank Merlin there was only a week left in the month when she had ordered him out of their room, and this was the fifth day.

"Daddy!" Isabella, his oldest child, called with a high-pitched laugh. He smiled at the girl and sat up, watching as her little sundress rode dangerously high on her legs. Actually, the dress had only gone up an inch, and it hung past her knees, but with all the little boys living in the neighborhood, it was far too high for Sirius' liking. He made a mental note to tell her to change into pants before she went outside later.

"Da!" cried a younger male voice, belonging to their five-year-old son – Damien.

The two settled on either side of the couch, both swinging legs that didn't quite reach the floor. They stared curiously at their father, time passing in silence before Sirius couldn't take it anymore.

"What do you want?" he asked, looking warily between the two. Usually when they were that quiet for that long, it meant they wanted something he most likely wouldn't like.

Isabella snickered at her father's reaction, and let her brother ask the question they had been wanting to know since their mother announced she was pregnant.

"Da, where do babies come from?" Damien asked curiously. Brown hair hung in his face, obscuring his blue-grey eyes, but Sirius could still see the innocent question in the large orbs that matched his own, but held intelligence only Hermione's bloodline could possess.

"W-what!?" Sirius choked. He looked between the two children, both looking at him with wide, curious eyes. "W-why are you asking me?" he asked, trying to find some way out of this situation. Isabella and Damien were _much_ too young to know this sort of thing! Especially Isabella, never mind that she was the oldest.

"Where do babies come from?" Isabella asked this time. "We asked Mum, but she said to come to you."

Damien nodded. "She said you would know all about it. Ya know, cause your smart an' all."

Sirius couldn't help but preen under the praise. It was about time his brilliance was recognized...Wait, he didn't want his brilliance to be recognized when his children came asking about babies!

"Um...Right...Well, ya see...Babies come from, er, they come from..."

"What's wrong, daddy?" Isabella asked innocently. "Don't you know where babies come from?"

"Of course I do!" Sirius exclaimed, affronted that his daughter would think he didn't know. Then, realizing that he had just ruined his chance to escape explaining, he hung his head in defeat. "Well, babies come from...a game. Yes, that's it!"

"A game?" Damien asked skeptically.

"That's right!" Sirius nodded. "It's a game called s-sex, and it when a man and a woman love each other, they play this game. When they're done, the woman is what you call pregnant, like your mother is now, and in nine months, the baby comes from the mother."

"Oh...That makes sense...I think..." Isabella scrunched her nose in confusion. Damien also looked skeptical, but he seemed to accept this explanation as the best they would get for a while.

"Wait, so then, can Isabella and I play sex?" he asked hopefully. Sirius choked again.

"No! No, no, no!" Sirius shook his head. Damien frowned.

"Why not?" Damien pouted. His father always played fun games, and if he played with his mother, then why couldn't Damien also play the fun game. Isabella also pouted and crossed her arms. She too wanted in on this game called sex that the grown ups played.

"Yeah, why not?" she repeated. "Damien and I love each other!"

Sirius chuckled and patted their heads. "It's not _that_ kind of love," he said. "It's a different kind of love needed for this game."

"A different kind?" Damien asked curiously. Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, like the love Lily and James have. Or your mother and I."

"Wait, so you and mum have a different kind of love than Isabella and I have?" Damien tried to get this through his mind. Sirius nodded.

"That's right. The love we have for you is similar to the love you have for each other, a familial love, but the love Hermione and I have for each other is different. Just as good, but different."

"Oh...I get it now!" Isabella smiled. She jumped off the couch and straightened her dress; Damien also hopped off the couch and headed for the front door.

"I'm glad to hear that," Sirius said with a sigh of relief. That had actually gone pretty well if he did say so himself.

"I'll ask Harry to play sex with me!" Isabella chirped happily and headed out the door after her brother.

Sirius choked. "W-What!? Isabella, wait! It's not the same as love for a friend either!"

Hermione watched as Sirius chased after his daughter, who was heading next door to ask Harry to "play sex" with her. She chuckled and shook her head. She'd floo Lily and James, explain what was undoubtedly about to happen, and when Sirius returned, she would let him back into their bedroom. Surely, this had been punishment enough.

END


	62. Much Needed Discussion

REQUEST: MacKenzieBlueEyes wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione talk after he escapes from Azkaban

**Episode 62**

Much Needed Discussion

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius talk after he escapes

"It's been a while," she murmured, blush staining her cheeks. Sirius nodded, his eyes, duller than she remembered, flicking left and right nervously. She felt her heart clench at the suspicious habit and wondered, hopelessly, if he would ever return to the Sirius she had known so long ago. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be," Sirius muttered. His voice was gruff, and the accusation behind his words didn't go unnoticed by Hermione. She flinched, knowing he was mad, no matter what he said, that she hadn't believed his innocence. "That rat had everyone fooled."

Hermione nodded. Peter really did do a good job. Who would have thought that the least intelligent of the Marauders would think to leave a body part behind to keep suspicion over his own whereabouts from rising. Still, she was the one that claimed to love Sirius, yet, when the time came to prove her love, she had turned her back on him, believing him a murderer to his own best friend.

"You're back now though," she said softly, reaching for his cheek with one soft hand. Sirius flinched from the touch, and Hermione's hand went back to her lap. She looked nervously at the floor, wondering how they could continue this conversation when there was so much distrust on Sirius' part and so much guilt on her own.

"I am," he agreed with a slight nod. Hermione looked at him. Sirius, this Sirius, wasn't the man she had loved so long ago. There was no humor glinting in his eyes, no mischievous smile that spoke of plans for pranks, no flirtatious winks coming forth whenever he looked at her. This Sirius was someone else entirely. "How have you been?"

The question took her by surprise. It took Hermione a moment to respond, but eventually she managed it, smiling slightly. "I'm fine," she told him. "You?"

"As well as can be expected." Sirius shrugged. Silence enveloped the couple again, and Hermione watched Sirius timidly. Was there any way she could get her Sirius back? "Have you found someone else?"

Hermione's head snapped up. Out of all the questions she expected from him, which admittedly wasn't a lot, that had been the least expected one of all. It took a moment for the shock to settle enough for her to answer.

"No," she admitted finally, looking at her fiddling fingers. "After...that night...I couldn't look at another man. I...even after all this time...Sirius, you're the only one. You're still the only one."

There was more silence. Hermione, for once, wished the silence would be broken by Sirius' cocky laugh. The laugh that used to annoy her to no end. She missed it now, had missed it ever since he was dragged away to Azkaban without so much as a trial to prove his innocence, and she wished it would return. But, of course, that was a part of the old Sirius, not this new, broken Sirius.

Hermione looked up, startled, when a frail, bony hand covered her own. Blue-grey eyes, no longer like the ones she used to love to gaze into, stared back into her own. Hermione's breath caught. She decided, in that moment, that she _would_ get her Sirius back.

And even if she didn't, she could learn to love this new Sirius just as much.

END


	63. The Wizard

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter with The Bachelor: Marauder style

**Episode 63**

The Wizard

Summary: In which Sirius is the bachelor, Remus the host, and Hermione the contestant

Remus muttered the sonorous charm against his throat, then smiled widely at the crowd. He pulled on his black suit, which felt a little more constricting than the werewolf cared for, and bowed at the applause echoing throughout the room.

"WELCOME, WELCOME, TO THE FINAL SHOWDOWN OF 'THE WIZARD'!" he called, stopping to let the crowd go wild again. He stared at the eager faces looking down at him. "BEFORE WE GET ON WITH TODAY'S SHOW, THE FINAL TWO CONTESTANTS, I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW A PICTURE OF THE PAST BACHELORETTES!"

A large screen appeared behind him when he waved his wand, and the crowd once again went wild as the last three bachelorettes unlucky enough to be sent away were shown.

A blonde girl in a yellow sundress appeared on the screen. Above her head were, in large black letters, BELINDA MCDOUGAL! The sweet Hufflepuff turned away reluctantly. She had taken it surprisingly well, though, and been supportive of the remaining girls.

Next was a black-haired Ravenclaw in a form-fitting blue dress. Below her were, in large bronze letters, TIFFANY LEESON! She hadn't been nearly as cooperative as Belinda was, but in the end, she too had accepted her fate and allowed herself to be cut from the choices. She could at least say she made it thus far, and besides, she had noticed Ricardo, another Ravenclaw, eyeing her the past few days. Perhaps her love life wouldn't be crappy just because she was turned down by one guy.

The last to appear was another Ravenclaw. This one had red hair and wore a bronze dress that was extremely low cut. Off to the side, in dark blue letters, was the name: GUINEVERE ELLIS! Several boos came with the sight of her, all of which belonged to girls. Everyone knew Guinevere was only allowed to make it this far because she absolutely refused to leave and just showed up again when someone dragged her off.

The guys didn't make a sound, though several drooled over the cleavage shown. Honestly, that girl was _stacked_! Not to mention she was easy to get into bed. It hadn't made her popular among the girls or the professors, but the males of the school didn't mind her presence.

"ALRIGHT!" Remus' voice resounded around the pitch. "NOW, ON WITH THE FINAL TWO CONTESTANTS!"

Cheers rang out again as two women walked into the opening. One, in a black dress that showed curves and went slightly past her knees, with black hair done up in a fancy bun. She had on the slightest bit of makeup, and her dark eyes gazed at the crowd almost seductively. The other, in a crimson dress similar to the black one, had her hair down around her shoulders. Brown eyes sparkled with mischief and intelligence.

"DORIS PURKISS!" Remus introduced, then gestured to the next woman. "HERMIONE GRANGER!"

The two women bowed. The crowd yet again went wild, but all noise stopped as the newest person entered the scene. Sirius Black, hair casually falling in his eyes, and a smile tugging at his lips, stepped out onto the field. His suit, similar to Remus', molded to his body and only seemed to emphasize the grace he moved with. In one hand was a single red rose, while the other was tucked into his pants pocket.

Sirius came to a stop in front of the two women, looking at both for an equal amount of time. His easy-going smile was apologetic now, as he knew he would have to tell one woman to leave. Of course, everyone had a good idea who he had chosen, but still, it was fun to see it played out.

"You've both been great," he spoke aloud, voice echoing around the pitch due to the silence. "Sadly, one of you has to go. I had fun with both of you, but there's only one woman for me. I'm sorry..."

The girls waited in anticipation and anxiousness.

"Hermione?" Sirius called. Hermione looked at him. "Will you...please accept this rose?"

Hermione gasped softly while Doris turned away from the scene. Sirius watched as she slowly walked off the pitch, several guys that liked her coming to comfort her, but she just pushed them away. Sirius was the only one for her! Too bad Hermione was the only one for him.

"Sirius," Hermione whispered. Sirius turned back to his new girlfriend, smiling slightly. He had liked her since first year, and now he found a way to let her know.

"I love you, Hermione, always have. Will you please go with me to the next Hogsmeade weekend?" Sirius asked hopefully. Hermione laughed.

"Of course!" she said as though it were obvious and threw her arms around his neck. "I wouldn't have joined this silly game if I didn't love you too."

The couple hugged and kissed, completely oblivious to the awing crowd. Remus chuckled and shook his head amusedly before turning back to the crowd.

"WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THE SHOW!" he announced. "STAY TUNED NEXT TIME FOR..." he paused to read the card of who would be the next Wizard, and shook his head in disbelief when he saw the name. "THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT! THERE IS NO _WAY_ _I'M_ GOING TO BE THE WIZARD!"

Several women gasped at hearing this and cheered. They had wanted Remus for a while after all. James snickered as he came up behind his friend.

"Ah, but mate, I did it and got Lily, Sirius got Hermione, now it's your turn."

"Do Peter or someone then!" Remus snarled, finally taking off the sonorous charm. "I am _not_ playing this silly--"

"Oh, but you are!" James crowed and danced away. Growling, Remus ran after him.

"POTTER!"

All the while, Hermione and Sirius remained oblivious to everything but each other.

END

A/N's:

Doris Purkiss was mentioned in the fifth book. The woman in the Quibbler that thought Sirius was a singer and had been with her that night.


	64. Death Eaters: Prequel

REQUEST: SiRiUslyInLuV718 wanted a follow-up for_ Death Eaters_, explaining what and why Sirius and James became Death Eaters

**Episode 64**

Death Eaters: Prequel

Summary: In which we learn what brought James and Sirius to the dark side

The Slytherins were acting up more and more lately. James and Sirius had the perfect idea for a prank to finally get those bastards.

They managed to follow Snivellus all the way to the Slytherin common room, and now, under James' invisibility cloak, they had made it inside the room. It was colder down here, James noted, but fitting for a Slytherin. After all, how many snakes preferred hot places when they could be slithering in a dungeon?

Eyes narrowed on the gathered group, the duo quietly snuck up to just behind them. Once they were close enough, they could see a small figure huddled into himself on the floor. This wasn't surprising since Slytherins were cruel creatures, but what did surprise them was that the figure was also a Slytherin. A second year if his height was anything to go by.

"Please," he begged, tears running down his face, "don't! Not me! Anyone but me!"

"Quiet!" one of the Slytherins, Macnair, hissed and kicked the boy in the stomach, _hard_. He let out an _oomph_ as the air left his lungs and curled into a ball on his side. "Now, let us begin."

The group, about five in all, began to chant while Sirius and James watched on in amazement and shock. What exactly was happening? They knew they should intervene, but this was too good to miss. They wanted to see what would happen next!

A mist began to rise as the group chanted, dark and evil feelings surrounding the room with each word hissed out of their lips. It was a language neither Gryffindor understood, but it seemed to be Russian or German or something along those lines.

The mist encircled the boy, and the pranksters could only watch on in amazement as the boy was lifted into the air. His body stretched and a pained grimace came across his face, as blood began pouring down. He opened his mouth and let out what might've been an ear-shattering scream had the mist not acted as some sort of soundproof barrier.

The light mist thickened and darkened until it was completely black, and the boy was no longer in sight. Then, it steadily twisted into a snake's face, though there was a cruel smile adorning the serpentine features.

_You've done good. _The snake said, his voice deep and cold. It made James and Sirius shiver in both awe and fright. _Sacrifices must be made for power. You've proved yourselves worthy to me._

"Milord," the Slytherins murmured in unison, bowing before the snake's head. It's hollow eyes seemed to stare at the two under the invisibility cloak, and they shivered nervously. Would it tell the Slytherins they were there?

_You've _all _proven worthy of me. _It spoke again, startling the duo. It was as though the _thing_ was speaking to them. _True power must be gained through fear and sacrifice. There are those who do not understand this, and believe true power is gained through love and determination. WORTHLESS! A hug will not save you from death, a kiss will not keep you alive! It is fear, fear invoked in your opponents, that will stop them from slicing you in two! That, that is true power._

"Milord," the Slytherins murmured again. The snake chuckled deeply again and slowly began to fade. James and Sirius shared a look, neither quite wanting the snake to disappear yet.

_Remember, _the snake hissed one last time, _there is no right or wrong. Only power, and those strong enough to seek it. Are you strong enough, my subordinates?_

Then, it was gone.

James and Sirius eagerly left the common room, barely making sure the Slytherins didn't hear them leave. Tomorrow, they would tell the other Marauders, and Lily, about the sacrifice, but they thought they would keep the snake a secret for a while. Somehow, they felt that particular part would be harder for the others to accept.

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"You saw what!?" Hermione shrieked, hitting her boyfriend over the head.

"Ow! What was that for, love?" he whined pitifully, pouting.

"Why didn't you guys save the boy?" Remus asked curiously. James and Sirius glared at the werewolf.

"He was a Slytherin too!" James protested. Hermione, Lily, and Remus all gaped at the duo. They shared a confused look, wondering why everyone was looking at them like that.

"What?" the two asked in unison.

"That's no excuse!" Lily glared. "Come on, guy," she said, pulling Remus and Hermione after her and towards the Great Hall. Sirius and James hung back, watching the two leave.

He was right. They _didn't_ understand what true power was. But they would show the three that left them; they would show them what power could do! Then, Lily, Remus, and Hermione would be sorry they didn't listen to James and Sirius.

END

A/N's:

I hope this is okay. It was my third attempt at making James and Sirius evil, as my requester asked, but I know it didn't come out right. It's hard thinking up reasons for two characters that would _NEVER_ become Death Eaters to actually become Death Eaters.

I know Peter wasn't mentioned at all in this. I was asked to pretty much leave him out of the equation, so I did.


	65. Why Are You Here?

REQUEST: HowlinWolf wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione are in Hogwarts while Harry's in class

**Episode 65**

Why Are You Here?

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione are in Hogwarts, much to Harry's confusion

Why were they here? His godparents had no real reason to be in Hogwarts, not any reason that he knew of anyway, and he couldn't understand why they felt the need to suddenly show up. Of course, he couldn't just question them. For one, he was stuck inside of a classroom right now; two, he highly doubted Sirius or Hermione would give a straight answer anyway.

Harry found it nearly impossible to concentrate on transfiguring his cushion into a stool when he was wondering what had prompted two of the legendary Marauders sudden presence. Unfortunately, he couldn't just leave. He already used the sick card two days ago to get out of a long, boring lecture, and McGonagall was onto him now.

With a sigh, he once again tried, failingly, to turn the cushion into a stool. McGonagall tsked behind him, and he was tempted to glare at her. That is, until she murmured something about Mister Weasley needing to stop drooling over Miss Brown and get back to work. Harry sighed softly in relief that she wasn't upset because of him, and once again attempted the charm.

"Very good, Mister Potter." McGonagall nodded when he finally managed the charm. He smiled at her and quickly turned the stool back, then sat back to watch the other students and wonder why his godparents were here.

His mother, at least, would've sent him a letter explaining their presence if they were here because of him. So, that wasn't the case. Then what was? Had something happened to his mother? His father?

No.

If something happened to them, he would be with Hermione and Sirius right now, hearing the bad news. So, his parents were okay. Then, why were they here?

Was Hermione pregnant? Harry shivered at the thought of his godmother being pregnant. He didn't want to imagine Sirius or Hermione in any kind of relationship like that, even though he knew they were madly in love with each other. It was like imagining his parents, simply disturbing for the poor boy. Anyway, even if she was, that would've warranted a letter at the most, not an actual visit.

Pregnancy was out.

So, why? Why were they here?

A loud _BANG_ caught everyone's attention. Harry sat straighter, but McGonagall told the students to remain in the classroom. Were they under attack? Who would possibly attack Hogwarts though? There wasn't any dark wizards that Harry knew of.

He frowned. It wasn't his godparents, was it? He wouldn't put it past them.

The class crowded around the door, Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs alike, but they couldn't see anything from the small crack, especially not with so many people around. Voices, too muffled to be understood, sounded, and footsteps headed towards the door. The students were quick to reseat themselves, and everyone relaxed as McGonagall returned, perfectly fine and with a glint of humor in her gaze, though her lips were pursed tightly in annoyance.

Honestly, didn't that woman ever laugh? If she thought something was funny, she always had to school her features into a more serious expression. It was like she considered laughing to be illegal. If anyone ever heard McGonagall laugh, Harry was sure that person would have a heart attack from shock alone.

"Alright, finish up!" Minerva demanded, glaring at her students. Hesitantly, they continued practicing, everyone wondering what had happened to cause such a noise.

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The Great Hall was filled with laughter, and many students at the Gryffindor table had crowded around Harry. More specifically, Harry's godparents. There wasn't a single person in the school that didn't know the legend of the Marauders, as even Muggle-borns were informed of the great fivesome that had roamed the halls in the seventies.

Harry asked Hermione what they were doing here, but just as he had expected, neither adult gave him a proper answer. Merely a smile, or wink in Sirius' case, and a request to wait a little while longer and he would see. He also asked if they knew anything about the loud bang from earlier, but his only answer was shifty eyes and sly smiles, which led him to the conclusion they were, indeed, behind the noise.

About that time, the Great Hall silenced as Severus Snape, loathed potions master, entered the room. Harry turned to see what everyone was staring at, and he gaped at the sight that met him.

Snape had his usual scowl in place, and he looked twice as murderous as usual. His hands, balled into fists, clenched and unclenched as he walked through the Great Hall in a bright yellow toga and purple polka dotted feathery wings. A lime green halo seemed to follow him everywhere, and his greasy hair was sticking straight up as though the halo had static electricity in it.

Snickers broke out as he took a seat at the staff table, obviously unhappy about his new appearance. Snape glared at the students that dared laugh, then at Dumbledore who had murmured something, most likely telling him to calm down and enjoy the joke, into his ear.

Harry turned and raised a questioning eyebrow at his godparents. Sirius shrugged.

"We ran into him in Diagon Alley," Hermione explained. "He was a right prat, so Siri and I decided to have our revenge where everyone could enjoy it."

Sirius nodded. "Great, don't ya think?"

Sirius and Hermione high-fived each other, while Harry laughed aloud. He knew Snape was probably going to take it out on the Gryffindors later, everyone except Slytherin actually, but that was fine. Right now, everyone could enjoy his suffering.

So, that's why they were at Hogwarts.

END

A/N's:

To be completely honest with everyone, the more I read it, the more this particular request confused me. So, I hope I did a good job on it nonetheless.


	66. Raising Harry

REQUEST: Lily Hermione Potter asked for a chapter where Sirius and Hermione raise Harry

**Episode 66**

Raising Harry

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione raise Harry as their own

_One_

Hermione held Harry to her chest as he cried. It was two in the morning, and she had work at six. Harry awoke just a few moments ago, crying his poor little heart out, but Sirius continued to sleep through it. Lazy bastard.

A few shushes hadn't worked, so now Hermione was rocking him against her chest. She never expected this to happen.

The battle with Voldemort had been long and hard with many casualties, including Harry's parents, James and Lily. It was hard for the Marauders to accept their deaths, and even harder that Peter had betrayed them shortly after Voldemort attacked the couple. He was too afraid to end up like James, and so he quickly defected to the other side. Thank the gods Dumbledore had sensed his disloyalty and never gave Peter much confidential information.

In the end, though, the light side won and Death Eaters were sentenced to Azkaban and the Kiss. Normally, Hermione would be against the Kiss, but she figured Death Eaters deserved it; especially the ones like Peter, who had betrayed everyone for power.

One of the hardest moments post-war was discovering she couldn't have children. Due to the barrage of curses she had suffered, not that she didn't give back what she received, her child-bearing days were over, nonexistent. It hurt even worse that she had been pregnant and lost that child due to the war. Then, James and Lily were killed, and Harry was placed in Sirius' and Hermione's custody. Dumbledore said they would be perfect for him.

A few months had passed since then, and Harry just had his first birthday not too long ago. Hermione had to admit it was one of the happiest days of her life. Now, standing here at two in the morning, with work only a few hours away, Hermione couldn't imagine anywhere she would rather be.

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_Five _

Sirius chased after the naked five-year-old boy that was quickly turning into a miniature version of James, physically. Much to Sirius' chagrin, and Hermione's pleasure, Harry had more of Lily's personality. Though, he was still a bit of a prankster, at least for a five year old.

Hermione left for work early today and left a note for Sirius saying he would have to bathe Harry. That didn't sound so bad since the young wizard-to-be was quickly learning how to do these things on his own. But since the house was so big, and the bathtub the size of a giant pool, someone had to watch the boy until he was old enough to not drown in the water.

What Hermione neglected to mention was that Harry didn't like baths. Sirius knew the boy tended to argue about it until he had no choice but to give up because Hermione was just too manipulative for him, but he didn't know he would actually struggle on the way into the tub. This surprise left Sirius in his current predicament, chasing Harry around the manor while the latter was buck naked.

"Come back here, ya little bugger!" Sirius shouted after the boy. Harry stopped and turned to face his godfather, head tilted slightly to the side.

Sirius skidded to a stop, silently thanking whatever gods there were that Harry had actually listened to him. It was one of the few traits he took up from his father, a tendency to ignore orders from someone of the same gender.

"Bugger?" Harry questioned curiously. Sirius' eyes widened as Harry laughed and waved his arms around. "Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!" he chanted while Sirius carried him back to the bathroom.

"Now, now, let's not repeat what you heard Daddy Sirius say, okay?" Sirius pleaded. Harry wasn't paying attention, even as he was lowered into the tub again.

"Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!" he continued to chant happily. Sirius hung his head. Hermione was going to kill him later!

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_Eleven_

Hermione and Sirius stood side by side as Harry boarded the Hogwarts Express. He had just gotten his letter and was now heading off to school for the first time in his young life. He had heard nothing but good things about Hogwarts, but even as he anxiously awaited the first day of school, he couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness.

This was the first time he would be without his parents. Sure, Harry knew they were actually his godparents, Sirius and Hermione talked of his birth parents constantly and how wonderful they were. He sometimes wished they hadn't died because he wanted to meet them too, but he couldn't imagine his life without the Black manor Sirius had inherited after his family was killed in the battle and could no longer deny him his rights as the heir to the fortune.

Looking out the window, Harry waved as the train pulled away. Hermione was smiling, tears silently running down her soft cheeks. Sirius had an arm wrapped around her waist, his smile big and proud as he too waved at the boy with messy hair.

Not for the first time, Harry wondered he was a bad person because, deep down, he was glad his parents had been killed. After all, if they were still alive, he wouldn't have the _amazing_ parents he did right now.

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_Sixteen_

Sirius wondered if maybe there was something wrong with Harry. Hermione would always hit him upside the head, scold him for thinking such things, and then remind him that not everyone dated girls in their first year at Hogwarts as he had. Sirius would then remind her that James, whom Harry looked almost identical too, save the eyes, had also had girls jumping him in their first year.

Hermione merely rolled her eyes and let her husband complain. In all honesty, she was glad Harry focused more on his schoolwork than dating. At the same time, though, she hoped he did meet a nice girl, or even a nice boy if he happened to turn out homosexual, sometime soon. She just wanted her godson happy, and she knew that's all Sirius wanted too.

When the door opened, signalling Harry had returned, Sirius and Hermione looked up from their respective activities: Hermione reading, and Sirius planning some new pranks for his joke shop. The teen walked in, smiling brightly and blushing a tad, with a young redhead on his arm.

The two shared a slightly shocked look before Sirius grinned brightly and went to congratulate Harry on his find. Hermione rolled her eyes and went to meet the young girl, Lizzy she introduced, that had caught Harry's eye.

The Marauders shared a look as the teens went up to Harry's room to talk, which obviously meant snog. It seemed Harry was taking after James in more ways than one.

323232

_Seventeen_

Graduation is always hard for parents, since it means their children are growing up and will soon be leaving for a university. The wizarding world is no different from the Muggle world in this way.

The teen, now a young man, accepts his diploma with a wide smile, his scarlet and gold robes signalling him as Gryffindor, for which his godparents are extremely proud. Next to him sits Lizzy, her blue and bronze robes contrasting with his, and her hand settles gently on his own. Harry smiles at his girlfriend of one year and wonders what life would be like without her.

She is called next, stands and accepts her diploma. Harry thinks he's never seen anything more beautiful. Hermione and Sirius also clap loudly for her, having become quite fond of the girl over the past twelve months. She's quite amazing, a lot like Lily and Hermione, and her parents are also wonderful people. Muggles that are curious of the wizarding world and invite Hermione and Sirius for dinner whenever they can.

Sirius told Hermione before they arrived that she should have Kleenex ready because he wasn't going to leave the ceremony to get her tissues. With the hats thrown, Hermione chuckled and handed the crying Sirius a tissue. It seemed she wasn't the more emotional one in the relationship now.

323232

_Twenty-five_

Several years together, and Harry announced he was marrying. Hermione and Sirius couldn't have pictured a better girl for him than the redhead he brought home at sixteen. Lizzy was still as amazing as ever, and it was obvious when they looked at each other just how deeply she and Harry were in love.

It reminded Hermione strongly of James and Lily, and she wasn't too surprised when Sirius told her he felt the same. Now, here they are, standing at the alter and exchanging vows. Lizzy's parents died a few months ago because of some illness that had been going around, but she adapted quickly and considered her boyfriend's, now husband's, parents her own.

The two turn and the small, assembled group claps for the newly weds. Neither wanted a particularly big wedding, and Hermione couldn't blame them. Only those closest to the two were invited, leaving enough room for the wedding to be held outside, just as Lizzy said she'd always wanted.

When the two are dancing to the first song, their song, Lizzy fixed Harry's hair. Hermione watched and remembered when she was the one to do that. She smiled slightly, though a tad jealous that she was no longer the only woman in Harry's life, and silently gave away Harry to Lizzy, just as Lizzy's uncle had given her to Harry earlier.

Sirius chuckled beside her, arm wrapped tightly around her waist. He leaned down so his mouth was next to her ear.

"I guess our little boy's all grown up."

Hermione nodded and unconsciously wiped her cheeks. She looked at her now wet hands and smiled again. Somehow, she couldn't quite be upset about that.

323232

_Twenty-nine_

When Harry arrived with the news he was going to be a father, Sirius was sure he was going to have a heart attack. Hermione was jumping around with Lizzy, both gushing about all the things they could buy for the little girl whenever she was born.

Harry took Sirius aside and asked him if he had any tips on how to be a good father. Sirius raised a brow and told him he didn't know since Hermione couldn't get pregnant. Harry chuckled and gestured to himself, and Sirius smiled slightly and shrugged.

"I just did what James would've wanted," he said simply. It was the truth. He raised Harry as he thought James would've liked, and he had Hermione to help him through it too. "Cherish the kid, and you'll do fine."

Harry smiled. "I know," he said, "I had a great role model."

Sirius felt a rare blush heat up his face. "Harry, I don't know what to say..."

"I was talking about Hermione," Harry deadpanned. Sirius' blush quickly faded, and he glared at his son. Harry merely laughed and went to join the others, but not before sticking his head back into the kitchen.

"Dad, I love you."

"You're going to do great," Sirius whispered when Harry was out of earshot. He smiled and went to watch the trio in the kitchen chat about the coming baby. Idly, he wondered what the wetness on his cheeks was, because surely he wasn't crying.

Hermione looked up and went to stand next to her husband when she saw him. He wrapped an arm around her, and the couple watched as Harry and Lizzy happily chatted about their child. The first of many, Harry assured her, to which she replied he would be having the rest of them. Sirius chuckled and remembered when Hermione had said the same to him, back before the war had messed her up.

"Think we did okay?" she asked softly, leaning up to kiss Sirius' cheek. The two silently left the kitchen, leaving the younger couple alone. Sirius smiled.

"I think we did great."

END


	67. Arrested

REQUEST: hiding-behind-my-books wanted a chapter where Sirius is arrested

**Episode 67**

Arrested

Summary: In which Sirius is arrested and Hermione isn't happy about it

In the Wizarding world, a well known family had power wherever they went. No matter how bad their crime, they were usually let off with only a small warning. Part of this was because the Ministry was corrupt, and the most known families also happened to be the richest. As a boy that had grown up among wizards, how was Sirius to know the same couldn't be said for the Muggle world?

It all started innocently enough. He was searching for a present for his girlfriend's birthday, and so far everything was going good. He found the perfect present, a beautiful necklace with a small book pendent, and now all he needed was to purchase the item.

Unfortunately, Sirius had a habit of forgetting important matters from time to time. This time, he forgot to switch his wizarding money for Muggle money. Thus, when the cashier told him they didn't except fake gold, Sirius was angry. No matter how much he protested, the geeky teen just wouldn't listen to him when he said it was _real_ gold.

"Please," the boy snorted, "I can see when something's chocolate wrapped in foil! I don't even need to bite it!"

That only made Sirius confused. Why the hell would anyone bite a coin? When he asked as much, the boy merely snorted and turned his nose in the air. This infuriated Sirius, and he lunged at the teen.

After that, everything went downhill for one Sirius Black. Security came and apprehended him, much to the choking teen's pleasure, and no amount of protesting would make them let Sirius go. Even telling them his family name had no affect. Who knew Black wasn't a meaningful name in the Muggle world?

So, here he was, using a telephone (he thanked Merlin Hermione had taught him to use one) to call his girlfriend to come pick him up from jail. Judging by the yelling on her part, Sirius could already tell that Hermione wasn't happy with him. He shivered as he thought of what she might do once she actually arrived at the local holding facility. It didn't take long for his imaginations to become reality.

Hermione walked into the jail house, her booted feet clicking against the floor. Sirius sat, head lowered, behind bars. He glanced up when he heard Hermione's sweet voice talking to the man behind the desk, and he sighed in relief when he saw the smile on her face and the apologetic sparkle in her brown orbs.

His relief was short-lived when she turned to look at him, however. Apologetics turned to anger, smile twisted into a snarling frown, and the soft click of her boots turned into a rough _clack _as she stomped over to him. The man behind the desk followed with an amused grin on his face. He obviously liked that the girl wasn't happy, and he could only imagine what she would do to her boyfriend when he was released.

"You!" Hermione growled, pointing at Sirius. He gulped.

"Me?" Sirius managed to squeak nervously, huddling into himself in a vain attempt to get farther away from the woman on the other side of his cell.

"You are in _so _much trouble, Black!" Hermione snarled in a low, deadly voice. She smiled once again at the man when he opened the cell and told her to walk in.

"W-wait! C-can't we talk about this?" he begged as Hermione dragged him out by the collar.

"Oh, don't worry," Hermione said soothingly. Her soothing tone turned angry again. "We're going to talk alright!"

"Hermione, baby, don't do anything drastic!" Sirius pleaded, his hands grabbing the bars of the cell. He looked into the amused eyes of the guard helplessly. "Come on, can't I just stay here for a while? Please?"

"Sorry," the man chuckled, "we need this cell for other rambunctious teens. I trust you'll take care of him, ma'am?"

"Don't worry about that," Hermione smiled sweetly, "he'll be_ well _taken care of."

Sirius gulped again. He didn't like the sound of that.

"No. No!" he cried as Hermione tugged him out the door. "Don't let her take me!"

The guard just chuckled.

END


	68. Twenty Years

REQUEST: Moony's Shady Lady wanted a chapter where the Marauders have a 20th anniversary at Hogwarts

**Episode 68**

Twenty Years

Summary: In which twenty years later, the Marauders return to Hogwarts

Hogwarts was having a twenty year reunion. Many of the students were excited because this meant the legendary Marauders would be attending, and no one wanted to miss out on stories from the pranksters themselves. The Weasley children and Harry didn't think much about it, but for everyone else this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

That was why this day found the students in their best attire, eating and chatting in the Great Hall at seven that evening. Several teens had crowded around Harry Potter, son of the legendary Prongs, and were hounding him about the arrival of his father and godparents. Harry, of course, had no idea when they would arrive, but with Cho Chang and Eleanor Salva – a blonde Hufflepuff – hanging onto him, he wasn't about to let anyone know that.

All chatter stopped when the doors banged open. The students turned anxiously, the Slytherins a tad nervously, towards the newcomers. Whispers broke out when the legendary five, along with the redhead known best as Lily Potter, entered.

Lily was rolling her eyes while the Marauders blew kisses at the excitedly whispering students. Sirius winked at a few girls in passing, and they actually fainted. Hermione snorted at the reaction and wondered if girls actually _had_ become ditsier over the years. Lily must've been wondering the same, because several girls gasped and clasped hands over their hearts when James simply looked at them.

Harry grinned when he saw his parents and godparents. He shook Cho and Eleanor off and ran to greet the group that had just arrived. James was quick to turn his attention to his son, hugging the teen tightly before going off to the refreshment table. Lily kissed Harry's cheek, much to his chagrin, and followed James to make sure no teenage girls tried to hit on him. Merlin only knows what he would say to make them think they actually had a chance.

"Harry!" Sirius cried delightedly, picking his godson up. How he managed to lift a boy only two inches shorter than himself was a mystery, but Sirius would just say it was his incredible muscles, which Hermione would be quick to assure didn't exist anywhere except in Sirius' mind.

"Sirius, could you put me down?" Harry asked half teasingly, half serious. "You're embarrassing me!"

"Embarrassing?_ Moi_?" Sirius shook his head, allowing his shoulder-length hair to cover his eyes alluringly. "Never!"

He did put Harry back down though, only to grab his wife's arm and drag her over to James and Lily. Remus and Peter greeted Harry normally, for which he was grateful, and followed him over to the large group already surrounding the Marauders.

The teen had to stop himself from rolling his eyes when the foursome finally managed to squeeze through the quickly growing crowd and reach the Marauders already inside. Lily smiled at her son and gestured for him to stand close to her, as she was being jostled left and right in the younger girls attempts to remove her from her husband's side.

Hermione was lucky. As a Marauder, the girls were staying at a distance from her. Though, jealous glares were most certainly being sent in her direction, none were brave enough to actually bring the wrath of the only female Marauder upon themselves. Of course, just as many glares were being directed at James and Sirius by the younger boys staring wistfully at Hermione and Lily.

"Alright! Alright! Everyone calm down!" Remus ordered, laughing and gesturing for the students to back up some. Reluctantly, they followed directions, staring at the five in awe. It was like looking at the gods and goddess of Hogwarts from the seventies.

"So, which story would you like first?" James asked, moving aside the punch bowl and a plate of biscuits. He jumped up, ignoring Lily's protests, and struck a pose. "Perhaps our first prank? Or maybe how we came to be?"

Sirius also moved aside a plate of brownies and a second punch bowl and jumped up next to James. Hermione laughed and shook her head amusedly, watching as the two struck poses together.

"Maybe you'd prefer our pranks on Snape?" Sirius suggested hopefully. "Oh, there's so many to tell."

"Black, Potter, get down from there now!" Snape growled at the duo, storming through the quickly parting students. He had been in a bad mood ever since Dumbledore announced when the reunion would be held. Obviously, he didn't like the thought of being around his former tormentors more than necessary.

"Relax, Severus," Hermione smiled sweetly at the Slytherin, "they've moved the refreshments aside."

"I agree with him," Lily said quickly. "They should get down now. What kind of example are they setting?"

Snape glared at the two women, not happy about Gryffindors agreeing with him. He turned one last cold look to the smirking James and Sirius, and stormed off back to the staff table where Dumbledore was chuckling over the Marauders antics. No matter how old they got, those five would always be full of surprises.

"Now, now, Lily dear," Remus chided mockingly, "we're Marauders."

"Which means our examples..." Peter continued.

"Are always bad!" the five finished in unison, grinning at the sighing redhead.

"You all are impossible," she murmured, lightly slapping her laughing son upside the head.

The crowd once again crowded around them as James and Sirius finally heeded Lily's advice and jumped down. Sirius smiled cheekily at the staff table where Snape was still glaring at them.

"Our first prank on Snivellus it is!" Sirius announced loudly so that Snape could hear the hated nickname. The students quieted eagerly, waiting in anticipation to hear what had happened to the loathed potions master.

"Ah," Dumbledore smiled, "isn't it great to have them back. So full of life!"

Snape formed a mocking smile at his boss. "Lovely."

END

A/N's:

First of all, thanks for holding off most of the requests. I'm still not quite ready for a barrage of them yet, but soon enough I will be. I plan to dedicate today to simply working on these chapters, so maybe by the end of today or tomorrow sometime I'll be done. Don't worry, I'm feeling inspired so it's not like I'm forcing each word out.

Secondly, this story will be finished when it hits 100 chapters. Then, I _MAY_ start my next project – a series of one-shots for Remus/Hermione. _Starry eyes _My absolute _favorite_ pairing in the entire HP fandom! But may is the key word. Since I will be ending this after 100 chapters, I think the rest should be up to you. So, it's all requests from here on out. Unless I get another idea of my own.


	69. Friends Before Parents

REQUEST: Moony's Shady Lady wanted a chapter where Hermione has a Gilmore Girl pregnancy

**Episode 69**

Friends Before Parents

Summary: In which a Gilmore Girl-like pregnancy has Hermione and her daughter acting more like friends than mother-daughter

Hermione made what could be considered the biggest mistake, but the best mistake, of her life when she was only fifteen. She allowed her boyfriend, Sirius, to take her most precious gift – her virginity. A few months later, she began throwing up constantly, and shortly after Madame Pomfrey confirmed her suspicions. She was pregnant.

Her parents weren't too happy, but when she had the baby over summer vacation, they took the child in and treated it as their own. Sirius hadn't seen the baby too much, but he was just as in love with his child as Hermione was. Unfortunately, after being sent back to Hogwarts for her sixth year, Hermione returned to find her parents no longer wanted her near the child.

When she asked why, they simply said she was a bad example. Getting pregnant at such a young age was disgusting, but they wouldn't make their grandchild suffer because their daughter was a sinner. Being a witch was bad enough for the Catholic family, but also fornicating with a wizard-born boy? That was just too much!

Angry at the unfairness, Hermione snuck into her daughter's home one night and took the child, Isabella, away from her family's home. She met Sirius, who reassured her his parents wouldn't mind her presence, so long as nothing racy occurred between the two until they graduated, and the two returned to the wizarding world with their daughter in tow.

That was nineteen years ago. Hermione and Sirius were now thirty-five, and Isabella nineteen. Since it wasn't unusual for teenagers to become pregnant, even in the wizarding world, no one thought much about the age difference, but it was the interaction between the family that was surprising.

The nineteen-year-old half-blood laughed as her mother pointed out a picture in the book she was holding. Swaying her hips around in what she considered a dance, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Isabella!" Hermione hissed, blushing and laughing at her daughter's antics.

"What?" Isabella whined. "We all know you wanna do some of those positions with Padfoot!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. Isabella often referred to her parents by their nicknames, along with the rest of the Marauders who'd stayed loyal to the two during and after Isabella's birth, so Hermione had long since stopped scolding the girl for not being more polite. It wasn't like there was too much age difference between them anyway, so it was easy to forget Isabella wasn't simply a younger friend that looked like a cross between herself and her husband.

"Admit it, Moonstar!" Isabella said, pointing an accusing finger at Hermione. The older woman rolled her eyes again but smiled.

"Alright, alright!" she conceded, throwing her hands up in defeat. "I confess. It would be interesting to try them out."

"Hah! I knew it!" Isabella did her victory dance, which was really just jumping around in a circle and twirling a finger in the air. Hermione laughed outright at her daughter's childishness. She certainly took after her father personality-wise, though thankfully she'd always been dedicated to her studies as well.

"Maybe I should get the book," Hermione mused. "I don't think Sirius knows about half of these, as adventurous as he is."

"Ack!" Isabella slapped her hands over her ears. "I don't wanna hear it! My parents sex life? Eeewww!"

Hermione raised a brow. "Weren't you the one that just commented on how I wanna do all these positions with Sirius?"

Isabella blinked innocently and removed her hands from her ears. Smiling at her mother, she shrugged.

"What's your point?"

Hermione closed her eyes and massaged her temples. Yes, Isabella certainly did take after her father. Right down to the give-Hermione-headaches-constantly ability only Sirius and James had been gifted with before her birth.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"Oh, come on!" Isabella smirked. "I was just kidding."

"I know," Hermione glanced at her daughter from the corner of her eye, "that's why I have a headache now."

"Huh?"

Hermione smiled and shook her head. "Nothing," she repeated. "Nothing at all."

Isabella shrugged off her mother's strangeness and linked arms with the woman as they skipped – yes, skipped! – to the counter to pay for the book.

"Ah, two beautiful sisters out shopping today?" the man behind the counter asked knowingly. He took the book and tapped his wand against it. "Fifteen sickles."

Hermione took the desire coins out and shot him a slight smile. She looked younger than her thirty-five years of age, so it wasn't uncommon for strangers to mistake the two girls as sisters. Hermione learned to just go with the flow.

"I would hate being cursed with a sister like her," she told the man in a stage-whisper. "Unfortunately, this little she-devil is my daughter."

The wizard's eyes widened. "No," he gasped. The two looked like fraternal twins or something, not at all like mother and daughter. Hermione sighed woefully.

"Sadly it's true. Don't you just pity me?"

Isabella snorted. "I'm the one that should be pitied!" she protested. "Having a mother that talks of her sexual life in front of me!"

Hermione's cheeks burned red, and she glared at the mock-sick looking girl beside her. The wizard didn't seem to know what to say to this and so stuttered out a good day to the women. They nodded in reply and left the bookstore.

"I can't believe you did that!" Hermione shouted, punching Isabella's arm lightly. The latter merely laughed.

"Oh, come on! Lighten up!" she chided. "You've been hanging around Aunt Lily too much lately. You're starting to look your age."

"Am I really?" Hermione asked, taking out a compact mirror. Isabella snorted again, this time in amusement.

"You're not _that_ worried about your appearance, are you? Honestly, you really _are_ getting old, Granny!"

"Cheeky brat, I'm calling your father." Hermione glared at her daughter before looking back at the compact mirror. "Sirius Black."

A few seconds passed before Sirius' face shimmered into view. Isabella leaned over Hermione's shoulder to grin at her father.

"Hiya, Pops!" she greeted enthusiastically. Sirius glared mockingly at his daughter.

"What kind of greeting is _that_?" he asked, clasping a hand over his heart. "So rude. Hermione, do you hear your daughter?"

"Oh no!" Hermione stared darkly at her husband. "You already pushed this brat onto me for the day. She's _your_ daughter as of now."

"What did she do?" Sirius asked curiously, eyes glinting with mischief.

"She dared to call me old!" Hermione snapped. "Can you believe that?"

"Now, now, dear," Sirius soothed, "just because you've got a gray hair or two is no reason t--"

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" Hermione shouted. Then, she lowered her voice to a deadly hiss. "You are _so _not getting any tonight!"

"W-what? Wait! Hermione, can't we talk about this?"

Sirius' pleads were cut off as Hermione closed the mirror on him. She humphed and stuck her nose in the air, stomping off. Isabella followed after, laughing all the way. Merlin, she loved her parents!

END

A/N's:

I hope this came out okay. I've never watched more than five seconds of the Gilmore Girls, and even though my requester was kind enough to explain to me what she wanted, I'm still a bit lost. So, I hope it was good.


	70. Play With Me?

REQUEST: Lily Hermione Potter wanted a follow up to _Where Do Babies Come From?, _which KaTeRnIa MaLfOy agreed too, where Isabella asks Harry to play with her

**Episode 70**

Play With Me?

Summary: In which Isabella asks Harry to play sex with her

Lily and James smiled as Isabella entered their home. Hermione just floo'd them a few minutes ago to warn them of the terror Sirius had released after telling his children about the birds and the bees. Now, they could only wait to see what would happen when Isabella asked a still-oblivious Harry to play the game called sex with her.

Well, James wanted to see what would happen. Lily was reluctant. Sure, Harry had no idea where babies came from yet, James was planning on explaining things to him soon, but that didn't mean she wanted him to be asked to participate in such an adult activity.

The young Harry had heard Isabella and Damien were coming over, and he was waiting eagerly in the living room for them. He jumped up when Isabella entered, smiling widely at his best friend – besides Ron – and her little brother.

"Bout time you got here!" he exclaimed eagerly, running to greet her.

Isabella giggled and the two embraced. Lily sighed and shook her head, wondering how her little boy was growing up so fast. Sure, Isabella and Harry were simply friends, they didn't consider hugging to be an intimate act, but it was so hard seeing her baby boy hugging a little girl around his own age.

The redhead elbowed her husband, who was giving his confused son a thumbs up. He winced and pouted at his wife, but Lily merely rolled her eyes and stomped into the kitchen. James followed closely behind, begging her to forgive him for whatever it was he'd done wrong this time.

Harry watched his parents, feeling both confused and annoyed. Why was it those two always had to embarrass him in front of his friends? Well, at least Isabella was used to their antics and had equally strange parents of her own.

"Weird," Harry muttered. Isabella nodded in agreement.

"Anyway," she turned to face the boy, "I was gonna ask if you want to play a new game with me."

"Of course!" Harry grinned brightly at the girl and led her over to the couch. Damien had followed Lily and James into the kitchen, hoping to get one of the delicious cookies only Mrs. Potter could make. "What's the game called?"

"Sex," Isabella said with a large smile. "Daddy told me about it! It's a game grown ups play, and it's how babies are made. Or, at least that's what Daddy said."

"Really?" Harry looked intrigued. He'd always wanted to know how babies were formed.

The two looked at the kitchen when they heard the sound of choking. Not seeing anyone, they shrugged and turned back to the conversation at hand.

In the kitchen, James choked on a laugh when he heard that. Lily whacked him upside the head with a spatula, then turned to smile at Damien and hand him a cookie.

"What?" James pouted. "I'm just proud of Harry is all. Only eight and he's already got the ladies throwing themselves at him! Reminds me of me when I was that—OW!"

Lily glared at her husband. "Don't you _dare_ say another word, Potter."

James pout exaggerated, but he did as told and kept his mouth shut. Damien just smiled at the display.

"So..." Harry started curiously. "How do you play sex anyway?"

"Well, first you have to love the person," Isabella explained all-knowingly. "Since we're friends, we love each other, so that means we can play together. I would play with Damien, but Daddy said it was a different kind of love from that."

"Oh." Harry nodded understandingly. "Maybe I can play with Damien after we finish playing."

"That would be great!" Isabella beamed. "Then he won't feel so left out!"

The two turned when they heard a choking noise again, but once again found no one there. Raising a single brow, Harry wondered idly what his father was up too, and if he wasn't coming down with a cold. He never heard his father cough so much.

James, meanwhile, was furiously reminding himself that Harry had no idea what sex was, and therefore the comment about Damien was completely innocent. Not that there was anything wrong with homosexuality, but he'd prefer his eight year old not to experiment with his best friend's five year old.

Damien looked half excited, half concerned for the older man. "Are you getting sick, Uncle James?"

"Uh, no, no I'm not." James smiled reassuringly at Damien and patted his head, handing him another cookie to keep the boy preoccupied. He glared at Lily, who was now failingly trying to hide her laughter.

"Oh, well, did you hear that? I can play sex with Harry when Issy's done! Isn't that great?"

James choked again. Lily laughed.

"I wonder what they're doing in there..." Harry mused when the sound of coughing and laughter entered the living room. Isabella shrugged.

"I'd rather not know," she said seriously. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, you're right. Adults are weird. Anyway, what else do we have to do to play this game?"

Isabella started to explain, but she closed her mouth with a snap when she realized she didn't have a clue. All her father had told her was that two people have to love each other, then the baby was made with the mommy.

"I don't know," she admitted. "All Daddy said was that two people have to love each other."

"Huh..." Harry thought about that for a moment. "I know! What if that's all there is to the game?"

Isabella frowned. "That would explain why Daddy didn't say anything else. But then, wouldn't this game be kinda boring?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "We've been playing sex this whole time, and we didn't even know it. We should probably tell Damien about this."

Isabella nodded her agreement, but just as the duo started for the kitchen, Damien came out with a cookie. He smiled innocently at his sister and Harry.

"Damien, we've already been playing sex," Isabella stated bluntly. The younger boy grinned.

"Then, does that mean I can play now?"

Isabella shook her head. "All there is to the game is loving someone, so Harry and I, you and Harry, have all been playing already."

"Oh," Damien frowned, "that's boring!"

"We know," Harry said.

Just then, the door banged open. James and Lily exited the kitchen to see a panting Sirius in their living room. Lily rolled her eyes and muttered something about Marauders and needing to learn to knock. James grinned at his friend, but Sirius was staring at his daughter.

"Isabella, you can't play sex with Harry!" he said.

"But we've already played," she whined.

"W-what?" Sirius choked, his voice hoarse after hearing this bit of news. Damien smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, Harry and I even played."

Sirius' face paled. "WHAT!?" he shouted in disbelief. James chuckled.

"Oi, mate, calm down!" James patted his friend on the back. "You don't think I'd let them get away with that, do you? They haven't done anything except talk." He leaned over to whisper in Sirius' ear. "They think all there is to sex is loving the person."

"Oh, well, that's okay then." Sirius sighed in relief. His daughter hadn't been violated after all. "Come on you two, Hermione's making spaghetti."

"Yay!" Isabella cheered, along with Damien. "See ya, Harry!"

"Bye!" Harry waved as the two ran out past their father and back to their house. Sirius watched them go fondly and started to follow, but was stopped by James' hand on his shoulder.

"How about next time just sticking with the stork excuse, eh mate? I think it'd be easier."

Sirius glared, but silently, he had to agree. The next child was getting the stork story. For the sake of his own mentality if nothing else.

END


	71. Azkaban

A/N's:

My mistake! Apparently, what my requester meant by Hermione's reaction to Sirius being arrested was him being taken to Azkaban. Well, since everyone, including my dear requester, liked that chapter and I had fun writing it, I just decided to do the Azkaban version as a different request.

REQUEST: hiding-behind-my-books wanted Hermione's reaction to Sirius going to Azkaban

**Episode 71**

Azkaban

Summary: In which Sirius is taken to Azkaban

The Aurors dragged Sirius away, ignoring his protests of being innocent. Hermione stood beside Remus, watching as the love of her life was taken away from her, and idly wondered how she would live on without Sirius beside her. The werewolf patted her shoulder reassuringly, and Hermione smiled gratefully at him, but it quickly faded when Sirius once again started to protest.

"I didn't do it!" he shouted. "It was that rat, Pettigrew! He's still alive!"

"Yeah, yeah," the Auror muttered harshly, pushing Sirius in front of him. "We've heard it all before. Don't worry, you'll be given a nice cell. Right up front where the Dementors can get you easier. It's only fit for _your kind._"

"I'm not a Death Eater!" Sirius protested, his voice holding disgust. Grey-blue eyes sought out his friends helplessly, and Remus had to turn away from the sight. Hermione walked towards him, as though in a trance, one arm reaching for her love.

Sirius almost looked relieved as Hermione walked closer to him. Her eyes shown with tears, and she sniffled a few times to hold back the salty droplets. Best not to show her weakness now, not just yet anyway. When she was at home, then, and only then, would it be okay to let it all out.

"Sirius," she whispered brokenly.

"'Mione!" Sirius cried. "You believe me, right? I didn't do it! I swear! Why would I kill James? He was my best mate! Peter's the traitor!"

Hermione sniffled again. She wanted so badly to believe that, but...

"I wish I could believe you, Sirius," she said softly. Her hand fell to her side, and Sirius' eyes widened in disbelief. "I really do, but Peter's finger was found. If there was no trace, then I could easily believe you but...I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

"Shh." Remus patted her shoulder comfortingly, and Hermione only briefly wondered when he had come up behind her. She turned to sob into Remus' chest, Sirius' wide eyes burned into her retina.

"Hermione..." Sirius whispered brokenly.

He didn't complain as the Aurors apparated him away. In fact, he didn't make another sound until after he was thrown into Azkaban for the murder of James and Lily Potter, and Peter Pettigrew.

END


	72. Dance Dance

REQUEST: mariaboombaby wanted a chapter where Hermione teaches someone to dance while Sirius watches jealously

**Episode 72**

Dance Dance

Summary: In which Hermione teaches someone to dance, and Sirius is jealous

"Alright, you're doing great!" Hermione praised as she waltzed around the room with Thomas Wood. The Quidditch captain had come to her a few nights back, hesitantly requesting she teach him how to dance so he could impress his date for the ball about to be held on Christmas Eve.

Sirius said he didn't mind, but judging by the pouting and sulking he'd been doing lately, he _did_ mind. Hermione just rolled her eyes and assured her boyfriend that Thomas was just a friend. The relationship they'd had before was of no importance to either now, and they were content to stay on a friendly level. She was with Sirius, and that was how it was going to stay.

The oldest Black heir, however, was a jealous teen. He didn't like any guy, but especially not an ex-boyfriend, hanging onto his witch. He was convinced it was all a scheme to get Hermione away from him.

That was why he could currently be found, hiding under James' invisibility cloak and glaring at the waltzing duo. It didn't help his anger any when Hermione complimented Thomas like that. She'd never complimented him when she was teaching him how to waltz! Sirius conveniently forgot that he'd always known how to dance, a must have for anyone in the Black family, and therefore Hermione never taught him anything.

"Thanks, 'Mione," Thomas said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Sirius mocked under his breath.

Normally, he and Wood were on good terms, at least after he and Hermione broke up, but right now he could feel all those old feelings of hatred from when Thomas and Hermione had been _The Couple _of Hogwarts welling up again. Who did he think he was anyway? Touching his Hermione's waist like that! Or holding her hand? Bastard.

"And then, dip!" Hermione instructed, breath catching when Thomas swooped her into a dip. She smiled proudly at the blushing boy and slowly felt herself being lifted up again. "Good. How about we go through it one more time, just to make sure you've got it right, and then we'll call it a day?"

"Sounds good to me," Thomas agreed.

Sirius couldn't take anymore. That dip had been the last straw! He could've sworn Wood's hand went to Hermione's backside during that time, and that was his place alone to touch! Growling, he ripped off the invisibility cloak and stormed out from behind the curtain he'd had just in case he dropped the cloak.

"Oi, you two!" he greeted with fake enthusiasm. Thomas jumped, having not expected Sirius to show up seemingly out of nowhere. Hermione merely raised a brow, a knowing gleam in her eyes that Sirius steadily ignored for the time being. "What are you two up to?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Hermione's waist possessively.

Thomas frowned. It could just be his imagination, but he could swear murderous waves were rolling off of Sirius in waves and directing themselves towards him! He gulped and backed away a few steps, smiling nervously at the suddenly dangerous Sirius Black. 

"'Mione's teaching me to dance the waltz," he explained.

"Is she now?" Sirius nuzzled Hermione's neck, ignoring the soft warning growl she was giving him. "Star's a great dancer."

"Um, yeah, she is!" Thomas grinned in agreement, though he edged away again. He didn't want to be too close to Sirius right now.

"Do you mind if I watch?" Sirius asked not-so-innocently, his grin turning malevolent. Thomas gulped.

"Uh, actually, I just remembered, I have Quidditch practice! How about we pick this up tomorrow, 'Mione? Okay? Good. Thanks again!" Thomas waved goodbye as he ran out of the common room, not once looking back. Sirius chuckled – mission complete.

"Sirius Black!" Hermione scolded, turning in his arms. "You are one jealous bastard, you know that?"

Sirius grinned and swooped Hermione into a dip.

"I know," he said. And brought his lips to hers.

END

A/N's:

I've mentioned this a couple of times already, but I know _nothing_ about dancing. So, if there's no dip in a waltz, there is now!

Alright everyone, let the requests come! I'm ready for more!


	73. Wedding Day Pranks

REQUEST: MacKenzieBlueEyes wanted a chapter where James pulls a prank on Sirius on his wedding day

**Episode 73**

Wedding Day Pranks

Summary: In which James pulls a prank on Sirius on his big day

Sirius turned to watch Hermione march down the aisle on her father's arm. She was smiling widely, showing off her rows of perfect white teeth. Sirius felt his breath catch at the beautiful picture Hermione made, and it only made his heart thump faster when he realized in less than an hour she would be Hermione Granger-Black.

He never expected this day to come, though he had been dreaming about it the moment he first laid eyes on the eleven-year-old girl reading alone in her compartment on the Hogwarts Express. The Marauders were sitting in the first row, smiling proudly at their two friends. Sirius thought James' smile was a bit more mischievous than it should be, but he didn't think much about it as Hermione came to stand across from him.

Merlin, she was beautiful. The white dress hugged her curves and didn't have the ridiculous frills and fluff their mothers had been gushing on about being necessary. Her hair done up in a pretty bun that was both sensible and sensual, in Sirius' eyes anyway, and very little makeup to mar her tan face. Yes, she was indeed a goddess sent to this earth for Sirius viewing pleasure.

He smiled and took her hand in his as the priest began to speak. Sirius paid very little mind to what was being said, busy gazing into Hermione's eyes the entire time. He only paid enough attention to repeat after the man, say his vow, and murmur I Do to his future wife. Hermione seemed to be in the same situation, smiling lovingly at her husband the entire time the man spoke.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," the priest said with a soft smile at the obviously-in-love couple.

Sirius was more than eager to comply, but just as he was about to lay one on those cherry lips, what seemed like buckets of honey rained down on the couple. Well, it would have rained down on Hermione had Sirius not pushed her away, thinking someone was going to attack when he sensed the mischievous intent in the air.

He turned to glare at James, who was unashamedly laughing his arse off at his friend's expense. Hermione and Lily both glared at the laughing man as well, but turned their attention back to Sirius when feathers slowly rained down on him.

Sirius blinked, momentarily stunned that he now resembled a giant chicken. He turned to blink owlishly at Hermione when she couldn't stop a soft giggle from escaping. In fact, everyone was laughing, even Lily who was also hitting James upside the head for his childish attitude, and on such an important day too!

"HAPPY WEDDING DAY, MATE!" James shouted loudly, waving at the glaring Sirius. The doggish man sighed and joined in with the laughter. Hey, his and Lily's wedding was next month. That was plenty of time to plan his revenge.

END

A/N's:

A couple of people have asked me this, so I'll just tell everyone. Yes, if I do the RLHG series, you will be able to make requests! In fact I encourage it. That series won't be started until this one has ended, or at least until this one is close to its end.

This prank was also given to me by Brokenblackangel. Thanks again! I told you that list would come in handy for later chapters!


	74. Brat

A/N's:

I'm really sorry this chapter took so long. I did start it, but like others, I've had to restart it. For once, though, I liked the first one somewhat. The problem was, it wasn't even close to the request – not to mention a noticeable lack of Sirius/Hermione! So, here's the second attempt.

REQUEST: HowlinWolf wanted a chapter where Sirius meets Draco Malfoy

**Episode 74**

Brat

Summary: In which Sirius meets Draco Malfoy

Brat.

That was the first thought that came to Sirius' mind as he glared at the younger Malfoy. His father had been a bastard in school, and he could already tell his son had followed in the elder blond's footsteps.

Harry stood at his side, also glaring at the blond ferret he hated with a passion. He wished Moody – fake or not – had left the jerk a ferret, but alas, McGonagall had come in and scolded him for turning the student into an animal. Though, Harry had the distinct impression she too was amused by the display.

Now, Malfoy had joined them at Grimmauld Place, uttering lies about how he couldn't stand being stuck in the Dark Lord's lair when so many innocent people were being tortured. Harry thought he was up to something, so did Sirius actually, but Dumbledore said he was being honest. Since Albus was the only one good at leglimens, and Draco apparently had no occlumency abilities, they had to take the older man's word for it and believe Draco's innocence.

Still, Sirius wasn't convinced the blond bastard was good. Neither was Harry for that matter, or anyone other than Dumbledore and McGonagall, possibly the Weasley's too. Remus and Tonks also had their suspicions, and if Kingsley didn't suspect someone was on Voldemort's side, it would be a sign of the Apocalypse. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do as their protests went unheard.

The former Black heir glared when the ferret wrapped an arm around Hermione's waist, and he toyed with the idea of revealing her bloodline just to irk Draco. He rejected the idea though, knowing Draco was a sly creature – even if he was a bastard – and would just turn it around so Sirius looked like a jerk in the end, and he would seem even more innocent.

Who did that little brat think he was anyway? Trying to chat up Sirius' woman! Besides the fact Hermione was _obviously _older than him, she was wearing his wedding ring! One would think the Malfoy heir would notice that!

Tired of standing around, doing nothing, Sirius stomped over to the two and grabbed Hermione away from the teen. Draco looked at him, raising a single brow, while Hermione sighed thankfully, happy to be saved from the flirting Malfoy.

"Stay away from my woman," Sirius growled, glaring at Draco. The Malfoy backed up a tad, actually frightened under the glare, not that he would admit it aloud. "She's way, way, way, way, _waaay _too old for you!" (1)

Hermione's relief turned to anger, and she glared at Sirius. The dog smirked, glad to see that Draco seemed to understand the possible consequences of flirting with Hermione, judging by the way he was quickly moving away from Sirius. Come to think of it, Sirius looked around to see everyone edging away from him, and an amused smirk on Tonks' lips.

"What?" he asked oblivious, turning to see Hermione cracking her knuckles.

"Care to repeat that?" she asked deadly quiet.

"Huh? All I said was stay away from my woman!" Sirius tried to protest. Then, realizing what he'd said after that, he gulped. "Oh. Uh, hehe, I love you?"

Hermione smiled sweetly, too sweetly. "Not gonna cut it."

"Well, damn."

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Sirius got his desired results. Draco never went near Hermione again. Unfortunately, Sirius was stuck in bed, being tended to by Madame Pomfrey for the next three weeks.

A/N's:

1. I saw that line on an episode of "Smart Guy_"_, and I had to use it for this!

Sorry if this sucks. I'm writing it at 3:00am while watching a Naruto AMV to Lady and the Tramp's: He's a Tramp


	75. Yorkshire

A/N's:

Ack! It's that one awful day! That one day when I get one year older (I swear I saw a gray hair today! Gah, I'm OOOOLLLLDDD! NOOOO!!!) Anyway, here's my gift to everyone to celebrate that horrendous day I plan to no longer celebrate. Wait...isn't that rather contradictory? Well, whatever...Just enjoy the chapter.

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter with Hermione getting a dog, and Sirius getting a tad envious

**Episode 75**

Yorkshire

Summary: In which Hermione gets a Yorkshire Terrier, and Sirius is more than a little envious of the new dog

Sirius glared at the beast cuddled into Hermione's chest. This wasn't right. In fact, it was downright _wrong! _Why was that disgusting furball snuggled against Hermione's chest and not him?

The disgusting furball in question was a small Yorkshire Terrier with black and brown fur. Hermione bought the puppy not too long ago, cooing over how adorable it was, and how she just _had_ to have it to keep her company while Sirius was away at work, now that she had stopped working temporarily until their child was born.

Hermione was one of the lucky few women to not show her pregnancy, but that didn't mean she couldn't feel the effects. Her boss agreed to let her leave for four months, enough time for the child to be born and for her to take care of it for a while. Because they still had bills to pay, even the wizarding world wanted rent, Sirius had to work extra much to make up for the money Hermione wasn't bringing in. Hence why she'd bought a puppy to keep her company.

At first Sirius didn't mind, even he liked the little monster and the way it would cause trouble wherever it went. But then, everything started going downhill. That little bastard cuddled up to Hermione more and more, slowly taking her attention off of Sirius by whimpering or whining until she was cooing over him and her husband remained completely forgotten.

Hermione said Sirius was just imagining things, but he knew the truth. The truth was, Hermione's precious little puppy – affectionately named Padstar (Hermione still wanted to know why Sirius thought _that _was a good name) – was stealing Hermione from him!

In order to win his wife back, Sirius had turned into his dog form and cuddled against Hermione. The dog only barked at Sirius and even bit his paw – for a little guy, he sure had sharp teeth! – until he was forced turn back into his human form and leave the woman alone. Hermione laughed and Sirius glared.

That wasn't all though! When Hermione felt the need to change into her own animagus form, rarer now that she was closer to the due date and she didn't want to harm the child, Padstar followed her everywhere, his tail wagging excitedly behind her as he looked up and under her tail. Well, Sirius said he was looking under her tail anyway, Hermione didn't see how that was possible as her tail was quite furry and hid her backside from view.

What was so great about Padstar anyway? Didn't Hermione have Pad_foot_? He should be enough, damn it! Even if he did have to work a lot, he still made time for his wife! Not that Hermione didn't make time for him either when she was still working, but that wasn't the point! The point was, Padstar _had _to go!

Unfortunately, every attempt Sirius made at getting rid of the puppy resulted in either a lecture, beating, or lack of sex from Hermione. Padstar would then cuddle against her chest and shoot Sirius (so he said anyway) the smuggest look his little doggy face could shoot. He would then growl pleasantly and stretch out in Hermione's arms, effectively taking her attention off of Sirius and putting it back on him. When Hermione would willingly divert her attention from a lecture to a dog, a dog that wasn't Sirius especially, he knew enough was enough!

"Hermione!" Sirius called walking into the house, bundle in his arms. His wife came from her place in the kitchen wearing a sky blue apron with a small puppy following behind.

"Sirius!" Hermione greeted, kissing her husband's cheek. She caught sight of the bundle and looked at him curiously. "What's that?"

"Ah, _this,_" Sirius unwrapped the bundle to show another Yorkshire Terrier, this time with white fur, "is Padstar's new friend. I call her Moonfoot!"

Hermione gasped, half excited Sirius would be so thoughtful for Padstar, and half appalled at the names he could come up with for dogs. Honestly, one would think Sirius, of _all _people, would be a good dog namer! Apparently not.

Sirius placed the dog on the floor, and she immediately headed for Padstar, whose tail wagged excitedly at her approach. The two sniffed each other curiously before running back into the kitchen to play with the chew toys– at least, Hermione _hoped _they would only play.

"Thank you, Sirius, that was very thoughtful of you." Hermione smiled and kissed her husband, then left the room to return to her cooking. Sirius smirked and rubbed his hands together. This worked out great!

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That night, Sirius kissed his wife deeply, hands roaming up and down her sides. Hermione sighed against his lips, giving him room to push his tongue into her open mouth. She giggled when he pinched her butt, but it quickly trailed off into a moan when he began to nip at her neck.

Two whines caught the couples attention, and they looked down to see Padstar and Moonfoot staring at them pleadingly. Sirius was about to shoo the dogs away, but Hermione pushed him off her and leaned over to pick the dogs up.

"Ah, do you two wanna sleep on the bed?" she asked sweetly, placing the dogs on the bed. They barked happily at their new sleeping area and made their way onto Hermione's stomach where they laid down and promptly went to sleep. Hermione chuckled.

"Sorry, Sirius, looks like we'll have to continue this later." Hermione laid down, petting the dogs heads until sleep also claimed her.

Sirius' eye twitched. _That's it, _he thought irately, _from now on, I'm a cat person!_

END


	76. Raw Raw Gryffindor!

REQUEST: faith08 wanted a chapter where James and Sirius are Quidditch players, and Hermione and Lily are dancers for Gryffindor

**Episode 76**

Raw Raw Gryffindor!

Summary: In which James and Sirius are the star Quidditch players, and Lily and Hermione are the dancers for the team

Brooms swooped through the air, doing fancy (unnecessary) tricks. Everyone cheered loudly as the Gryffindor stars, James Potter and Sirius Black, flew past them in a series of swoops and spins. Below, on the field, were a new addition to the Quidditch games – the school spirit dancers, as the Muggle-born who'd insisted on adding them had called them.

McGonagall didn't quite see the point, but everyone seemed to love having the girls (and a few, very few, boys) cheering, so she couldn't complain. Dumbledore thought it was great to have so much more school spirit shown, so naturally he had no complaints against the dancers, especially Gryffindor dancers.

No one expected the bookworms, Lily Evans and Hermione Granger, to become dancers for the team, but then their boyfriends _were_ the star players. None of the boys were complaining anyway, as the two girls had great bodies, and they were now shown off in the formfitting gold-striped and crimson pants and gold and crimson tops that had been made for each of the dancers – the colors changed for the different houses.

Today was a game against Ravenclaw, and most everyone had come to watch. Out of the whole school, it was well known that Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were tied for the best Quidditch teams. Slytherin came in third, and Hufflepuff was unsurprisingly last, but that was fine by everyone – except Slytherins who wanted to be first.

"Woo! Lets go Gryffindor!" Lily shouted, voice echoing around the pitch thanks to the sonorous charm.

Hermione turned to the crowd and threw her arms in the air, smiling broadly at each of them. "How about roaring like the lions we are? Show some support to our team!"

She was answered by louder cheers from the Gryffindors in the stands. Their voices mingled together loudly, so loud it actually did sound like a roar. Hermione didn't seem pleased with this though, and shook her head mock-disappointedly.

"Come on!" she shouted. "Is that _all _the faith you have in our team?"

A louder cheer rose at her command, and she tsked disappointedly. Lily giggled softly at Hermione's actions. Though she hadn't been too sure of it earlier on, the female Marauder was undoubtedly the most spirited of the dancers. Of course, that could be because she had no qualms making a fool of herself and felt that being a dancer was quite invigorating. Lily couldn't complain since it took a lot of energy out of her, and that meant less pranks from the Marauders since one of their own was too exhausted to participate.

She turned to stand beside the brunette, also shaking her head. "I guess they just don't believe in their own house."

Hermione nodded. "Tis a shame, eh Lily?"

"I'll say."

Peeved that the girls would dare question their loyalty to Gryffindor, the lions and lionesses let out a third cheer, this time echoing around the pitch and sounding like several individual lions roaring in harmony. The two girls grinned widely.

"Now _that's _the spirit!" Lily cheered.

Music started and the two Gryffindors hurried over to their fellow dancers, quickly moving in line and twisting their hips to the music. Their arms came above their heads as they continued to wiggle around in ways that made the boys scream loudly in appreciation. Across the field, the Ravenclaw girls were doing the same, earning an equal amount of cheers from the boys of their house.

The music slowed and the girls went back to cheering, jumping around and shouting encouragement for the boys and girls on the Quidditch team. A quaffle was thrown and went through, shortly followed by the flyers landing on the ground.

A seeker held the snitch high above his head, a wide smile playing across his face. The Gryffindors cheered when they saw the red and gold of his uniform, their clapping and stomping joining with their cheers, making the loudest roar yet.

"Why weren't they this supportive earlier?" Hermione asked Lily, leaning over to whisper in her ear. The redhead chuckled and shrugged.

The two girls quickly forgot about the cheering crowd and disappointed Ravenclaws when Sirius and James came to stand next to them, wrapping arms around their waists respectively.

"I scored that last shot for you, Lilykins," James said proudly.

"Oh really?" Lily raised a brow. "Well then, I guess I should be glad you made it."

"Eh, you doubted me!?" James exclaimed, mock-offended. His shock quickly faded to a smile when Lily kissed his cheek.

"Sirius, why don't you ever score anything for me?" Hermione asked with an exaggerated pout, looking at the second Chaser for the Gryffindor team. Sirius rubbed the back of his head and chuckled nervously.

"Uh, well, ya see, James _really _wanted to impress Lily, so I said I'd let him have my idea by scoring for his witch..." he tried to explain.

"You're a horrible, Sirius Black," Hermione said with a snort. She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "But I love you anyway."

Sirius smiled sheepishly at his girlfriend, only taking time to glare at his laughing best friend and the redhead next to him, before his lips captured Hermione's again. Mentally, he made a note to score next game and dedicate it to Hermione – just in case James decided to be suave again.

END

A/N's:

I hope this came out okay. It's not my usual type of plot, so I wasn't too sure what to do with it. Hope it was good anyway. Though, I think the girls came off more as cheerleaders than dancers.


	77. Date of the Century

REQUEST: mariaboombaby wanted a chapter with Hermione on a date, and Sirius determined to break them up

**Episode 77**

Date of the Century

Summary: In which Hermione's on a date with someone else, and Sirius has plans to break them up

It was the worst day in the history of worst days! Sirius almost didn't want to get out of bed, and he probably wouldn't have had it not been for the bag of pranks lying beside him, reminding him of why he needed to go to Hogsmeade today.

What was so awful about today? Well, Hermione Granger, one of the five Marauders and Sirius' crush since first year, was going on a date. That would normally make Sirius happy, except for the little fact that _he _wasn't her date! No, he had been too nervous to ask her to this Hogsmeade weekend, just the two of them, and so someone else had moved onto his territory, namely Thomas Wood.

That just would not do! Sirius might be nervous when it came to confessing his love to Hermione, but he wasn't about to let someone else have her. He would tell her when he felt the time was right, and today he was going to make Wood look like a real bastard in front of the girl of his dreams!

His dorm mate would play a fool, and Hermione would tell Sirius all about how awful the date was, and he would comfort her, and she would fall hopelessly in love with him, and they would get married and have fifteen kids...Well, that was how Sirius imagined it anyway. More realistically, Hermione would rant about what an idiot Wood was, and Sirius would drool over how beautiful she looked when she was mad.

Shaking away all nervousness, Sirius marched out of the Gryffindor common room. He was a wizard on a mission, and he wouldn't stop until Wood had thoroughly been embarrassed in front of Hermione!

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Hermione smiled at Thomas as they walked down the streets of Hogsmeade. She knew the boy had a crush on her, but she couldn't return his feelings. Her heart had already been stolen by the ever playful Sirius Black, but Hermione felt she had no chance there. Though many people told her he felt the same for her, none of them were the kind she could call trustworthy, and most were jealous fan girls that had always made it their goal to make her look bad in front of Sirius, so he – and possibly the rest of the Marauders – would ditch her for one of them.

The other teen knew she didn't think of him as more than a friend, but he accepted that. He was determined that, if he could just spend some time alone with her, he could make her like him back. That was why he was so excited when she agreed to come on this date with him. It was his one chance to show her what a great guy he was, and how much better for Hermione he was than Sirius!

It was nothing personal against the Black, Thomas liked Sirius actually, but when it came to pheromones, it was every man for himself. Thomas liked Hermione, so he would make the move that Sirius was proving too much of a chicken to make himself. It was as simple as that.

Boldly, he grabbed Hermione's hand. She looked at the hand now grasping her own lightly, and briefly debated about letting go of the appendage, but she didn't want to hurt Thomas' feelings. Besides, if she didn't have a chance with Sirius, at least this way she would have someone that _did _like her the way she wanted him too.

Thomas sighed in relief when Hermione didn't immediately shake him off. He had been going on instinct in that moment, and it was a risk he was now glad he'd taken. A slight smile formed across his face as he thought, maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.

Sirius watched as the couple walked down the street. He could feel his fuse steadily burning down, and he wanted nothing more than to jump out and strangle Wood. He normally liked the boy, but damn it, not when he was touching Sirius' woman! That boy would suffer, oh yes!

An evil laugh ripped itself from Sirius' mouth, causing a few Slytherins to look around in confusion. Was their master in Hogsmeade?

Armed with a bag of tricks, Sirius followed closely behind. This was going to be a date no one would forget! All was fair in love and war after all.

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Thomas let Hermione slide into the booth in the Three Broomsticks first, then took his place beside her. Hermione smiled at the taller wizard and fiddled her hands together on the table. She didn't really want Thomas to put his hand over hers, and was immensely thankful when a random barmaid appeared before he could make any sort of move.

Sirius sat behind the two, ducked down in his own booth. He ignored the people that passed by, shooting him odd looks, and inwardly cursed when a gaggle of girls giggled at his gorgeous-ness. Damn, for once he wished he wasn't born so decidedly good looking! It was hard to play spy when girls kept attempting to catch his eye.

The barmaid came back with their Butterbeers, and Sirius immediately forgot his ire at the female population – minus Hermione. He smirked and sent a silent apology to the innocent woman. Waving his wand, he muttered an incantation under his breath.

The poor woman never saw it coming. One minute she was walking drinks over to the couple that had just arrived, the next she was sliding across a wet floor, right to their table. Thankfully, her unwanted skating attempt was ended, unfortunately it was by a table, the table belonging to the customers she was supposed to be serving.

Two glasses flew up in the air, flipping over in what seemed to be slow motion. The drinks poured out, landing all over Hermione and Thomas, as the glasses fell to the table and shattered in a million pieces. The barmaid, horrified at her accident, began bowing and apologizing profusely, mindlessly waving her wand to clean away the glass fragments on the table.

"It's alright!" Hermione reassured her. "I wasn't very thirsty anyway."

The barmaid looked near tears, and Sirius sent another silent apology her way. He quickly flicked his wand, and the slickness that had suddenly appeared vanished completely. He smirked as the maid walked back to the counter, and Thomas and Hermione decided to leave to just walk around and see what caught their fancy. This date was as good as gone!

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Due to the recent rain, there were puddles everywhere. So far, Thomas had been good about helping Hermione evade them, not that she couldn't do so on her own, but he thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do.

Sirius watched from behind a building, making sure to stay several feet ahead of them so he could make this next part work. Quickly chewing the gum he had bought from Zonkos, he spit out the wad and watched as it landed in the middle of the sidewalk. That kind was extra sticky and would be impossible to get rid of without knowing the proper incantation.

He hid himself in the shadows as Thomas and Hermione drew nearer. Blue-grey eyes widened in anticipation as the former stepped in the gum and tried to take another step.

Thomas frowned and tried to pick up his foot again. It was going up, the problem was, it kept going back down to the same spot. Hermione frowned and turned to see her date standing in the same spot, a confused expression on his rather handsome face.

"Oi, Tommy, is something wrong?" Hermione asked, coming to stand in front of him. He shook his head.

"I don't know what's up," he said, lifting his foot again, "but my foot won't move!"

Hermione frowned and walked around him. Her eyes widened when she saw the gum stuck to his shoe, and she fought not to laugh at his misfortune.

"Hold still," she said, taking out her wand. She muttered a quick incantation, and the gum vanished, leaving Thomas able to walk again. Unfortunately, he lost his balance and fell backwards. Hermione let out a loud _oomph _as the air was knocked out of her, and she was sent plummeting into one of the many muddy puddles.

"Oh Merlin, Hermione I'm _so _sorry!" Thomas apologized, helping her up. Hermione merely laughed and waved him off.

"Don't worry about it," she said and muttered 'scourgify'. The mud was instantly cleaned away. "How about we just continue on with our date?"

"Sounds good," Thomas said, still looking apologetic. Hermione laughed again and slipped her arm into his, smiling as he led her to her favorite shop in Hogsmeade – Scrivenshaft's Quill/Stationary Shop.

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The best part of this shop for Hermione was that there was a small section for books. It wasn't as good as Flourish and Blott's, but that was to be expected since this wasn't a bookshop. The best part of this for Sirius was that there was a ladder for the vertically challenged, and for everyone to reach the top shelf if a book they wanted was up there.

Thomas watched as Hermione climbed up the ladder to see what the top shelf had. He knew it was rude, but he couldn't stop himself from taking a quick glance at her backside while she was turned away. Hey, he was a teenage male, it was only natural!

Sirius growled possessively when he saw Thomas' actions. How _dare _he look at Hermione's butt? That was for Sirius' eyes only! Not that he would _ever _tell Hermione that, she might kill him.

Pulling out a few marbles from his bag, he whispered a few words to them, and the rolled around in understanding. Sirius smirked; sometimes it paid to come from the wizarding world, where marbles listened to you and rolled around on their own accord.

They moved silently in-between Thomas' feet. The Gryffindor didn't notice their presence until he took a step forward when Hermione looked down to ask him to hold a book for her. He slipped on the marbles and was sent plummeting forward, knocking against the ladder Hermione was standing on.

This was the type of ladder with wheels, on the bottom, so with a body knocking against it, the ladder naturally started rolling away. Hermione shrieked, though she had often rode on the ladder like this, and clung to the handles. The ladder hit the wall, startling Hermione and forcing her to let go of her grip, which sent her falling to her butt. Thankfully, her fear of heights meant she wasn't too high up on the ladder, and so she didn't fall too far, but it was still far enough to hurt.

"Ow," she muttered, rubbing her stinging backside.

Thomas looked up, his eyes widened when he saw his date on the ground, and he quickly went to help her up. Or he planned to anyway. Instead, he tripped once again on the marbles, and this time was sent rolling right towards Hermione thanks to a few staying under his shoes. Hermione's eyes widened when she saw the large body heading towards her, and she braced herself for the impact of another body hitting hers.

She didn't wait long.

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"I'm really sorry," Thomas apologized, looking down. "I wanted this date to be amazing, but I guess the fates had something else in store."

"I guess so," Hermione agreed. She grabbed his hands after they entered the Gryffindor common room. "I'm sure the next girl you take to Hogsmeade will have a much better time."

Thomas smiled slightly, though it was obviously forced. He sighed and started to walk away, but was once again stopped by Hermione.

"Thomas?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look at his crush questioningly. Hermione smiled and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, pulling away to smile at the stunned boy.

"Thanks."

"Uh, yeah, no problem!" he said blissfully. He walked back to his dorm in a daze, tripping over his own feet in the process. Hermione chuckled at the sight.

When Thomas was gone, she raised a single brow, and her smile turned into a smirk.

"You can come out now, Sirius," she said, watching as the invisibility cloak he'd borrowed from James (meaning he stole it) drop to the ground.

"How'd you know I was there?" he asked with a pout.

"Please," Hermione rolled her eyes, "I know you've been following us the whole date."

"W-what?" Sirius sputtered, crossing his arms. He tried desperately to regain his composure by sticking his nose in the air. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Oh?" Hermione turned to look at him, brow still raised. "The charm used to slick the floor so the barmaid would go sliding was the same one you used on Snape last week. Zonkos Extra Sticky Gum is your favorite prank to use on people passing by, and you always slide on the ladder whenever I trick you into going to Scrivenshaft's. Plus, with all the girls giggling and following you, it was kind of hard not to realize you were there."

"Eh? So then Thomas..." Sirius trailed off as Hermione shook her head.

"No, he's oblivious. Though, I have to wonder," Hermione looked thoughtfully at Sirius, "why would you go through the trouble of ruining my date? Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I do!" Sirius exclaimed, appalled she could think otherwise. "I just...I...You see...That is to say..."

"Well," Hermione interrupted with a shrug, "you'll just have to make it up to me somehow."

"Right, anything you want!" Sirius was always eager to make Hermione happy. She smiled evilly, and he gulped nervously at the look in her eyes. There were times when one could forget Hermione was a Marauder, this...was _not _one of those times.

"You'll just have to take me to Hogsmeade the next time we go," she said, turning for her dorm.

"What!? Hermione, don't you think that's a little...Wait...What?" Sirius trailed off, looking confused. He had expected her to come up with something painful and torturous, like forcing him to go to the library with her, but not to take her to the next Hogsmeade weekend, which was a dream come true for him.

"What?" Hermione looked over her shoulder innocently. "Is that too much trouble for you?"

"No! No, no, no!" Sirius reassured quickly, unable to stop the large smile from taking over his face. "I think it's a suitable punishment actually!"

Hermione smiled. "Good."

Sirius watched as she walked – no, he was _sure _she was sauntering – up the stairs. He waited until she was out of earshot before jumping up and punching a triumphant fist in the air.

"YES!"

END

A/N's:

The vertically challenged comment was something one of my teacher's, who was on the short side, always said, and it stuck with me. Plus, I'm one of the tallest out of most of my friends, but they refuse to admit they're short and say they're vertically challenged as well...That or they're waiting for a last minute growth spurt to suddenly attack. I call it denial (_s__hrugs)_, but whatever. Then again, I'm still waiting for a last minute growth spurt to give me that extra three inches and put me at six feet! So, maybe I'm in denial too...


	78. The Talk

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV18 wanted a chapter where Sirius talks to Harry about sex

**Episode 78**

The Talk

Summary: In which Sirius gives Harry The Talk

Harry loved his godparents more than life itself. Hermione raised Harry as her own, as she and Lily were more like family than Petunia, Dumbledore said the protection for Harry would work the same. When Sirius escaped from Azkaban, after the initial misunderstanding, he soon joined the family – though he had to stay gone most of the time, it was always obvious when he was around because Hermione's letters to Harry seemed happier somehow.

Now, with Sirius' name cleared, he had been able to join his wife back at their home. Currently, Harry would be entering his sixth year at Hogwarts, and he couldn't be happier with the family he was given. There were times, though, when, like any parent, his godparents embarrassed him to no end. Despite being alone in the house, this was one of those times.

Sirius sat across from a confused Harry, who wasn't sure why his godfather felt the need to speak to him in the kitchen so suddenly. One minute they were laughing over the past, then Sirius had explained how he and Hermione finally ended up together thanks to the Marauders, and suddenly he had grown serious (no pun intended) and told Harry he needed to speak with him in the kitchen.

Seeing as Hermione was at work, she had to work since Sirius still couldn't as people were still nervous around the convict, Harry didn't see the point of going into the kitchen for a private discussion, but he wasn't going to complain. He had long since learned that Sirius was a strange man, and Hermione confirmed he'd always been a bit on the loopy side.

"What was it you wanted to say to me in the kitchen?" Harry asked, looking at his godfather questioningly. Sirius sighed and clasped his hands on the small table made for three.

"Harry, has Hermione given you The Talk?" Sirius asked bluntly. He'd never been the type to beat around the Whomping Willow, and years in Azkaban hadn't changed that.

Harry frowned. "The talk?" he asked. He wondered what "The Talk" was to make Sirius sound so...Well, serious.

Sirius sighed. "That answers that question. Alright...Harry," Sirius looked into confused emerald eyes, "when a man and a woman love each other..."

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Harry walked out of the kitchen, his face a picture of shock and mortification. He should've known _that _was the talk his godfather was speaking of. Hermione hadn't given it to him, but Arthur Weasley had at the same time he gave it to Ron, when they were thirteen. He didn't think much of it then, but now he didn't think he'd ever be able to look a girl in the eyes again, knowing his godfather had given him a...much more...descriptive talk than Arthur.

To make matters worse, Sirius had added in some of his own experiences with Hermione, and now the boy was sure he would never think of his godmother the same way! True, she was attractive, but she was like his mother. Harry didn't _want _to know how flexible she was, even now, anymore than he wanted to know what his godfather liked best about her tongue!

"I think I'm scarred for life," he muttered. "And not just in the physical sense."

Sirius smirked as his godson walked up the stairs in a daze, nearly tripping over his own two feet. That had gone better than he expected, and now, thanks to him, Harry was well informed in matters of the female species and what happens when two people love each other. He was sure once Harry had gotten over the shock of how babies were really made, he would thank Sirius for the talk.

Whistling, he sat down to wait for Hermione to get home. Giving the talk had reminded him of some of their younger experiments, and he was eager to restart those specific studying sessions. This father thing...was a cinch!

END

A/N's:

Alright, I have a dilemma. I have two requests that are almost exactly the same! One was in response to a follow up of the chapter Wedding Day Pranks, the other wasn't, but they were still almost exactly the same. In fact, the only difference is what kind of suit they wanted. So, I've decided to do both chapters, and put them in as one chapter; I'll differentiate which request was whose, but just a fair warning for the next chapter. I hope that's fine with everyone.

Sorry, I couldn't give out the whole talk. To be honest, I've _never _had The Talk from either mother or father (obviously not my father who refuses to believe I'm older than seven, even now). Neither were particularly fond of giving me the stork story or any other stories like that, and so I've always just...known. In other words, I have no idea how the birds and the bees talk goes, and I don't particularly care to make it up since I'm sure most, if not all, of you have heard it.


	79. Wedding Day Revenge

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel and Mrs. T Felton wanted a chapter where Sirius plays a prank on James during his wedding

**Episode 79**

Wedding Day Revenge

Summary: In which Sirius plays a prank on James' wedding. (This request is Brokenblackangel's!)

He needed to get his revenge! James embarrassed him on his big day, so now it was time for payback! Sirius was sure he could make James suffer worse than he had, or at least equally much since they were pretty equal on the pranking front, but so far he hadn't come up with anything good.

Hermione entered the small cottage they called a home. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't too terribly small, and there was a certain cozy feel that had led the couple to purchasing it without a second thought. Hermione was glad they bought the home too, as it was absolutely perfect in her opinion.

She noticed the expression on Sirius' face and raised a brow. Their wedding was a month ago, and they had returned from the honeymoon only two weeks prior, but Sirius had kept that look on his face. He still wasn't over the chicken incident, and now he planned to make James suffer with his big day coming up.

"Sirius, I think you've become a bit obsessed with making James pay," Hermione said, sitting next to her husband on the couch. He paid no attention to her, too deep in thought to realize she had even returned home from shopping with Lily. "Sirius?"

"..."

"Sirius."

"..."

"SIRIUS!" Hermione shouted right in her husband's ear. He jumped and glared in the direction of the shout, a confused expression taking over his angered one.

"Hermione, when did you get home?" he asked, totally clueless. Hermione shook her head and threw her hands in the air!

"Does it matter?" she asked irately, stomping into the kitchen. "I should've listened to my mother and married Lobster-Boy!" she growled, referring to a young man her mother wanted her to marry. He sunburned incredibly easily and had thus earned himself the nickname Lobster-Boy.

Sirius' eyes widened, and he jumped up. "Hermione, you're a genius!" he shouted, running up the stairs to their room.

"Well, _I_ know that," she said. "It's about time _you _realized it!"

"..."

Hermione peeked her head out of the kitchen, not seeing her husband anywhere. "Sirius?"

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The day of the wedding had arrived, and Sirius would not stop grinning. It worried everyone, except James who was too busy gushing about how he always _knew _he would marry Lily Evans one day. Coincidentally, James was the only one not present when the march started for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk down the aisle.

The priest looked questioningly at the marching couples, but was only answered by Sirius' wide grin and equally confused looks. Everyone's answers were soon answered when a shout rang through the air.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS MY SUIT!?"

There were several moments of silence before James' voice could be heard again.

"SIRIUS, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, I SWEAR!"

"Honey," Hermione whispered dangerously, "what did you do?"

Sirius just grinned wider.

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When Lily walked down the aisle, she could feel her cheeks flame in embarrassment, and an overwhelming urge to kill both her husband and Sirius nearly took over her. Only with years of much practice was she able to rein it in and smile as though nothing were wrong, as though her husband wasn't standing there in a giant red lobster suit.

END

A/N's:

The lobster suit was Brokenblackangel's idea!

**BORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDERBORDER**

This request is Mrs. T Felton's!

Sirius smirked. He couldn't help but smirk! This was his best plan yet, and he was going to enjoy it until the end of the wedding.

Today was James' wedding, and he would finally have Lily Evans as his wife. It was the most important day of his life, so naturally Sirius had to make the day even more interesting. There was no way anyone could _not _enjoy this prank! Well, except maybe James, but he was pretty good about taking a joke, and anyway, he wouldn't really know what was going on until Lily came down the aisle, assuming everything happened as it did in his mind.

Rubbing his hands together in anticipation, Sirius snuck out of the room and went off to find his own wife. Hermione had to be somewhere around here, and he wanted to find a nice, secluded broom closet the two could share before they had to march down the aisle and take their places on either side of the bride and broom.

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James was aware of the snickering around him, but he wasn't sure why everyone was shooting him such odd looks. The Evans' were staring at him oddly, looking both miffed and amused for some reason. James wanted to ask what was wrong with everyone, but he couldn't move from his spot.

The priest kept shooting him strange looks, and James looked down to see if something was on his suit. Not seeing even one thing out of place, he rubbed his hands along the folds, as though it would straighten out any wrinkles he might not see. This only caused laughter to erupt, but when James looked at the laughing people, they quickly clasped their hands over their mouths or turned away.

Confused, the Marauder looked curiously at his best man to see if Sirius saw anything wrong. The other Marauder shrugged and shook his head, though a large smile was playing across his lips. James raised a single brow at that, but he didn't dwell on it as the bridal march started and the doors opened.

Lily walked in, escorted by her father, a smile playing on her face underneath the veil. James turned to look at her, smiling brightly when he saw his future wife.

Both father and daughter stopped when they saw James in his attired. Lily's father, Hank Evans, gaped at the boy and was tempted to beat him for his gall, but he was also amused at his actions. Lily, on the other hand, was absolutely livid.

She yanked off the veil, unhooked her arm from her father's, and marched up to James. The bouquet dropped on her way up the aisle, her finger pointing accusingly at the man she was supposed to marry.

"James Harold Potter, how could you do this!?" she shouted angrily, glaring at her husband. "It's our wedding day, and you can't even be serious!"

"Well, not everyone can be as great as me," Sirius cut in before James could ask what his wife was talking – more like shouting – about. Lily shot him a withering glare that made the normally brave Marauder back away fearfully.

"Lily, darling, what are you talking about? I haven't played a single prank all day!" James exclaimed. This brought on yet another burst of laughter, and he turned to glare at the perpetrators, which was pretty much everyone. "And why does everyone keep laughing?"

"What do you mean you haven't played a single prank!?" Lily demanded. "I suppose coming to our wedding in a..._Barney _costume of all things isn't funny!?"

"What!?" James shrieked, shocked and confused. "Lily, what in Merlin's name are you talking about?"

A snicker caught James' and Lily's attention. They turned, almost in slow motion, towards the snickering Sirius, who was no longer able to hide his triumphant smirk. Noticing their glares on him, he immediately straightened.

"What?" he asked innocently. "Can't you take a joke?"

Lily looked at Hermione, who nodded and gave her a 'go for it' gesture. Lily grinned evilly and turned to face Sirius, who was quickly paling and steadily backing away from the angry redhead.

It was a few hours before James was in a suit not charmed to look like a giant purple dinosaur to everyone except the Potter, and Lily was ready to commence with the wedding. However, Remus had to step in as best man, seeing as Sirius was unconscious in the hallway of the small chapel with a black eye.

END

A/N's:

The Barney suit was Mrs. T Felton's idea!

I have no idea what I want to call my series of one-shots for Remus/Hermione! The best idea I've come up with so far is Bookworm, which seems kind of lame for a story with Hermione as a Marauder. So, I'm taking requests from what you think I should call it. Also, I'll take requests on names for Hermione since I'm not sure if I'll use Moonstar again or not. I know a couple of people don't like Moonstar, so now's your chance to get me to change it (though not for this story)!

So, has anyone else seen the 5th movie? Like it? Love it? I thought it was pretty good! How many are excited about the book? Personally, I hope it's better than the 6th (Yes, I'm one of the many that didn't care for the 6th book). Tell me what you all think! You know how much I love to hear your opinions on things!


	80. Blue Ribbon, Pink Ribbon

REQUEST: MacKenzieBlueEyes wanted a chapter where Hermione and Sirius get into a fight, and Hogwarts splits into two teams

**Episode 80**

Blue Ribbon, Pink Ribbon

"What do you mean 'I don't know what I'm talking about'!?" Hermione demanded, glaring at Sirius.

The two had been arguing over something all morning, but no one knew what spurred on the rare fight except the two participating. So far, they were too busy confusing everyone even more to explain what caused them to start ripping each other's throats out verbally.

"What do you _think _I mean?" Sirius growled, glaring at his girlfriend. "Honestly, Hermione, and you're supposed to be the smart Marauder? Hah!"

Hermione's eyes narrowed at Sirius, her lips pulled back in a snarl, and her eyes flashed dangerously. Had Sirius not been so upset with his girlfriend, he would have backed away at the signs, but seeing as he was, he foolishly decided to stay right where he was. At least, until a firm punch sent him staggering back.

"Bitch!" Sirius snarled, glaring harder at Hermione.

"Bastard!" she shouted right back, eyes turning to dangerous slits.

"Bookworm!"

"Slacker!"

"Slut!"

"Man-whore!"

"Know-it-all!"

"Moron!"

"Cunt!"

"Dick!"

"You better believe it!" Sirius said, looking down proudly. Hermione snorted.

"Oh please, you're so small you couldn't please Parkinson!" she said, referring to the Slytherin slut. A few guys in the common room snickered, while the Marauders just watched the interaction with growing confusion.

"First of all," Sirius grimaced, "why would I even want to touch her? Second of all, you weren't complaining last week!"

"I was _faking!"_

The girls in the common room wailed upon hearing this, half angered that Hermione would dare insult Sirius in such a way, and half upset that she was his girlfriend and therefore his first (and only) time. The modest witches and wizards, which was mostly the younger years, blushed crimson and quickly excused themselves from the room.

"Yeah, well...Well..." Sirius found himself unable to reply to that. So, instead he grabbed James and Remus, letting Peter follow behind, and stomped up to the boys dorm. "You're not so great yourself!" he shouted down the stairs.

Hermione snorted and rolled her eyes. She resisted the urge to run up the stairs and continue their argument, instead grabbing Lily's arm and stomping up the stairs to the girls dorm with her in tow. The redhead allowed herself to be pulled along, briefly wondering how she, who was not even a Marauder, always ended up in the middle of their problems.

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The line had been drawn.

Sirius' and Hermione's argument had reached an all time high. It was currently one week later, and their insults only seemed to get worse with each passing day. It was still a mystery to everyone what they were fighting over, but now that no longer seemed to matter. Everyone in Hogwarts had chosen a side, and the entire school – minus the Slytherins, the Marauders, and Lily Evans – had been split up between them.

Now, one might think that the guys went with Sirius, agreeing his girlfriend was way out of bounds. The girls, unable to believe their boyfriends were being such insensitive bastards, turned to Hermione and fought alongside her. Well, those people would be unbelievably..._wrong!  
_

No, it wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was the complete opposite!

The girls crowded around Sirius, hoping to comfort him and take his attention away from the awful Hermione, who had dared insult him. Of course, none were having any luck as Sirius steadily ignored them, and only used their loyalty to him to give him extras in the fight against his girlfriend.

The boys, on the other hand, stayed with Hermione, unable to believe Sirius would dare insult the beautiful bookworm. Not to mention, they were a bit upset that their girlfriends and the other girls were crowding around him. Hermione, like Sirius, only used them to aid her in the fight against her boyfriend.

Countless fights had broken out between the two groups, mostly consisting of girls clawing at the guys, while the males threatened and actually did harm the girls beloved stuffed animals, clothes, and other unimportant items the female species was convinced it couldn't live without.

The Great Hall, once filled with laughter and chatter, now remained eerily silent and tense. The professors could do nothing but watch as the boys glared at the girls, and the girls glared at the boys, and Sirius and Hermione sat far away from each other. Things were quickly getting out of hand, but this was the students business, and what could a professor really do?

Besides, with the girls and boys so upset, they were quieter in class and actually paid attention. Determined to outdo each other, their work had been wonderful these past few days. Still, everyone could have done without the tense atmosphere surrounding the school. But, it seemed in order for the professors to get what they wanted, something bad had to happen.

Why did it have to be this, though?

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A full out battle of the sexes had ensued, with Sirius leading the women and Hermione leading the men. The poor Marauders could only watch as two of their own practically destroyed the school in their arguing.

James groaned as he flopped on the red and gold couch. He was tired of his friends arguing all the time, partly because they were his friends, and partly because their arguing meant the Marauders couldn't play a proper prank until they stopped fighting. Their argument had lasted nearly two weeks now, and James was getting prank-deprived!

"We need a plan," he said, voice muffled by a gold pillow.

"I never thought I'd say this," Lily sighed, "but I agree with Potter."

"Lily!" James smiled brightly as he sat up. "I always knew we would come together one day! Though, I never thought this is what would bring us--"

"I'm still not going out with you, Potter," Lily cut in sharply. The Marauder sighed and hung his head.

"It was worth a try," he muttered.

"Riiight," Remus drawled, watching the two. He rolled his eyes and shared an exasperated look with Peter. "I think what's most important is getting Sirius and Hermione back together, James. You can harass Lily later."

"Oh, thanks a lot, Remus!" Lily snapped, glaring at the werewolf. He smiled innocently and shrugged, while James smiled at the thought of chatting up his beloved redhead later.

"Right!" James jumped up and began pacing. "Plan, plan, plan, plan, plan...I got nothin'!" he announced, flopping back onto the couch.

"W-what if we locked them in a room together?" Peter suggested timidly. The Marauders and Lily looked at him questioningly, intrigued. "They could argue it out there, and we'd let them out when they were finally getting along again."

James brightened. "You know, Peter, that might just be the best idea I've ever heard come out of your mouth!" he exclaimed. Peter smiled brightly, proud of himself for earning his hero's praise.

"Right then," Remus said, "now all we need is a room to lock them in, and a way to do it."

"I think I can take care of that," Lily said, for once looking mischievous. The boys stared at her, shocked by her tone. James grinned widely.

"That's my girl!"

His answer was a glare from Lily, and the shout: "I AM NOT YOUR ANYTHING, POTTER!"

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Hermione followed behind Remus and Lily, wondering why they had the sudden need to drag her away from her followers. Right when she was in the middle of an impassioned speech on why Sirius Black was The Biggest Jerk Ever too! Nevertheless, they said it was important, so she followed them.

When they came upon an empty classroom, she frowned. As far as Hermione was concerned, this classroom hadn't been used in quite a while, so what was so important that they had to bring her here? She might have thought it was about a prank, but since Lily was present, she knew that couldn't be the case.

"Oi, guys, what exactly is so important?" she tried asking again, but just like the past several times, her only response was a 'you'll see' from her fellow bookworms.

Remus opened the door of the classroom, and Hermione stepped forward. She looked questioningly at Lily, who hadn't made a move to enter. The redhead merely smiled at her, and when Hermione took another step forward, she found herself pushed into the dusty room.

Just as she looked up to see why the normally calm, non-violent redhead pushed her, she saw the door closing. She ran and tugged at the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. She could hear Remus and Lily talking on the other side about someone else coming soon, but she couldn't quite make out who their muffled voices meant.

"Oi, let me out!" she shouted, banging on the door. "Damn you, let me out now!"

Just as she went to pound on the door some more, it opened again. She was thankful to finally be let out, until she saw James and Peter push someone else into the room. In her shock at seeing Sirius shoved into the dusty classroom with her, she didn't pay attention to the door closing on her once again. Only when a click was heard, did she realize they were stuck here.

"Hey, let me out!" she cried again. "Don't you guys dare leave me in here with _him_!"

Sirius groaned and glared at his girlfriend under the dim lighting. He pulled himself to his feet and snorted at her pounding.

"Like _I _want to be in here with _you!" _he said haughtily. Hermione glared at him and resisted the urge to punch her boyfriend out. She might have loved him, but they were still fighting, and she wasn't going to forgive him! Especially not after he said _that_!

"Annoying bastard," she muttered under her breath, and stomped over to the other side of the classroom. The farther away from Sirius she was, the better!

"Hmph." Sirius crossed his arms and turned away from her. "You're the annoying one!" he snarled.

"How am I annoying!?" Hermione shouted, her voice held clear warning, but Sirius disregarded it.

"You're always getting onto me to finish my homework! To study, study, study! Come on, woman, you're a Marauder! Loosen up a little!"

"Funny," Hermione glared at him, "as far as I remember, it was mine and Remus' constant reminders that actually got you guys to _do _your work! Face it, without us, without _me, _you would be failing!"

"Maybe so," Sirius had moved to her side of the room and slammed his hands down on the dust-covered desk, "but at least without _you _I'd be _happy!"_

Hermione gaped at him for several moments. That...hurt. True, the two had been saying harsh things back and forth for a while now, but that...that really hurt.

"Is that so?" she asked quietly, lowering her head so her hair covered her face. Sirius moved back a few steps, guilt clawing at him. Okay, so that had been a little too harsh.

"Hermione, I-I..."

"Just forget it," Hermione muttered darkly. When she looked up, she was glaring at Sirius through tears. "If I make you so unhappy, then why don't we just BREAK UP!?"

"What!?" Sirius shouted, quickly moving so he was in front of Hermione. "Don't talk silly, Hermione! You know I love you! Look, I was wrong, okay? I shouldn't have said that. Please, forgive me?"

Hermione stared at the wide blue-grey eyes and couldn't help laughing a little. Sirius quickly dropped the puppy dog eyes to stare incredulously and angrily at his girlfriend. She was..._laughing?_

"What's so funny?" he asked, offended. Hermione stopped laughing long enough to smile at Sirius.

"I should apologize too," Hermione said softly. "Some of the things I said were really harsh. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," Sirius accepted quickly, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend. He leaned down to kiss her gently. "Just please, don't leave me?"

"I promise, if you won't leave me." Hermione wrapped her arms around Sirius' neck.

"I promise."

The two leaned in for another kiss.

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Hogwarts was in a miniature uproar. Neither the girls or the boys could find their respective leaders, and they had looked _everywhere _for them!

Finally, the two teams had no choice but to team up and search together. The search led them to the last abandoned classroom they had yet to look inside. The door swung open after many attempts at unlocking the door finally worked, and the second-in-command for both sides stepped into the room.

A long, low moan caught their attention, and they turned to look at a desk at the front of the classroom. Eyes widened and the two steadily backed out of the room, closing and relocking the door as soon as they were out.

The boy turned to the girl, his eyes wide and his mouth twitching of its own accord.

"S-so..." he said hesitantly.

"Wanna go out sometime?" the girl asked him quickly.

"Yeah, that sounds great!" he agreed. The linked arms and sped away from the classroom as fast as they could, leaving the rest of the students to stare after them confused, wondering what they had seen and if this meant the argument between Sirius Black and Hermione Granger was over.

END

A/N's:

The idea for the guys to be on Hermione's side and the girls on Sirius' actually came from an episode of an anime called "Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge", called "The Wallflower" in English.


	81. NotSoSecret Relationship

REQUEST: Alex wanted a chapter where Hermione and Sirius try to keep their relationship a secret

**Episode 81**

Not-So-Secret Relationship

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione attempt to keep their relationship a secret from everyone

The sneaking around was beginning to get to them. Sirius and Hermione had been going out since summer when Sirius asked her out via owl, and she naturally agreed. Now, fifth year arrived, and the two weren't sure how their friends would take the relationship between them.

Afraid of how they would react knowing two Marauders were dating, they agreed that it would be best to keep it a secret until both were ready to come out. However, sneaking around James, Remus, and Peter was proving harder than either Sirius or Hermione thought. It seemed whenever the two were alone, one of the aforementioned three would come barging into the room suddenly, and they would have to spring apart quickly.

Hermione was almost convinced the boys knew of their relationship, along with the rest of Hogwarts, but Sirius reassured her it was just paranoia at work. They had done an amazing job of hiding their relationship, and the other Marauders were none the wiser.

Even Sirius had to admit, though, that he was tired of hiding. He loved Hermione, and he knew she loved him, and they both just wanted to come out and say they were in love. Maybe then, the other male students would stay away from Hermione, and the girls would stop trying to catch his eye all the time with flirtatious and lewd comments.

Every time they discussed coming out, one of the Marauders – usually James – would enter the room, and they would quickly make excuses as to why they were sitting so close. It was in those moments that they realized they were still too afraid of their friends possible reactions to actually come out. So, they went right back to square one.

Only a month into the school year, and hiding was already taking its toll. Hermione was so tired of dreaming of Sirius at night, only to have to keep him at a distance in the day, that it was affecting her schoolwork, and that was just unacceptable. Sirius wasn't in much better condition, constantly daydreaming about his beloved Moonstar that his pranks had lost quite a bit of their quality, much to James' chagrin.

Currently, the two were in the common room, spending a rare moment alone. Sirius held Hermione close as the two continued to snog, excited to finally release some of the tension they'd been feeling lately. It was hard staying a secret from your friends, and it was even harder when those friends were Marauders.

The portrait swung open, and, yet again, the lovebirds sprung apart quickly. Sirius wiped his mouth in case some of Hermione's lip gloss found its way to his lips, and Hermione quickly patted down her bushy locks as best she could. They turned to see James enter, his back turned to them as he walked backwards, along with Remus and Peter.

"When are they just going to come out and tell us already?" James asked exasperated. "I thought we were their friends, but here they are, keeping an obvious relationship secret!"

"I think they're just afraid of how we'll react," Remus said, not even bothering to glance up from his book. Peter squeaked when he saw the two watching them, blushes spreading across their faces. No matter how much he gestured though, neither James nor Remus paid him any heed.

"We'd congratulate them, of course! And then, I'd kick their arses...Well, Sirius' arse anyway, for not trusting us more!"

Sirius and Hermione shared a look, feeling guilty that they hadn't trusted their friends. Though, apparently Hermione's paranoia had been right. They _did_ know about the relationship.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Remus asked, finally noticing the wild gestures Peter was making with his hands. Both he and James turned to see Hermione and Sirius watching them with slightly amused, slightly guilty expressions.

"Ack!" James shrieked, a very manly shriek he might add, jumping back. Remus looked startled and blushed, ashamed he hadn't noticed their presence sooner. "Er...hi guys?" James asked more than said.

Hermione and Sirius couldn't take it. They burst out laughing at the expression on his face, but quickly calmed down when they remembered what the two had been talking about.

"Guys, there's something we need to tell you," Hermione said, her smile showing that she was only doing this to prove they trusted the other Marauders.

"We're dating," Sirius finished for her, clasping her hand in his own. James gave them a look of mock-shock.

"Wow," he breathed, "I _never _saw that one coming!" His expression turned sincere. "I'm glad for you guys."

"So are we," Remus added in quickly when Hermione's brown orbs sought him out. Peter nodded his agreement.

Sirius grinned and leaned back against the couch, pulling Hermione with him.

"Well, now that _that's _settled..." he trailed off, pulling Hermione's lips back to his own. Another (manly) shriek from James, but neither Marauder heard it as they were too busy with each other.

"Oh, come on!" James cried, clenching his eyes shut tightly. "Just because we know about your relationship now, doesn't mean we want to see it in action! Guys? Guys? Can I open my eyes now?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a no," he said, holding out a hand. "Remus, take me to the dorm?"

"..."

"Remus?"

"..."

"Peter?"

"..."

James opened his eyes to see Hermione and Sirius still snogging, and Remus and Peter nowhere in sight. He stomped his foot and glared.

"Oh come on, how is that fair?" Another look at the couple on the couch. "Ack! I'm blind! I'm blind! Mommy, make it stooooopppp!"

Hermione and Sirius remained oblivious to their friend's turmoil, though smiles did spread across their faces.

END

A/N's:

Here's the choices for titles thus far, and I want you to vote! Of course, you can still make your own titles, and I won't actually come to a decision until this fic is finished!

_Revenge from the Restricted Section_

_Battle of Wits: Marauder vs. Marauderette_

_Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate_

So far only one person commented on the name and said they liked Moonstar, so as of now I suppose I'll keep her name Moonstar. Again, you can continue to vote and make up your own names until this story is ended. I just can't decide which is best. - They all beat _Bookworm,_ and all have a certain appeal to me, so I'm being lazy and making you make the choice for me.


	82. Break Up

REQUEST: Alex wanted a chapter where Hermione and Sirius temporarily break up

**Episode 82**

Break Up

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius have a temporary break up

"I just don't think this is working," Hermione said slowly, looking away. Sirius looked down at his hands, refusing to cry even though the girl he loved was breaking up with him.

"Is it something I did wrong?" he asked, unable to stop his natural curiosity from getting the better of him. Hermione inhaled deeply and shook her head frantically.

"No, no! It's nothing like that!" Hermione said quickly. "I just...You and me...We're too different. I think we just need some time apart, to see other people, and find ourselves away from each other."

Sirius let out a snort of humorless laughter. "That's a very cliché thing to say, Hermione."

"It is, isn't it?" Hermione asked, laughing unamusedly at herself. Their laughter teetered off to leave them in uncomfortable silence.

"So..." Sirius said finally, unable to take the suffocating quiet anymore.

"So..." Hermione agreed softly. She turned to walk out of th empty common room, intent to find a good place to hide out so she could cry in peace. This had to be the hardest thing she'd ever done.

"I guess this is it then," Sirius mumbled.

"Yeah," Hermione said, looking over her shoulder briefly. Without another word, she exited the common room and left Sirius standing in silence.

He sighed and started for the boys dorms, but stopped halfway. What was he doing? He was letting the woman of his dreams get away, that's what! This was the time when he should run after her, like all those heroes did in the stories his mum told him when he was only a small child.

Sirius turned quickly and rushed down the steps, only to stop in the spot he'd been before when the portrait opened and Hermione rushed in. They stared at each other for several moments before the bushy-haired Marauder ran straight into the other Gryffindor's arms.

"I'm so, so sorry!" she apologized, sniffling as she hugged Sirius tighter. "I can't do it! I got about two feet from the portrait, and I realized I just can't do it! I can't live without you!"

"I can't live without you either," Sirius reassured, pulling her away to kiss her. "I love you, Hermione."

"I love you too, Sirius." Hermione gave a watery smile to her boyfriend, and the two shared another sweet kiss.

END

A/N's:

A new choice has been added for titles!

Up To No Good, Only Books And Chocolate

As for names, a choice has been given due to Hermione being named after the Shakespearian character.

Majesty


	83. Brief Relationship

REQUEST: Alex wanted a chapter where Hermione and Remus have a (very) brief relationship, and Sirius isn't happy about it

**Episode 83**

Brief Relationship

Summary: In which Sirius is upset with Hermione's new relationship

Hermione and Remus sat side-by-side, wondering how they would announce it to their friends. The two spent so much time together, in the library and in Arithmacy class, that they had become closer than any of the other Marauders. Their feelings for each other were confusing to say the least, so Remus decided they should try to figure them out. He asked Hermione out, and she accepted gladly.

That had been only twenty minutes earlier, after Arithmacy ended. Because they were the only two with that class, they had been alone at the time. Remus couldn't imagine the teasing he would endure from James and Sirius if they heard him ask Hermione out, and Peter would just stand there, silently laughing at the antics of the two popular boys.

Now, they had made it to the common room only to find their friends nowhere around. Probably off pulling another prank on some unsuspecting soul.

Normally, the lack of Marauders would make the two bookworms happy. They could have time to quietly study and read, or even start their homework now that classes were done for the day! But, this time, they actually _wanted _their friends present. After all, the sooner they told them the news, the sooner the teasing started and ended.

Finally, the portrait swung open, and laughing voices could be heard throughout the room. Remus and Hermione turned quickly to see the three boys enter, laughing and smiling at each other. Hermione shared a look with Remus and raised a single brow.

"You boys have fun?" she asked knowingly. Sirius and James stopped their playful pushing to grin at the female Marauder. Running and jumping over the couch, Sirius sprawled his legs across her and Remus. James laughed at the looks of mock-outrage on the sensible Marauders faces.

"You bet we did!" he cheered. "Picture it, Snivellus casually walking down the halls after Potions gets out. Then, the next thing you know...BAM! He's sporting a lime mohawk and a frilly pink dress, complete with frilly pink undies!"

Hermione grimaced, as did Remus.

"I _really_ didn't want to picture Snape's undergarments, thank you," the werewolf replied, while Hermione made gagging motions. Sirius' and James' amusement faded as they too began to turn green at the thought. Peter blushed, not sure if he too should look disgusted or should act like it didn't bother him to seem cooler.

"Now that you've made me lose my appetite..." Hermione trailed off, a blush staining her cheeks. Remus also blushed and looked down at the floor. Well, he would've looked at the floor were Sirius' legs not blocking his view.

"Oi, what's with you two?" James asked, seeing his friends sudden mood change. "I haven't seen you two looking this embarrassed since McGonagall found out _you _were the ones that laced her catnip with laxatives."

"We have something to tell you," Remus said slowly, almost timidly. James and Sirius shared a look, while a confused Peter took a seat in the armchair opposite of James.

"Guys..." Hermione took a deep breath and looked up bravely. "Remus and I are dating."

James gaped, Peter stared, and Sirius fell off the couch. He sat up quickly to do a mixture of staring and gaping, unable to believe what he just heard.

"E-excuse me?" he asked, choking over the words. The smarter two of the group sighed and clasped their hands together.

"We're dating," Remus repeated Hermione's earlier words.

"Since when!?" James exclaimed in shock. Remus winced as the shriek hurt his sensitive hearing, and James shot him an apologetic, still-shocked smile.

"Since about twenty minutes ago," Hermione answered her friend. "We've gotten closer after all that time in the library, and...Well, we want to test out our feelings."

"Oh...Well, that's...unexpected..." James said shocked. He smiled. "I'm happy for you guys!"

"Yeah, me too!" Peter agreed quickly. Sirius was the only one that remained silent, still staring at them with an open-mouthed expression.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked softly, gently. "Are you okay with this?"

"I-I..." Sirius trailed off as he stood, facing the floor as his fists clenched and unclenched. "This isn't right!" he shouted suddenly, glaring at the two on the couch.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, half offended by Sirius' tone. The dark-haired man glared at him, his blue-grey eyes flashing dangerously.

"I mean you two aren't right for each other! You're too much alike, and I won't accept this relationship!"

"Sirius!" James said, surprised at his best mate's actions. He would have expected Sirius to jump at the chance to tease his friends.

_SMACK!_

Sirius' head flew to the side, and he gently rubbed his cheek where Hermione had slapped him. She glared at him, tears building behind her brown orbs.

"How dare you?" she hissed. "Why can't I – we – be happy? Why can't you just accept this!? It's not like we'll be together forever. We're just trying it out, seeing if this is really how we feel for each other!"

Sirius started to say something, to protest, but he clamped his mouth shut. One last glare at the two, and he stomped up the stairs, leaving the other four Marauders in silence.

James shot the two an apologetic look and quickly stood. "I'll go talk to him," he said simply. Remus nodded and went about comforting Hermione, who had fallen to her knees and started sobbing. Peter went to her other side, not quite sure what exactly it was he should do.

The door to the dorm room opened, and James stormed in. He glared at his best friend, seeing Sirius standing with his back turned to the door. His hands were clenched tightly around his bedside table, and his shoulders were tense.

"What's with you, mate?" James demanded. "Why'd you blow up like that? I would think you'd be happy Remus found someone, and Hermione too!"

Sirius' shoulders slowly relaxed, and he turned to look at James. The latter's glare faded when he saw the distraught expression on Sirius' face.

"Sirius?"

"James, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell _anyone_?" Sirius asked, not a single trace of humor on his face.

"Sure, of course, what is it?" James asked, moving to sit on Sirius' bed. Sirius sighed and looked James directly in the eye.

"I like Hermione."

James stared at him blankly. "Well, yeah, we all do. I mean she wouldn't be our friend if we--"

"No!" Sirius cut in, shaking his head. "I mean I _like _Hermione."

"Oh." James waited a few seconds before realization dawned. "Oooh. I see."

"Anyway, it doesn't matter," Sirius growled. It was all his fault, he should have made a move sooner! "I don't stand a chance now."

James could do nothing but watch as his friend's heart broke.

323232

Hermione sat in front of Sirius at breakfast the next morning. Remus had come down earlier, along with the rest of the guys, but Sirius wasn't speaking to anyone. He was just playing with his breakfast in that slow way people do when they're upset.

James looked between the two and smiled, hoping to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere now surrounding them.

"So..." he started with fake enthusiasm. "When are you two going on your first date?"

He cringed inwardly when Sirius' fork slipped through his eggs and scraped against his plate. James wanted to apologize, but he was stopped by Hermione's answer.

"We're not," she said simply, shrugging.

For the first time that morning, Sirius looked up from his breakfast. A confused expression took over his face, along with James' and Peter's.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Hermione sighed and sipped at her pumpkin juice while Remus answered for her.

"Well, turns out you were right. Hermione and I tried kissing, but..."

"It was more like kissing siblings," Hermione finished for him. "We figured out that our feelings for each other were more familial than the feelings one might have for a significant other."

"So, we broke up. Don't worry, we're still friends," Remus assured the boys almost mockingly. He frowned when he noticed Sirius perked up almost immediately after hearing that. He shot James a confused look, but the latter only smiled knowingly.

"Really? That's great!" Sirius exclaimed. "Not about the relationship, that just sucks, but it's great you're still friends. Hermione, there's something I really need to ask you."

"Uh...Shoot?" Hermione blinked at how quickly Sirius sped through his words. He took a deep breath and looked Hermione directly in the eye.

"Will you go out with me sometime?"

Hermione and Peter gaped at the boy. James just smiled slightly and shot a worried look at Remus, mildly shocked to see the other boy smiling as well. Hermione looked at the werewolf, who gave a slight nod. Smiling at Sirius, she shrugged again.

"Sure, why not?"

END


	84. Gone with the Magic

A/N's:

Again, this is something I've never seen (Yes, I've never seen "Gone with the Wind"), so I had to be told what to write. I hope this is at least somewhat like what she meant.

This is another chapter where Hermione isn't a Marauder, but in this one the Marauders don't exist. So, it all works out. -

REQUEST: faith08 wanted a chapter with a "Gone with the Wind" type of plot

**Episode 84**

Gone with the Magic

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius are placed in a "Gone with the Wind" setting

She loved him. More than her family, more than her cat, more than life itself! She wanted nothing more to be with him, but he was in love with another, had _married _another. Did she even have a chance?

Befriending Lily Potter was extremely easy. She and the redhead had a lot in common, and if it weren't for the fact that the woman had married the love of Hermione's life, she was sure they would've been great friends. As it was, she secretly hated the woman with a passion, but remained friendly as it was the only way she could truly be close to him, to The One, to James Potter.

The couple had grown suspicious, along with the rest of the small town, as to why she spent so much time at their home. So, she had married. It was all she could do, to keep the rumors at bay and to keep Lily from ending their friendship. To keep James from finding out her secret feelings.

Sirius Black was a great man. Funny, loving, and considerate. He was a bit on the crude side, but what man wasn't from time to time? The best part was, he and James became best friends almost immediately. They had so much in common, it was even easy for Hermione to forget Sirius wasn't James.

Sometimes, though, it wasn't good to forget. When they were making love was one of those times, because moaning out another's name is never a good idea. Especially not when you've been pretending for over five years, and have been married for three of those years.

Hermione never saw someone move so fast as Sirius had that night. He'd pulled away from her and grabbed a pair of jeans, running a hand through his messy black hair as he tried to come to grips with the fact his wife had moaned another man's name. Not just any other man though, his best friend who was madly in love with Lily.

She tried to speak to him, to explain that she hadn't meant it, that her mind had been elsewhere, but Sirius wouldn't hear any of it. For years he'd tried pleasing her, buying her anything and always spending time with her. He never once forgot their anniversary, nor did he forget her birthday, her family's birthdays, or anything of importance. Yet, in the end, she still didn't love him.

Now, they were getting a divorce, and Hermione could only watch as the man she had married walked away. She thought back to all the times they'd had together, how they'd laughed and cried and held each other tightly. She remembered how Sirius had always been there for her, his loving smile always comforting her when she was upset over something. Now, looking back, she realized she loved him. Hindsight really was 20/20.

"Sirius!" Hermione called, running after the man she now called her ex-husband. Her hand reached out for him, but stopped short of actually touching him. He sighed and turned to face her, his blue-grey eyes shimmering with anger and pain. "I'm sorry..." she murmured, suddenly self-conscious. "I realized something..."

"Oh?" he asked, raising a single brow. Hermione looked up, a hopeful smile on her lips.

"I _love_ you. I really love _you_."

Sirius was silent for several moments as Hermione's words echoed around them. Then, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked hopefully at him, tears running down her cheeks.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

And then he was gone.

END


	85. Lust Potion

REQUEST: Mrs. T Felton wanted a chapter where Lucius slips Hermione a lust potion, and Sirius is none the wiser

**Episode 85**

Lust Potion

Summary: In which Lucius Malfoy slips Hermione a lust potion, and Sirius can't figure out why his girlfriend suddenly has the hots for a certain blond Slytherin

Lucius Malfoy was well known around the school as a ladies man. If Sirius was the Gryffindor Adonis, then Lucius was the Slytherin Casanova. Girls crazy about Sirius would fall into Lucius' snare of charm, and it barely took any work. There was one woman, though, that never fell prey to Lucius – Hermione Granger.

Hermione was Sirius steady girlfriend for the past two years, ever since they announced their feelings in fifth year, and Lucius was slowly becoming jealous. He wasn't in love with the bookworm by any means, but she was one of the most beautiful girls to grace the halls, and she was by far the smartest. Lucius had a thing for smart women, and so he naturally wanted Hermione to be his.

But she wasn't.

No amount of flirting, seduction, and outright confessions of desire would sway her from Sirius' side. She was loyal to her love, and she would remain loyal until the day she died. Or, until they broke up, but they were the type of couple, one could tell just by a look, that would stay together until they were ninety years old and on their death beds. Even then, they would follow each other into death, their love still stronger than ever.

If he had been a romantic sap, Lucius would have admired the love those two shared. He would have been impressed by the sheer strength of their devotion, and he might even have wept at how their love was the kind not seen too often in this age of infidelity and distrust. Lucius was not a romantic sap, however, and thus he hated their bond with a passion. He saw it as an obstacle in the way of his bedding one Miss Granger, and Lucius hated obstacles.

That was how he came up with this brilliant plan. He smirked as he swirled the transparent pink liquid in the small vial. The hardest part of the plan was distracting the Marauders long enough for him to execute it, but then that's what Snape was for.

Smirking to himself, Lucius nodded once to his (unhappy) companion, and Severus sighed in dismay. He really hated Lucius right now, but that was fine with the blond. He smirked as he watched the greasy-haired potions expert walk up to the Gryffindor table and insult Hermione and Lily, knowing the girls were precious to all the guys in the group of friends.

As Severus ran past, with Hermione and the rest of the Marauders following, and Lily crying into her friend's shoulder, Lucius dumped the liquid into a goblet of pumpkin juice, smirking as it turned pink momentarily before fading back to its usual orange color. After this, Hermione would be his.

323232

"Gah! Why can't I stop thinking about him?" Hermione cried suddenly, disrupting the peaceful work area for the Marauders. She and Remus had insisted on the boys finishing their work, and since Lily was in the library, working on a project with her partner in Arithmacy, even James was working diligently.

Hermione, though, found it harder to concentrate than usual. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Lucius Malfoy. Well, more like Lucius and herself doing inappropriate things to each other. When she saw him in the hall, she had to use all of her strength and willpower not to jump him. At first, she had been able to handle it, but now the thoughts running through her mind were beginning to irk her more than they had that morning.

"Well, I'm irresistible," Sirius reminded her smugly, wrapping an arm around her waist. "How about we ditch this study session and find a nice broom closet, hm?"

"Not you!" Hermione snapped before she could catch herself. She gasped and clasped her hands over her mouth, an embarrassed flush spreading to her cheeks. She really didn't want Sirius to know it wasn't him that had been on her mind ever since she woke up this morning.

Sirius blinked. "Then who?" he asked, jealousy tinging his gruff voice. He didn't like other guys, beyond the Marauders, on Hermione's mind, and she wouldn't shout like that if it had been one of their friends.

Hermione sighed and looked away. She knew she would have to tell him now. Sirius was a persistent prat when he wanted something, and now it was obvious that he wanted answers.

"Malfoy," she whispered, almost brokenly.

"Excuse me?" Sirius said, looking at his girlfriend incredulously. Hermione rubbed her temples, well aware of the others also staring at her in shock.

"I don't know why," Hermione answered truthfully, "but ever since we left dinner, I've felt strange. When I woke up this morning, all I could think about was Malfoy."

"Excuse me," Sirius said again, though this time he stood on shaky legs and left the room. As soon as the door to the boys dorm shut, Sirius' muffled voice could be heard spewing words that no one under twenty-one should legally know.

Remus, James, and Peter stared at the stairs leading to the boys dorm. They came to a silent agreement that they shouldn't go up there for quite some time, then turned back to the female Marauder who looked worse for wear.

Hermione placed her elbow on the table and lowered her head to her palm. She shook her head back and forth, trying to rid the images in her mind long enough to figure out what was happening to her. However, every time one image left, it was replaced by another that was just as, if not more, erotic than the last. It was playing havoc on her pheromones and not giving her time to think at all.

Remus sensed her distress and confusion, and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Hermione looked at him, chocolate eyes wide and near tears. He smiled reassuringly and patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry, 'Mione," he soothed, "we'll figure out what that snake's done to you."

"Yeah!" James shouted eagerly, jumping up. He waved his wand and pointed it at himself, making a Sherlock Holmes styled coat and hat appear. Hermione raised a single brow and silently vowed never to let James read her mystery books again. "We'll look under ever table, in every hole, leave no stones unturned! One way or another, we _will _find out what Lucius has done!"

"Or..." Sirius voice cut in. The others turned to face him again, having not noticed his reappearance earlier. A maniacal grin spread across his face as he held his wand threateningly. "I can just kill him."

"Haha, right mate!" James laughed. His amusement slowly teetered off when he didn't hear Sirius laughing with him. He jumped back when he saw the expression in his best friend's eyes. "Holy Merlin, you're serious!"

"With all due respect, James," Sirius was unable to keep the smile from his face, "duh! I think we _all _know that."

James glared and stuck his tongue out in a very mature – so he said anyway – manner. "That wasn't what I meant, and you know it!"

"Whatever," Sirius shrugged and walked down the rest of the stairs. His glare returned, and he marched towards the portrait hole. "No one's stealing my girl!"

"Sirius, can't we talk about this?" Hermione pleaded, running after her boyfriend. After sharing a look, the rest of the Marauders also chased him down the hall, managing to apprehend him just as Lucius turned the corner and spotted them.

He smirked as innocently as any Slytherin could smirk and sauntered up to Hermione. Normally, she would glare at him and turn away, but today a blush spread across her cheeks as she followed his every movement with her eyes. Her body seemed to heat up the closer he got, and she nearly fainted when he stopped in front her, placing one hand under her chin.

"Hello, beautiful," he greeted almost tauntingly. "Have you changed your mind about my offer yet? You know, dumping this idiot for a night with yours truly."

"You bastard!" Sirius shouted, struggling against his so-called friends. He was determined to kill that prat, just as soon as he got away from the strong hold of the three teenage boys. "Stay away from her!"

Lucius rolled his eyes and glared at Sirius. Another smirk appeared when Hermione moved to get closer to him, almost against her own will. It was like she _needed _to be close to him, she needed to breathe his scent, or else she'd be incomplete for the rest of eternity.

"You tell me to stay away from _her," _Lucius said smugly, "but it seems _your girl _doesn't want to stay away from _me."_

Sirius snarled louder and struggled harder. He even managed to take one step forward, dragging his burden with him, before he was once again crushed against Remus' chest and held securely by James' arms.

"Damn it, let me go! Let me go! Bloody hell, you bastard, I'll kill you!" he shouted, getting one hand free. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it wasn't his wand hand and thus he could only wave it threateningly.

Lucius chuckled again and blew a kiss to Hermione, who blushed darker, and sauntered on past them. He turned to glance over his shoulder, saw the stewing Gryffindor still struggling and now yelling at his friends for holding him back. Laughing once more, this time a loud, mocking sound, he left the five Marauders standing speechless.

"Why didn't you do something, Hermione!?" Sirius demanded, glaring at his girlfriend as he slowly began to calm down. The only girl turned to them, her eyes wide and her cheeks crimson. She giggled, something that immediately set off alarm bells in the boys' minds.

"He even _smells _great!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'LL KILL HIM!!!"

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By lunch time, it had only gotten worse. Hermione couldn't keep her eyes off of the Slytherin prince. No matter how many times Sirius turned her to face him, or how many times a Slytherin girl would glare at her, she just couldn't find it in herself to look away. Lucius was like an angel in his beauty; why hadn't she noticed that before?

Rubbing her legs together, Hermione felt her breathing quicken when Lucius glanced at her. Yet another flush appeared on her cheeks, what was it with that anyway?, and she could only avert her eyes after a few moments. Because she turned away, she missed the triumphant smirk that slid across Lucius' face, but Sirius, who was glaring at him, didn't.

"Hermione, damn it, stop looking at him!" Sirius cursed when his girlfriend once again stared at the blond. Hermione could only glance at him, a slightly guilty yet completely lusty look in her eyes.

"Sorry, Sirius," she said sincerely, "but he's just so...so...hot!"

Sirius' eyes widened upon hearing this, and Hermione once again clamped her hands over her mouth. She quickly dropped them though, and once again began openly staring at the Slytherin table, more specifically at Malfoy.

A glare crossed his face, and he turned to stare dangerously at the blond. He wasn't even aware of a low growl escaping his throat, or the people around them steadily scooting away as a murderous aura rode off him in waves.

Whatever Malfoy had done, he would pay!

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Sirius glared at the blond. Yes, Malfoy was definitely going to suffer! Right after Sirius paid a visit to Slughorn that is.

The Potions Professor had decided, in all his walrus-y wisdom, to change the teams and pair up everyone from a different house. Sirius was unlucky enough to be stuck with his most loathed cousin of all, Bellatrix, but guess who Hermione was with. Just guess! If you said Lucius Malfoy, you'd be right!

The blond bastard was chatting up his woman shamelessly too! Sirius' eyes narrowed as he saw Hermione blush and nod, a soft giggle escaping her perfect lips. His fists clenched tightly around the handle of the knife, and he wasn't even aware of Bellatrix eyeing him oddly and slowly scooting away, just in case he went psycho.

Lucius rubbed the bottom of Hermione's chin with a finger, winking flirtatiously at her. Another giggle and a darker blush was his reward. Damn, that potion worked better than he thought it would! He smirked at his victory, and it only widened when Hermione turned an even deeper shade of red, assuming that was even possible.

He would have her by tonight, he was sure of that.

"Oi, Sirius!" Bellatrix called, finally gathering her courage to knock her cousin upside the head. He turned to scowl at her, rubbing his injured head and a pouting slightly. "I'm not doing all the work," she huffed, crossing her arms. "You cut up the roots, since you seem to love that knife so much."

Sirius glared at his cousin once more, before grudgingly getting to work. He once again glared at the couple across from him, but a soft hiss from the snake beside him had him working again. Bellatrix had officially been placed on his must-kill list, right under Slughorn, who was right under Lucius Malfoy.

"How about we meet tonight? Eight-o'-clock, here?" Lucius asked with an almost malicious grin. Hermione just barely managed to stop herself from sighing dreamily.

"Yeah, sure," she agreed, only half listening to what he'd said. "I would meet you anywhere at anytime."

"Glad to hear that," Lucius said huskily. Then, he turned and started chopping up ingredients while Hermione watched with a lustful look. He didn't pay attention to the boy sitting right behind him.

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"I'm telling you, something isn't right!" James exclaimed. "Hermione _never _sounds that dreamy unless a new book has been released or something. Whatever Lucius did, it's affecting her big time."

"Well, we already figured that much out, Prongs," Remus said sarcastically. "What we don't know is what he did to her."

"That's why we're going to follow him," James said, whipping out his invisibility cloak. Peter looked from left to right bewilderedly.

"Eh, where's Padfoot?" he asked. James and Remus shot him are-you-daft looks.

"We can't bring Sirius!" James hissed at the rat, eyes flicking both ways almost nervously. He half expected Sirius to jump out from his own invisibility cloak (though the last time he checked, Sirius didn't own one) and demande to be taken with them.

"Why not?" Peter wondered, completely lost. Wasn't Hermione _Sirius' _girlfriend?

"Think about it, Wormtail," Remus said with an annoyed sigh. "If we take Sirius with us, what do you think he'll do when he sees Malfoy, before we even get any information?"

Peter thought about it, his eyes widening in realization. Sirius, being the rash teen he was, would undoubtedly do something to ruin their cover, angrily attacking Malfoy for hitting on his girlfriend before they even had the desired information. Then, the whole plan would be foiled, and they might never get Hermione back to normal!

"I see your point," he said. Remus smiled, pleased that he wouldn't have to explain things for once. James merely cast an enlargement charm on the cloak.

"Let's go," the messy-haired Chaser said. "Before Sirius gets here."

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The boys found Lucius talking to a group of Slytherin boys, which included Snape, Macnair, and Parkinson. They were laughing about something the blond had said.

"I'm telling you guys," Lucius bragged, "tonight Granger is mine!"

"What will you do once you've shagged her?" Troy Parkinson asked, awed by his leader's utter coolness.

"Leave her," Lucius said simply. "It's not like the potion will last forever. Just long enough for me to shag her, and cause a rift between herself and that idiot Black."

"I love it!" Macnair stated. "Kill two Gryffindors with one lust potion!"

"What if it doesn't wear off?" Parkinson wondered aloud, his pug face scrunching into a look similar to that of someone who was constipated. In other words, he was wearing his thinking face.

"Then I have an antidote," Snape's oily voice finally joined the conversation. He pulled out a vial of transparent blue liquid, which shimmered under the light. "Slip her this, and just like with the lust potion, she'll be affected almost immediately, though its effects will really start up the next morning."

"Anyway," Lucius spoke up again, bringing the attention back to himself, "tonight I'll have my way with Hermione Granger, and Sirius Black won't know what hit him!"

The boys cackled as they walked past the Gryffindors hidden underneath the invisibility cloak. No one noticed as Remus whipped out his wand and silently uttered the summoning spell, nor did they notice when the little vial floated out of Snape's cloak pocket and right into his awaiting hands. Only when the Slytherins were gone did the Marauders remove the cloak.

"You know," James said conversationally, "I'm _really _glad we didn't tell Sirius about our little investigation, but I'm thinking we should tell him about this."

"I think you're right," Remus said, grinning evilly. James' smiled similarly, and Peter gulped at the looks on his friends faces. Malfoy was going to regret ever messing with a Marauder!

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That night, Lucius stood before the Potions classroom, occasionally looking around to make sure no teachers were coming. He had a lot of influence in this school, and Filch wouldn't touch him, but there were still some professors – like McGonagall – who wouldn't hesitate to punish him.

"Where is she?" he asked irately, wondering why punctual Hermione was so late. He smirked suddenly. "I'll bet she's prettying herself up for me. How thoughtful."

"Well, my woman always was considerate of others."

Lucius spun around upon hearing the masculine voice. He frowned when he saw Sirius Black slowly stalking towards him, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Resisting the urge to run away crying and thus ruin his reputation, Lucius straightened his shoulders and glared at the dark-haired Gryffindor.

"What do you want?" he snapped waspishly. "In case you can't tell, I'm waiting for someone."

"Oh, I know _all _about your meeting with Hermione," Sirius said with a smirk. He noticed Lucius' look of bewilderment and switched his smirk to a malevolent grin. "I also know _all _about the potion, which, by the way, we just so happen to have an antidote for. You really must thank Snivellus for thinking ahead, I _never _would've thought--"

"W-what are you talking about, Black?" Malfoy interrupted nervously. How did he figure it out? Sirius noticed the look on Malfoy's face and chuckled.

"Let's just say a little birdie told me," he answered the unspoken question. Sirius cracked his knuckles as he stepped forward, all traces of humor gone. "Let's have a little..._chat _about drugging another man's, specifically _my, _woman, shall we?"

Lucius decided reputations were for losers, and he ran away, crying for his mother. Sirius was right on his heels, determined not to let him get away. Not after what he'd done to Hermione.

Needless to say, Lucius wasn't in class for the next few weeks.

END

A/N's:

I have found a new calling! Fixing chairs I have broken! Yes, I broke my computer chair and fixed it; it only took me twenty minutes too! Though, I think I sweated more than I ever did when running around a track – not that anyone cared to hear that. -

Anyhow, I'm now up to Episode 91 in requests. I'm _not _asking you to hold back on the requests this time, I want them! If anyone makes a request after I've reached 100, I'll still write it. In other words, I'm taking requests for as long as you have them, so no more need to ask if I'm still taking, I just plan to finish this at 100. Anyway, the whole reason I put this down was just to warn you that, if you do have a request, it might take me a while to get to it, but I still want to hear them all.

Plus, after I've finished this story and everyone's requests, I am going to write one more chapter for this! Why? Because just a few days ago I realized something...I never did the scene that was in my head the day I thought this up, which was about a month before I started it. So, when the story is at 100, if I don't have anymore requests, then I'll do the scene that started it all. Consider it a bonus for all your reviews and encouragement. I can't say how good it will be though. When I thought up the scene, I was actually thinking of a story that was more than just a series of one-shots...


	86. Caught in the Act

REQUEST: ShiningNight wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione's kids walk in on them being intimate

**Episode 86**

Caught in the Act

Isabella, Damien, and Ether were the names of their children. Isabella was the oldest at six, the same age as Harry Potter, and Damien followed close behind at five. Ether was the youngest at three, but just like his older siblings, he had inherited his father's natural curiosity and his mother's need-to-know-all-new-information personality. A dangerous mixture if one were to really think about it.

Tonight, the trio was supposed to stay over at the Potter's, but Ether hated being away from his mother and threw a fit until Isabella and Damien agreed to secretly floo him back home for a few minutes. Once Hermione comforted her youngest son, they would head back to the Potter's and act as though they hadn't left. Harry agreed to keep his parents from finding out, though the older Potter's were slumbering, if they happened to notice the missing children.

The door to the bedroom creaked open gently as Isabella poked her head inside. She noticed the cover on her parents bed moving, but she pushed it off to her father's tossing and turning habit. Damien followed her inside the room, and Ether was the last to enter. The children froze when the blanket moved downwards, until their father's back was exposed, along with the tattoo of Hermione's name.

Squeaks resounded through the room, along with loud moans that could only belong to Hermione. Damien and Isabella shared a confused look, while Ether stepped forward cautiously. His eyes glittered with unshed tears as he heard his mother's cries of pain, or at least he thought they were cries of pain.

The bed stopped squeaking as soon as his small voice spoke up, and the two on the bed slowly turned to face their confused, curious children. Eyes widened, curses were shouted (not the kind involving a wand), and a blanket was quickly pulled over their mother's and father's bare chests.

Ether continued to watch them, his eyes narrowing on his father as he patted his mother's hand comfortingly. She smiled nervously at her youngest son and patted his head, his words still ringing in their ears.

"Issy, what's Daddy doing to Mommy?"

END


	87. Bath Time

REQUEST: Sirius Black's girl14 wanted a chapter where James and Sirius decide to give Snape a "bath", but it doesn't quite work out the way they planned

**Episode 87**

Bath Time

Summary: In which James' and Sirius' plans to "bathe" Snape go horribly wrong

Operation: Give Snape a Bath was officially set up. James and Sirius, being the kindhearted souls they were, decided it was only right to help Snape cleanse his greasy hair. If it happened to fall out without the greasy glue they were sure kept it in place, then that would just be more humorous for them.

With everything set up, the charms on the tips of their tongues, and Snape heading towards the Potions classroom, there was nothing that could go wrong with their ingenious plan!

"He's coming!" Peter hissed, peeking at the Marauders map under the table. They didn't want anyone else in the classroom to see the map. It would make the Marauders lose their mystery; plus, if a professor discovered how they'd managed to avoid detection the past few years, they would be toast! "He's almost here!"

"Ready Prongs?" Sirius readied his wand. James nodded and smirked.

"Ready Padfoot!"

As soon as the door swung open, the charms burst from their mouths. A jet of water escaped James wand, while a series of bubbles escaped Sirius'. They laughed as the Slytherin was covered in suds and soaked, but it slowly teetered as they realized the person, or rather people, standing there were not the Slytherin grease ball.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Hermione shouted angrily, her brown eyes flashing as she glared at her boyfriend.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily echoed, cracking her knuckles dangerously.

"Um...We should probably run..." James said, slowly backing away from the dangerous redhead.

"Yeah, that would be a good idea. I'm sure Slughorn will understand!" Sirius agreed quickly. The two boys shared a look and took off running, their respective girlfriends chasing them down the hall and all throughout Hogwarts.

Remus and Peter shared a look and sighed, the werewolf voicing what was on everyone's minds, even the laughing students.

"Those two just never learn."

END


	88. Hair Appointment

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Hermione feels Sirius spends too much time on his hair, and so books him an appointment

**Episode 88**

Hair Appointment

Summary: In which Hermione feels Sirius spends too much time on his hair and decides to do something about it

He was doing it again. For a man, Sirius spent more time in the bathroom than Hermione and Lily combined! Why was it that he spent so much time in the bathroom? Because he cared about his hygiene? No. Because he had a little trouble shaving? No. Because he was busy obsessing over his hair? Bingo!

Hermione, as a woman, had quite a bit of haircare products. However, her supply was meager compared to Sirius'; hell, hers _and _Lily's supply _combined _was meager to Sirius'! How did she put up with him?

Sirius was in the bathroom again, brushing his hair and throwing kisses at his reflection. The reflection, in the meantime, was striking various poses and blowing kisses right back at his beautiful real self. Damn it, even the reflection Sirius was stuck on his hair!

It was normal for someone, especially a woman, to ask how you managed to keep your hair so silky looking. At least, it was normal when said woman came up to Hermione to enquire about her long, silky chestnut tresses. It was _abnormal _when various women came up to ask _Sirius _what his secret was for having such luxurious hair!

Quite frankly, Hermione was tired of it. She was tired of hearing everyone – including her own mind – gush over how beautiful Sirius' hair was, and she was tired of hearing him constantly obsess over it. For crying out loud, he would let _her _take the brunt of a prank or spell gone wrong if it meant his hair wouldn't be harmed! What kind of loving boyfriend was that?

With an evil glare at the bathroom, Hermione was hit with the perfect idea. She smirked as the plan unfolded in her mind, and she could only imagine what would happen once her plan was put into action. First, though, she would have to call in a few favors.

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Sirius smiled when he saw his favorite – and only – hair dresser standing behind the empty chair. Hermione, his loving girlfriend, had been kind enough to book him an appointment with Jacques Ambler, the only wizard whose hair was nearly as great – because _no one _was up to Sirius' hair! – as Sirius' was.

Of course, Jacques had been doing Sirius' hair for ages now, but after the Frenchman returned home, Sirius hadn't heard from him. He only found out the man had returned to England when Hermione said she booked him the appointment since she knew he missed the other man's amazing hairstyling skills.

"Sirius!" Jacques' thick accented voice called. He smiled and waved the man over, flipping his luxurious brown locks over one shoulder. Sirius grinned and took a seat in front of the man, his grin fading slightly as he was spun away from the mirror. "I want to try somezing new," Jacques explained, "and I don't want you to see until eet ees over."

"Ah," Sirius relaxed, "sounds interesting. I'm sure it's great, Jacques."

Jacques smiled malevolently behind him.

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After an hour of comfortable chatter, Jacques finally pulled away. He smiled smugly and placed his hands on his hips proudly.

"Eet ees done!" he announced. Had Sirius not been as utterly cool as he was, he would've squealed in excitement. Since he _was_ Sirius Black, though, he refrained from squealing and merely clapped his hands together eagerly.

"Let's see it then!"

Jacques nodded in reply and spun the chair around to face the mirror. Sirius' smile almost immediately lost its brightness and became obviously forced. It slowly faded as he reached a hand up to touch his hair, but instead of hair, he encountered skin. So, it wasn't just an illusion the mirror thought would be funny.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

"AHHHHHHHH!!!"

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Hermione rolled her eyes and forced the blanket from her husband's clutches. He hadn't left the room since a week ago when he returned home from his appointment with Jacques. One look at Sirius, and Hermione busted out laughing, though it quickly faded when Sirius ran up to their bedroom with tears in his eyes.

The female Marauder had then gone to apologize for laughing at her now-bald husband, but he revealed that wasn't why he was upset. Of all the things he could cry about, the only thing he was upset over was his hair being gone! As in, he was now bald, and his beautiful hair was in a trashcan. Stolen from him. Life was unfair.

Now, one week, later, Hermione was tired of his don't-look-at-me-I'm-hideous phase. She was about ready to dump him outside and force him to see that the world hadn't stopped moving just because he was bald. Hermione knew that, though the idea was tempting, it wouldn't work in the end. Sirius would only bemoan the loss of his hair more and probably lock the door when he finally made it back to the bedroom this time.

"No!" Sirius shouted when the blanket was torn from him. "Don't look at me! I'm hideous!" his words trailed off as a cry escaped his lips. He buried his face in the pillow and sobbed. Hermione rolled her eyes again.

"Oh, honestly!" she shouted, annoyed with his attitude. Grabbing her wand, she muttered a reversal charm and yanked the man up by his...hair?

Sirius blinked as he looked into his wife's eyes, feeling a sharp pain on his head. Hermione glared at her husband and dragged him, by the hair, to look in the mirror. Blue-grey eyes widened as he saw himself with hair, his beautiful, black locks returned to their rightful place atop his head!

"It was just a charm to make you _think _you were bald!" Hermione exclaimed. "I wouldn't actually make them chop off your hair, but you needed to learn that hair isn't the most important thing in the--"

"Oh, my beautiful hair!" Sirius interrupted, having ignored everything his wife said. "You're back! I knew you wouldn't leave me! Come, let's go wash you of any dirt or grime."

Sirius pranced away, closing the bathroom door behind him. Hermione stared at the spot he had been only a little while ago and sighed.

"He never learns."

END


	89. Library Mayhem

REQUEST: Sirius Black's girl14 wanted a chapter where Sirius and James destroy the library due to a prank, and the consequences aren't good

**Episode 89**

Library Mayhem

Summary: In which destroying the library proves to be not the brightest idea James and Sirius ever had

The library...was a mess to say the least. Books were strewn over the floor, the tables had graffiti painted on them, and those left untouched were broken in half or covered in some kind of questionable green substance. The stacks were knocked over, similar to how dominoes were knocked over after someone spent hours building a fancy design just to see the domino effect in work. Worst of all, the books were not only littering the floor, they were also torn to shreds, the pages covering the floor and some stuck to the wall like a pathetic attempt at wallpaper.

Madame Pince had run out after a child who decided it wise to make a ruckus in the library. When she returned, the child just barely escaping her wrath, the library looked like this. And in the middle of it stood two boys, both looking guilty yet pleased with themselves, who could only be described as Sirius Black and James Potter.

The librarian's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she first saw her beloved library destroyed, but they narrowed into dangerous slits when she spotted the perpetrators. Judging by the mildly shocked looks they were shooting her, it was obvious they hadn't actually meant to get caught themselves.

"You two..." she hissed dangerously. "Come with me."

James and Sirius shared a frightful look and gulped. They had never seen the hawklike woman so...calm and collected before. It sent off warning bells in their mind, but they could do nothing except obey as she left the destroyed library behind and led them straight to Dumbledore's office.

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"What do you mean you won't punish them!?" Madame Pince shouted at the smiling man. James and Sirius had long since been sent out of the office to wait for the librarian and headmaster to come to a fit punishment.

Dumbledore chuckled and clasped his hands together, leaning over the desk to peer at the woman over his half-moon glasses. "I never said they wouldn't be punished, Irma, merely that they wouldn't be punished by myself."

Irma Pince looked over her employer suspiciously. After what seemed several hours, but was actually only a few minutes, she seemed to come to a decision. Noticing the grin across her face, Dumbledore decided he should quickly intervene with anything she was planning.

"Nor will they be punished by you."

"What!?" the librarian shrieked, unable to believe two boys who wrecked her beloved library would go undisciplined.

"Don't worry, don't worry," Dumbledore said, making motions for her to calm down with his hands. "I know three people who will gladly punish them for their misdeeds, perhaps better than either of us can."

Madame Pince sighed in annoyance. She really wanted to teach those brats a lesson, but she had to admit that Albus was an intelligent man. If he said there was someone, three someones actually, that would punish the boys better than herself, the most likely they would punish them better than she could.

"Might I ask who these three are?"

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"Ack! I'm sorry!" James cried, trying to move in the confined space. Unfortunately, he was tied to a very hard, very uncomfortable chair, and thus only managed to bump into his fellow prisoner.

Sirius was in much the same position, but he had stopped begging sometime ago. Now, his eyes were widened in fright as he wondered what their three gaolers would do to them. Evil cackles escaped the trio's mouths, making them seem even more sinister to the two boys.

"P-please," Sirius tried one last time, "w-we're really sorry!"

There was no response, and Sirius looked pleadingly at one in particular. His eyes going as large as they could, but the woman he had been looking at hopefully only snorted.

"Don't even try that on me, Sirius Black!" she said, stepping forward sinisterly. "You dare to wreck the library? The precious haven? How _dare _you!"

"There's only one thing to do," her female companion said. Her eyes narrowed as she flipped long, red locks over one shoulder.

The only male stepped forward. "Right," he agreed. Pulling out a large object from behind his back, James' and Sirius' eyes widened in horror.

"No, not that! Anything but thaaaat!" James cried, tears leaking out of his hazel orbs.

"Please, have mercy!" Sirius begged, but their pleads went unheard.

"It clearly states on page 324..." Remus started.

"Of _Hogwarts: A History_..." Hermione continued.

"That..." Lily was cut off by twin screams of agony, but she continued to tell them all the facts listed in the large book all three bookworms coveted, and the two pranksters before them feared.

END

A/N's:

Just in case someone didn't know, a gaoler is a jailer.


	90. Before She Cheats

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where Sirius finds Hermione cheating on him

**Episode 90**

Before She Cheats

Sirius stared at the woman he had loved for so long. He couldn't believe this was happening. How could she, the only woman he ever gave his heart too, he ever cared for, do this to him? It was just too much.

He clamped a hand over his mouth, slowly backing out of the room. Large brown eyes followed his every movement, shock and guilt written plainly across her face. As though it weren't bad enough that _she _betrayed him, she had betrayed him with _Him_.

Sirius really should have seen it coming, or so he told himself. They spent so much time together, they were bound to fall in love. So, why hadn't he noticed that the looks they sent each other were less than innocent, the touches were less than accidental, and the inside jokes none of the other Marauders understood were more than just simple jokes?

"Sirius..." Hermione tried to stop him, to explain her actions, but she couldn't find the words to say. She knew what she had done was wrong, but she couldn't help what her heart felt. Still, the look on Sirius' face...It made her wish for death.

"No, don't bother!" he snapped, voice cracking on the tears he refused to let fall. He turned his back on the couple, ignoring the hurt look on Hermione's face. "I'll come for my things tomorrow."

"Sirius!" Hermione reached out for him, but he walked away, not once looking back. With a sigh, Hermione fell back and let the tears flow free, barely aware of Remus comforting her as the man she had married walked out of her life, possibly for good.

END


	91. First Impressions

REQUEST: Moony's Shady Lady wanted a chapter where Sirius meets Hermione's family, and Hermione just happens to have an older brother

**Episode 91**

First Impressions

Summary: In which Sirius must face the worst opponent yet – Hermione's family, including her older brother

Sirius breathed deeply, muttering words of confidence to himself under his breath. He was facing the worst enemy one could ever face, the most difficult opponent any wizard had ever gone against, and he had to make this count. If he failed, Hermione might never want to see him again. No, that _wasn't _acceptable!

The door swung open just as he gathered up the courage to knock, and he found himself staring into twinkling brown eyes. Ignoring his heart plunging into his stomach, he forced a charming smile on his face.

"Is this the Granger residence?"

The woman blinked a few times before smiling at him. She opened the door wider, her perfect teeth nearly blinding Sirius, not that he would tell her that. That would surely get him kicked out before he even entered the domain he would come to think of as hell.

"You must be Sirius," she said. "I'm Helen, Hermione's mother, please come in!"

As he entered the Granger residence, Sirius felt that he had signed his life away.

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"So, Sirius, tell me, how are your grades?" Mark Granger, Hermione's father asked, his tone holding more accusation than curiosity. Sirius gulped and resisted the urge to slump down in his seat.

"I-I do pretty good," he stuttered nervously.

"Sirius has some of the best grades in the school," Hermione said proudly. She cleverly left out that he only did his work because of Remus' and her own constant hounding. Though, Sirius was intelligent, one would have to be in order to come up with all the pranks he and James did, they just didn't have the motivation to do more than play pranks on others.

Mark looked at his daughter fondly, then turned to sneer at the boy sitting next to her. Sirius gulped again when those blue orbs fell on him.

"Is that so?" he asked rhetorically. "Well, that's good to know. At least you're not dating a moron."

"Honey!" Helen admonished, swatting her husband's arm. She turned a kind smile to Sirius, and he found himself relaxing just slightly under the gentle expression. "Ignore him, he's just a little protective of his baby girl."

"Really?" Sirius said, voice squeaking. "I couldn't tell."

Mark glared at the boy, but Helen only laughed. She smiled again, this time at Hermione, who blushed under her mother's sparkling gaze.

"Hermione said you were funny," Helen told Sirius. "I see she was right."

Sirius allowed a small smile to grace his features. He sat up slightly, always happy to hear praise directed his way. He heard so little of it after all.

"Well, I don't like to brag..."

"Then don't," a harsh voice said from behind. Sirius froze, not liking that tone, but Hermione's eyes lit up in excitement.

"Habby!"

"Hey, 'Mione," the tall brunet greeted fondly when Hermione hugged him. Sirius eyed the boy closely, wondering who he was. He didn't let his jealousy get the better of him though, since he wanted to impress the family and not turn them against him by attacking some guy Hermione seemed quite fond of. "Whose this?"

'Habby' eyed Sirius evilly, reminding the latter eerily of the man sitting just across from him. He tried to smile brightly at the newcomer, but could only force a half-assed attempt. Blue eyes narrowed further as the brunet hugged the smaller girl tighter.

"This is Sirius Black, my boyfriend!" Hermione exclaimed happily. The expression on the older boy's face suddenly made Sirius wish Hermione said he was just a friend. "Sirius, this is Haberdasher, my older brother."

"N-nice to meet you," Sirius said nervously. Haberdasher smirked at the sound of his stuttering, an evil smirk that reminded Sirius of Lucius Malfoy.

"So, you want to date my sister, do you?" Haberdasher asked once he had sat down. Hermione shot her brother a hard glare.

"Habby, be nice! Sirius makes me happy, and we've been friends since I first started Hogwarts."

"Now, now, Hermione," Mark admonished. "Your brother is just trying to look out for your well-being. In fact, I think I'll leave this conversation to you kids! What do you say, honey?"

Sirius hoped Helen would disagree and stay, so far she was the only one, besides Hermione, he felt semi-comfortable around. Unfortunately, she smiled sweetly at her husband and nodded in agreement.

"Hermione is right, Habby," Helen told her oldest child before she left, "you should be nice. If your sister is happy, that's all that matters."

"Don't worry, mum," Haberdasher said with a smile. "I plan to be _very _nice."

Sirius gulped yet again. He _really _didn't like the way Haberdasher had said that.

"Well, that's good!" Helen said obliviously. She nodded once to Sirius, gave her daughter a beautiful smile, and quickly left the room with her _smirking _husband in tow.

Haberdasher looked at his younger sister with a loving smile. "Hermione, would you mind giving Sirius and myself some privacy?" he asked sweetly. Hermione looked uncertainly between Sirius and Habby, not really wanting to leave her boyfriend with her overprotective brother.

"Don't worry," Haberdasher assured her, "I won't hurt him. I know he makes you happy. I just want to...talk is all."

"Well..." Hermione bit her lip unsurely, and though Sirius was ready to beg her not to leave, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. After all, he was a Gryffindor, and as such he needed to be brave. Even against such a horrible opponent as this.

"It's alright, love, I'll be fine."

Hermione smiled brightly at Sirius and nodded. Leaning over to kiss his cheek, she didn't notice the dark look that spread across her brother's face when he saw his beloved little sister get so close to a boy. Sirius smiled at her, though it quickly faded when he saw the look on Haberdasher's face. Suddenly, he wanted to tell Hermione to stay, but it was too late. She had already hugged her brother one last time and joined her parents in the sitting room, leaving the two boys at the kitchen table.

"So..." Haberdasher turned to Sirius with a dark glare. "You think it's alright to date my sister huh?"

"Hermione..." Sirius whimpered softly, too soft for anyone but Haberdasher to hear. The older boy merely smirked at the sound of Sirius' cry.

"Hermione's talking with mum and da," Haberdasher informed him needlessly. His smirk turned evil again, and Sirius half expected an overly dramatic evil laugh to escape. "It's just you and me now."

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Sirius stood on Hermione's porch, his face pale and his breathing harsh. Though Haberdasher had only spoken to him, the threats of what would happen if he dared hurt his sister – rather Sirius had magic to protect him or not – were enough to make him feel as though he'd just run several million miles to get away from a supersonic flying dragon that wanted to roast him and have him for dinner.

Hermione stood beside him, worry written plainly on her face. She was rubbing his back comfortingly, curious to know what Haberdasher had said to her boyfriend to make him look so nervous. She had never seen Sirius in such bad shape before.

"Are you alright, Siri?"

"Just...fine..." Sirius said between pants. He smiled up at Hermione, though it wavered a bit. "He just told me what he'd do if I ever hurt you."

Hermione chuckled and kissed Sirius' cheek, making the boy's smile become firmer and more stable. She smiled at him and took his hand in hers.

"Don't worry," she assured him. "Habby wasn't serious – don't even say it, Sirius – he wouldn't hurt you."

"I don't know about that..." Sirius mused, a bit peeved he hadn't been able to comment on the 'serious-Sirius' pun that was just begging for it. Hermione kissed his cheek again.

"He wouldn't," she said firmly. "Because, if _I _ever found you with another woman, there wouldn't be anything left of you for him to hurt."

For the hundredth time that day, Sirius gulped. Hermione just smiled.

END

A/N's:

Haberdasher was the name of a Shakespearian character in _The Taming of the Shrew. _I figure, since Hermione is named after a character of Shakespeare's, why wouldn't her brother be as well?


	92. Nice to Meet You

REQUEST: Cherryblossomlove760 wanted a chapter where Harry meets Hermione and Remus for the first time in his third year

**Episode 92**

Nice to Meet You

Summary: In which Harry meets Hermione and Lupin for the first time in his third year

"Snape doesn't seem to happy, does he?" Ron whispered to Harry. The boy-who-lived looked at his friend, a playful smirk tugging at his lips.

"When is that greasy git _ever _happy?" he asked. Ron snickered and nodded his agreement. The smile faded slightly when he looked at the head table again.

"He looks angrier than usual, wouldn't you say?"

Harry looked up as well, finally taking notice of the harsher-than-normal glare on the former Slytherin's face. Indeed, he did look grumpier than he usually did, and Harry was grateful that, for once, it wasn't directed at him. His emerald eyes followed the trail of Snape's glare and landed on their Defense Against Dark Arts professors faces. Yes, there were two, Dumbledore said they would be teaching together – Professor Granger would take the book part, and Professor Lupin would take the magical part.

"I wonder if he knows them," he mused softly. He shook his head and turned back to his dinner, sighing when he felt Snape's cool glare once again directed at him. Well, at least he had saved the new professors from Snape's freezing glare.

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"You notice anything weird about our professor, Ron?" Harry questioned after the first Defense class ended. Ron looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You mean besides the fact she's the hottest thing to ever enter this school?" Ron asked curiously.

Harry rolled his eyes. Though both he and Ron had entered puberty, Harry had too much to worry about with Sirius Black on the loose, and possible attacks from Voldemort's spirit-thing that was still wandering around the world as far as he knew. Ron didn't have these problems to think about, so he noticed women's attractiveness a lot more than Harry did.

"No!" Harry snapped. He shuddered to think of Professor Granger as hot. Not that she wasn't, because she was, but when he saw her, Harry felt more like he'd met his mother, or a mother-figure rather, and the thought of his mother as hot was just disturbing to the boy. "I mean the way she acted when Seamus mentioned Black."

"Yeah, that _was _weird..." Ron mused in agreement.

The two boys were referring to what had happened earlier in class. Remus and Hermione had been giving a lesson together, informing the students that tomorrow they would separate the book learning from the wand usage, but until then they wanted to simply get to know the students and answer questions.

Seamus inquired about Sirius Black and what he was after, the whole class turning to face a blushing, scowling Harry, and Professor Granger had gone completely still. Lupin reassured the class that Black would _not _get into Hogwarts, which actually _did _comfort the students some, but Granger hadn't moved. She shared a significant look with Remus, who nodded, and she had escaped to the office.

When a Slytherin asked what was wrong with her, Remus simply told them that Hermione wasn't feeling well. It was obvious he was keeping something from them, but everyone let it pass as unimportant. They didn't want to get into their _professors _undoubtedly _boring _personal lives after all. Well, no one except Harry.

Granger was feeling fine, or at least she appeared to be, only moments before the question about Sirius Black was asked. Harry wanted to find out what was wrong, why she reacted the way she did, and he knew the only way he could do that was to spy on them. Ron, seeing the look in his eyes, sighed and shook his head in defeat. Well, it looked like third year would be yet another great adventure for the Golden Duo.

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Harry gaped at the woman across from him. Several months had passed since the start of school, and the Dementors had been getting antsier. Harry knew Black was nearby, he could feel it in his bones, plus the attack on the Fat Lady's portrait only confirmed his suspicions. Hermione had taken him aside, against Remus' orders, so she said, and told him about how Sirius was his godfather – though he'd already heard the professors talking about that – and how she was his godmother.

He couldn't believe that Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger, and Sirius Black had all been friends at one time – and with his father at that! Hermione then proceeded to tell him stories about the Marauders, and how she had been the only one close to Lily for a long while, until the redhead finally buckled and went on a date with his father. It was perhaps the best time of Harry's life, hearing about his family from someone that knew them personally.

She informed him that she wanted to take Harry with her, but a lot happened and she had become too unstable to do so. Hermione also informed him that Dumbledore had his reasons for leaving Harry with the Dursley's, and that he wouldn't have allowed her custody of the boy anyway for those reasons. Harry hated the thought that he could've been loved and wasn't for some reason – what reason was good enough to leave him with his verbally abusive aunt? – and because Sirius Black betrayed his parents.

Harry did notice, though, in the time she spoke, that Hermione's voice would soften and her eyes would get a daze in them with each story. He would've put this off to reminiscing, except she only did it when she spoke of Sirius. He couldn't be too sure, having no experience with relationships himself, but he thought Hermione might have loved the mass murderer. However, when he asked her about it, she quickly shooed him out the room with the excuse it was close to curfew.

So, once again, Harry was left with more questions than answers. Still, he smiled, he had a godmother now. A woman that was just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. That made his day.

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"Hermione, you can't keep doing this to yourself!" Remus exclaimed. Hermione sighed and looked at her hands, nodding to show her acknowledgment of his words. "I don't want to believe it anymore than you do, but...what other proof do we need?"

"I know," Hermione said softly. Her voice grew in crescendo, as she stood and slammed her hands on the table. Tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at the werewolf. "I know! Still..." she sat down and placed one hand over her chest. "I loved him...I _love _him, even now. I just...I know it's been a while, and we all know he murdered them, but I still really, really love him."

"I know you do, Hermione," Remus whispered, patting her hand gently. "I wish he was innocent too. He was our best friend. It hurts me just as much as you."

"I know," Hermione said again, sniffling as she hugged Remus.

Behind her closed eyes, she could still see that night clearly. The Aurors popping up everywhere, the dead Muggles, Sirius struggling and proclaiming his innocence while Hermione ran after him crying.

She could still see the Minister's smug face as he announced Sirius Black would not be getting a trial. The anger she felt but was forced to push away before she made Sirius' sentence worse in her anger at the corrupt Ministry. The pain she felt as she watched Sirius be dragged away from her forever, and the comfort she found in Remus' hugs, how she'd gone to him that night for more than just friendly comfort – though neither were together and their union was strictly out of pain, not love.

Even though she had long since been forced to admit to herself that Sirius Black had, indeed, killed Lily and James Potter. He killed Peter Pettigrew when the rat discovered his horrid secret, and then all the Muggles bodies lying strewn on the ground. Even though Hermione knew he was guilty, she loved him still, so much that she had been ecstatic about his breakout, until she realized the implications. That was why she and Remus had come to Hogwarts, to teach and to look out for Harry. Neither wanted him harmed by their former friend, even if they did still love him, Hermione romantically and Remus as a friend, dearly.

The two were startled from their conversation when the door burst open. Harry blushed when he saw the embrace his two professors were in, but he reminded himself that this was more important than whatever might have been going on between them.

"Um...Sorry, sorry," he apologized quickly, looking away. Hermione smiled at her godson and sniffled, wiping away her tears.

"It's alright, Harry," she reassured. "Remus was just comforting me after I got a little overemotional."

Harry looked at them, for the first time noticing the red streaks on Hermione's cheeks, signs of tears. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but quickly shook the worry he felt for her away when he, once again, remembered why he'd shown up so suddenly and burst in without knocking.

"Did you need something, Harry?" Remus asked kindly. Harry nodded and pulled out the Marauders map, which Hermione assured him was his to keep, as he was James' son and as a student at Hogwarts would need it more than either herself or Lupin.

"I think the map is broken," he said while it unfolded. "I was using it when I saw...I saw..."

"You saw what, Harry?" Hermione asked, ever the curious one. Harry frowned and handed the map to her.

"I saw Peter Pettigrew's name on it, but he's dead, right? So, he can't be here. Sirius Black killed him!" Harry noticed the flinch Hermione gave, but there was something sparkling in her eyes he recognized but couldn't quite place. She looked at Remus, then at him, a gentle smile on her motherly face.

"Thank you for telling us this, Harry. We'll try to fix the map as best we can," she assured him. Harry nodded once and then left the room, donning his cloak once he was outside the classroom and once again on his way to Gryffindor tower.

Remus and Hermione looked at the map, at each other, and back to the map again. A grin spread across Hermione's face as she leaned back in her seat and held the map close to her chest. Remus also grinned, thinking the same thing Hermione was.

The map didn't lie. Pettigrew was alive. And that meant that for Sirius, there was still hope.

END

A/N's:

This one didn't have much Sirius/Hermione in it, but that would be hard to do since this _was _before Sirius really made an introduction in the books, and at this point he was still a murderer as far as Harry and co. were concerned. Hope it was good all the same.


	93. Did I Mention I'm Sorry?

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Sirius' messes up badly, and then fumbles to apologize to Hermione

**Episode 93**  
  
Did I Mention I'm Sorry?

Summary: In which Sirius messes up and attempts to apologize

"For once in your life, would you stop reading!" Sirius shouted, glaring at his girlfriend angrily. Hermione glared back, fire in her brown eyes that said she would _not _back down. The teen huffed and crossed his arms, his voice turning chilly as he stared at the girl he'd been seeing for the past three years. "You're pathetic, Hermione."

There went the fire. Hermione's arms sagged to her side, her fists no longer clenching in anger. She could take pretty much any insult, but her love for books over pranks was always a sore spot. Though Remus also loved books, it wasn't to the extent she did, and so she was often berated – behind her back, though she heard the students – about her bookishness and how she didn't belong with the Marauders. Hearing Sirius say she was pathetic was like one of her best friends, her boyfriend at that, agreeing with the other students.

Sirius' eyes widened the moment he realized what he said. He stepped forward, reaching one hand towards Hermione. The bushy-haired girl turned and ran upstairs. She was just too hurt to look at Sirius in that moment. Sirius watched her go, sighing angrily at himself for what he'd done.

James, who'd witnessed the whole event with Remus and Peter, clucked his tongue at his friend. Standing, he walked over to the depressed Gryffindor and patted his shoulder, offering him words of comfort. Well, they should've been words of comfort. Rather, what he said was: "Wow, mate, you sure buggered that one up!"

"Thanks James," Sirius said sarcastically, glaring at his best friend. "You really know how to cheer a guy up."

James smiled widely, completely oblivious to Sirius' sarcastic tone. "I try."

Remus and Peter watched the two, the former shaking his head at the idiocy of his two friends. They could come up with complicated enchantments for pranks, yet they always screwed up badly when it counted most. Like right now.

Peter just sighed and wondered how he and Hermione would overcome _this _argument. It was a pattern. Hermione would screw up badly, spend about a week apologizing to Sirius and be forgiven. A few weeks later, Sirius would screw up badly, spend about a week apologizing to Hermione and be forgiven. It was a cycle really, and it was beginning to get old. But the two loved each other and couldn't imagine themselves with anyone else.

"Well, how about _trying _to help me win Hermione's forgiveness?"

James, upon hearing this request, quickly looked around for some form of escape. The first, and last, time the Marauders got in the middle of Sirius' and Hermione's argument, it hadn't been pretty. James could still feel the jinx Sirius had put on him for daring to sing his girl a love song, though it had been Sirius' idea, and the books thrown at him when he accidentally messed up Hermione's apology poem to Sirius in the Great Hall.

"Oh, look, there's Lily!" James said with a broad smile. "See ya!"

Sirius crossed his arms and glared after his best mate, who was once again hitting on the redheaded Lily Evans. He turned a hopeful gaze to Peter and Remus, only to see the two boys absorbed in their homework and steadily not looking at him. Humphing at his friends disloyalty, Sirius stomped up the stairs to the boys dorm, determined to make Hermione forgive him.

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Hermione stared at the flowers held out to her. She glared at Sirius, who was staring hopefully at her and turned her back to him. Sirius frowned. Hermione normally loved flowers, so why was she denying these? It wasn't like her, just because she was mad, to deny a gift he had for her.

"Hermione, come on, I said I was sorry!"

"Sirius," Hermione growled, turning to face him and knocking the flowers out of his hand. "Those are daffodils!"

"Yeah...And?"

"And, I'm allergic!" Hermione exclaimed, glaring at him. Sirius' frown deepened as an embarrassed flush spread across his face. Oh yeah, she had told him that.

"Um, oops?"

Hermione glared at her nervously smiling boyfriend and stomped away. Though, if one were to look closely, they would see her lips twitching in amusement.

Sirius sighed as her back disappeared from view and hung his head. Flowers hadn't worked, so he would have to try something new. But what?

A smirk slid across his face. He knew just the thing!

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Blink.

Hopeful stare.

Blink.

Pout.

Blink.

"Say something, damn it!" Sirius shouted, unable to take the silence any longer. He had just composed the most beautiful poem ever written, if he did say so himself, and now he was waiting for Hermione's reaction. She blinked. Again.

"Sirius..." Hermione started lowly. Sirius grinned hopefully, wondering if she would forgive him this time. "You do realize...You just plagiarized Shakespeare, right?"

Sirius blinked. "Is that bad?"

Hermione's glare returned ten-fold. One could practically see the flames surrounding her. Sirius gulped nervously, wondering if maybe taking a poem from Shakespeare wasn't such a good idea.

"You can't even _try _to come up with something original!? Do I really mean that little to you?"

"Wha? No, no!" Sirius tried to protest, but it was too late. Hermione had already stomped off, leaving Sirius alone in the library.

He sighed and stared at the stacks, wondering what he would do now. Hermione still hadn't forgiven him, and it was already three days into the week. He had waited this long to give her time to cool down, but it seemed that wasn't long enough. Damn.

With a sigh, he stared at the stacks again, wondering if just entering the library could somehow be used to make her forgive him. His eyes widened and he straightened when inspiration hit. He smiled. He knew exactly what would make Hermione forgive him! But...Just in case, he would give her a few days to calm down again.

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James, Peter, and Remus sighed in relief as they entered the Great Hall. It had been seven days since the argument between Sirius and Hermione began. If the cycle went as it usually did, today would be the day Sirius came up with a good way to apologize and they would finally make up.

Hermione sat down across from them, a forlorn sigh escaping her as she opened her copy of _Hogwarts: A History_. It killed her to admit it, even to herself, but she missed Sirius. Still, she wasn't just going to give in and forgive him because of that. He had messed up, and now he needed to face the consequences. What example would she be setting for girls everywhere if she just forgave her boyfriend without some fight?

Her attention was drawn from the book when Sirius sat across from her. He had the usual hopeful gleam in his eyes that made Hermione glare outwardly and smile lovingly inwardly.

"Here!" Sirius said, thrusting a wrapped package at her. Hermione raised a brow and took the package, tenderly setting her favorite book aside to see what Sirius had done to apologize now.

Her eyes widened when she uncovered the brand new version of _Hogwarts: A History_, complete with a protection charm surrounding it so that it would never be harmed. She looked at Sirius in shock, her mouth gaping open.

"Sirius..." she breathed. It was all she could say. Sirius smiled slightly and ducked his head.

"Did I mention I'm sorry?" he asked, peeking at her from underneath his bangs. Hermione squealed, threw the book on top of her old copy, and hugged Sirius tightly. He choked mockingly, though he hugged her back. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

Hermione pulled away and smiled at him, kissing him quickly. "You're forgiven," she said, and then promptly went back to choking him with her bone-crushing hug.

Sirius smiled broadly and shot the three boys a thumbs up. The Marauders shared a look and sighed. It was always the same.

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_Two Weeks Later_

"...Why don't you just join your parents then!?" Hermione shrieked. Sirius grew still, his eyes losing the angry fire that had been in them only moments before. Hermione belatedly realized her mistake and held a hand out to the boy across from her. "Sirius...I..."

"Just forget it, Hermione," Sirius said roughly, shoving past her. Hermione sighed and hung her head, wondering how she would make it up to him.

Remus, Peter, and James watched the event unfold and sighed themselves. Looks like the cycle would continue for another week.

END

A/N's:

So, who has now gotten and read/is reading the 7th book? What did/do you think? Though, don't tell me what happens, I haven't started it yet! As usual, I'm just trying to hear your opinions...Anyhow, as we're nearing the end of the series, I'm up to 98 in requests, I will show you the results for names of my Remus/Hermione series!

Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate – 3

Up to No Good, Only Books and Chocolate – 2

Battle of Wits: Marauder vs. Marauderette – 1

Nicknames:

Majesty – 2

I'm still taking options or votes until the end, as I'm sure you all know, but these are the main choices now. Also, if no one has another option for Hermione's nickname, I will use Majesty – so long as it's alright with Moony's Shady Lady, who came up with the nickname and mentioned using it in her own story.


	94. Pound

REQUEST: Amon-100 wanted a chapter with Moonstar getting captured by the pound, and Padfoot attempting to get her out of the pound

**Episode 94**

Pound

Summary: In which Moonstar is caught by a dog warden, and Padfoot must help her escape

Padfoot barked as he chased after his beloved Moonstar. It had been so long since they'd managed to run around like this when Remus wasn't turning into a giant wolf. Padfoot had to admit that he missed being a dog when it was just himself and his beautiful bitch.

Thanks to the Potters going away on a family vacation to America, and Hermione's parents leaving for a dental convention, Hermione invited Sirius to her home instead of going to that dreadful Grimmauld Place where nothing but pain and insults at his girlfriend and himself awaited him. Now, it was just the two of them, and they were having fun, running around the neighborhood in their animagus forms.

Padfoot grinned, as well as a dog could, when he imagined what might happen tonight. Hermione had bought a pregnancy charm before they left the magical world, so she wouldn't have to keep using magic – which they still couldn't do outside of school – and he intended to make use of it. He loved Hermione and wanted to ask her to marry him, so this invitation to stay with her had been a blessing in more ways than one. He could already imagine her saying yes and drawing him into a lingering kiss that would steadily build into a night of passion and love.

The large dog was pulled from his thoughts by a frantic barking. He recognized that noise anywhere. It was Moonstar!

Running around the corner, Padfoot arrived just in time to see Moonstar being thrown forcefully into the back of a truck. A man wearing a uniform and glaring at the dogs already inside as though they were slime climbed into the truck just as Padfoot ran towards it. The vehicle pulled away, leaving Padfoot in the dust, while Moonstar barked frantically for her boyfriend from her new cage.

Padfoot whimpered and growled, wondering how he was going to get his beloved Moonstar back. He decided to go back to Hermione's house and plan – well, floo Remus and ask the werewolf if he had any ideas on what to do to get her back from whoever had taken her. Remus was smart, right? He would have some ideas.

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Moonstar growled softly, miserably. Not only could she not change back to human form, as that might alert the dog warden that had taken her captive of something not quite right, but there was a wild doberman behind her that wouldn't stop sniffing her tail!

She had barked angrily at him, turned away, and even ran around the truck to avoid him. Unfortunately, the bastard seemed quite attracted to her and wouldn't leave her alone. He followed her everywhere, and her angry barking only seemed to excite him more.

Instead, the girl took comfort in her imagination, wondering what Sirius would do if he found out she had gathered an unwanted admirer. It was tough ignoring the sniffing male, but she finally laid down and just let him have his fun. So long as he didn't attempt mounting her, she didn't see the harm in letting him sniff. After all, he was bigger than her, and as an actual dog and not animagus, most likely he was stronger too.

_Damn it, Sirius, _Moonstar thought when the doberman nuzzled her very inappropriately. _Save me soon! Being caught by the pound isn't just embarrassing, it's mortifying!_

"_Oi you!" _Moonstar said in a bark. "_Leave me the hell alone!"_

The doberman only barked back in reply, informing Moonstar, and every other dog in the truck, that she was _his _bitch now. Moonstar never expected to find herself wishing she were in a room full of cats or some other animal, anything other than dogs. After all, an animagus could only understand perfectly the animal they were – animagus dogs understood dogs, animagus cats understood cats, ect... – and she'd rather not hear a canine other than Padfoot call her his woman.

Another whine escaped her, this one a sound of absolute depression. The doberman barked happily.

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_Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! _Padfoot growled in his mind. Of all the times for the bookish Moony to be out and about! His mother said Remus found a parttime job at a local bookstore – the owner oblivious to his...condition – and was busy there. So, Sirius was left to his own devices, trying to find a way to free Hermione from her strange captor.

He briefly remembered the girl telling him about people that wore uniforms and caught animals, usually dogs, and took them to a place called the pound. She said that it only happened to dogs that didn't have collars – or dogs who managed to escape and their owners were called – and that if no one adopted the dog after so long, they were put to sleep. Padfoot knew she didn't have a collar, neither did he for that matter, and he didn't have the money to buy her from the pound. So, he would have to save her before they could put her to sleep.

Catching a whiff of her scent, he took off in the direction he thought the truck might have headed. Briefly, he was thankful for Hermione's lessons on all things Muggle, otherwise he wouldn't even know how to tell the difference between their vehicles. It would be embarrassing if, in trying to save his bitch, he chased after the wrong kind of automobile altogether.

Spotting the truck in the distance, and a familiar brown spot in the back of said truck, Padfoot sped up as fast as his legs could take him, which was actually pretty fast considering he spent most nights of the full moon running with a werewolf. He spotted an alleyway that seemed to shout SHORTCUT to him, and he took it. He'd always had great judgement, be he Sirius or Padfoot, and he wasn't about to go against his instincts now.

Sure enough, the grim turned a corner and found himself a little ahead of the truck. Growling lowly, he readied himself to run in front of the moving vehicle. He said a brief prayer to whatever gods there were that he wouldn't be killed and made the jump into the middle of the road.

The dog warden gasped when he saw the large black dog appear in front of him. Frightened by the sudden appearance, he swerved sharply to the right. Several screams were muffled by his closed windows as the truck swerved too fast and turned on its side, thankfully with his side up, so he remained undamaged.

A few pedestrians, not too shocked to move, went over to help the man, who was rolling down his window him hopes of getting out. The others simply stared, gaping at the scene that had just played before them. It certainly wasn't everyday a large dog came out of nowhere and made a truck swerve onto its side. Then again, it had just happened so it wasn't out of the realm of possible.

Padfoot, satisfied with this, trotted to the back of the truck. The man seemed to have his legs stuck, so it would be a while before he was fully pulled from his truck and thus able to chase after the dog that caused the whole mess in the first place. His tongue hung out as he panted, though it was his variation of a smile in dog form, when he saw his precious Moonstar unscathed, if not a little disoriented.

She growled upon seeing her dogfriend. Not that she wasn't happy he had shown up to save her, but honestly, running out in front of a moving vehicle? Was he suicidal!?

Padfoot looked both ways to make sure no one was looking; satisfied that everyone was too focused on the dog warden to notice a dog change into a human, he turned back into Sirius. Muttering a quick spell with his wand, the cage door flew open, and Sirius silently thanked Merlin that he had turned seventeen just last week.

Moonstar was quick to jump out of the van, but she was more reluctant to change in so open an area. Marauder or not, she was a bit more practical and a bit less risky than her boyfriend and James. However, when the doberman came out, growling angrily at Sirius and baring his canines, Moonstar decided it was time to change.

Sirius frowned down at the dog that was growling at him, resisting the urge to change back just to snarl in return. He couldn't be too sure as a human, but he was almost certain that mutt was challenging him for Moonstar's affections. The doberman backed off as soon as a young poodle sauntered past, and he took off after said dog. Moonstar glared at his retreating back; even if she'd had no desire to be with him, that was still rather rude!

She let out an indignant bark that could be understood by all females of any species – _men!_

Changing back despite her original reluctance, Hermione smiled and hugged Sirius tightly; she would reward him greatly tonight, but first things first...

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Hogwarts started again, and the Marauders found themselves reunited in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. James blinked when he noticed something glittering against Hermione's neck. He looked closer at the leather choker she was wearing, eyes widening when he realized it wasn't a choker at all.

"Oi, Star," he started, half amused and half disbelieving. "Is that a...dog collar?"

END

A/N's:

When Hermione is referred to as a bitch, it isn't used as an insult. She's a female dog, therefore she's a bitch. See? Just in case there was someone who didn't understand that, I thought I'd explain.

The polls are as followed:

Titles:

Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate – 6

Up to no Good, Only Books and Chocolate – 5

Nickname:

Majesty – 3

Moonstar – 3


	95. Admirer

REQUEST: fearlesschick wanted a chapter where Sirius tries to help James get Lily, but it backfires and she falls for him instead

**Episode 95**

Admirer

Summary: In which Sirius gains an unwanted admirer

"Alright, all you've got to do is show her you really care about her, and she's not just some bint whose caught your eye for this week." Sirius patted James on the shoulder reassuringly when the hazel eyes looked at him hopefully.

Yesterday, James yet again attempted to ask Lily out, but she, of course, had refused to give him a chance. So, instead of pursuing her as per usual the next day, he had gone to Sirius in hopes that his best mate might have some tips. After all, Sirius managed to snag Hermione, and if Sirius and James were similar, then Hermione and Lily might as well have been the same person, save Hermione's love for pranks and breaking rules.

That was how they'd gotten to this point.

"I've been _trying _to do just _that _for the past three years, Padfoot!" James exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. They were now in sixth year, and ever since third year, James had been begging Lily to go on a date with him. However, she absolutely refused to go out with an immature jerk like him! Or, so she said anyway.

"Hm...Yeah, I guess you're right." Sirius mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he thought back to the past three years.

James' feelings _had _started out as a desire to have the intelligent and beautiful Lily Evans on his arm for a week, but after being turned down despite his good looks and the hordes of girls that would kill to be in her shoes, he quickly began to respect the redhead. Once he admitted this to himself, his feelings steadily evolved until no other woman would do. At first, James thought perhaps he would get over his unnatural obsession with Lily when she agreed to date him, but after third year ended and fourth year began, he had admitted to himself that he really, truly loved Lily Evans. Unfortunately, sixth year now in progress, and she _still _wouldn't give him the time of day!

He had tried everything he could, but to no avail. He even went so far as to stop playing pranks! Granted, it only lasted for a day before he broke down and pranked Severus more times in an hour than he had the entire year before, but that was beside the point! Lily remained elusive and just out of reach for him, and it was slowly killing him inside. Well, maybe not actually killing him, but it hurt a damn lot to know the woman you loved didn't care one wit for you.

"Of course I'm right!" James scowled at Sirius for daring to think him wrong. The raven-haired boy merely smiled and wrapped his arm around his friend, walking him over to the couch.

"Lucky for you, I have an idea!" Sirius exclaimed proudly. Had it been anyone else, they would've immediately made excuses and quickly left the Marauder sitting there alone. However, this was James Potter, not someone else, and thus he eagerly waited to hear what Sirius' plan was. Perhaps the worst mistake he'd ever make in his life.

"What? What? What?" he asked anxiously, bouncing in his seat. Sirius grinned proudly and leaned back against the couch in a rather arrogant pose.

"Hermione has been telling me all about these Muggle spies, and the kind of tech-nol-ogy (he had to sound it out as the word was still foreign to him) they use. She told me about these really cool communicator thingies that could let us talk at far distances and no one would know that we're talking to each other!"

"That's great and all," James frowned, "but how's that gonna help me win over my sweet Lilykins?"

Sirius held up a finger, a mischievous smirk playing across his lips. He took out his wand and swung it teasingly in an even more confused James' face.

"I made a spell that works the same way!" Sirius announced proudly. He smiled wider when he noticed realization dawning in the baffled hazel orbs.

"You mean?"

"Right, mate!" Sirius crowed, slapping his shoulder. "I'll use the charm, then I'll tell you what to say so you can _really _impress Lily!"

"That's a great idea, Sirius!" James said happily. His smile faded quickly though, and he looked with hopeful eyes at his best friend. "But what if I mess up or something?"

"Eh? Since when do you worry about messing up?" Sirius asked bewilderedly. He waved it away before James could answer, remembering how uncharacteristically nervous he'd been when it was just him and Hermione. "Don't worry, I'll hide in the bushes or something, and that way someone you know will be there to save you if you chicken out!"

"Great!" James roared, pulling Sirius into a tight hug that nearly suffocated the Black. "You're the best, mate!"

"I know!" Sirius said, then gasped when he realized his air was being cut off. "James...can't...breathe..."

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"What is it now, Potter?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes knowingly. James had dragged her out of the library to bring her outside and ask her something _very _important. Of course, she already knew what it would be, but she had a small tinkling of hope that he would actually ask something worth her time today rather than the usual 'will you go out with me?'

Honestly, Lily liked James, a lot. He was funny, cute, smart (despite what everyone thought, those pranks were higher quality spells than most their age knew), but he was also conceited, arrogant, and a jerk. He never could treat people like people, unless they were the Marauders, rather they were treated like his precious toys that he could do with as he pleased. It disgusted Lily, and it didn't help that many girls at Hogwarts threw themselves at him.

If he didn't have a reputation for being a player, though it wasn't quite as bad as Sirius' reputation (though, he was faithful to Hermione), then she might actually have given him a chance. It would hurt too much to be the girl on his arm for a week, though, and then be dumped and forgotten.

"I just wanted to tell you..." James trailed off uneasily, shifting from foot to foot. Lily raised a single brow, her curiosity peaked now that he looked so nervous. It wasn't like Potter to be nervous.

"Yes?" she encouraged, her voice softer now.

"_I wanted to tell you that you're the only one for me," _Sirius said quietly, so Lily wouldn't hear him but James would, thanks to the charm. He was currently hiding in the tree above them, watching the scene play out. He smirked at Lily's expression when her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. _"I know what you're thinking, but I'm not just saying that to score with you. Lily, from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I _knew _that you were the one, the _only _one for me."_

Lily clapped her hands over her mouth. She didn't want to believe what James had just said to her, but his tone sounded so sincere, so honest, that she couldn't help but believe it. There was something wrong though. It just wasn't James' style to say such sweet things with such a tender voice. No, his way was more to declare his love aloud while annoying everyone in the vicinity with some childish action or another.

"Lily, please," James begged, listening closely to all that Sirius was saying. "I really, really, _really _like – no, _love_ y- SHIT!"

"Excuse me?" Lily asked, blinking. The blush she sported just moments earlier disappeared completely upon his explanation.

"No, no!" James said quickly. "You weren't supposed to repeat that!"

"Huh?"

"Damn it, James," James continued on his odd tirade. "Stop repeating me, you're making a fool of yourself in front of Eva- AH!"

Just as Lily was about to ask if James had, perhaps, performed one of his pranks on himself, a loud crashing sound cut her off. She turned quickly to see Sirius lying face-first on the ground, and a single brow rose in question.

Sirius, meanwhile, had been telling James some of his best lines. Of course, these particular lines had only been used on Hermione before, but he was sure she wouldn't mind if he gave them to James. After all, she wanted the redhead to get with Potter as much as he did.

"_I really, really, _really _like – no, _love _y- SHIT!" _This exclamation escaped him unwittingly when a large bird swooped down to attack him with its claws. He shooed it away before realizing that James had repeated him.

"_No, no!" _he scolded his friend, who unfortunately repeated the words. "_You weren't supposed to repeat that! Damn it, James, stop repeating me! You're making a fool of yourself in front of- AH!"_ At this point, the bird returned with vengeance and Sirius fell from the tree he'd been in.

Groggily, he looked up to see confused emerald eyes looking at him, along with widened hazel orbs silently asking what happened. He sat up quickly and rubbed the back of his head, laughing nervously.

"Ah, what a beautiful day to bird watch, huh? Yeah, I was just...sitting in the tree...bird watching...when I saw this great big bird, but apparently it didn't like me, so I--"

"Sirius, were you telling James to say all those things to me?" Lily asked, using the boys' first names in her bafflement. James grinned widely, enjoying the way his name slid off of Lily's tongue.

"Uhm, no! No, why would you say that?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking slightly. Normally, he was a great liar, but when he was put on the spot like this, his voice always cracked and gave him away. Lily's eyes widened.

"I-I don't believe this!" she gasped, clasping a hand over her mouth. James sighed and hung his head, hoping this hadn't wrecked his chances with her completely.

"Lily, look, I can explain--"

"Why didn't you just tell me that's how you felt!?" Lily exclaimed, helping Sirius to stand and completely ignoring James. The two Marauders looked at her baffled as she blushed again, and turned away from Sirius' inquisitive stare.

"Uh, what?" Sirius asked oh-so intelligently.

"I never knew...I mean, I never thought that you would...But, oh! I don't know what to say about this," Lily said, more to herself than the boys present. They shared a confused look and turned back to her, James stepping forward once to try talking to his beautiful redhead again.

"Lily, I'm really sor--"

"I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised," Lily continued her musings, oblivious to James' presence, much less his attempts at talking to her. "Hermione and I are a lot alike, I just didn't think that _that's _why you were dating her!"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, half bewildered and half offended. Was Lily implying that he didn't love Hermione? He did, and he had ever since second year! He'd just been too afraid to tell her until a month ago.

"Lily, look, Sirius was helping me too--"

"You shouldn't have used James to tell me your feelings!" Lily exclaimed suddenly, interrupting James yet again. The messy-haired boy started to say something _again, _but stopped when he heard what Lily had just said. He and Sirius shared another look.

"Excuse me?" Sirius raised a single brow, unaware that he sounded eerily like Lily (save the girly voice) had just a few moments earlier.

"What will Hermione say though?" Lily wondered aloud, walking away from the boys. "I hope she doesn't hate me. I wonder if she knows? I wouldn't be surprised..." her voice trailed off as she moved farther away from the boys, both staring after her in shock.

"Uh, what just happened?" Sirius asked, completely thunderstruck by the odd scene that had just played out. James frowned, his eyes glimmering with tears of amusement and pain.

"I think, Padfoot, that Lily thinks _you _were telling her you loved her, but because you were so shy you used me to do it for you. In other words, Lily thinks you love her."

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"WHAT!?" Hermione's shout echoed around the common room, scaring the other Gryffindors present. They turned, fearfully, to the Marauders, wondering what the five were discussing that had caused such a violent reaction from perhaps the calmest, save Remus, of the pranksters.

James glared at the obviously eavesdropping students, who quickly fled the common room in fear. When they were gone, he leaned closer (one can never be too careful) and repeated himself softly.

"Lily thinks Sirius is in love with her."

"I heard you the first time," Hermione said irately, flopping back on the red and gold couch. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, which were beginning to throb. Opening one eye, she sighed tiredly. "Why exactly is Lily under the impression that _my _boyfriend loves her?"

"Well..." Sirius and James shared a look before the latter continued to explain what had happened earlier. By the end, Hermione, Remus, and Peter were staring at the two boys in silence.

"I see..." Hermione said slowly before she burst into laughter. Sirius stared at his girlfriend aghast, unable to believe she was actually _laughing _about this!

"Hermione!" he gasped indignantly. She wiped tears of mirth from her eyes as her laughter slowly peetered off, but a large smile still splayed across her face.

"Don't worry, darling, I'll protect your...your...ho_nor_!" The last half of the word was a shriek as laughter once again started. Sirius glared at her before turning his disbelieving gaze to Remus and Peter. Both James and Sirius gaped when they saw the two boys in similar states of hilarity as Hermione. Apparently, they were the only Marauders _not_ amused by the predicament.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Protect my honor, my arse."

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Hermione sighed when she felt Lily's apologetic, slightly worried gaze on her back. The emerald eyes had been following her throughout most of the day, pityingly and sorrowful. Well, Hermione thought rather annoyed, at least she knew Lily regretted "stealing Sirius' affections" from her.

Remus sat beside her, occasionally glancing at the redhead before turning to smirk amusedly at Sirius. Hermione wished she could do the same, but it was kind of hard to stay amused when those looks were being directed at you _all day long_!

All the same, she was glad not to be on the receiving end of Sirius' harsh glare right now. Though, it didn't seem to have an effect on Moony, who continued to make his silent amusement known through expression.

James lowered his head when he saw Lily's green eyes move from Hermione to Sirius, before a blush took over her cheeks again and she quickly looked away. He hated this! He hated that his precious Lilykins had fallen for Sirius and not him when that had been the whole point! Jameswas the one always chasing after her, so why did Sirius get her? Not that his best friend_ wanted _her.

"Alright, that's it!" Hermione slammed her hands down on the table, a glare taking over her features when she felt Lily's apologetic gaze on her again. The Marauders started at her sudden outburst and shrunk under the glare on her pretty face. "If I get one more I'm-so-sorry-I-stole-Sirius-from-you look, I'm going to crack!"

"I think you already have," Peter pointed out. He squeaked when her heated glare turned to him, and it was all he could do not to bury himself under the table.

"Sirius, straighten this out," Hermione ordered when she was satisfied that Peter wouldn't speak out again. Sirius blanched.

"What? Me? Why do _I_ have to do it?" Sirius asked, looking nervously at Lily. She wasn't looking their way right then, but feeling eyes on hers, she looked up to meet Sirius' gaze. Another blush appeared, and once again she looked away quickly, a slight smile playing on her lips.

"Because it's _your _fault this whole mess started?" Remus suggested, taking a bite of his dinner. Sirius scowled.

"How is this _my _fault exactly? James is the one who wanted me to tell him what to say!"

"I just wanted you to give me some tips, mate!" James protested quickly. "It was _your _idea to hide in a tree."

"Hermione...!" Sirius whined, pouting at his girlfriend. "I don't wanna do it!"

"Sirius," Hermione sighed, taking his hands in hers, "Lily won't listen to anyone else. If either James or I tell her the truth, she's going to think we're jealous. James will be jealous that she likes you, and I will be jealous because you like her. Therefore, we're both out of the running. If Peter tells her...Well, I think he'd wet his pants before he could get close to her."

A few laughs escaped at this, and Peter glared down at his plate. It wasn't _his _fault he was scared of strong women! They were terrifying creatures!

"What about Remus?" Sirius asked, glaring at the werewolf. Remus smiled cheekily back, obviously amused by the predicament his friends had landed themselves in.

"Lily would be hurt to know that you're too much of a coward to tell her to her face that you don't like her like that, and it was all just one big misunderstanding. Besides that, Remus is also James' and my friend, and he could be working for us."

Sirius glared. He didn't like this, but Hermione made several good points. He was really the only one that could correct Lily's mistake. With a heavy sigh, he nodded.

"I'll tell her tomorrow," he said. "After potions."

Hermione nodded proudly and kissed Sirius' cheek. He smiled lightly, though it would take a lot more than that to make him feel forgiving, and judging by the smirk on Hermione's face, she knew it too.

Lily saw the kiss and shot Hermione a sad, almost pitying look. Clearly, Sirius hadn't told Hermione about his true feelings, or how Lily knew of them yet. It would be truly heartbreaking when Hermione did find out. She hoped he let her down gently.

Hermione felt the gaze and resisted the urge to scream. She just had to wait until tomorrow, then everything would be fixed! Just wait until tomorrow...

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"Lily!" Sirius called when the redhead exited the Potions room. He looked once at his friends, and they nodded their understanding. He went after the girl, who had stopped to see what he wanted, the blush once again on her cheeks. It seemed to have become a permanent resident ever since she found out the "truth of his feelings".

"What is it, Sirius?" she asked, her voice soft and slightly timid. Sirius frowned. That wasn't at all like the Lily he knew! Shaking away those thoughts, he took a deep breath.

"Can we talk?"

Several students stopped to stare at the surprising scene. No one expected to see Sirius Black approach Lily Evans to talk! Many glances were shot at Potter, whose crush on Lily was well known, but when they saw that he didn't look the least fazed, and actually seemed pleased that Sirius was talking to the redhead, they shrugged it off and figured Sirius was just trying to talk her into dating his friend.

"Um, sure!" Lily squeaked. She looked back at the Marauders, but they were busy talking to each other. It seemed like they hadn't yet realized Sirius was out of the classroom, else she thought they might have been crowding around her too.

"Come on," Sirius said, pulling her around the corner. He shot a significant look to Hermione, who nodded when she saw the look out of the corner of her eye. Unknown to the redhead, three figures followed Sirius and herself around the corner and hid when they finally came to a stop away from the other students.

"Was there something you wanted?" Lily asked timidly, blushing darkly. What was wrong with her? She never blushed this much before!

She wasn't the only one asking that very question. James also wanted to know why his darling Lilykins would blush so much for Sirius, but she wouldn't even smile at him. It just wasn't fair!

_Calm down, James, _he mentally comforted. _Once Padfoot explains everything, Lily will come running back to your arms!_

Okay, so maybe Lily had never actually ran into his arms, but that was beside the point!

"Actually yeah, it's about what happened that day..." Sirius trailed off. His eyes moved to the side, and he spotted the Marauders watching him. Hermione shot him a thumbs up and gestured for him to continue.

"Oh?" Lily knew exactly what he was talking about. She wondered if he'd finally told Hermione the truth.

"Look, Lily, I...It was all a mis--" Sirius was cut off by a warning bell, though. Lily gasped when she realized she would be late if she didn't hurry.

"Sorry Sirius, we'll have to continue this later!" she said, rushing around the corner. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

Then, she was gone.

"--understanding..." Sirius finished lamely.

James clenched his fists. Damn it, they were so close too! He sighed. Well, it wasn't like he could blame the bell on Sirius, though he desperately wanted too. This sucked. Why did his girl have to fall for his best friend? How unjust was that!?

"Come on," Hermione urged gently, pulling on James' sleeve. "We have to get to class too."

He nodded, not really listening, and allowed the Marauders to lead him away.

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By the time lunch rolled around, the Great Hall was in a buzz. Whispers about what could possibly be going on between Sirius and Lily had circulated everywhere. Though the Marauders were steadily convincing students it wasn't betrayal, but Sirius trying to help James win the redhead, they still had a lot of students left to convince before the school stopped asking questions.

James was in hell right now. He continuously wrung his hands while Hermione patted his back comfortingly. Sirius had pulled Lily out of the Great Hall to explain things to her. He could only imagine how she was taking this, and James hated the thought that his Lily would undoubtedly feel embarrassed and ashamed, but she had to know before things got out of hand. Besides, if James had to see her shoot one more loving look at Sirius in class, he wasn't sure he would be able to stay in the same room as Padfoot without feeling the urge to strangle him.

The double doors burst open with, and the Great Hall turned to see a beet-red Lily march up to the Marauders. Her green eyes sparkled with determination, despite the embarrassed flush on her face. Silence reigned as the redhead marched up to James and stared down at him.

James gulped as he looked up at the woman of his dreams. Hermione glanced between them curiously, wondering if Sirius had somehow managed to convince her to give James a chance in the process of telling her she had made a mistake in thinking he had deep feelings for her.

"Potter...Would you go to Hogsmeade with me?" Lily asked, closing her eyes. A collective gasp filled the room, and James gaped at the blushing redhead. When she opened her eyes again, she saw he was smiling widely at her, tears streaming down his face as he cupped his hands to his chest.

"Lily..." James said breathlessly. "I thought you'd never ask! Here, sit!" He pushed Peter out of his seat, earning a glare from the ratlike boy. Lily smiled, feeling slightly nervous and took the seat, shooting an apologetic look at the grumbling Peter.

Hermione smiled and walked over to Sirius, who leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"You know," he breathed, "you still need to apologize for laughing at me."

No more needed to be said as Sirius and Hermione ran out of the room and towards Gryffindor tower, determined to make good on the rare emptiness of the dorms.

END

A/N's:

I was going to add a lot more humorous parts, but it was taking too long. So, I decided against it. I think it came out pretty good regardless, but my opinion doesn't.

For those that gave me their requests, I thank you for being so patient. I have all of them, and I'm getting to them slowly, but I have other work I need to finish as well. Being a dedicated procrastinator isn't always good, so now I'm stuck doing the last of my work before I have to go back to that dreaded place. Again, thank you for being so patient!


	96. Sleepover

REQUEST: Brokenblackangel wanted a chapter where Hermione forces the Marauders to participate in a sleepover

**Episode 96**

Sleepover

Summary: In which James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius are forced to participate in a sleepover

"How did we get dragged into this again?" Peter whined, wincing as the smell of nail polish hit his nose. He grimaced at the girl currently holding his hand for reasons he wished desperately were different.

"Hermione has blackmail on all of us," Remus said simply. He smiled nervously at a girl giving him loving looks and flipped a book open to ignore the hearts one could practically see replacing her eyes. "Plus, if we didn't, Lily and Hermione both would be mad, and that wouldn't be good for any of us."

Peter shivered at the mere thought of the two bookworms wrath. "Yeah, you're right about that."

"Ah, come on guys, it's not _that_ bad!" James protested, smiling widely at them. "We're in a room filled with beautiful women, especially two beautiful book-loving Muggle-borns; we're living out every man's dream!"

"And exactly _when _was it every man's dream to have their nails painted pink?" Remus asked, showing James Peter's finished hand while the girl worked steadily on the other. "Or to have curlers in their hair?" He looked pointedly at James' head, which was filled with pink and purple curlers.

"Ah, Remy, Remy, Remy, if you were secure in your manhood, you would join in!" James said with a large grin.

Peter glared at him, then looked nervously at his pink nails. How was _this _supposed to make one secure in their manhood?

Remus raised a single brow. "Touché."

James grinned proudly, though he had no idea what touché meant, and flopped back on the bed where Lily was currently reading a tomb that was rivaled only by Remus' and Hermione's.

"James is right, mates!" Sirius crowed, sighing happily. "This really isn't so bad."

Remus looked at Sirius, who had one girl combing his hair and another painting his nails black. Peter glared at the doggish teen.

"At least _you _don't have pink nails!"

"_Pink _is the best color ever!" the girl painting his nails protested, her squeaky voice causing the rest of the room to cringe, and the girl brushing Sirius' hair to nod and smile lovingly at her pink brush.

Hermione and Lily shared a look and rolled their eyes. Really, they – more like Hermione – had hoped that by inviting (i.e. Threatening with blackmail, and Sirius with no sex) the Marauders to the sleepover, things would get a little more interesting, but of course that had been a hoax. Hermione wasn't sure which seventh year girl decided to have a sleepover, despite all the girls already sleeping in the same room, but she would personally strangle her if she ever found out. These things were always so...annoying.

"Delusional," Hermione muttered. "Red is much better."

Peter shivered under the girl's glare and nodded meekly. Sheesh, women were scary creatures! He'd rather face a hundred Dementors than one angry woman – especially if that woman was Hermione Granger or Lily Evans.

"There's nothing bad about pink," Remus assured the ratlike teen. Peter pouted but nodded.

Remus sighed and closed his book when the girl that had been staring lovingly at him finally approached. "What?" he asked almost nervously. This was the first time tonight the infernal creatures known as women had dared come near him with their girly supplies.

The girl, a blonde named...Well, he couldn't remember her name actually, but he was pretty sure Sirius had dated her in third year, held up a bottle of dark blue nail polish. Remus gulped as he looked at the evil, foul-smelling concoction and sighed.

"At least it's not pink and glittery," he muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!"

END

A/N's:

No offense to anyone who actually likes pink. To be honest, that's my least favorite color, and I try to get rid of anything I might own that has the color on it – unless it's hot pink. Yes, I feel another opinion question coming on. What's your favorite colors? Mine is blue – preferably royal or sapphire blue, but really any shade will do...Hey, I rhymed! (Yes folks, this is what happens to Black-Rose23 when she has been under coffee deprivation for too long.)

Polls!

Nickname:

Majesty – 5

Moonstar – 6

Titles:

Up to no Good, Only Books and Chocolate – 5

Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate – 8


	97. You Didn't Wait for Me

REQUEST: MacKenzieBlueEyes wanted a chapter where Sirius returns from Azkaban to find Hermione with James

**Episode 97**

You Didn't Wait for Me

Sirius stared at the couple. Hermione stared back, brown eyes glossy with tears of pain. James stared, hazel eyes calculating and a slight bit guilty.

After twelve years in Azkaban, Sirius finally managed to escape, only to find his girl in the arms of his best mate. Of course, he probably should have seen this coming, but he had always held the hope that Hermione would wait for him. Of course she wouldn't though, not when the entire world – his friends included – had been tricked into believing he killed Lily Potter, along with thirteen innocent Muggles.

It was only by pure luck that James hadn't been in Grimmauld Place, but out shopping with Harry after a pregnant Lily hounded him enough. She needed eggs to bake a cake for James' birthday, and the messy-haired man finally left with Harry. That's when Voldemort showed up, and afterwards everything went to hell.

Peter was still out there somewhere, but now the remaining Marauders knew the truth, thanks to the Marauders map and its ability to tell who was present, even if they were in animagus form. If Harry hadn't told Remus what he saw on the map that night, then they would still think Sirius was guilty.

He almost wished he was now though. At least then maybe this pain wouldn't be so bad. He should have known they would come together in pain. Still, it hurt to know his woman hadn't waited for him like he had hoped.

"Hermione..." Sirius trailed off, looking between James and Hermione. She turned to look at James as well, before once again settling her gaze on him.

"Sirius," she replied, looking at him.

"Why?"

"You know why," Hermione said simply, though her voice cracked. Proof of her heartache. She didn't want to hurt Sirius', but she had been hurt too, and James was the only one that could understand the pain of being betrayed _and _losing the one you loved at the same time.

Sirius nodded once and turned his back on the couple, still in bed, a sheet covering their otherwise bare bodies. Hermione frowned, her eyes widening slightly when she saw his tense back.

"Sirius?"

"You didn't wait for me."

That was all he said before he walked away, leaving his ex-girlfriend and his supposed best friend alone with their guilt and pain.

END

A/N's:

Okay, there was going to be more to this one. I swear there was! But when I started it, I just went completely blank on all the ideas I had. So, hopefully you enjoy this version too.


	98. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Green

REQUEST: Alex wanted a chapter where Hermione goes after Bellatrix

**Episode 98**

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Green

Summary: In which Hermione goes after Bellatrix to enact revenge

The final battle had finally approached. The light side against the dark side, Lupin against Pettigrew, Tonks against Snape, Potter against Voldemort. No matter how many died in this war, it was the last battle that would ultimately decide who would rule the Wizarding world from that moment on – the light or the dark.

Hermione snarled, her eyes flashing dangerously as she resisted the urge to turn into her animagus form and sniff out her chosen opponent. Though no one had really decided who would fight who, it was a random thing – except for Remus against Peter – Hermione already knew exactly who she wanted to be her first victim. Rather it would play out like that or not was undecided, but she was determined to use all her willpower to make that bitch her first kill.

Perhaps she should have worried how easily the idea of killing another living person came to her, but Hermione honestly couldn't make herself care. She knew Dumbledore would be highly disappointed in her right now had he still been around, but again, she just couldn't make herself care very much. The only thought on her mind was revenge, and she was determined to get it – if she had to blast every stone in this bloody cemetery in her hunt!

As it turned out, that wasn't needed. Her prey moved right in front of her, dancing an odd jig as she laughed loudly, insanely. The laughter bounced around the headstones in the surrounding area, and several Order members shivered, but Hermione stayed her ground. If anything, the laughter brought a smirk to her face. It wasn't the sound a human being, or any magical creature worth living, would make, so any guilt Hermione might have felt about having the desire to kill this whore was quickly squashed.

"Bellatrix," she snarled harshly. Bellatrix grimaced at the Mudblood addressing her, but she laughed again nevertheless.

"Mudblood Granger!" she crowed with mock-delight. "You don't know how _much _I've missed you! Do tell me, how's my dear cousin? Oh, that's right!" she gasped, as though just remembering something important. An evil smirk lit her face. "He's _dead_!"

Hermione did flinch then, but she spread her feet apart, determined not to let this bitch see her weak. Hermione had been vulnerable enough when Sirius entered the veil, now she was going to avenge her lover once and for all. Even if it meant damning herself in the process, she would drag Bellatrix Lestrange to hell with her.

"So, this is what it comes too," Hermione said almost tauntingly. "_Voldemort's _(she spat the name and smirked at the hiss that elicited from Bellatrix) most loyal woman against Dumbledore's most loyal woman."

"Hn. You always _were_ that old coot's pet!" Bellatrix snarled with a disgusted look. "Can't say I'm surprised. You and Evans were always such suck ups, though I must admit, you were a _little _more tolerable than her."

"Don't you _dare_ talk about Lily that way!" Hermione shouted, anger getting the better of her momentarily. She quickly calmed and reminded herself firmly that when the words were said and done, she would kill Lestrange.

Bellatrix laughed. "Hit a nerve, have I? Oh, I'm so _terribly _sorry!" She pouted, as though to emphasize her untrue words, but the effect was lost on yet another insane laugh escaping her.

Hermione's back straightened, and she pointed her wand at the black-haired woman. "How about we quit with the small talk and get down to business?"

"Oh..." Bellatrix grinned and drew her own wand. "I was wondering when you would say that! _CRUCIO!"_

"PROTEGO!" Hermione shouted, just as the Unforgivable launched itself at her. It rebounded off the shield, giving her time to shout "STUPEFY" before Bellatrix could retaliate.

Unfortunately, the Death Eater managed to evade the stunning spell. Then again, Hermione smirked evilly, cruelly, having Bellatrix able to move would be well worth it when she finally killed her. Hermione thought it wouldn't be much fun if the pureblood couldn't move.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Bella yelled, the green light heading right towards Hermione. The Muggle-born ducked under it right before it hit her, and instead it hit a tombstone behind her, crumbling it into several pieces. Hermione jumped back to her feet, smirking darkly at the glaring woman.

"What? Don't tell me you're trying to end this so soon, Bella! Incendio!"

The pureblood shrieked as her robe sleeve caught on fire, but a stream of water from her wand quickly put the fire away. Unfortunately, that left her open to Hermione's attack for a few seconds, and that was all the Muggle-born needed.

"CRUCIO!" she shouted, her voice seeming to ring throughout her ears. She briefly wondered what everyone's reactions to Hermione Granger using an unforgivable would be, but then remembered that this was war and anything went.

A loud cry of pain escaped Bellatrix, but Hermione could see hints of pleasure in her face. She snorted. That figured, the woman was a bloody masochist! Too bad, she was causing the woman pleasure as well as pain.

Stepping forward, she looked at the writhing woman who glared at her. Bellatrix tried to spit at the Mudblood's face, but Hermione merely moved her head to the side and the saliva traveled past her and hit the ground behind her. She chuckled and leaned down, placing booted feet on either of Bella's hands and making sure to press extra hard so as to cause the woman more pain.

When a wince escaped the Lestrange, she smirked proudly and straddled the woman. She removed the Cruciatus soundlessly when she was sure Bellatrix would not be able to move.

"What are you going to do, bitch?" Bellatrix snarled. Her laughter echoed once again, but everyone was too busy in their own fights to really notice this time. "Kill me? Oooh, I'm so scared."

"You should be," Hermione said with a laugh. "But no, I'm not going to kill you...Not yet anyway."

"Mudblood whor--" Bellatrix's angry rant was cut short when Hermione waved her wand and silenced the black-haired woman. This time Hermione chuckled, the sound dark and almost insane. It actually made Bellatrix shiver.

"Silencio is such a good spell to know, don't you think?" Hermione asked rhetorically, laughing when Bellatrix shot her a nasty look.

Pointing her wand at the other woman's face, she whispered a simple cutting spell that left a long welt on the side of Bella's face. Leaning down, she licked at the blood pooling there, chuckling once more when the woman bucked under her, disgust clear in her hate-filled eyes.

"Don't worry, Bella, you won't be around too much longer. I just want some revenge first."

Bellatrix wasn't sure what curse Hermione used after that, as the young witch had resorted to wordless magic, but whatever it was, she was torn between asking the girl the incantation and screaming out her agony in the most vile of words she could think of. Not that anyone could hear her with this silencing charm cast. It felt like her insides were burning, and perhaps they were, but for a brief few seconds the pain stopped, feeling as though everything was healing inside before the fire feeling started again.

Hermione smirked, seeming to take great pleasure in Bella's silent pain. Admittedly, she would prefer to hear the sounds, but even in the midst of a war, her allies would surely notice her mercilessly torturing instead of just killing and moving on to the next Death Eater. Speaking of, she looked around quickly to make sure none were headed her way, but seeing them all seemingly distracted by the rest of the Order, she turned back to Bellatrix.

"I think that's enough," she said, taking off the curse. Bellatrix sighed in relief when the pain was gone. Normally, she loved pain, but that was just too much. Not even the Cruciatus had caused her that sort of pain, and she wondered again what the curse was. "It's an old curse," Hermione answered, seeing the question in her eyes, "one I found in a series of dark texts I was ordered to study in hopes of getting a handle on how you bastards and bitches fight. Of course, I just want to avenge my precious Sirius."

Bellatrix grinned darkly and moved her lips, knowing full well that Hermione was smart enough to read her silent words. _Had you not been a Mudblood, you would have made a _splendid _Death Eater._

Hermione glared and snarled, standing from the woman. She kicked her stomach once before recasting the old curse she had found on the woman. Bellatrix, huddled in the fetal position, now stretched out as a pained grimace turned into more silent screams.

"Maybe so," Hermione hissed, pulling out her wand and pointing it at the writhing woman. She had lost all desire to play with her now, after reading those words on her lips. "But I am a Mudblood, and thank God too! Avada Kedavra!"

Bellatrix fell limp as the spell she'd used on countless was cast on her. Hermione stepped next to her body, sneering down at it. She spit on the corpse, smiling widely now.

"See you in hell, bitch."

Then she was off to kill more Death Eaters. A loud laugh escaped her lips, and everyone on the battlefield shivered frightfully, though they didn't turn to see who had laughed so eerily. The Death Eaters smirked, thinking Bellatrix had finally finished off the Mudblood. That would be their worst mistake.

END

A/N's:

Sorry there was less in it than I wanted. If it had gone any longer, it would have gotten a hell of a lot more graphic and gruesome, and probably turned into some long thing. Yes, I can get a tad carried away where dark! Hermione is concerned, but hey, some people love evil Sirius (you know who you are! XD), I love evil Hermione.


	99. Elope

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Sirius convinces Hermione to elope

**Episode 99**

Elope

Summary: In which Sirius convinces Hermione to elope

"Come on, love!" Sirius begged, getting down on his hands and knees. He clasped his hands in front of him, pleading with his girlfriend to at least _consider _the offer. "You and I both want to be together, so why can't we?"

"I don't know..." Hermione murmured, trailing off unsurely.

Part of her really wanted to just agree, jump on Sirius' broom (never mind her extreme phobia of heights), and fly off with the adventurous teen. Another part, her logical side no doubt, reminded her that this wasn't a good idea. She had heard far too many stories of girls her age doing just this and ending in heartache. Then again, those girls hadn't been dating the guy since they were eleven years old either!

She sighed. "I'll think about it!"

"YES!" Sirius shouted, jumping up from his kneeling position. Hermione felt a headache coming on when he began dancing around the common room, but she couldn't stop a fond smile from appearing.

"That doesn't mean yes!" she reminded firmly, but Sirius wasn't listening. He was already racing up the stairs to tell James the good news. Hermione sighed again and shook her head when he was gone. "Honestly, what was I thinking? Eloping! My parents are going to kill me!"

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Hermione, no matter how many times she reminded herself she wanted this, couldn't stop looking around nervously. Though they were in the Wizarding world, and Dumbledore had given them permission to leave for a week in order to make this reckless idea a reality, she half-expected her parents to pop up out of nowhere and start scolding her for her stupidity.

It wasn't that Hermione didn't _want _to marry Sirius. When he asked her to marry him three months ago, on her eighteenth birthday, she had been ecstatic. There was nothing she wanted more than to stay forever in the arms of Sirius Black. Still, eloping wasn't the wedding she dreamed of as a child, and she felt mildly disappointed that this was the way she would marry...Then again, maybe that was just disappointment because she _didn't _feel upset. How could she when she was marrying the man of her dreams?

Sirius grinned at Hermione and squeezed her hand. He could understand her nervousness, as he too expected his parents to suddenly appear and begin berating him for touching, much less _marrying, _this Mudblood whore. The thought of his family's insults to the woman he loved caused him to unconsciously tighten his grip on Hermione's hand. He only noticed her pain when she let out a soft whimper and nudged his shoulder gently, concern glittering in her brown orbs.

"Sirius, are you sure about this?" she asked. They were still waiting for the train to arrive, so there was always time to turn back and catch a carriage to Hogwarts. They didn't have to go through with it, though the idea of turning back now hurt Hermione more than she cared to admit.

"Of course I'm sure!" Sirius exclaimed, appalled that she could think otherwise. He took her hands in his, his eyes staring directly into her beautiful orbs. "Hermione, I want to marry you more than I've ever wanted anything. You're my life, my world; I would _die _without you! I want to elope so that...should anything happen, we can say we were married for a short time."

"Sirius..." Hermione breathed. She knew what he meant by should anything happen. The Marauders made it clear they would fight in the undoubtedly approaching war against Voldemort, and it was no secret whose side they would fight on. Dumbledore already had their initiations for the Order ready to go, and they would be joining as soon as school ended.

"I love you, Hermione Jane Granger," Sirius said honestly. It wasn't something he said often, though there was never reason to doubt his feelings. "I always have and I always will."

"Sirius..." Hermione smiled and clasped his hands with hers, interlacing their fingers. "I love you too."

She leaned up to kiss him, just as the train arrived. Looking at the scarlet engine, Sirius shot her a questioning look.

"There's always time to turn back," he reminded, just in case she was still unsure if she wanted to go through with the eloping. Hermione smiled and shook her head.

"No, I'm _exactly _where I want to be."

Sharing another kiss, the two boarded the train with their hands still interlaced. No one knew what the future had in store, but they planned to enjoy every moment of their married life together, until their deaths.

END


	100. Meet the Parents

A/N's:

Hints of _First Impressions_ will show up in this chapter.

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Hermione meets Sirius' parents

**Episode 100**

Meet the Parents

Summary: In which Hermione meets Sirius' parents

Hermione was sure there was a time when she felt as much fear as she did now, but she just couldn't think of it at the moment. Her hands shook and sweat appeared on her brow. She smiled nervously and reminded herself firmly that Sirius had already suffered the same fate and survived, so she could too! Still...

Salva Black was a woman of taste. She loved expensive things, so naturally she married a rich man. Of course, there was love too, but mostly it was for the money. If there was one thing she loved more than money, it was her oldest son, her darling Sirius. Regulus was a daddy's boy, but Sirius was all hers. So, it was only fitting that when Sirius said he had fallen in love, she requested to meet this girl finally. After all, Sirius had already met the Granger's, and now she wanted to meet their daughter.

To say she was unimpressed was an understatement. The girl was pretty, no doubt about that, and she obviously kept Sirius in line without depriving him of his pleasures (i.e. Pranking), but as far as Salva was concerned, the most impressive thing about her was her intelligence, and that wouldn't be enough to be a good wife for Sirius.

"So, Hermione, tell us about yourself!" Rodrick Black suggested, smiling kindly at the girl. She seemed nice enough in his opinion, and Sirius had already told him privately that Hermione had been his first. Since the girl wasn't the slutty type, he saw nothing wrong with his son wanting to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Well, I-I..." Hermione trailed off, wilting slightly under Sirius' mother's dark look. When her boyfriend grabbed her hand and squeezed reassuringly, she sat straighter and tried again, smiling gratefully at him. "I love to read, and I'm also part of the Marauders--"

"Oh, so you're one girl amongst four boys, huh?" Salva cut in sharply, her eyes glaring suspiciously at Hermione. The bookworm gulped.

"Um, y-yeah," she stuttered.

"Salva..." Rodrick tried to calm his wife, but she shrugged off the hand he placed on her shoulder.

"Is there a reason why you chose Sirius out of all those boys? Surely you were attracted to Potter or Lupin too, maybe even _Pettigrew!"_

"Mum!" Sirius admonished. Hermione blushed and wondered how Sirius managed to deal with her parents if they had been like this.

"Well," Salva sniffed, "I just want to hear her answer. How else can I be sure she's worthy of my baby boy if I don't know why she chose you out of four others. Was it because he was all that was left?" she asked snidely, turning back to Hermione and ignoring Sirius' mutters of 'I'm the _oldest'._

"What!?" Hermione shrieked, surprised and more than a little offended by the accusation. "Of course not! Remus and James are like brothers to me, and Peter is...er...Well, he's Peter!"

"So," Salva said with a smirk, "Sirius _was_ the only one left!"

Hermione shivered under the stare the older woman was giving her. She loved Sirius, she really did, but somehow she didn't think telling Mrs. Black that would do any good. The woman had already deemed her unworthy, and nothing she said or did would change her mind. Hermione could tell that much at least, but she was still determined.

"Please ignore her," Rodrick sighed, "Salva is against any girl that takes her baby from her."

"Damn it, I'm the oldest!" Sirius shouted, tired of being called a baby.

"Language!" Salva admonished, appalled that such words could escape her innocent boy's mouth. She glared at Hermione. "I see you've already corrupted his innocent mind."

Rodrick, Regulus, and Sirius all snorted upon hearing 'innocent' and Sirius used in the same sentence. However, Salva ignored them. She had been in denial about Sirius' less than innocent antics for some years now, and she would _not _let her image of the boy be shattered by something as unimportant as the truth!

"Hermione doesn't curse much," Sirius told his mother. "In fact, she usually scolds me for using bad words."

Hermione smiled at Sirius, thankful he was here to help her through this. Rodrick had been trying to make her feel comfortable, but he was _still _Salva's husband. Regulus tried to help her feel better, but as he had a well known crush on her, that didn't work out too well. Sirius was the only one that could truly comfort her.

"Oh? So, she thinks she's your _mother _as well as your girlfriend!?" Salva asked disgustedly.

"What? Of course I don't!" Hermione protested. She squeaked when Salva turned her cold glare onto the brunette.

"You shouldn't!" Salva snarled. "_I'm_ his mother, and _I _will do the scolding!"

"Salva!" Rodrick cried. He shot his wife a disapproving look when she looked at him, darking him to question her attitude. "You know good and well you would be just as upset if Hermione _didn't _scold Sirius for his language."

Salva turned her nose in the air. "She isn't worthy of my baby's affections!"

Sirius wanted to protest yet again being called a baby, but his mother had already left the kitchen in a huff. His father sighed and smiled apologetically at Hermione, while Sirius watched his mother leave the room rudely.

"Forgive her," Rodrick said again. "She's just a little upset. You know how parents get when their children start growing up."

Hermione nodded meekly and watched as Rodrick left to comfort his wife. She turned to Sirius when he was out of the room, an apologetic look on her face.

"Were my parents that bad?" she asked, hoping they weren't but knowing her father had been far from pleasant. She hadn't even stuck around for the little interview her brother gave Sirius, and yet Sirius had stayed by _her _side the entire time! Ideas of how exactly she could make it up to him ran through her mind. Needless to say, Sirius would be having a good night the next time they were alone.

"Don't worry about it," Sirius said, smiling lovingly at his girlfriend. "Parents are supposed to be impossible."

"Yeah!" Regulus piped up, reminding the couple he was still in the room. He leaned closer to Hermione, uncomfortably so, and smiled charmingly at the bookworm. "Don't worry, mum'll come around eventually!"

"Regulus is right!" Sirius agreed, nodding. He frowned when he noticed the pinched look on Hermione's face. "Is something wrong, love?"

"Regulus..." Hermione said, ignoring Sirius. Her brow twitched in agitation. "Would you _please_ take your hand off my thigh?"

"WHAT!?" Sirius roared, ducking his head under the table, only to see his brother's hand on his girlfriend's thigh. When he resurfaced from the table, he had a murderous glare on his face. "Regulus, I'm gonna kill you!"

He lunged at his brother, ready to protect his girl's honor from his brother's lecherous ways. Salva and Rodrick ran into the room, only to see Sirius choking Regulus, and Hermione watching with a mixture of shock, glee, and a slight hint of fear could be detected too.

"What's going on in here?" Rodrick shouted, going to stop the boys. "Sirius, you're making your girlfriend uneasy! Stop this nonsense."

Salva had a rather pleased expression on her face though as she looked at Hermione disgustedly. "Well, well, it seems bad language isn't the only thing you're teaching my son."

Hermione shrunk under the glare. It seemed Salva Black's ridicule had only just begun. Sometimes, Hermione really hated her life.

END

A/N's:

Obviously, as I still have reviews to get through, this isn't going to be ending at 100 chapters.


	101. Runaway

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Hermione helps Sirius run from his parents home

**Episode 101**

Runaway

Summary: In which Hermione helps Sirius escape his childhood home

Sirius had plans. Big plans for his life, and they didn't include remaining with a prejudiced family that would never accept the love of his life simply because of her parents. It never ceased to amaze and disgust him that he could possibly come from such a rotten family tree, but thankfully he was the black sheep – or rather, knowing his what his family believed in and practiced, he was the white sheep.

The feeling of hatred that Sirius felt was mutual for the Black's, so it was no surprise that he spent most of his time at the Potter's. When he was at Grimmauld, the most attention he received from his parents or brother was contempt and maybe a few well-aimed curses shot in his direction. At Godric's Hollow, though, it was different. He had love there, the familial love that he had been lacking most of his life, and Hermione could come to visit him any time her parents allowed her to leave the Muggle world, which they rarely ever said no too.

It came as no surprise to anyone when, on the last day of their fifth year, James and Sirius announced that Sirius was going to run away and live at Godric's Hollow. The problem was that, though the Black's wouldn't care once he was gone, and they would probably even celebrate his absence, they wouldn't agree to their oldest son leaving. Not if it meant they could stop him and torture him for even thinking of leaving their "humble abode".

The Marauders agreed that it was best if Sirius had help in leaving, but as Peter and Remus both had to leave on family vacations, that only left James, Sirius, and Hermione to do the job. As luck would have it, James owled Sirius two days before the planned runaway date to tell him he'd come down with an awful cold. He could barely move, but he didn't want Sirius to stay in that house more than necessary.

Besides, the date had been carefully chosen as a day when the entire Black family, save Sirius, would be out consorting with the Malfoy's and others of their little pureblood-superiority guild. Plans to praise the children who'd become Death Eaters, like Regulus, Bellatrix, and Lucius, would keep them out most of the night, making it the perfect time for Sirius to execute his runaway scheme.

Because of these drawbacks, there was only one option left. Hermione and Sirius would have to do it all themselves. It meant cutting down significantly on the things Sirius wanted to bring (though that wasn't much to begin with), but he could deal. There wasn't much that held sentimental value anyway.

As night fell around Grimmauld Place, Sirius watched from the stairs as his mother, father, and brother left. Kreacher was, of course, sniffling and telling them how proud of Regulus – who only looked at him with disgust – he was. It made Sirius' insides cringe, but he was just thankful that they were leaving on schedule. So far, everything had gone to plan, which meant there was little chance of him getting caught in the act of escaping Grimmauld Place for good.

When the sounds of apparition reached his ears, he sighed in relief. Now that they were gone, he could finally get down to business. He knew Kreacher would only protest having Hermione in the house, but she would be gone soon enough, with him following close behind. The house elf had never liked him, and thus he wouldn't care less that Sirius was finally leaving for good, hopefully to never return.

He ran back upstairs to his room, knocked three times on his closet door, and stepped away so Hermione could push the door open and get out of the cramped space. A soft groan escaped her as her legs were finally able to stretch, and she ignored the desire that flashed in Sirius' eyes when she made the noise. There was time for that later, right now they had to get out of Grimmauld Place for good.

Grabbing two of his three bags, he nodded once to his girlfriend. Hermione smiled and took his hand, leading him downstairs for the final time.

As he had expected, Kreacher hissed upon seeing his girlfriend in the Black manor. He said something about Mudbloods that made Sirius glare and Hermione pull on his arm extra hard, silently telling him to ignore the annoying, bastard elf. He nodded once, though he directed a second glare at Kreacher, one that was full of hate.

"Kreacher, tell Mummy and Daddy dearest I'm not coming back," Sirius told the house elf. Kreacher glared harder at him, but there was a hint of joy and hope in his gaze.

"Of course," he wheezed. "I live to serve the Most Noble House of Black."

Sirius snorted at hearing that and followed his girlfriend out into the yard. Hermione looked at him.

"You ready?"

Sirius spared one last glance at the old house he'd grown up in. Where he had often been subject to criticism and constant berating due to his love for Muggles and his choice in future wife material. He smirked.

"More than you know," he answered, taking her hand. Hermione was the only one actually old enough to apparate yet, so she was going to be doing side-along apparition with him. She smiled at him and kissed his cheek, right before they disappeared with a loud CRACK.

When it no longer felt like he was being squeezed through a tube, a rather awesome feeling if Sirius said so himself, he let go of his girlfriend's hand and turned to stare at Godric's Hollow.

"Here we are," Hermione said with a smile, leaning against Sirius. "So, how do you feel?"

Sirius smiled down at her, dropping one of his bags so he could wrap his arm around her waist. He pulled her into another kiss before answering.

"I feel free."

END


	102. House Hunt

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Sirius and Hermione go house hunting

**Episode 102**

House Hunt

Summary: In which Sirius and Hermione go house hunting

"What about this one?" Hermione asked her fiancé. The woman that had been leading them around also looked at Sirius, her emerald eyes sparkling hopefully.

"This house has three bedrooms, the kitchen was recently remodeled, and there's even a pool in the backyard."

Sirius bit his lip. He wasn't much of a home buyer, but he knew he and Hermione would need a house of their own soon. They were getting married in just three short weeks, and they would need a house after they returned from their honeymoon. He didn't trust anyone else to choose a house fitting for himself _and _his woman, so they had decided to do the house hunting on their own.

"Sounds good," he admitted. "Too good."

The woman selling the house looked at him questioningly, while Hermione caught on immediately. If she hadn't known Sirius since they were eleven, she might be just as confused as the woman, but she understood his suspicions perfectly well.

"Why exactly," Hermione asked curiously, "did the people sell this house? It seems too good to just give up!"

"Oh...Er..." the woman clearly hadn't expected them to ask such a thing. She smiled that wide, fake smile that Realtors in both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds seemed to have, and gestured widely around the living room, which they were currently standing in.

"They just decided it was too big for them," she told the couple. "They moved to a smaller cottage, but they were very disappointed in letting it go. So, what do you say?"

Sirius and Hermione shared a look. It was obvious the woman was keeping something from them. Raising a single brow, Sirius turned back to the woman, who flushed at being stared at so intensely by such a handsome man. She felt momentary jealousy towards the girl standing beside him, but she quickly shook it away as she remembered she was supposed to be selling them this house.

"Is that the _only _reason?" Sirius asked as charmingly as he could. The woman flushed darker and nodded mutely, not trusting her voice. "Are you _sure_?"

"Mmhm!" the woman made an affirmative sound, but she shook her head in the negative. The way he had purred the words made it impossible for her to lie. Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes, disgusted with how easily Sirius managed to get a supposedly respectable businesswitch to turn to a pile of goo.

"What are you hiding?" Sirius asked, pouting just a little. "Please tell us."

It was all she could take.

"There's a ghost in the third bedroom, and he always complains about three in the morning about how he can't get laid. He hits on any woman older than seventeen that might be in the house, and he's always jacking off."

Hermione's face screwed into a look of disgust. Sirius tinged green at the thought of a ghost...doing that. He hadn't wanted that much information!

The Realtor smiled nervously, as the couple slowly walked towards the front door. Obviously, this sell was shot. She sighed and hoped her next customers weren't so damn perceptive.

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"There's only two bedrooms, but it's perfect for a newly wed couple, so they say anyway." A chuckle escaped the man's throat as he looked at his potential buyers.

Sirius and Hermione decided, after hearing about the ghost, trying the Muggle world might be a little more effective. Unfortunately, it wasn't hard to see that this man was also hiding something from them.

The dark-haired wizard nudged his fiancée, who nodded her understanding and stepped forward. The man showing them the house blushed at the beautiful woman approaching him, and she giggled lightly. He felt jealousy erupt within him when he remembered she was engaged, but it was quickly shaken off when she began speaking.

"Is there anything else you want to tell us about the house?" she asked, almost coyly in the man's opinion. Sirius glared at him slightly, but there was a small smirk playing across his lips at the way the man stuttered in reply.

"N-no, of course not!" he protested, wondering why and how the woman managed to look both seductive and suspicious at the same time.

"Are you _suuure?" _she purred. Her eyes flashed dangerously, daring him to lie, and it was all he could do not to start sweating from nervousness.

"O-of course I-I'm sure!"

"_Reeeeeaaaalllllly_?" Had anyone else said it that way, the Realtor was sure it would have been unbelievably annoying, but coming from this woman, it only sounded enticing. He gulped and shook his head in the negative, unable to lie anymore. "What aren't you telling us?"

"The house is full of termites," he admitted, hanging his head in defeat. Damn it, how had she managed to seduce him like that? No woman ever managed such a feat!

Hermione and Sirius shared a disbelieving look before looking around the house. Yes, just as when they first arrived, it was exactly the same. Made almost completely out of wood. The two left quickly, leaving the Realtor behind to sigh at his loss of sell.

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"It's perfect!" Hermione squealed, looking around the small cottage.

The couple had gone out to eat, planning to discuss where they would go to next to find a new home. In the middle of the conversation, though, they were lucky enough to overhear an elderly couple talk about selling their cottage. Once they reassured the elders they were actually looking for a place of their own, the older woman explained how she and her husband couldn't get around as well, and so they would be moving in with their son.

The two had taken Hermione and Sirius to the cottage, and that was how it came to be at this point. Hermione going goo-goo over the place, while Sirius smiled and silently admitted that Hermione was right.

It wasn't too big, but it wasn't small either. There were three bedrooms, so if they ever had children, there would still be one guest room. Sirius could sense nothing being held back by the elderly couple, so there was no reason why they should be suspicious.

"We'll take it," he told them, wrapping his arm around Hermione's waste. The elderly couple smiled at them and nodded, the husband going to call their Realtor and tell him that a new couple wanted to buy the cottage in Hogsmeade. The woman, meanwhile, stayed back to smile at Sirius and Hermione, a blissful sigh escaping her.

"Ah, I remember when we were young and searching for a house," she said, eyes going a tad dreamy as she reminisced. "The woman tried to sell us a house that had a ghost who always woke up at midnight and gave a serenade. Let me tell you, he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!"

Sirius and Hermione laughed and sat down, listening to more of the woman's story. It seemed they had found a house, and a lot sooner than they expected too! What a lucky break.

END


	103. Before She Cheats: Prequel

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter that was the prequel to _Before She Cheats_

**Episode 103**

Before She Cheats: Prequel

Summary: In which we witness the events that led up to _Before She Cheats_

Busy again. Her husband was always busy these days, and Hermione was getting rather sick of it. She knew that if anyone in their relationship would spend all their time at work, it would be her. She never expected Sirius would be the workaholic, though admittedly he had a very important job at the Ministry, so it only made sense that he would need to spend a lot of time working.

She sighed and plopped back on the couch, staring blankly at the words in front of her. The tomb had been opened to the same page for the last half hour, but she didn't care. No one was around to see her in such a distracted state anyway, so it really didn't matter how long she stared at a single page without even realizing what it was she was reading.

Another sigh escaped her when the sound of apparition reached her ears. She turned to see Remus Lupin standing in the living room, smiling apologetically.

"Hey 'Mione, I hope you don't mind me stopping by so suddenly." He shrugged and blushed lightly. "I was hoping you had the Wolfsbane ready."

"Oh!" Hermione gasped. She had completely forgotten about that! "Of course, just follow me. It's in the room."

Remus nodded and followed his best female friend upstairs. A frown marred his face when he saw the slight slump of shoulders that was always a tell-tale sign Hermione Granger was upset. Even if she didn't realize it, she had certain habits that were always recognizable to the other boys as signs.

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked, not wanting to pry but worried for his friend. Hermione looked at him blankly. "You seem upset."

Brown eyes widened, and she quickly put on a fake smile. "Now, why would you say that, Moony? I'm as chipper as ever!"

Remus raised a single brow, and Hermione sighed. She never could get anything past the werewolf. Out of all the boys, he was the only one who _really _listened to her problems. Well, Sirius did too, but lately his job took up too much of his time for the two to really sit down and chat.

"You go start the tea, and I'll get the Wolfsbane," Hermione told him blandly. Remus smiled slightly, knowing that Hermione wouldn't push him away but would open up. She was normally bad about hiding her true feelings, but sometimes even the strongest woman he knew needed to let it all out.

"Aye, aye!"

323232

Laughter filled the private library in Lupin's home. Hermione had come over again today, after Sirius was called in for work again, and the two were laughing at something they had seen in a book. It wasn't something many would find funny, but for the two bookworms, it was hilarious.

"Ah, that was good," Hermione commented, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. She had been feeling a lot better lately. After laying everything on Remus three nights ago, the two seemed to have become even closer.

Remus reminded her that Sirius didn't _want _to spend so much time at work, but he desperately wanted to provide for her, to prove himself responsible, and this was the best way he knew how. Hermione was grateful for his wisdom, because she wasn't sure she would have ever thought of things that way.

"Yeah," Remus agreed, sitting next to her on the couch. The two smiled at each other before bursting into another laughing fit. "How are things between you and Sirius?"

The atmosphere tensed slightly as the laughter died down, but Hermione took a deep breath and smiled. Forcing herself not to get emotional, she shrugged in response.

"Not too bad. He still works a lot, but he said he has a vacation was coming up, and we're going to spend it together, since I also have a vacation around that same time."

"That's great!" Remus exclaimed, smiling brightly. He inwardly wondered why he didn't feel as excited as he sounded, but shrugged it off to his natural loneliness. Being a werewolf was a bit of a damper when it came to finding true love.

Hermione nodded her agreement, though she bit her lower lip. Remus frowned when he saw the gesture. It was another small thing she did unconsciously that said she wasn't too happy.

"What is it? Aren't you excited?"

"Huh?" Hermione looked at Remus questioningly before she remembered what they were talking about. Smiling, she nodded. "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"

Remus could tell this was a time when he shouldn't push her to talk. She wouldn't appreciate it, and most likely he would end up making her mad at him. He smiled again and nodded.

Hermione sighed when he returned to his book, looking down at her own. _I should be excited, so w__hy aren't I?_

323232

The brunette smiled as Remus sat across from her. Sirius was taking his vacation tomorrow, and the two would spend the entire time together. So, Remus and Hermione agreed to have dinner tonight, as a celebration for Hermione's good fortune.

"To Sirius and you," Remus said, raising his glass of Butterbeer. Neither had a particularly big drinkers, so Butterbeer was always a good substitute for Firewhiskey.

"To Sirius and me," Hermione echoed, a slight smile playing across her lips. Their glasses clanked together, and the two took a big swallow of liquid.

"So, do you two have any plans yet? Or are you just going to see what happens over the vacation?" Remus asked. He already had a good idea of what the two would do, but he wasn't the type to talk about his friend's sex life. Unlike Sirius and James who had very little restraint in the area of bragging about their bedroom skills.

Hermione smiled. She knew Remus had a good idea of their plans for the next couple of weeks, but she, like him, wasn't the type to talk about such things to anyone who wasn't involved.

"I suppose we'll just hang out," she said, trying to word it as best she could. Remus smiled thankfully, not that he expected her to come out and say they would be spending the next two weeks in bed, that she had a little more tact than her husband.

"Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks."

The two quickly finished their dinner and decided a walk was in order. Sirius wouldn't be getting home until late tonight, but Hermione knew he would make it up to her tomorrow. She smiled at the thought, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. Despite how excited she should have felt, she couldn't help feeling like she would be losing something great with Sirius off work for the next couple of weeks.

Shrugging it away, she decided she had simply had a little too much to drink. Even if Butterbeer wasn't strong, it still had a small amount of alcoholic content.

Silence surrounded the couple as they headed for her home, walking instead of apparating. The night was too beautiful to simply teleport from one place to the next. Without realizing it, Remus' arm slipped over Hermione's shoulders and she walked a little closer to him.

It wasn't until the home she and Sirius shared came into view that the two noticed how close they were. Quickly jumping apart, Hermione blushed dark red and Remus stuttered out apologies.

"It's fine," Hermione reassured him mid-stutter. "I-It was just a friendly thing."

"Right!" Remus smiled in relief at the escape she had made for him. "That's all it was."

"Well, anyway, I should be getting in..."

"Yeah..."

Remus and Hermione stood in silence for a few more moments. They shared a look, smiled nervously, and quickly looked away from each other. It was obvious the atmosphere around them was thick with tension, but neither wanted to leave the other regardless of the awkwardness.

"Well, goodnight then."

"Yeah, goodnight, Remus." Hermione laughed uncomfortably. Remus nodded and rubbed the back of his head, a gesture he had whenever was nervous.

They started to go their separate ways, but it was as though there was a rope binding them to each other. Neither Hermione nor Remus was sure who made the first move, but one minute they were walking in opposite directions, the next they had run back to their previous spots, their lips glued together.

It took only a second for them to realize what was happening, and they broke apart immediately. Blushing darkly and feeling more than a little guilty, the two quickly went in their own separate directions. But one thing was for sure, they couldn't pass that kiss, no matter how short, off as a just-friends thing. It held too much emotion for that.

Hermione groaned as the door slammed behind her, and she thought about Sirius.

"Oh Merlin, what have I done?"

END


	104. Before She Cheats: Sequel

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter that was a sequel to _Before She Cheats_

**Episode 104**

Before She Cheats: Sequel

Summary: In which we witness the events that happened after _Before She Cheats_

Hermione and Remus tried to talk to him. They tried to explain what happened, why Hermione had gone to his arms, but he wouldn't listen. Sirius knew he should at least hear them out, but he couldn't get over the betrayal. Not only was his woman cheating on him, but with one of his best friends at that! It just wasn't right.

James wasn't sure what to do. On the one hand, he disagreed firmly with Remus' and Hermione's actions, but on the other hand, they were his friends too. Sirius wasn't asking James to choose, neither were the bookworms actually, but it sure as hell felt like it sometimes.

It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Hermione regretted cheating, even if she didn't regret being with Remus. It was also obvious that Sirius was still crazy about her, and would probably forgive her if she would just leave the werewolf's side. Remus, on the other hand, hurt because he'd hurt his friend, but he loved Hermione and it was as simple as that.

Sirius was well aware that he had been neglecting Hermione, but it was only for a little while. He thought taking that vacation would get things back on track. Now that the Ministry wasn't in dire need of his help, he could finally settle down and relax with his woman. Instead, he ended up stuck in the middle of a fight between his unfaithful spouse and his backstabbing friend.

Life sucked, that was the one conclusion everyone could agree on. But one day they would have to confront this problem, like Hermione and Remus wanted to do now, and even Sirius knew that. He knew he would have to accept what happened and accept that he'd lost Hermione so that he could finally move on to someone new, but it wasn't easy for him to do. He had loved Hermione for a long time, and he thought she loved him. To find it was all a lie was heartbreaking.

It all came to a head when James called the couple, who had agreed to give him space after the last attempt to reconcile, and asked them to come over. He wanted to have all of his friends present for some big surprise, rather there was a problem between Sirius and Hermione or not.

Sirius never thought his friend would betray him like this, but now he saw that he had underestimated James' utter cruelty and merciless nature when it came to doing the right thing. As soon as Hermione and Remus arrived, James left the room, and as they later found out, the house entirely. He also seemed to think it a bright idea to lock them inside Godric's Hollow.

Admittedly, a simple charm would set them free, but none really wanted that, so the option was ignored by all as they stared awkwardly at each other.

"So... how've you been?" Hermione asked, hoping to get a response out of Sirius. He shrugged and grunted in reply, causing is ex-wife to sigh sadly at the failed attempt to start a conversation.

Remus glared when he saw how hurt Hermione looked. He knew Sirius had every right to be angry, but even yelling at them would have been better than the simple grunt.

"You don't have to be so rude, Sirius," he said quietly, wrapping a comforting arm around Hermione's waist. Sirius glared hatefully at Remus.

"Don't tell me what to do, _Remus!" _he hissed.

"Sirius!" Hermione began, upset that he would talk to Remus in such a tone. Couldn't he see that his anger should be directed at her? It wasn't Remus' fault she had fallen for him. It was her own, and she alone should take the blame.

Sirius didn't seem to understand that she was reprimanding her for not being mad at her. He turned back to Hermione, disbelief clear in his blue-grey eyes.

"You can't seriously expect me to be happy, Hermione!" Sirius exclaimed. "I have no reason to be polite when _you _cheated on _me _with _him_!"

Hermione flinched. She knew what she had done, accepted her mistake, but it still hurt to hear those words coming from Sirius. It still hurt to see how much pain she had caused him because her heart felt it was better to be with Remus.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Remus shouted. He stepped protectively in front of Hermione, ready to do anything to protect the woman he loved from her ex's wrath.

"No, it's okay, Remus." Hermione tried to push him away, but he wouldn't listen.

"No, it's NOT okay!" Remus growled. "I know what we did was wrong, you know what we did was wrong! We admit that, and yet he still refuses to--"

"Remus!" Hermione shouted, finally pushing the werewolf away. He turned pained blue eyes to Hermione, who shot him a sad yet loving look. Remus sighed and shook his head, turning away from Sirius and crossing his arms.

Sirius watched the display, noticed the loving expression on Hermione's face, and snorted in disgust. James was crazy if he thought he was going to stay here with the lovebirds. Not after the pain they put him through, and then expected him to be _civil _to them!

"I'm outta here," he said, pushing past Hermione. She went to protest, but he ignored her. The door slammed behind him as he stormed out of Godric's Hollow, and by the time Hermione and Remus opened it again, he had apparated to Merlin only knows where.

"Well," Remus said sarcastically, "that went better than expected."

Hermione could only shake her head and sob.

James sighed and snapped the compact mirror he had charmed to spy on his friends shut. That wasn't at all how he wanted this to go, but he hadn't exactly expected them to immediately make up either. It looked like he would just have to keep trying until they were at least acquaintances again. He wouldn't give up until the Marauders had made up, that was a promise.

END

A/N's:

Polls!

Moonstar – 9

Majesty – 5

Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate – 9

Up to no Good, Only Books and Chocolate – 5

Revenge from the Restricted Section – 1

To answer a question a few have asked: Yes, you can vote more than once. I know many of you already have voted repeatedly, but I couldn't care less if you vote for the same thing, or fifty different things, a million times over. Vote as much as you want because the only thing I'm taking into account is what you choose, not who chooses what how many times.

I'm sorry this has taken so long to get out. My vacation ended, and I've been getting back into routine, so I haven't had much time to write. I hate to ask everyone this, but as much fun as this story is to write, I am desperate to finish this fic. To be honest, I'm tired of writing it, but not only that I put my other stories on temporary hiatus until this one is complete. If you have a request, I will take it, but I don't want too many more.


	105. Cravings

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Sirius has to deal with Hermione's cravings during her first pregnancy

**Episode 105**

Cravings

Summary: In which Sirius has to put up with Hermione's monstrous cravings

"Sirius."

_Snore._

"Sirius!"

_Snore._

"SIRIUS!"

"AH! What is it!?" Sirius jumped up, grabbing his wand in case an enemy had decided to invade. Why else would his loving wife wake him up at (he glanced at the clock) two in the morning?

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Hermione asked, raising a brow at her husband's antics. Sirius frowned and turned to face her, noticing her lack of frazzled state and the even more noticeable lack of enemies.

"I, uh, nothing! Nothing at all." Sirius placed the wand back on the bedside table and climbed back into bed. "What is it, love?"

"I'm hungry," Hermione stated plainly.

"..." Sirius stared at her silently. Hermione was a logical woman at all times. He had rarely seen her illogical, unless she was playing a prank with the Marauders. Seeing as James, Remus, and Peter were nowhere around, it obviously wasn't that. Yet, Sirius could find no logic in waking him at two in the morning simply because she was hungry.

"Sirius!" Hermione shouted, appalled that her husband didn't understand the seriousness of the situation.

"Er...Right...Why don't you go get something then, love?" Sirius asked almost hesitantly. Hermione was in that stage of pregnancy where mood swings were constant. Any wrong move could place him in the doghouse, literally. James and Remus had (magically) constructed a doghouse for Padfoot and Moonstar to use, but lately it had become a sort of punishment home for Sirius when Hermione was in one of her more temperamental moods.

Hermione glared at her husband. "Sirius!"

"What?" Sirius asked quickly, desperate to correct his mistake before Hermione started yelling, or worse, crying.

The brunette pouted and turned away, crossing her arms huffily. "I should have known. You don't love me, you never did!"

Sirius blinked. How did her being hungry lead to him not loving her? He sighed and put it off to a pregnant thing. He would be happy when the child was finally born, at least Hermione would make sense again!

"Of course I love you, 'Mione!" Sirius protested. He wrapped an arm over her shoulders, though it was quickly shrugged off. He tried again, and this time Hermione let him.

"I want ice cream," she said suddenly. Sirius looked at her.

"We don't have ice cream, love..."

"I KNOW THAT!" Hermione shouted, glaring hatefully at Sirius. Her teeth bared back in a snarl as she looked at her nervous husband. "That's why I woke you!"

"Eh?" Sirius was still half-asleep, but he had a feeling even with him fully awake Hermione wouldn't make too much sense right now.

"I want you to buy the ice cream, Sirius," Hermione said as though it should be obvious. Perhaps, in her mind, it should have been.

"What!?" Sirius shouted, jumping out of bed again. "Why don't you get it?"

Immediately after he said the words, Sirius knew they had been a mistake. The look of absolute anger on Hermione's face told him as much.

"In case you've forgotten, I'm pregnant!" Hermione shouted, throwing the sheet off of her body to reveal the bulging stomach. "Apparating is dangerous for the baby!"

"How could I forget?" Sirius mumbled, but Hermione heard him. She scowled as she climbed, or rather attempted to climb, out of bed.

"Are you insinuating that I'm fat!?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips when she finally gave in getting up. Somehow, she managed to make it look just as threatening as when she was standing. Sirius gulped.

"Of course not, love. I meant you look beautiful, more beautiful than you ever have been!"

"So I looked ugly before?" Hermione shouted, unable to believe the gall of her husband. Sirius paled. Okay, that wasn't exactly the response he had hoped for. He would definitely be glad when these mood swings were gone.

"I think I'll just get that ice cream for you, love," Sirius said softly, cautiously walking to the closet to pull on a pair of jeans and t-shirt.

Hermione watched him with a cold glare before it completely disappeared, a sweet smile spreading across her face. Sirius sighed in relief, believing the worst of her mood swing to have ended now.

"I also want rainbow sprinkles, strawberry sauce, chocolate syrup, and dill pickles!"

Sirius frowned. He should have known she was thinking of the food. Wait...

"Did you just say dill pickles?" he asked baffled. Hermione's cold glare returned.

"And if I did?"

"Er, uh, nothing! Nothing at all, love!" Sirius smiled nervously and quickly apparated away. More than the mood swings, he couldn't wait until her strange cravings ebbed away.

After gathering the desired products from a twenty-four/seven store in the Muggle world, Sirius quickly made his way back to their home in Hogsmeade. Hermione was sitting up, still waiting for him.

"What took you so long!?" she shouted angrily. Sirius blinked and looked at the clock. Only five minutes had passed, a gift he had picked up after suffering the consequences of taking nearly an hour to gather all the foods Hermione wanted.

"Sorry, love, there was a bit of a line."

Hermione snorted. "At two in the morning?" she asked in disbelief. Sirius sighed and handed over the items, knowing arguing would only make things worse. Hermione happily took the food as Sirius undressed and climbed back into bed.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, Hermione's gentle voice brought him back to consciousness.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, love?"

"You forgot the sardines?"

Sirius sat up and looked at his wife in disbelief. "Hermione, you _hate _sardines, plus you never said you wanted them."

"Well, I'm saying it now!" Hermione growled angrily.

Yes, he would definitely be glad when the cravings were gone.

END


	106. Let Her Go

REQUEST: Kerry wanted a chapter where Hermione and Sirius witness their child's wedding

**Episode 106**

Let Her Go

Summary: In which Hermione and Sirius attend their daughter's wedding

"There's still time," Sirius whispered to his wife as they watched the couple turn to smile lovingly at each other. He had only recently joined Hermione in the pews, and he was eager to make his stand. "The priest will say it soon."

"Sirius!" Hermione hissed, elbowing her husband sharply. She smiled sweetly at the parents on the other side of the room, who were looking at them questioningly. "Isabella has been in love with this boy for so long, there's _no way_ you're going to ruin it for her!"

"But 'Mione, he's not worthy of her!" Sirius whined petulatntly. Hermione glared at him when a few people behind them snickered at Sirius' childish attitude. Honestly, of all the days to revert to his immature nature, now was not the time.

"No one will _ever_ be good enough for our baby girl, and you know it," she told him softly. Taking his hand in hers, she smile sweetly at the dark-haired man. "Don't you think Aiden's parents feel the same about him marrying our sweet little Issy."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked almost venomously as he glared at the groom. Though Aiden was a sweet boy with a good record and a kind heart, Sirius still didn't like him. He _was_ marrying his only daughter after all.

"Our daughter is taking away their baby boy," Hermione explained simply.

She linked her arm with his as the priest said to make any reasons against the marriage known now. She vaguely noticed Damien, Aiden's father, doing the same to his wife, and the two parents shared a knowing look as they discreetly held their significant others back.

"That's different," Sirius whimpered when the priest continued after no protests were made. He noticed Ariella, Aiden's mother, looking equally dismayed, and the two shared a look of understanding. Their babies were no longer theirs.

"It's exactly the same," Hermione said. She released Sirius' arm long enough to grab her handkerchief and dab at her eyes. She couldn't believe her little girl was actually getting married. Idly, Hermione wondered if this is how her mother felt when she married Sirius.

"Hmph." Sirius crossed his arms and pouted, watching the rest of the ceremony unhappily. Hermione, though, noticed a slight glint in his eye. A glint of pride for his daughter and gratefulness that she was with a man who loved her just as much as Sirius loved Hermione.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Applause went up as the young lovers kissed, and Hermione once again found herself holding Sirius back. This time, he had plans to lunge at the man who dared kiss his sweet, innocent (never mind she was as innocent as he was) little girl.

"She's happy, Sirius," Hermione told him quietly. "You have to let her go now."

Sirius grumbled and turned away, pouting again. But when the time came for the parents to hug their children, Sirius was grinning widely, proudly, and clapping Aiden on the back. Judging by the way he paled, Hermione guessed her lovable husband had threatened him quietly before letting the couple go.

"Sirius?"

The doggish man shrugged. "I've let her go."

Hermione smiled and hugged her husband. "I love you."

"I know," Sirius grinned smugly. "I love you too."

END


	107. Cheater?

REQUEST: loser.x3 wanted a chapter where Hermione finds Sirius comforting Lily and jumps to the wrong conclusions

**Episode 107**

Cheater?

Summary: In which Sirius is caught in a compromising position, and Hermione jumps to conclusions

Lily sobbed into her hands. She had just found out her parents were dead, killed by Voldemort's lackeys while they were innocently shopping. Normally, James would be there to comfort her and offer soothing words that would calm the distraught girl, but he was at his new job and she was alone.

The redhead jumped when the sound of apparition reached her ears. She turned to see Sirius standing in front of her, a bright smile on his face. The smile dimmed when he noticed the state of the woman before him, and he curiously, almost nervously looked left and right for James. The last thing he needed was his best mate coming into the room and thinking he had made his wife cry.

"Er, you alright?" he asked nervously. Lily sniffled and quickly wiped her eyes, standing to greet Sirius properly. She had forgotten all about him coming over to drop off some of James' clothes.

"Sirius, how are you?" Lily asked as chirpy as she could. Needless to say, it wasn't very cheerful.

"I could ask you the same," Sirius said, moving closer to his former classmate. "Lily, is something wrong? Where's Prongs?"

Lily shook her head, trying desperately to deny that something bad happened, though it was painfully obvious she had been crying.

"James is at work," she told Sirius. "Can I get you some tea? Biscuits?"

"No thanks," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "We just got back from Hermione's parents, and Mrs. Granger loves to cook...Lily?"

Lily tried to be strong, she really did, but the minute Sirius mentioned the word "parents", she had broken down again. It was just too much for her to handle. Her parents were gone!

"I-I'm s-sorry!" she apologized through sobs. "I-I...M-my parents a-are d-dead!"

Sirius gasped and Lily sobbed harder. She wasn't sure why she had said that aloud, forced herself to admit what she so desperately wanted to deny, but the words had just escaped her. Maybe because she craved comfort right now, needed it more than anything from her husband, but Sirius was as close as she could get at the moment.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," Sirius said, sitting next to Lily on the couch. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, wondering how it was possible the Evans, who had been present at his wedding to Hermione only a month before, were dead. Voldemort (what other answer was there?) was a sick fuck.

"N-not y-your f-fault!" Lily sobbed, wrapping her arms around Sirius' neck as she cried harder. Sirius shushed her and silently wished for added help.

It came, but not how he would've liked. The sound of apparition went, this time, unnoticed by Lily, but Sirius did hear. He looked up to see Hermione standing there, her mouth gaping open. He frowned, wondering why she looked so hurt, so betrayed, until he realized that the position Lily was in made it impossible for Hermione to see she was crying and thus it looked more like a loving embrace than a comforting one.

Without saying another word, Hermione quickly apparated away, tears now falling down her cheeks. She couldn't believe Sirius would do this to her, and not even a month after they were married! The fact that it was Lily made it all the worse and more unbelievable. She hadn't thought the redhead even liked Sirius that way, but now she realized how blind she was.

To think, she had only apparated to Godric's Hollow with the intention of giving Sirius the letter to James they had gotten, which he forgot when he left to return the clothes he'd borrowed two weeks ago. She hadn't expected to walk in during the middle of an affair between two of the people she cared for the most.

A few moments later, Sirius appeared in front of her, looking almost desperate. She glared at him and turned away, not saying a word as she tried to wrap her mind around what she had just saw.

"Hermione, it wasn't what it looked like, I swear!"

"Hah! I've heard that one before," Hermione said scathingly, stomping away from her husband. Sirius sighed and ran an agitated hand through his hair.

"I mean it, you've got the wrong idea!"

Hermione turned, brown eyes flashing with fire as she glared heatedly at her husband. The tears were coming stronger now, but thankfully she wasn't yet sobbing.

"I can't believe you expect me to believe that! I mean I never would have suspected that you and Lily, but after catching you red-handed with her, you expect me to just accept that there was more to it than—"

"Lily's parents are dead." Sirius knew when Hermione got in the middle of a rant, interrupting was the only way to grab her attention.

"Don't you dare interrupt me, Sirius Bla- what?" Hermione paused when she realized what he had just said. "Did you just say..."

"Yeah, I did."

"Oh my God..." Hermione trailed off, placing a hand over her mouth as tears fell for an entirely new reason. "Then that was..."

"Comfort," Sirius confirmed. He moved forward, wrapping his arms around Hermione's waist. The smaller frame was pulled tighter to him, and slender arms wrapped around his own waist as Hermione let the news sink in. "James is at work, so I thought I should do what I could."

"I'm horrible," Hermione muttered. She looked up at her husband, tears still flowing down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Sirius! I just saw you two and thought..." she trailed off, not needing to continue. It was known, though never spoken of, by both parties that Hermione was still rather self-conscious and didn't think herself worthy of Sirius' attention.

"It's okay," Sirius soothed, kissing her forehead. "Remember last week? I thought you and Remus..."

"Yeah." Hermione laughed, remembering how Sirius had accused Remus of stealing his woman just a week ago after he came in on the two hugging. He had been so embarrassed when he found out Remus just told Hermione about this great female werewolf he met only a couple of days before. "Where's Lily?"

"Back at Godric's Hollow," Sirius said. "I wanted to explain things to you--"

"You left her there!?" Hermione shouted in disbelief. She tore away from her husband. "I can't believe you just abandoned her in her time of need!"

"Hermione?" Sirius tried to understand why she was suddenly so angry with him for leaving Lily when she thought he was cheating just a few moments before.

"I've got to talk to her. She's in pain. I can't believe you just left her!"

Before Sirius could respond, Hermione had apparated away, back to Godric's Hollow and the distraught Lily. Sirius sighed and shrugged. Women.

END


	108. Pureblood?

REQUEST: faith08 wanted a chapter where Hermione tricks the Blacks into believing she's a pureblood

**Episode 108**

Pureblood?

Summary: In which Hermione tricks the Black family into thinking she's a pureblood

Hermione smiled nervously at Salva Black. The woman had been scrutinizing her all evening. Her husband wasn't much better, though Hermione thought he was a little more accepting of the girl his oldest son had brought home.

The bookworm straightened her hair for this very occasion, and she had dawned her best dress as well. Tonight wasn't simply about meeting Sirius' family, tonight was also about tricking the Black's into believing she was a pureblood. Thank Merlin Regulus was away and couldn't divulge her secret to Sirius' prejudice parents.

"What was your name again?" Salva asked suspiciously, glaring at the younger woman. She sneered when Hermione shot her a dazzling smile, unconsciously bringing a hand to her own mouth, which now seemed inferior somehow to this teenager's amazing ivories.

"Hermione," Hermione said as sweetly as she could. Of course, she knew that wasn't what Salva meant, but Sirius had warned her ahead of time that his mother hated girls smarter than her. She felt they threatened her, and Hermione was undeniably smarter.

Salva's sneer darkened, but Hermione noted that the disgust in her eyes ebbed away slightly. The woman thought she was an idiot. Hermione resisted the urge to grimace at the mere thought of being stupid; right now, stupidity was a good thing. She just had to remember that for the next couple of hours.

"I meant your last name," Salva said harshly. Hermione remembered to look properly chastised. She wanted to make Salva think she feared her after all. Fear was definitely a good thing around Sirius' parents.

"Granger," Hermione answered honestly. Rodrick, Salva's husband, cleared his throat sharply when she answered. Hermione turned her attention to him.

"Is that really a pureblood name?" he asked, a hint of superiority in his tone. "I haven't heard of it."

"It's American," Hermione reassured quickly. "We're not a prominent family like yours, unfortunately, but I assure you that we are, indeed, pureblood."

This time, the grimace wasn't held back. Salva and Rodrick grinned slightly at the obvious disgust she held at the mere thought of being a pureblood. Sirius squeezed Hermione's hand under the table, knowing she was really grimacing because she had to condemn her heritage in order to impress.

"American?" Salva asked skeptically. "But you have an English accent."

"I was raised here," she explained quickly. "My parents moved to England when I was a baby, and I just grew up around the accents."

"I see..." Salva glared suspiciously at Hermione for another minute. The brunette grew nervous as the scrutiny continued, but she withheld the urge to gulp and sweat. That wouldn't be good right now.

Finally, the older woman leaned back in her seat, a kind smile on her face as she held out a hand. Rodrick was also grinning at the girl, clearly pleased with Sirius' choice.

"Welcome to the family, Hermione Granger."

END

Polls:

Nicknames:

Moonstar – 10

Majesty – 5

Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate – 10

Up to No Good, Only Books and Chocolate – 5


	109. Carnival

REQUEST: b-ballgurl2 wanted a chapter where James takes the Marauders to a carnival

**Episode 109**

Carnival

Summary: In which James takes the Marauders and Lily to a carnival

Whatever provoked James was a mystery to all the Marauders and Lily, but somehow the teen had gotten it into his head to take them to a carnival in the Muggle world before their seventh and final year at Hogwarts began. It was a surprise the redhead agreed to tag along, but the Marauders knew from experience just how persistent James could be. So did Lily actually, since she had been the object of his desire for the past four years.

The day was sunny and bright, not a cloud in the sky, and the full moon wasn't for another three weeks. That meant Remus wasn't feeling the least bit sickly. It really was a great day for the carnival, but it would still have been nice to know what had gotten into their messy-haired friend.

As soon as they stepped onto the soiled ground, James grabbed Lily's hand and disappeared. The four remaining Marauders snorted at the predictability. Figured, James was just trying to trick Lily into a date with him the only possible way he knew how – inviting all of his friends. That certainly explained a lot though.

"Well, I guess it's just us now," Peter said forlornly. He wanted to hang around his so-much cooler friend, so these Muggles could see how important he was. Of course, Sirius, Hermione, and Remus were just as popular as James, so he could still show off his obvious coolness to the world.

There was no answer, and the ratlike boy turned to see everyone had disappeared. Well, Remus had disappeared, the scent of chocolate dragging him to a vendor several feet away. Hermione and Sirius could still be seen as they walked away from Peter, eager to have some alone time while they were here. Hey, if James was going to drag them to a carnival, just to go on a date with Lily, they might as well have a date of their own.

Peter squeaked in fear and quickly decided to follow the two he could still see. Remus would be into his chocolate, and the rat never did feel completely comfortable when it was just the two of them anyway. He accepted Remus as a werewolf, really, it was just...What if someone found out he was consorting with a half-breed? His hard-earned reputation would be blown to smithers!

No, he definitely couldn't have that. Since he didn't have a clue where James was, he would just have to follow Sirius and Hermione.

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"You know," Sirius said casually as he slung an arm over Hermione's shoulders, "there really isn't anything to be scared of. I'll be there."

"That's sweet, but it's still not happening."

Sirius had been trying for the past couple of minutes to get Hermione on the ferris wheel. He said it would be romantic, but she knew he really just missed the feeling of being in the sky. This might not be a broom, but it was close enough – especially since rollercoasters, as they discovered the last time he went to a carnival with Hermione and her family, made him sick. Why a ride made him sick when flying haphazardly on a piece of wood didn't was a question Hermione still didn't know the answer too.

"Oh, come on, love!" Sirius pleaded.

He knew Hermione had a phobia of heights, but that's what he was counting on. He knew from experience that girls tended to cling to the nearest solid surface when they were frightened, and Hermione would be no exception. He was looking forward to having his girlfriend cling to him while he felt the euphoria of being higher than anyone else on the fair grounds.

"No, Sirius!" Hermione protested. She glared at her persistent boyfriend, but he only smiled cheekily. Sirius pouted, knowing how irresistible Hermione found his pout to be. Just as she was about to cave, he could tell because she was biting her lower lip, Peter appeared between them.

"Hey guys, glad I caught you!" he chirped, though he was panting heavily. Obviously, he had run a little ways to catch up to them.

Sirius glared at the ratlike boy while Hermione sighed in relief, whatever charm Sirius had been working on her now gone with Peter's interruption. Peter gulped at the heated look he was getting from Sirius, but Hermione patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Where's Remus?" she asked, diverting Sirius' attention from him. Peter frowned.

"I think he was getting chocolate," he answered with a shrug. Sirius growled lowly. It wasn't that he didn't like Peter, but the boy was interrupting his alone-time with Hermione!

"Then why aren't you with _him_?" he asked darkly.

"Sirius!" Hermione admonished when Peter whimpered frightfully. "Ignore him, Wormtail, he's just being a jerk."

"But 'Mione...!" Sirius whined. The bushy-haired girl shook her head and turned to walk away, Sirius following close behind. Perhaps he could sneak off with her later, leaving Peter to his own devices. It wasn't like the chubby teen _had _to follow them everywhere.

"Sirius, be nice," Hermione said. She wouldn't admit it aloud, but she too was a little annoyed their date had been interrupted. However, as he had saved her from making a big mistake and going on the ferris wheel, she figured she could forgive Peter this time.

"...Fine," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms. Peter grinned widely, proud that he would be seen with such a good looking man and an unbelievably intelligent woman. It was good to be friends with such popular people.

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Sirius was more than ready to get rid of Peter. He had tried being nice, really, but right now the little rat was getting on his nerves. The chubby boy had followed them everywhere, and every attempt he made to get Hermione alone was spoiled. Every hint he dropped went ignored as Peter was just too oblivious to notice that his friend was all but telling him to go away so he could snog his girlfriend in peace.

They had already eaten more than their share, and Peter was still hungry. Sirius spotted James and Lily earlier, wanted to drop Peter off with the couple, but Hermione objected. It was rather obvious from the giant grin on James' face and the fact that he and Lily were holding hands, she had finally agreed to be his girlfriend this year. Hermione, bless her kind heart, didn't want to ruin their very first date, which left Peter stuck with them.

The doggish teen couldn't be sure, but he was almost positive that Remus was avoiding them. They hadn't spotted the werewolf since he went off to get chocolate, no matter how many laps around the fair they made. It could only mean one thing – that Remus had ditched Peter on purpose, simply so he could ruin Sirius' and Hermione's date!

"He's against us! I always knew he was," Sirius mumbled. Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed. No matter how many times she told Sirius that Remus wasn't intentionally trying to ruin their date by not appearing before them while they tried to ditch Peter, he just wouldn't listen.

"Honestly, Sirius, I think you're taking this a little too far." Well, she might as well speak her mind. It wasn't like Sirius would listen anyway.

"I'm not taking anything too far!" Sirius said firmly. "It's all a conspiracy! I'll bet James won Lily ages ago, and now they're just _pretending _to be on a date, so they can all laugh their arses off because our _real _date's ruined!"

"So, our friends are conspiring against us?" Hermione asked, raising a brow. And Sirius said he never jumped to conclusions...

"Exactly, love!" Sirius exclaimed, nodding eagerly. "I'm glad you agree!"

"Sirius, you're unbelievable!" Hermione glared at her boyfriend, but he took no notice. Rather, he smirked proudly and nodded his agreement.

"I know, love, I know." He leaned forward to kiss his girlfriend, but just like the past few times he made an attempt, Peter showed up just as he was about to make contact.

"Hey guys, you won't _believe _what I just saw!" Peter exclaimed, sounding quite proud of himself.

Hermione and Sirius tore apart, both groaning softly in dismay. The chubby boy didn't notice as he grabbed both of their hands, barely noticing when Sirius tore his wrist from the loose grip, and led them to another side of the carnival grounds.

Sirius turned to look at Hermione, his lips forming the words silently. _Con-spi-racy! _Hermione knew it was insane, but she was beginning to think he was right.

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Remus sighed as he yet again missed his friends. He saw Lily and James earlier, holding hands and smiling lovingly at each other. He was glad they were on a date, and he didn't want to interrupt, but he couldn't find Peter anywhere. Sirius and Hermione were also on a date, and as he was the one usually left with Peter, both not having girlfriends – though a multitude of girls had asked Remus – he knew well how annoying the rat could be. So, he didn't want to leave the couple with him for too long, as he had undoubtedly gone after Sirius and Hermione.

So far, his attempts at catching the smaller teen proved futile. Whenever he did spot him, a large group would pass in front of him, and by the time they disbanded, Peter would be gone. Remus could only imagine the radical ideas Sirius was coming up with for Peter's presence on their date. No doubt he had made multiple hints for his friend to leave, and Peter's natural obliviousness made the hints pass right over his head.

The werewolf sighed in relief when he finally spotted the trio a few feet away. Peter was gesturing wildly to some Muggle game, and didn't seem to notice he only had part of Sirius' attention and none of Hermione's. Unsurprising since the brunette had grown up in this world, and these games wouldn't seem so unusual or intriguing to her. He decided he should step in before Sirius decided to just behead Peter right then, friend or not, and get back to his date with Hermione.

"There you are!" Remus called. Hermione snapped to attention quickly, trying to look at least mildly interested in the squirt game Peter had been explaining. She smiled at Remus, though he noticed her eye twitching slightly, a sign of high annoyance.

Sirius just outright glared at him, a suspicious glint in his blue-grey eyes. Remus smirked. Seemed like Sirius already came up with some ridiculous reason for Peter being around them. Some reason that involved him, possibly James and Lily too.

"Come on, Wormtail," Remus urged the chubby boy, who was looking mildly annoyed at being interrupted. "Why don't we let Padfoot and Moonstar get back to their date?"

Before Peter could reply, Remus had dragged him away. Hermione and Sirius watched the two disappear behind the crowds.

"I knew it!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed, startling Hermione. She turned to him with a raised brow.

"Knew what?"

"I knew Remus was on our side this whole time!"

Hermione decided not to comment on his whole conspiracy idea from before, and how Remus had supposedly been the one leading it. Shaking her head, she smiled indulgently at her boyfriend and grabbed his hand.

"Come on, let's go on the ferris wheel."

END


	110. Afar

REQUEST: SiRiUsLyInLuV718 wanted a chapter where Hermione is married, and Sirius has always admired her from afar

**Episode 110**

Afar

Summary: In which Sirius has always admired Hermione from afar, but Hermione is married to another

Marriage was a curse word. As far as Sirius was concerned, it was the worst bloody word in the whole damn dictionary! It was the root of all heartbreak, of all pain, of all _evil!_

He had come to this brilliant conclusion when Hermione, the woman he had admired since they were eleven years old and just starting Hogwarts, announced she was to wed in three weeks time. Now, Sirius wouldn't have minded this news...had it been _him _she was marrying. It wasn't, however, and that was why Sirius no longer accepted marriage as a word, but as the reason behind all corruption.

Admittedly, he was to blame. He had his chance with Hermione, knew she once had a crush on him, but he was too shy to ever make a move. Sirius could date any woman, in or out of Hogwarts, but when it came to Hermione, everything changed. Words eluded him, suaveness vanished, and all his charm turned to nervousness and sweaty palms. So, he stayed her friend instead, losing his chance to ever be with the woman he loved from the beginning.

Hermione announced her wedding seven years ago, and since then, she and Damien Brockle had been nearly inseparable. Suddenly, James, Remus, and Sirius (mainly Sirius) weren't her only boys anymore. She devoted a majority of her free time to Damien, which made sense to everyone but Sirius as he was Hermione's husband.

In fact, it had been nearly six months since they last really sat down and chatted. Hermione made time to visit them of course, but her visits were short. She said Damien was insecure, and she didn't want him to feel threatened by her friends. Sirius thought it was ridiculous, and if he couldn't accept that her friends were mostly men (all good looking, save Peter, but he would never tell that to the smaller man's face), then she shouldn't be with him.

Needless to say, after six months of almost no conversation, Sirius was surprised to awake one morning and find Hermione on his doorstep. His initial reaction had been to make a sarcastic comment, but one look at her face and he refrained from such a juvenile act. Judging by the tear stains on Hermione's cheeks, and the droplets of water still flowing from her eyes, she wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"Hermione?" Sirius asked softly, touching Hermione's hand gently. She seemed to break after that, throwing herself into his arms and sobbing loudly against his chest.

Strong arms wrapped around the slender body, and Sirius had to resist sniffing her hair to see if it still smelled like cinnamon. The realization of how perfectly her small figure fit against his was also ignored, as he comforted the distraught woman as best he could.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, the endearment slipping without him realizing. Hermione sniffled softly and pulled away, looking at him with wide, pain-filled eyes.

"Siri..." she trailed off, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. "Sirius...He...Woman..."

Hermione didn't need to say anymore than that. It was enough. Sirius understood immediately that she had caught Damien with another woman, and now she was heartbroken.

"Oh, love, I'm so sorry." He hugged her tightly, trying to reassure the woman he loved. Even though Sirius knew it was wrong, he couldn't help a triumphant smirk from growing inside his mind. There was no way Hermione would stay with him now! She wasn't the type to just forgive and forget, not when it came to something like this.

_Hah! _He thought blissfully, still whispering soothing words in Hermione's ears. _Not so perfect now, are you?_

"Don't be," Hermione said, sniffling and pulling away. She wiped the tears from her eyes and let out a small laugh. "I don't really feel all that bad actually."

Sirius raised a skeptical brow and looked at her in disbelief. Hermione laughed again, the sound not quite humorous but not heartbroken either. She sniffled once more and rubbed her cheek of any remaining liquid.

"To be honest, I think it's more shock than anything. But...I do feel guilty?"

Sirius' other brow raised at the sole unexpectedness of Hermione's statement. "Guilty? Why would _you _feel guilty?"

He led her over to the couch, staying close to her just in case this I-don't-feel-bad thing was just the shock talking. The last thing he wanted was to see Hermione break down on his floor. It was hard enough seeing her so upset, but to see her looking and acting so pathetic was more than Sirius could handle.

Hermione didn't bother sitting though, instead pushing his helping hand off of her arm. She leaned forward before Sirius could react and planted her lips on his. It took a few seconds for Sirius to realize what was happening, but when he did, he started to return the kiss. However, Hermione chose that moment to pull away from him, licking her lips and smiling shyly at the taller Marauder.

"Because..." Hermione bit her bottom lip, a sign of nervousness, and looked at the floor. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage and looked Sirius in the eye. "Because I don't feel sad."

Sirius gaped at her, his shock taking over. Hermione smiled lightly, blushed, and quickly apparated away. The loud CRACK didn't even register in Sirius' mind until several minutes later, when he awoke from his shock-induced coma to find himself sitting on the couch with a bottle of Firewhiskey opened for celebration.

Slowly, a grin spread across his face, and Sirius knew he would be asking Hermione out tomorrow. He thought that maybe this time he could keep his courage long enough to go through with the act. It was about time too. A joyful laugh escaped him, and Sirius raised the bottle in the air, a silent toast to Damien, who had pushed Hermione into his arms.

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_Seven Months Later_

Sirius stared at Hermione, more specifically her lips. The dress fit her beautifully, and the smell of cinnamon coming from her hair was euphoric for Sirius. He sighed blissfully, dreaming of kissing those cherry lips. He made sure to pay enough attention to say the vows, however. The last thing he needed was to completely miss the most important part of their wedding.

Less than a month after Hermione caught Damien, she filed for divorce, steadily ignoring any pleads for forgiveness and excuses of how he "didn't mean to do it, it just sort of happened". A week after the divorce was finalized, Sirius and Hermione had their first date – with Hermione as a truly single woman – and quickly rebuilt their slowly crumbling bond. Now, they were almost inseparable, and Sirius wouldn't have it any other way.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

And Sirius finally pressed his thin lips against those cherry-colored lovelies he'd been dreaming about since Hermione marched down the aisle, veil-less since she thought they were too much trouble and utterly pointless.

He wasn't too sure how things had ended up this way, if it was fate or just plain luck. Sirius didn't know if they would stay together until death, but he had a pretty good feeling their marriage would last. There was one thing Sirius _did _know though. Marriage was the best bloody word to ever exist!

END


	111. Happy Christmas – Bonus

**Episode 111**

Happy Christmas – Bonus

Summary: The scene that started it all! In which it's Christmas at Grimmauld Place

Carolers blasting their songs at everyone's doors with help from the sonorous charm, wizards and witches rushing to get their gifts because they thought waiting would make the crowds die down, and trees being cut left and right to decorate homes for a short period of time. It could only mean one thing: Christmas had arrived again.

At Grimmauld Place, Sirius and Hermione Black were talking over how they would greet Harry. He was supposed to be coming over, along with the Weasley's, and the rest of the Order following close behind. Remus had business to take care of today, or he would be here along with the other two Marauders, planning the great way they would meet their godson this wonderful holiday.

After the Ministry debacle, Harry had been closer than ever to Sirius. He didn't want to let the man out of his sight, now knowing – thanks to Hermione's information on the veil – what would've happened had Sirius' wife not cast that jinx at Sirius, which sent him careening away from the veil and into the wall. It was a painful collision, but as Hermione pointed out, it was better than being dead.

Much to Harry's displeasure, he couldn't stay with Sirius forever. He was still too young to live on his own, and Sirius' name hadn't yet been cleared by the Ministry. Even knowing Voldemort was back, and discovering Pettigrew at the scene of a recent Muggle attack, the Minister refused to acknowledge Sirius Black's innocence.

He had been a wanted man for too long, and even Scrimgeour demanded his arrest before and after his initiation as Minister of Magic, which meant letting him go free now would make the Ministry look bad to the public eye again. Of course, they couldn't allow that to happen. So, Sirius was not given the innocence he so desperately wanted, but the Order was working hard to correct this mistake, and Sirius managed to find a permanent home at Grimmauld. Who knew the home he used to hate with such passion would become the home he felt most safe in one day?

After several well-placed charms, courtesy of Hermione and Remus, Mrs. Black no longer inhabited the cramped home. It made the place seem a little less dreary to Sirius' eye, and after Kreacher's "unfortunate" death, which was mourned with several bottles of Firewhiskey and a night of the most mind blowing sex Sirius had ever experienced, they were finally able to do as they pleased with Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

It had a cozier atmosphere now, with all the dark objects gone and cleaned away. Sirius found himself thankful Hermione had no taste for the flowers and frills most women loved, instead keeping the house unisex yet fashionable. Only the library had been changed drastically, and that was only to add a, in Sirius' opinion, ridiculous amount of new texts Hermione insisted were good for the Order, but were most likely for her own enjoyment.

"I've got it!" Sirius exclaimed.

Hermione raised a brow at his sudden outburst, but she scooted closer to hear how he wanted to meet his godson this time. Each time they saw Harry, Sirius tried to come up with a new and great way to greet him, making him seem all the cooler in the teenager's eyes. Unfortunately, each time was drastically changed from how he intended by some unforeseen event, usually Kreacher's interference or Mrs. Black going insane in her portrait again. Now, that wouldn't be a problem though, so maybe for once he would get his "cool introduction".

"Here's what we're going to do..."

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Harry entered Grimmauld Place with all the grace of a centaur balancing on a hippogriff's back while said hippogriff was wearing rollerskates. He ignored the chuckles that followed his entrance, instead searching for his beloved godparents. Merlin, he hadn't seen either Sirius _or _Hermione in so long, and it was driving him crazy!

Despite almost a year passing since he led everyone to the Ministry, Harry still had nightmares about what would have happened if Sirius fell through the veil. He would _never _forgive himself if that had been the case, and he was pretty sure his suffering would have caused his friends pain as well. He knew his temper could get bad, and his mood swings were worse than a pregnant woman's, but it was just his personality and who could really change their personality?

"Harry!" Sirius called gallantly, throwing his arms wide. He was standing at the top of the stairs, leaning dangerously over the railing. Harry glanced up, his eyes shining with adoration and happiness they had been lacking ever since he returned to the Dursley's.

Unfortunately, Sirius grand appearance was cut short as the railing, which had yet to be completely fixed, broke under his weight. The dark-haired Marauder was sent spiralling towards the ground while Harry could only watch with widened, frightened eyes.

"Sirius!" Hermione screeched, pulling out her wand. She was stopped from any spells by her foot slipping, and she soon found herself tumbling right after Sirius.

Thankfully, the fall wasn't long and so no real injuries came to the male Marauder. However, he would wish the fall was longer a few seconds later, when his beloved wife landed on top of him, knocking the air from his lungs. Sirius groaned as the Order members laughed at the humorous display. Hermione whimpered softly, something about Sirius being a lousy catch and being in immense pain, before she pulled herself up and tugged her husband up as well.

"Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance!" Remus said jovially, smiling at his two best friends. Sirius glared at him, and Hermione only smiled sheepishly, a light blush covering her cheeks.

Harry chuckled and ran to hug his godfather, surprising the man enough to send him tumbling back to the floor again. He smiled this time though, and returned the hug his godson so eagerly gave him. Hermione and the rest of the Order watched this with fond smiles on their faces before a loud clapping caught their attention.

Dumbledore grinned at the attention turned his way, though Harry still had Sirius in the near death-grip he called a hug. The white-haired man walked forward, more like skipped, and spun around once at the end, as though his walk had been a sort of dance. Remus and Hermione applauded him, Sirius would have had he not had his hands full at the moment, and Tonks smiled widely at her former headmaster.

"Well, now, since everyone is here, why don't we begin the festivities!" It was more of a command than a question, but everyone nodded or mumbled their agreements. Before long, everyone was doing something.

Molly took over the kitchen, making more food than Harry thought she'd ever made before. Tonks tried to flirt with Remus, who nodded occasionally but was mostly watching his best friends with a fond smile. Kingsley was demonstrating some "wicked Auror moves" for the twins, who were applauding and awing over his utter coolness. Dumbledore had dragged a reluctant Minerva into a rhythmless dance, though everyone could tell she was having fun and just didn't want to admit it.

Most of the laughter was directed at Sirius and Hermione though. Harry and Ron watched and laughed as two dogs, one black and the other brown, fought over a chew toy in a sort of doggy tug-of-war. The laughter increased when Moonstar set down her end and turned her back to Padfoot wagging her tail. The grim was quick to pick up the toy after that and hand it over, then return behind Moonstar to watch her tail wag in the exotic way only a dog could truly appreciate.

Hermione returned to her human form and smirked at Ginny, who was watching with wide, amused eyes. "And that," she said primly, "is how you get a perverted mutt to do what you want."

Sirius turned back as well, pouting at his wife. "Aw, come on, 'Mione!" he exclaimed pitifully. "I was enjoyin' the show!"

Hermione snorted amusedly and lowered herself to be eye level with the still sitting Sirius. He looked at her hopefully, his eyes going wide and watering.

"Well then, you'll just have to enjoy the show later," Hermione said with a smirk. "I'm going to help Molly in the kitchen!"

Sirius watched her go, a scowl crossing his face as he waved a fist at her back. "That isn't right, Hermione!"

Hermione, though, was already gone. Ginny jumped up and followed her heroine into the kitchen where her mother was mixing up more food than the younger redhead ever saw her make. Remus finally focused on Tonks, who was more than eager to engage her crush for so many years in a conversation. Harry and Ron, meanwhile, managed to (easily) convince Sirius to relay stories of his days at Hogwarts with the Marauders and Lily.

"...And _that's _how we tricked Lucius and Snivellus into going to the dance together!" Sirius finished, laughing raucously at the memory of his enemies misfortunes. Harry and Ron joined in, all steadily ignoring the glaring professor in the corner.

"Dinner's ready, boys!" Hermione called, poking her head into the sitting area. The boys grinned eagerly at each other and rushed into the kitchen, Sirius beating them due to his taller stature.

Laughter filled Grimmauld Place for the first time in a long while, and Sirius found himself wishing they would never have to leave. He smiled at Hermione when she kissed his cheek, her brown eyes sparkling knowingly. She understood his desire to keep everyone around, feeling rather lonely when the house was saved for just the two of them.

They shared a quick kiss, ignoring the wolf whistles from the twins, and Sirius took time to look Hermione up and down. He took notice of the form-fitting wine-colored silk button up shirt she wore, which had the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and a few buttons undone to reveal just enough cleavage. The tuxedo skirt, which she had charmed to stop mid-thigh rather than past her knees, and the dark stockings which hid creamy, tan legs from view. Then again, Sirius decided, it wasn't _all _bad when everyone was gone.

"Happy Christmas!" Dumbledore said jovially, holding a glass of eggnog up. Everyone, save Snape, repeated the gesture, large smiles on their faces.

"Happy Christmas!!!"

With Harry on one side, snuggled against him as though afraid Sirius would disappear, and Hermione on the other side, her bright smile directed at him and his godson, Sirius had to admit that this was, indeed, a happy Christmas. Perhaps the happiest he'd ever experienced.

END

A/N's:

Well, this is it my friends! The scene that started it all. This story is officially done! I suppose I should do the whole crying while thanking everyone for reading and reviewing for this long. Yes, this is officially my longest fic, has been since it reached 28 chapters actually. Maybe my RLHG series will be longer, after all, I have a _much_ stronger appreciation for Remus/Hermione than I do for Sirius/Hermione, but there's no telling. Anyhow, hope to see most of you there as well!

The winning name for my RLHG series is: Mischief is Never Managed: Books, Pranks, and Chocolate

Hermione's Nickname shall be: Moonstar

With all that said, _The Misadventures of Padfoot and Moonstar_ is officially FINISHED!


End file.
